Condemned

by Barbara Huffert

Hello Andie

  It’s been said that if someone saves your life it belongs to her. Personally, I suspect that that would be a good policy in my case. I can’t think of anyone else who has managed to ruin his life even while it was being saved. You performed a miracle when I needed it the most. I’m afraid I need an even bigger one now. I’m positive you are the only one capable of that feat twice in one lifetime. My life is in your hands, just as it was Wednesday night. Since I have no right to ask you to save me again, I won’t bother. Instead, I’m going to demand that you save me. I insist you take the life that has become yours and make it whole. Don’t throw it away like I did. You’re so much better than I am. If you don’t do this for me, I’ll most likely make everything worse.

  Yours forever, Brett.

  Andie stared in disbelief. She reread his note only to read it again. He demanded! He insisted! Who the hell did he think he was? He must be drunk. Of all the nerve! Pompous ass! Starting out so humble and then having the balls to command her to do something for him like that. Damn man. Andie prowled around her room, grumbling all the while. She was definitely deleting all future emails, unopened. Making demands on her. She should have ripped both arms off so he couldn’t type any more of that infuriating nonsense.

  Sadie heard Andie griping under her breath when they sat down to dinner that evening. She’d noticed the change in her niece as soon as she came home earlier but decided not to comment.

  What Andie didn’t know was that the meeting Sadie’d had was with Jesse. The boy certainly had spunk, she had to give him that. She had listened to the explanation he offered for the cause of Andie’s obvious distress. When he’d finished, he’d patiently answered all her questions. So she had been right all along. Andie was in love with Brett. And now it seemed that the fool had reclaimed some of the sense he used to possess and had decided to stop fighting what Sadie already knew he was hiding from. They were perfect for each other. All she had to do was keep Andie from running away long enough for Brett to figure out how to reach through the tangled mess that he’d made.

  Although Jesse had danced around some of the details, Sadie hadn’t been born yesterday. Something more had happened between the two than he was admitting. Knowing the playboy, it was probably something of a physical nature. Sadie remembered falling in love and not wanting to resist the desire that came with it. Though her niece seemed slightly innocent, Sadie suspected there was a side of her that would have no problem holding Brett’s interest.

  “Is there something wrong with the dinner?” Sadie asked when Andie merely pushed her food around on her plate. “I thought you liked my stew.”

  “I do, Aunt Sadie. It’s very good, really. I guess I’m just not that hungry.”

  “I know I said I wouldn’t pry and I won’t. However, I will not let you injure your health. I love you, Andrea. I want to remind you that I’m here if you have anything you want to discuss, even if it’s personal. Without judgment or unwanted advice.”

  Andie sighed. “I appreciate that. I may eventually take you up on it. I wouldn’t know where to start right now. I need to take some time and sort things out myself first.”

  “Of course.” Sadie patted her hand. “I’m available anytime you need me.”

  “Thanks. Would you mind if I just turn in now? I feel as if I haven’t slept for days.”

  “Go right ahead, dear. The stew will be in the refrigerator if you get hungry later.”

  “I love you, Aunt Sadie.” Andie hugged her before she left the table.

  “May I just say one thing?” Andie nodded. “Whatever it was that hurt you so deeply could only have touched you like that if you had strong feelings in the first place. It might seem impossible at the moment but don’t let go of that part. If you do, you might lose something that could become very precious once you work your way through your hurt.”

  “I’ll try,” Andie agreed softly before she went up to her room.

  * * * * *

  Brett unpacked more of the boxes that he’d let accumulate over the past two months. Though he had the constant urge to return to his computer to check if Andie had opened his second email, he wouldn’t permit himself to do it. If she hadn’t, he’d be insane long before nightfall. Why had he let his temporary insanity rule and end it the way he had?

  What was it about that woman who brought out a side of him that he hadn’t even known existed? He had started out just fine, telling Andie she now had control over his life. Instead of leaving it at that, as he’d intended, he had actually demanded she step in again and repair the latest disastrous event. It wouldn’t be such an incredibly stupid request if that particular blunder weren’t the one where he’d shattered her faith in him not to mention her heart. And yet, something inside wouldn’t let him recall his words.

  When Brett finished choking down his dinner, he gave himself permission to look at his computer screen. He couldn’t prevent his lips from twitching into a brief smile when he learned that Andie had opened his second note. His short-lived relief was quickly replaced with panic. Okay, she’d read it but what was her reaction? If his high-handed approach had pushed her even farther away, he had only himself to blame.

  A bigger issue was what to say to her next. He had been direct. He had been humble and then on the edge of domineering all in one short paragraph. What could he say now to keep her off-balance enough to continue reading his emails?

  Brett unconsciously pulled a beer from the refrigerator to drink while he thought. When he felt the rippled edge of the cap against his palm, he stopped himself from twisting. He returned the bottle to the shelf and made coffee instead. He had vowed to get out of that habit and he meant to keep his resolve. He had to. He definitely needed his head clear while he debated on his next words to Andie. Finally, he concluded that his only hope was to be as honest as possible. Brett knew he hadn’t been at his best for the majority of the time since she’d come to stay with her aunt. The man she thought she knew was hardly the man he truly was. Perhaps it was time to let her get to know him for the person he’d always thought he was.

  That decided, he sat down to write. He’d start with what came into his head and edit it before he sent it. And no more timing his messages either. He’d send his thoughts as close together or as far apart as they struck him. As long as he was sincere, Brett would let his words flow and hope for the best.

  An hour later, he sent his third message.

  My Dear Andie

  I reread what I wrote this afternoon and was stunned. Though you only know me as I have appeared over the last several months, I feel I must tell you how atypical my behavior has been. Prior to the emergence of the tension-riddled, overstressed, smug asshole with the much-inflated ego and distorted sense of urgency, I was actually a fairly easygoing, pleasant guy who others considered somewhat entertaining to be around. I thought of myself as laid back, fun but levelheaded, quick to laugh yet just as quick to go out of my way if I sensed a need I could fill.

  I spent the day organizing my home. This, I found, is an activity that gives one plenty of time for reflection. I can’t pinpoint any particular event that triggered my transformation. It may have started the night I blew up at Shane and Alyssa, unable to stand by a moment longer and listen as they doubted Jordan and Kiley. I should mention that it was the first time I met Alyssa. It was also the first time I told Shane how I viewed his behavior toward Jordan. You already know the rest of that story.

  Perhaps my downfall began when Kiley tried to deny her love for Jordan. The distrustful cynic in me ran rampant until she listened to her heart and asked for her rightful place in his life. Maybe I lost my focus when Shane and Alyssa worked through their obstacles and emerged united with their ready-made family.

  I spoke with Flynn last night. I know he told you his true story. I was so far out of line in my horrendous treatment of him. I said unforgivable things that were uttered to inflict the most damage possible. I believed I was already a monster at the time. I had destroyed nearly ever
ything else in my life and I didn’t want Flynn to see what I had become. Thankfully, Jesse arrived at the moment Flynn needed him the most. After he shocked some sense into me, he took the time to repair as much of my harm as he could. If I hadn’t been determined to drive everyone away from me yesterday morning, we would have been back to speak with you long before you woke up.

  Jesse called me earlier. Please don’t take my mistakes out on him. He really is someone you can depend on and trust with anything. I know he broke his promise to you but Andie, please think about his reasons. He was entirely correct with his assessment of how I would have behaved on the trip back to the city if you had been with us. His concern for my less-than-steady state of mind overrode his desire to diminish the hurt I inflicted on you. If you must blame anyone for his actions, place it where it truly belongs, with me. I forced him to make that choice. He did what he felt was most urgent at the time. I damaged the friendship between the two of you. Please don’t be like me and toss away someone who cares for you.

  For reasons I will never understand, I made my transformation complete by cutting myself off from the two best friends I’ve had my entire life. Jordan was always closer than a brother and Shane generally treated me as family. This rift is something else that was entirely my doing. Both of them continually went above and beyond to make me feel a part of their new families. Kiley and Alyssa made a point to include me as well. Even though I knew I belonged in their lives as much as I always have, I shut myself away from them. I pushed them out of the place they’ve occupied and threw everything out of whack. I pretended that I was still where I had been while widening the chasm without letting them even notice that my foundation had the slightest crack.

  Without Jesse ignoring my attempts at complete isolation, I would have destroyed even more than I did. He’s overlooked so much lately. I don’t deserve the continued presence of his friendship but I will remain eternally grateful to him. He’s one of the best, Andie. Again please don’t let my stupidity come between you. When I spoke to him, Jesse hid his feelings behind his concern for you but I could sense the hopelessness and loss he is feeling. I’m not worth abandoning the friendship you found together. Call him. Jesse is one of the most self-reliant men in the world. He may not seem to need anyone for anything but I know how much he treasures you. Please let him back into your life.

  Brett reworded things until he was as happy as possible with what he was telling Andie. All he needed now was a way to end the message. He wanted to continue forever but knew he shouldn’t bombard her like that. He could send more later. His heart ached at the thought of actually sharing all this in person. Someday, if he suddenly became the luckiest man of all time, maybe that would happen but for now he had to be satisfied with rambling at her.

  I could go on indefinitely. There are so many things I’d like to tell you about. Even more that I want to ask you about. If you read this far, you have confirmed my belief that you are too indulgent with me and I have taken advantage of you once again. If I don’t end this now I might never manage to so I will say goodnight. I plan on turning in fairly early. I have a busy day ahead of me with Flynn and his buddy, Joey. They need some help with the tree house they’re building and are willing to put up with my undesirable presence in exchange for the benefits my height can provide. If you choose to open my email tomorrow, I will give you an update on our progress. I’m sure Flynn intends to give you the grand tour as soon as it is finished.

  As I sit here, pondering the various ways to conclude for the moment, I know none of them is adequate. Nothing I come up with is worthy of the time you have given me by reading this to the end. Therefore, instead of making this a closing, I will merely let it be an interruption.

  Until tomorrow, my dearest Andrea, I remain forever yours.

  Brett

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  For the next week and a half, Brett told Andie everything that popped into his head. He let his words flow, not bothering to put them in any particular order. He told her of his childhood, the mischief he and Jordan had gotten into and the way Jordan used it to torment Shane. He talked of his first career, his new career and the hopes he had for both. He confided his fears, his feelings about Kiley when Jordan first met her and announced she was his future and the way he and Jesse had been trusted with the growing relationship between Shane and Alyssa. Since she knew of Flynn’s past he told her of Flynn leaving the gang and asking Shane to adopt him. He mentioned his parents, their early retirement and their plans to travel. He touched on his friendship with Max and his feelings on the little time the child had left, and any other random thoughts that crossed his mind. Andie seemed to be waiting less time before she opened each successive one. She still didn’t respond though he included questions at times.

  Tuesday, Brett was sitting at his desk at the radio station. Since the rest of his belongings had been moved and unpacked, he’d stopped avoiding his new responsibilities. Jordan had gathered several staff members to discuss some possibilities on how to manage various day-to-day operations.

  Brett’s mind was drifting even before the meeting began. On the pretense of taking notes, Brett pulled a tablet in front of him. Soon he was lost in his latest sketch of Andie. This one showed her face as it had looked when she writhed in ecstasy the time he had made love to her tenderly.

  Jordan waved the others from Brett’s office when he noticed Brett was oblivious to the discussion. After they were alone, he moved to stand looking over Brett’s shoulder. The image he saw surprised him.

  Jordan rested his hand on Brett’s shoulder, drawing his attention. “Wishful thinking or memory?” he asked casually.

  “Both,” Brett admitted quietly after a sigh. “Sorry, I guess I wasn’t paying attention.”

  “Not to the conversation going on around you,” Jordan said as he took the chair opposite Brett. When Brett remained silent, Jordan tried to draw him out. “Look, Brett, whatever it is that I’ve done, I’m sorry.”

  Brett leapt from his chair and paced before staring out the window. “It’s not you, okay? I have… I, uh… Christ!” He ran his hand over his face. His shoulders slumped.

  “What?” Jordan wondered how long Brett had looked this tired. “If you need—” His ringing phone interrupted. “McKade.” Jordan’s face crumbled. “Oh God, when? I’m so sorry,” his voice broke. “I know. Yes, we’ll be there. No, I’ll tell him. Thanks.”

  Brett knew by the expression of Jordan’s face and the sound of his voice that their young friend, Max was dead. The boy had hung on longer than every doctor’s estimate on the length of time he would be able to battle the disease that had been attacking his muscles since birth. Several weeks prior, Max entered the hospital for what was the last time.

  “Jordan.” Brett reached for his crushed friend. “Damn, I’m sorry.” He felt Jordan fighting for control. “I drove today. I think you should let me take you home now.”

  Jordan nodded. “I need to tell Kiley,” he whispered as Brett urged him to the car. “They’re having an open house Thursday because Max wanted them to have a party for him. Anytime after one.”

  “I’ll be there. Want me to stop by Shane’s?” Brett asked.

  “Lyssa was with Kiley when I left. If she’s not still there, yeah, thanks.” Jordan leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Brett knew his friend was suffering and desperately needed his wife’s arms around him.

  “No problem.” Brett wished he had someone to cry with too. No, not someone. Andie.

  “Will you call Sadie and Jesse? Ask them to go Thursday.”

  “Sure,” Brett agreed, knowing this took priority over everything else. If Andie answered, she would understand why he broke their unspoken agreement for silence. “Looks like Lyss is still here.”

  “Coming in?” Jordan asked when Brett didn’t turn off the car engine.

  “No. I want to make those calls. Want me to see if Greg is available for tonight’s show?”

  “Don’t. I promised Max I�
��d do a show in his honor when he was gone. He wanted me to do it right away so I wouldn’t forget anything.” Jordan took a steadying breath. “Damn, this is going to be so hard but I know his parents are expecting it and will be listening.”

  “I’d tell you to wait until tomorrow but I know you’re right and won’t.”

  “Neither would you if you’d made the same promise.”

  “Yeah,” Brett agreed. “Maybe I’ll call you on the air tonight.”

  “He would’ve liked that.” Jordan hesitated. “Brett…”

  “Go on, Jordan.” Brett knew his friend hadn’t entirely forgotten their aborted conversation. “We can talk some other time.”

  After watching him for a long moment, Jordan nodded and turned to walk into his house.

  * * * * *

  Brett tried Jesse first. When his voicemail picked up, Brett disconnected. This wasn’t something that he could leave a message about and didn’t trust his voice enough to ask Jesse to call him. Maybe he’d be calmer after he spoke with Sadie and could manage then.

  Brett knew there was an equal chance that Andie would answer the phone but he was still stunned by her voice.

  “Hello,” she repeated.

  “Andie, hi, it’s Brett. I hate to bother you but I’d like to speak to Sadie please.”

  “Oh,” Andie said shakily. “Um, she’s not home. Can I give her a message for you?”

  “Ah damn.” Brett was torn.

  “Brett, what’s wrong?” Andie must have heard the tremor in his voice.

  “Jordan got a call today.”

  “No,” she gasped.

  “I’m afraid so,” Brett barely managed to tell her.

  “Oh, Brett, I’m so sorry. Can we do anything?”

  “Not that I know of. They’re having an open house on Thursday, after one. Can you and Sadie be there?”

  “Of course.” Andie sniffed.

  “It’s not fair to ask to you to tell your aunt. I’ll call back later.”