Condemned

by Barbara Huffert

  “It’s all right. I can do it.”

  “Thanks, Andie.” Brett didn’t want to hang up even though he knew it was time. “I should go. I need to get in touch with Jesse too.”

  “Wait. He’s here,” Andie sounded as if she wanted to say more but didn’t.

  Jesse took the phone from her outstretched hand and wrapped an arm around her. “Max?” he asked even though it was obvious.

  “Yeah.” Brett gulped. “This morning. Open house is Thursday afternoon. Jordan asked if you would come. Maybe you should drive Sadie and Andie. You know how Sadie is about this sort of thing.”

  “I agree but I’m out of town that morning. I might not be able to get back in time. I’ll try to get there even if it’s late but I don’t want them to wait for me like they would end up doing. That means you’re elected. What time you think you’ll be picking them up?”

  Andie apparently guessed what he was talking about and shook her head. “I can drive us, Jesse.”

  “Hang on,” he said to Brett. “We all know that, Andie, but we also know how your aunt is going to react. As independent as she is in most things, this isn’t one of them. She’s going to expect one of us.”

  “But—” Andie protested weakly.

  “Jess, let me talk to her.” Brett overheard their conversation.

  “He wants you.” Jesse extended the phone.

  “Brett, this really isn’t necessary,” Andie stated insistently.

  “I know it’s not but please let me do this,” Brett urged softly. “Sadie will want to be escorted and you heard Jesse say he won’t be home in time. I’ll do whatever I can to keep the awkwardness to a minimum for you.” He waited.

  “I’m being selfish,” Andie murmured. “You’re Aunt Sadie’s friend. Of course you should drive her.”

  “And you,” he clarified. “Andie?”

  “All right.” She gave in before he heard her muffled crying.

  “What time?” Jesse asked, reclaiming the phone.

  “Tell them I’ll be there at one. It won’t take long to get to the house.”

  “Jordan tell you?”

  “We were at the station. I took him home to Kiley.”

  “At the station together? Did you talk to him?”

  “I was about to when he got the call. I know I shouldn’t ask, but can you hang out there?”

  “No problem. Sadie should be back soon anyway. I’ll wait for her.”

  “Good,” Brett said, silently wishing he were the one holding Andie as he was sure Jesse was at the moment. “Jordan’s doing the show tonight. Max made him promise to talk about him right away so everybody knows of his life. After he called to convince Jordan to take the dog, Max loved to hear it when Jordan told him the callers were asking about him.”

  “I’ll be sure to tune in. I’ll tell Sadie about it too,” Jesse paused. “How are you?”

  “Shaky but hanging in,” Brett answered honestly. “I’ll be okay, Jess. I’ll call you if I need to talk later. You holding her?”

  “Yeah. But only temporarily. I think it was a wise decision.”

  Brett knew he was referring to the emails he was sending Andie. They must be back on friendly terms if she’d told him about them. “Thanks for suggesting it. Try to get there Thursday. I know Max’s family will miss you if you aren’t.”

  “I’ll do my best,” Jesse promised. “Talk to you?”

  “You bet,” Brett agreed, feeling more alone than a moment ago. “Tell Andie…”

  “Not part of my job.” Jesse was surprised when Andie reached for the phone. “Hold on, Andie wants you again.”

  “Brett,” Andie said softly, “I… I… Oh.”

  “Sh.” He could hear her indecision. “You don’t have to say anything. I think I understand anyway and I wish it could be different right now too. Is that it, Andie?”

  “Yeah,” she sobbed. “But…”

  “But I hurt you too badly and you don’t trust me even about this. It might take forever but I won’t stop until I show you that I’m not the same as I was a few weeks ago.”

  “I’m sorry,” she finally said.

  “Me too, Andie. More than you could possibly know. See you Thursday and don’t let yourself worry about me coming for you and Sadie. Take care, okay?”

  “You too,” she responded as she hung up.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Jordan’s show was almost over. With Kiley holding his hand, he had cried, laughed and cried again with his audience. Many of his callers were people who had known Max. His private nurse, Wanda shared stories of Max playing in the park with Jordan and Bear. Both doctors and nurses who had been involved with Max’s treatment gushed over the exceptional boy he had been. Even Max’s parents called, thanking everyone for their kindness and concern throughout his short life. They said Max had made many friends and, through their memories, he would never be forgotten. Shane, Alyssa, Jesse, and Sadie had called, each with a special story to relate. The only one who Jordan expected but hadn’t heard from was Brett.

  Even through his sadness at the loss of his young friend, Jordan couldn’t help wondering how long he had been missing the tension that seemed to hover around Brett now. What nagged him the most was the way Brett accepted it, as if whatever caused it had been going on for quite some time.

  Announcing that the show was nearing its end, Jordan finally received Brett’s call. “Our next caller was a very good friend of Max’s. I know they shared many things and I doubt if there are any who knew Max better. Hello, Brett. I’m glad you called.”

  “Hi, Jordan. I’ve been listening and I feel I must say how fortunate we all are to have had Max touch our lives, however briefly it may have been. His passing has made me take some time to consider my own life. If you don’t mind, I’d like to tell you about some of it.”

  Jordan pulled Kiley closer. “Go ahead, Brett.”

  “Thanks. It’s hard to know where exactly to start. You see, there have been a lot of changes for me lately. The best friend I ever had found the perfect woman, the only woman I can imagine him with, to share his life. She’s beyond beautiful in every way. I don’t mean just looks although she is gorgeous. She’s kind and generous and funny. She can be determined and soft at the same time. She finds something good about everyone she meets and inspires the best in people.

  “But the best thing about her is that she truly loves my friend the same way he loves her. I can feel it whenever I’m near them. I can’t describe it other than to say that together they are magical. I’d guess many of you had friends who drifted away after they got married or involved but these two aren’t like that. I know I will always have my own place in their family, no matter where they are or what life hands them.

  “Then there’s my friend’s big brother. Over the years, we’ve had a love-hate thing going on between us, more love than hate. He is the kind of guy who you could easily idolize. He isn’t that much older but I always thought he was so together. Sometimes, when he was a little overbearing in the way he watched out for my friend and me, I tried to convince myself that he wasn’t as great as my friend insisted he was. In the end though, I have to agree. This guy is even better than my friend thinks and I am both fortunate and grateful to be part of his life too.

  “Like my friend, he married recently. He and his wife had a different start to their relationship. They were continually on the verge of exploding, first in fury and later with passion. I wouldn’t have missed a minute of it. If you’re listening, thanks for taking me on the adventure with you. I’m sure life with you will remain as unpredictable as it has been so far and I’m looking forward to sharing in it.

  “There’s also a very special young man who has had such unbelievable roadblocks in his short life. He’s overcome them all with a maturity and style that I doubt I’ll ever achieve. He’s insightful and sensitive. He’s observant and patient beyond his years.

  “The way he was forced to live could have turned him into a bitter, hateful, alway
s-looking-for-trouble drain on society. Instead, he chose the harder path and walked away from what could very easily have led to his own destruction. He worked his way into a much better situation and learned to trust without having one tangible reason to. He’s well on his way to becoming an incredible man who I will be proud to call my friend for many years to come.” Brett paused. “Am I taking up to much of your time?”

  “No,” Jordan practically whispered. “You have as much time as you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Thanks.” Brett expected that response but had wanted to give Jordan the opportunity to finish this privately if he preferred to. “There’s a little girl I know. She’s very young but again hasn’t lived in the best circumstances until recently. She’s been dubbed the Fairy Princess because of her looks but it only takes about thirty seconds after you meet her to know how appropriate the name is. She already shares her mother’s ability to keep us on our toes. I have to admit I’m glad I’m her adopted uncle, not her father. I can spoil her shamelessly whereas he can’t, since he has to maintain at least an image of parental control. She knows I’m wrapped around her little finger and am happy to stay there.”

  Brett rushed on, working his way around to his point because it hurt too much to go there directly. “A few years ago, I made the acquaintance of a rather unconventional older woman. She is feisty and independent in ways that shock most people. She’s opinionated and outspoken and never backs down from the things she believes in. She’s direct and tough and has always been able to see straight through me. She calls me on everything and rarely lets me slide.

  “If you ever heard us together you might think we are mortal enemies, out for each other’s throats. But there’s more to it than that. This woman comes across as the toughest old bat alive but that’s just the image she likes to project. Underneath it, she is one of the dearest women I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing. She commands respect and deserves even more. She is fiercer in her loyalties than she is in her attitude and though we never say it, I love her as much as she loves me.

  “There’s one other friend that I’m extremely lucky to have. He’s very particular who he spends time with. Even more so about who he opens up with and gets close to. He’s the kind of friend that really will do anything for you. He’ll stick with you, no matter how much you screw up and try to scare him off. He won’t let you destroy yourself even when you’re doing everything possible to do just that.”

  Jordan broke his silence. “Have you been doing that?”

  “Yes,” Brett admitted. “In more ways than I can count. There are no parts of my life that I haven’t been steadily undermining for many months now. It’s snowballing out of control and I’m not sure I can stop it anymore even though I’ve finally decided I want to.”

  “Want to tell me about it?”

  “Well, some I can, some I can’t.”

  “Sounds fair. I’m willing to listen to whatever things you feel you can talk about.”

  “Okay.” Brett realized Jordan was going to let him talk as long as he needed to since his show should have ended some minutes earlier. He couldn’t explain to himself why he felt the need to do this on the air. He just did. He took a deep breath and continued.

  “I took a new job a few months ago. I agreed to ease away from my old one slowly instead of leaving all at once. That made it hard for me to be as focused on my new responsibilities as I wanted to be. I found myself getting frustrated, torn between the two. When I should have talked to my friends, the ones who I’ve always shared everything with, I didn’t. I hid my feelings from them as long as I could, pretending things were fine. When I felt too overwhelmed to continue, I just plain hid from them completely. I told them I was too busy whenever they called and promised we’d get together soon.

  “The more I withdrew from the network of moral support I’d always been a part of, the more lost I felt. I started to end the day with a few drinks, you know, just to relax. First, I went out to have them. Then, after I needed to be carried home a few times, I switched to going straight home and drinking alone. Soon, I was drinking lunch too.

  “The same time this was all going on, I met a woman who was different from the ones who generally interested me. I always gravitated to one particular look and she was so far away from that image that I spent our first few meetings ignoring her. When I caught her looking at me one day, I told myself I was definitely not interested. She not only lacked the look, I fooled myself into believing that she was dull and mousy too. I found unlimited ways to criticize her inside my head without really getting to know a single thing about her. I did all I could to avoid actually speaking with her.

  “Eventually though, this woman came up with a way to snag my attention. She started sending me mysterious emails, always telling me the choice was mine if I wanted her to stop. For weeks she sent messages. Some were observations, some impressions, some opinions. Whenever she mentioned me or an aspect of my personality, she was extremely accurate. I could have found out her identity but I liked not knowing. It took away all responsibility for me needing to respond. On occasions, she was very witty. She made me think about things in ways no other woman had. She was obviously intelligent and secure in herself. She even shared a few more personal thoughts that made me positive I had attracted a rare female.

  “There was an evening when we should have met and spent together. Things went wrong and I ended up with the wrong woman. The friend I hadn’t managed to drive away stepped in to help her. While I was getting more involved with the mistake, I finally stopped fighting what I think I’d always known. The girl I thought was unattractive and a waste of time, was even more special than you can imagine. Everyone but me already knew it. By the time I was ready to come to my senses and approach her, the mistake had her hooks into me with a well-thought out plan to take everything I had, leaving me broken and penniless. I played right into her hands and made it so easy to be used.

  “While our mutual friend was babysitting me as he had taken to doing, my lady performed a miracle and found the solution to all my problems. She called and asked him to leave so she could share her spectacular news with me alone before taking me with her to fill in the minor details. Unfortunately, I still believed my life was over and I had nothing to lose. When my angel showed up, I refused to let her say anything. I made a bargain that I never intended to keep, just so I would have the advantage I wanted. Believing I would keep my word, the woman proved my revised opinion was closer to the truth. She was really so much more than I ever dreamed possible. I went to sleep, happier than I ever was, in love with and loved by the woman I had been searching for my entire life.

  “Then I woke up and the reality as I knew it came crashing back. I was a coward and ran away. I left a note that hurt my love in so many ways. I destroyed her faith in me. I shattered her trust. I twisted our time together into something crude and ugly. Worst of all, I broke her heart. I killed the love she had so freely and beautifully showered on me. I demolished all traces of the tentative foundation that we’d started building so thoroughly that there could be no doubt in her mind as to how wrong she had been about me. I took her incredible goodness, made it evil, and threw it back in her face, showing I lacked the decency to care how it affected her.

  “While I slithered away, she managed to find enough kindness to save my unworthy, useless neck anyway. I was in the process of wrecking other parts of my life by taking out my anger at the unfairness of how I thought it would end on the first innocent victim to cross my path, when the mutual friend showed up. He made me listen to what I had refused to hear the night before. He took some time to undo the latest harm I’d caused. In doing so, my lost love thought he’d turned against her too. My foolish actions hurt both of them but my friend still didn’t give up on me. He went with me to put an end to the plan that was well on the way to making my life not worth living. He made sure I regained some of my former common sense.” Brett stopped talking.

  “What are you goin
g to do now?” Jordan finally asked.

  “I don’t know. I want to put my life back together but I don’t know if I can. My oldest friends and their wives would have stuck by me without question if I’d been honest all along. I know my deceit hurt them too. I put a wedge where one never should have existed. I turned my back on them at the happiest time of their lives and refused to share it with them even though they made repeated offers to let me do just that. I rejected the friendship we expected to have forever at the time I needed it most. I don’t know what to say to them. I don’t know how to ask them to forgive me and let me try to make it up to them.”

  “Want to know what I think?” Jordan didn’t let him answer. “I think your friends would tell you that, even though you won’t let yourself see it, they still love you as much as they ever have. I think they would ask you to stay right where you are until they got to you and could show you how unnecessary your doubts are. I think they might want to ask you some questions about things they understand you can’t discuss in public and would listen to your answers without judgment. And I think they would do anything to help you find your way through this and back to them. Maybe they’re listening now and will be there sooner than you think.”

  Jordan’s producer had just handed him a note that Shane had called to say he was leaving instantly to walk the half-block to Brett’s house and would meet him there.

  “About the woman…”

  “I don’t deserve her,” Brett quickly stated. “But God, how I want her to find a way to forgive me. I may have only had her love for a brief time that was so filled with other conflicts but I know living with that light would be indescribable. I know there could never be anything better than the way I would feel if she gave me another chance. I’ve been sending her emails, hoping to show her who I really am. She’s opened them but I have no way of knowing if she’s actually read any of them. I won’t let myself even hope to have an unguarded conversation with her. I know nothing I could ever do would excuse the way I treated her. It’s impossible to erase the hurt I inflicted.”