Uninvolved

by Carey Heywood

  Becka sat in her car for a couple of minutes before going inside to face the music. She had contemplated lying her way out of this, but she was so relieved at finally being caught to continue to lie. Kyle was pacing her living room while Dave sat on the sofa. When Kyle saw her, he sat down next to Dave. Dave took one look at the both of them and went out back to have another smoke.

  "Were you with someone else?" Kyle asked quietly.

  "I'm so sorry," Becka began.

  "Guess that answered my question," Kyle said, standing.

  "I didn’t have sex with him." Becka continued.

  "Is this the first time?" Kyle asked.

  Becka shook her head.

  Kyle sat back down, putting his head in his hands. Becka went to sit next to him and touch his arm. He flinched away from her and stood again.

  "Why did you do this, Becka?"

  "I—"

  He cut her off. "I thought we were happy."

  "I—"

  "I loved you."

  "I—"

  "I thought you loved me too."

  Becka didn’t even attempt a response at this point. Everything he said was true. The fact that he wasn’t cursing her out right now further emphasized what a nice guy he was.

  "How long has this been going on?"

  Becka just looked away. How could she tell him she had really wanted someone else their entire relationship?

  "Do I know him?"

  Technically yes, Becka thought to herself. But meeting once at a party probably didn’t count, and Becka really did not want to drag Nate into all of this.

  "No, you don’t'."

  "And you never had sex?"

  Uh, no. Was he thinking about giving her another chance? Becka did not want another chance.

  "We never had actual sex."

  "Actual sex? So you did other things. What other things?"

  Becka looked at him and shrugged. There was no way she was going to go into detail as to what she and Nate had done. Kyle began pacing again and then stopped right in front of her and sat on the coffee table facing her.

  "Will you never do it again if we stay together?"

  Becka just looked down. For Kyle, that was answer enough. The look he gave her was so sad it broke her heart. Becka cringed at the boom of the front door closing behind him. Dave heard the door and came back inside. He glanced at Becka. She shrugged, pouting. Rolling his eyes, he came over to give her a hug.

  "You okay, Becks?"

  "I feel like such an asshole."

  "You should. You totally acted like one."

  "Real nice, Dave."

  "Come on. It’s true. Besides, don’t you feel any better?"

  "I guess so, but I feel guilty hurting Kyle."

  "Don’t worry about him. He'll probably just end up a player. Never getting close to a woman again for fear she will break his heart and die alone."

  "Dave!" Becka shrieked as she hit him on the head with a pillow.

  "What? Did I say something to upset you?"

  Becka got up and went to her room. It had been an emotionally draining day. She sent Nate a text letting him know what happened and then took a nap. She woke up around dinnertime and checked her phone. No response from Nate. That's just awesome, she thought to herself.

  Becka texted Lucy and Crystal to see if they were going out. There was no way she was going to sit at home a mope. Lucy had plans, but Crystal was free. With the hopes of accidently bumping into Nate, Becka suggested they go downtown. Crystal, knowing what kind of day Becka had, agreed and offered to be the designated driver. She would swing by to pick Becka up around nine.

  Becka made herself some dinner and surfed the Internet. She followed a couple of fashion blogs and clicked through them to get ideas of what to wear. October in Phoenix was still hot during the day and beautiful at night. It wasn’t cold enough for her to have to worry about a jacket. She settled on wearing the black and white chevron dress she had wore out to lunch with Nate, paired with a small red wristlet and red wedges.

  Becka was on her second beer when Crystal arrived. She wore a short black tank dress cinched at the waist with a green and black striped belt.

  "How are you doing sweetie?" Crystal asked.

  "We both knew this was coming. It sucks that Kyle got hurt, but I do feel better that it is over. I just don’t want him to hate me, but I would hate me if I were him…So yeah. That part sucks."

  They went to a couple of clubs that night. Becka had a one-track mind, just wondering where Nate might be and if he was out. He had never responded to her text from earlier, and it bugged her. She did her best to not let it ruin her evening, dancing, drinking, and being merry.

  "Looking for someone?" Crystal asked her after she had scanned the club once again for Nate.

  "Oh, you know…" Becka hedged, doing her best to look innocent.

  "Why not take a break from boys all together?" Crystal encouraged.

  "That's just crazy talk." Becka laughed.

  "No, I'm serious. As long as I have known you, everything has always been about some guy or another. What about Becka?"

  "This is way too philosophical of a discussion to have, considering how many beers I've had tonight."

  "Fine but think about it. Ok?"

  "Ah, sure."

  Chapter 13

  The next morning as Becka lay in bed nursing her hangover, she could not stop thinking about what Crystal had said. Was she really that shallow? What about me, Becka thought to herself. Did she really even need—want— Nate or just want to catch him? Groaning, she got up to get some water.

  The whole concept bothered her all day. After taking some Tums and Advil, she started making a list of things that made her happy. She loved living with Dave and having Lucy and Crystal for friends. Becka thought about listing Nate as one of the things that made her happy but decided it was too complicated to include it. When Dave woke up, she asked him what made him happy.

  "I'm not awake enough yet, Becks," Dave said, waving her off.

  Becka huffed and Googled: "What makes people happy?"

  Family and friends were the number one answer. Other than that, it listed cities around the country that had high ratings on the Happiness Index. Becka felt like she had good friends and, sure, she didn’t live that close to family, but she seemed okay with that. Dave walked back into the house and sat next to her on the sofa, pulling her feet into his lap.

  "Whatdya wanna ask me?" he mumbled, leaning his head back on to the sofa.

  "What makes you happy?"

  "Huh?'

  "In life, what makes you happy?"

  "Shit. I don’t know. Stuff."

  "What kinda stuff?"

  He sat straighter and began counting off on his fingers. "Sex, video games, action movies, good food, good beer, money left over after payday, my car. Um, yep, I think that's it."

  "I just wonder if I let the whole Kyle thing drag on because I was missing something somewhere else."

  "Alright. What makes you happy, Becks?"

  "My friends, shopping, reading, boys, going out."

  She stopped as Dave began laughing.

  "What's so funny?"

  "Your list. It just cracks me up."

  "I don’t get it."

  "Come on. Fluff, fluff, reading, fluff, fluff."

  "My friends aren’t fluff. Hello, you're one of them. Besides, it's not like your list was any better."

  "It's just that they all seem connected. You go shopping, then out with your friends to hit on guys."

  "I guess so."

  "Are you unhappy?"

  "I don’t know. I'm not going to start reading Sylvia Plath anytime soon."

  "What?"

  "Depressed writer. Killed herself."

  "That's good to know."

  "I think Nate is bad for me."

  "How come?"

  "Because I like him more then he likes me, and you know how I feel about liking someone."

  "So stop liking him."

&nbs
p; "It's not like a switch you can turn off and on, Dave."

  "Whatever. That’s all I got," Dave said, lifting her feet and getting up.

  "You are completely unhelpful," Becka pouted.

  Giving up, Becka spent the rest of her Sunday watching a TBS movie marathon.

  #

  So not feeling work today, Becka thought to herself as she sorted documents. She had thought about calling in sick but decided she would have been just as bored at home. Becka got up to make herself a cup of cocoa. When she got back to her desk, there was an email from Nate.

  How are you?

  I got dumped.

  Is that a bad thing?

  Undecided.

  Fair enough.

  Nice to know you're still talking to me.

  What does that mean?

  Still like me now I'm single?

  I always liked you, kid.

  That's good to know.

  Lunch?

  Becka walked up to meet him at the front entrance. Was she ever going to be able to look at him and not want to mount him, she wondered as she saw him leaning against a pillar by the door. He was wearing khaki slacks and a green sweater. She was wearing a red pencil skirt with a black blouse and heels.

  He took her to a nice Mexican restaurant.

  "Everything okay?" Becka asked.

  "Sure. Why?"

  "You just seem tense."

  "Really? Maybe a little."

  "What's going on?"

  "It's just that now that you are single, I feel this pressure."

  "You're joking. From me?"

  "Don’t get annoyed."

  "I’m not annoyed. I'm just trying to be clear that you should not be feeling any kind of pressure from me."

  "Cool."

  "You're a dork," Becka laughed.

  "A what?"

  "You heard me. Is this why we're having lunch? So you can make it clear to me that you still don’t want a girlfriend?"

  Nate just looked at her, cocking his head to the side innocently.

  "Whatever, Nate. You’re buying. Or wait, would that make this too date like?" Becka said, kicking him gently under the table.

  "I suppose I could make an exception."

  "How big of you."

  "Your ass looks hot today."

  "My ass looks hot every day."

  That made Nate laugh out loud and broke the tension.

  "I still can't get over how much you eat."

  "Shut up. I eat like a normal person."

  "Maybe like a dude."

  "A dude! Oh my God, you did not just say that."

  Nate, grinning at her expression, said, "Don’t worry, kid. I've seen what's under that skirt."

  "You've done more than just look, if my memory is correct." Becka laughed.

  "Nate?"

  They both looked towards the source of the voice. It was Robin, Kyle's sister.

  Oh shit, Becka thought.

  "Oh, hey Robin," Nate said, standing up.

  "What's going on here?" Robin asked, regarding Becka coldly.

  "Um, I'm having lunch with a friend."

  "I know your friend, Nate. Kinda hard to forget the girl who cheated on my big brother."

  Becka's mouth dropped open as Nate said, "Hey, let's not go there."

  "Was it you?" Robin asked, jabbing her finger into his chest.

  "Robin—" Becka began.

  "Shut your fucking mouth," Robin cut her off.

  "Excuse me?" Becka said, standing.

  By now, the manager of the restaurant came out to inquire what the issue was.

  Robin was asked to leave, but Nate interceded and said they were done eating anyway. He quickly paid, and they left with Robin staring daggers into Becka's back.

  "That was fun," Becka said, buckling her belt and resting her forehead against her fingertips.

  Nate reached across the console and turned her chin to face him.

  "You okay?"

  "I guess."

  He gently kissed her, and they drove back to their building in silence.

  Chapter 14

  When Becka got back to her desk, her phone chirped with a text notification. She pulled her phone out. It was from Kyle.

  Robin is telling me she saw you out with the guy she brought to my birthday party. Is this true?

  Not sure what else to say, Becka replied:

  Yes. I saw Robin, and I was having lunch with Nate.

  He responded:

  Is he the guy?

  Becka closed her eyes and took a deep breath before replying.

  Does it matter? Will it change anything?

  She didn’t get any more text messages from him after that. Becka also did not get any more emails from Nate that day, or the day after, or the day after that. Fucking perfect, Becka thought to herself. I went from having a boyfriend and whatever the fuck Nate was to nothing. If any guy other than Dave looked in her direction, she may have to punch them in the nuts.

  Dave was up when she got home from work, laid out on the sofa watching TV. Becka dropped her purse by the door and went to lay with him. She must have dozed off because Dave startled her when he went to get up.

  "I was trying not to wake you," Dave said, looking guilty.

  "No worries. What time is it?"

  "Only just after eight."

  "Cool. You aren’t working tonight, are you?"

  "Nope, but I, um, have plans."

  "Whacha doing?"

  "Don’t get mad. I'm meeting up with Kyle."

  "Why would that bother me? It's not like you're abandoning me to go hang with my ex, you traitor," Becka huffed, burying her face in the couch.

  "Over dramatic much?" Dave said, smacking her ass.

  "Hey!" she yelped, sitting up. Then added, "You're meeting him out, right? He's not coming here is he?"

  "He is swinging by to pick me up, but I think he plans to just honk from the driveway."

  "What if he doesn’t? Shit! What time is his getting you?"

  "What's your problem?"

  "My problem is, if for some unknown reason he comes into this house, there is no fucking way I want him to see me sleeping on the couch."

  "You have mental issues."

  "No, I do not. There is nothing crazy about not wanting to look like ass the first time you see your ex after a breakup."

  "Okay, I don’t think guys think that way."

  "Well, girls do. I should go somewhere. It would look better if I wasn’t here. Where are you all going so I can avoid it?"

  "Penny draft night at the Ol’ Boob show."

  "A strip club? Really? I thought you said all of those girls had butter faces."

  "I'm going for the penny drafts."

  "Whatever. There is no chance I am running into you there. Can you text me once you leave so I know it's safe to come home?"

  "Sure. Where are you going?"

  "I think that yuppie coffee place around the corner has something going on tonight. I'll go check it out. When is he coming?"

  "I don’t know. Probably in like thirty."

  Becka went to her bathroom to check what damage her nap had done to her hair and makeup. She brushed her teeth and grabbed a cute red pea coat before shouting bye to Dave and heading out the door. Becka was at the stop sign at the end of her street when she saw Kyle's car pull in. Whew, she thought to herself. She had just missed him.

  The coffee shop wasn’t that bad. Becka was actually happy she had gone once she was settled with her smoothie and a café sandwich. It was an open mic night with a variety of presenters. Becka's favorite of the night was a singing duo. Just a girl and a guy with a guitar. They were really good. It was after ten by the time Becka got home. She wasn’t tired, so she was watching a movie when Dave stumbled in.

  With Kyle.

  Dave was pretty drunk, and Kyle was just seeing making sure he got in okay.

  "Hey," Kyle said, looking down at the floor.

  "Hi," Becka said, fidgeting awkwardly.

  Dave h
eaded into his room, mumbling a goodbye over his shoulder towards Kyle. Becka contemplated different ways to punish him for leaving her alone in a room with her ex-boyfriend.

  "Sorry about Robin," Kyle said, breaking the silence.

  "I really don’t want to talk about this," Becka said, putting her head in her hands.

  "You're right. I should go," Kyle said, turning.

  "I hate this."

  "You hate what?"

  "I hate how awkward this is."

  "What did you expect, Becka?"

  "I don’t know."

  "I guess you do now. Bye, Becka."

  Becka could not get Kyle's words out of her mind. She had knowingly been such an asshole to him, and for what? Had Nate even talked to her since they went out to lunch? Nope. That's it, she thought to herself. She was swearing off men for good.

  Picking up her phone, she deleted Nate from her contact list. Fuck him, she thought to herself. Becka stood, suddenly thinking of the empty beer bottle still sitting on the shelf in her closet. She should throw it away. She did not need it. She marched over to her closet, reached up, and pulled it down. As quickly as Becka had taken it off the shelf, she put it right back up.

  Not willing to evaluate what not being able to throw away a fucking empty beer bottle meant, Becka went to the kitchen to make herself a bowl of ice cream. She was thinking about making herself another one when Dave walked out of his room.

  "Sup," he mumbled on the way outside.

  "I am so pissed at you," Becka said, getting up to follow him.

  "Rad," Dave said, opening the back door to go out for a smoke.

  "I can not believe you would get so drunk that Kyle would need to walk you in."

  "I take it you saw Kyle last night."

  "Yep."

  "My bad. It wasn’t like I planned it."

  "So how is he?"

  "You saw him. Why do you need me to tell you?"

  "It's not like we talk talked. Did he say anything about me?"

  "Nope."

  "Really? Nothing at all?"

  "Why do you even care?"

  "I don’t know why. I just don’t want him to hate me."

  "Kyle's a nice guy. I don’t think he hates you, but I also don’t see him being overly friendly with you anytime soon."