Uninvolved

by Carey Heywood

  "I hate men."

  "That's a nice thing to say while I'm standing right here."

  "You don’t count."

  "Well, that makes it better. Shit, Becks. You have a fucking way with words," Dave said, putting out his smoke and going back inside.

  "I deleted Nate from my contact list today," Becka said, following him inside.

  "That's a pretty pointless gesture."

  "Why do you say that?"

  "Isn't he the one that always initiates contact? As long as he still has your number, nothing has changed."

  "Are you saying I should change my number?"

  "No. That would just be a pain in ass. What I'm saying is we will have to see if the next time he calls you if you turn him down or go."

  "I can say no to him."

  "If you say so."

  Becka went to the kitchen for more ice cream.

  "If you get all fat, maybe you won't have to worry about him calling at all."

  "Fuck off, asshole!" Becka shouted from the kitchen, making herself a plate of baby carrots instead.

  Dave sat down and changed the channel to reruns of The Big Bang Theory. Becka leaned against the kitchen counter, wondering: if Nate called this second, would she really turn him down? Wanting some retail therapy after she showered and got changed, Becka went to the mall. Aimlessly wandering in and out of stores, Becka struggled to find the point of it all. As much as she loved to read and see chick flicks, she wondered if it all just set her up for this unrealistic expectation of dating and happily ever after. It had been easier when she had avoided feeling anything. Who would pay to see a movie where the girl didn’t end up with the guy at the end? Maybe that was why they were so popular. Because they were absolute fantasies.

  Becka didn’t think she was alone either. With the exception of her sister and Lucy, who still seemed to be going strong with Curt, all of her friends were single. Some of them had not had a serious boyfriend in months. Sure they dated. Crystal had even set up a profile on an Internet dating site. They had all been out on plenty of dates, some with total whack jobs, but others with really nice guys who never friggin called for a second date.

  If she was the only one that was single, Becka could consider that she was the problem. But since she wasn’t, she had no problem blaming the entire male population. But what about Kyle? He was an exception to the rule, but at the end of the day, no matter how much Becka liked him, she never did love him. So what was worse? Being with someone you didn’t love or being all alone?

  Unfortunately for Kyle, Becka knew the answer to that question. The bigger current question, deleting his contact info aside, was could Becka be happy being whatever she was to Nate? Becka did not know the answer to that because, while she had not heard from Nate in a while, Becka was pretty sure he would call her. What would she do when he did?

  Chapter 15

  Becka was zoned out, doing some data entry, when her desk phone rang. Glancing down, she raised a brow when she saw it was her boss.

  "Hi, Chip."

  "Hi, Becka. Can you come to my office, please?"

  Oh shit. "Sure. Everything okay?"

  "Yes. Just wanted to talk to you about something. Do you have a moment?"

  "Of course. I'll be right there."

  Becka's hand shook a little bit as she hung up the phone. Why did it feel like she was being called to the principal's office? She racked her brain, trying to think of anything she may have done, anything she would have gotten in trouble for. Becka stood, smoothing out her pants, and headed over to Chip's office.

  "What's up?" she said, peeking her head into his office.

  "Come in and sit down. Oh, and would you shut the door?"

  SHIT, her brain screamed. Chip only asked people to shut the door when he was going to fire them. She eased herself into one of the two chairs that faced his desk, putting on her best calm face.

  "So what did you want to see me about?"

  "Well, Becka,, you have been with us for just over two years, and upper management wanted recommendations of good people for this start-up team they are forming. I wanted to let you know you are under consideration and, if you are interested, you just need to let me know."

  "Wow. I mean, wow. I just wasn’t sure when you called me in here. I was nervous, thinking maybe I had done something wrong."

  "Nope. This is a good thing."

  "What would this team be doing? Is it still in this department? Would my hours change?"

  "Well, I don’t have all of the details yet. It is my understanding that the team would have something to do with our elite relationships."

  "I'd love to find out more. I just really wasn’t expecting this."

  "I will let upper management know that you are interested, and I guess you will get more detail directly from them."

  "Thanks, Chip."

  "You do a good job, Becka. If you end up leaving us, we will miss you."

  "I just don’t know what to say."

  "Understandable. Well, I need to hop on a call. Keep me in the loop once you learn the next steps."

  Becka nodded and walked back to her desk. A couple of her co-workers must have assumed she was in trouble from the dazed look on her face. Her phone was vibrating on her desk. She grabbed it as she sat down. It was from Lucy, making sure she wasn’t fired. God, the gossip mill in her office was working overtime. Becka replied that no, she was not fired and asked Lucy if she wanted to run out for lunch.

  Over lunch, Becka told Lucy about her conversation with Chip. Lucy was thrilled for her but kind of bummed at the thought that there was a chance she would move offices. Lucy moped, wondering why nobody recommended her. Becka would never say anything because she would never want to hurt Lucy's feelings, but Lucy didn’t have the best reputation at work. She could be a total slacker.

  There was an email from HR waiting for Becka when she got back to her desk. It went into the specifics of the new team and what their objective would be. It was pretty long, Becka thought, feeling a bit overwhelmed. Becka printed it to take home. She wanted to talk to Dave about it. She smiled to herself as she folded the papers and put them in her purse, thinking how proud her folks would be if this opportunity turned out great.

  The rest of her workday passed by in a blur. Becka called Lilly once she was in her car to dish. Lilly seemed down, though, so she ending up listening to her vent the whole time instead. Happy to end the call when she pulled into her driveway, Becka looked down at the screen, shaking her head as she pressed end call. Becka hated it when someone else's mood would drag her down. She hadn’t even gotten the chance to tell Lilly her good news. Hopefully, Dave would be more receptive.

  Dave was still asleep, so Becka got a snack and was working on reading the paperwork HR had sent until he woke up. She was on the fourth page by the time Dave walked out of his room. He grunted in her direction on his way to the back deck. Dave was working on cutting back on smoking, so there was no way Becka was going to come between him and his first for the day. When Dave walked back into the house, Becka told her about her day.

  He was so quiet that Becka eventually cocked her head at him and said, "Well, what do you think?"

  "This sounds very cool, Becks."

  "Thanks!"

  "I mean it. It is just really cool to see you, you know, bettering yourself."

  "Bettering myself?"

  "I just think the whole Kyle and that other dude thing has had you down, and it's cool to see you excited about your career and not some guy."

  "Aww, Dave. Gimme a hug."

  Becka jumped up to hug him as he stiffly patted her back, telling her not to get all lovey dovey and shit, which made her laugh. Dave was always one to be unsentimental. Becka gave him the paperwork to look over, which he did. While he read, she got up to grab a beer. He did not have to work that night so she brought him one as well. When he finished reading the last page and set it on the coffee table, she looked up at him expectantly. Dave leaned back into the sofa and took
a deep drink off his beer.

  "Well?"

  "Oh, you want my opinion?"

  "Dave," Becka groaned.

  Dave laughed then said, "I think it looks like a pretty fucking sweet deal. Did you blow any bigwigs?"

  Becka punched him in the arm, grinning. She had thought it seemed like an amazing opportunity as well and hearing someone agree with that felt really good. It was a weird sensation. Becka had never really given too much thought to her career. Getting some positive reinforcement that she wasn’t sucking was cool.

  The changes would amount to a change in job title, a small bump in pay, some inbound call cover, more strict dress code, and her desk would be moving to the same floor as Nate. Becka would have a new direct manager and report to a different division of the company. She tried to remember if it was the same one Nate worked in. Becka also wondered how close her new desk was to where Nate sat. The decision to go for it was a no brainer. The only thing that bothered Becka about the promotion was how much it was making her think of Nate and when she would hear from him again.

  It would be a full month before Becka would find out. She was for the most part staying true to her avoid all men stance. Becka was two weeks into her new promotion. Since they were a new team, the first week was mainly waiting for IT to figure out their new accesses and procurement of a printer once someone noticed their team didn’t have one. The second week, they went live and were insanely busy. Becka was really enjoying the thrill of being part of something new. Becka went out with Dave or her girlfriends a couple of times but mainly was happy just staying home. The new gig was sometimes mentally exhausting, and it felt good to take it easy.

  It was a Friday night, and Dave was working. Becka had a date with a new book. When her phone started ringing and she saw that it wasn’t a programmed number, she wondered for a moment if it was Nate before answering it.

  "Hello?"

  "Hey, kid."

  Well that answered that, she thought to herself.

  "Hi, Nate."

  "Long time. How have you been?"

  "Good. You?"

  "Busy but good."

  "That's nice."

  "Doing anything tonight?"

  Becka sat there, open-mouthed. Here was her chance to actually tell Nate no.

  "Becka?"

  "Yeah."

  "You got all quiet. Did you hear me?"

  "I did. I just don't know."

  "You don’t know if you have plans tonight?"

  "Why do you want to know if I have plans?"

  "To see if you wanted to hang out."

  "I just don’t know if I want to hang out with you."

  "Oh."

  "Yep."

  "What's stopping you?"

  "I don’t know what I am to you."

  "I don’t want a girlfriend, Becka."

  "Do you get that it sucks to know that I like you more than you like me?”

  "You like me?"

  "Not right now."

  "Why don’t you like me right now?"

  "Because you suck."

  "You're adorable."

  "I'm not trying to be cute."

  "You just can't help it."

  "Shut up."

  "Can I come over?"

  "Yes. No. Ugh, fine."

  "I'm on my way."

  Becka tossed her phone onto the center of her bed, cursing herself. She then checked her makeup, brushed her hair, lit a candle, and changed into something cuter. Becka didn’t want to look over eager, so she changed into a cute yet demure pajama set covered with little snowflakes. She brushed her teeth and then sat down with her eReader while she waited for him.

  Her breath hitched when she heard his knock. It had been so long since she had seen him. Becka wondered if she would still be as attracted to him. The way her heart started thumping when she opened the door answered her question. Why did he have to look so good? Nate stepped in and leaned in to kiss her. Becka turned her face so his kiss landed on her cheek. Straightening, he shut the door behind him.

  "You sure you want me here?"

  "Yes," Becka said, walking into the living room. "I'm just mad at myself for it."

  "Okay."

  "Can I get you a drink?"

  "A beer would be good."

  Becka walked in to kitchen and got them each one.

  When Becka went to hand it to him, Nate grabbed her wrist and pulled her against him. As Becka held a drink in each hand, he wrapped his arms around her and covered her mouth with his. Nate's hands moved down to her backside and pulled her firmly to him. Breaking their kiss, Nate trailed his lips down her neck as she stood there open-mouthed.

  Stepping back, Nate took his beer from her and took a long drink. Shaking her head, Becka did the same. Nate then took her drink from her and set both of them on the breakfast bar. He then picked up Becka and sat her on one of the stools. Moving between her legs, Nate resumed kissing her.

  Becka wrapped her arms around his neck, thrilling in his touch. No one else could make her feel like he did. Nate lowered his head to her neck and began unbuttoning her top. Pulling her closer to the edge of the stool, Nate slide his hands inside her shirt and around her waist. Encircling his waist with her legs, Becka tugged at his jacket.

  Stepping back, Nate pulled off his jacket and stepped back into Becka's arms.

  "My room," Becka breathed into his ear.

  Groaning, he stepped back again and, grabbing both of their drinks, gestured “after you.” Becka slid off the stool and, taking her drink from him, led the way to her room. Once there, Becka downed her beer and took her pajama top off the rest of the way, letting it fall to the floor beside her bed. Nate leaned against the doorframe and took a long pull off of his beer. Setting his bottle down on her dresser, he closed the door behind him. Moving to the bed, Nate kicked off his shoes and pulled off his long-sleeved t-shirt, dropping it on top of Becka's pajama top.

  He crawled over and onto Becka. Becka reveled in sensory overload: the musk of his cologne, the weight of his body on hers, the taste of his kiss, the sound of her name on his lips. She ran her fingers over his muscular shoulders and up the back of his head. Nate ground his hips against hers and moved his kisses lower. He kissed the skin he exposed as he slowly tugged her bottoms off of her.

  Becka gasped as he gently blew on her stomach, causing it to erupt in goose bumps. Nate rolled her onto her stomach and moved to sit beside her. Slowly and softly, he trailed his fingers up and down her bare back. With both hands, he rubbed her shoulders. Becka felt her muscles relax under his fingertips. It felt so good, though unexpected. Becka almost started to drift off. Catching herself, Becka sat up and pushed Nate down went to return the favor. She straddled his back, sitting on his tush.

  As much as Becka loved his back, it kind of amazed her that this was the first massage she had ever given him. Becka was a bit rougher with him than Nate had been with her. It was just that his back was so hard she couldn’t tell if she was doing it right. When she heard Nate moan, Becka felt more confident. She squealed when Nate suddenly bucked under her and somehow managed to have her flipped on to her back before she knew it. Nate's lips were on her as his body seemed fused to her. Becka's arms coiled around his neck as she lost herself in his kiss. Too soon, Nate broke their kiss and moved to nuzzle Becka behind her ear, pulling her close. He chuckled at how long it took her to catch her breath.

  "You good?" he teased.

  "I just need a minute," Becka said, exhaling slowly.

  "Want another beer?" Nate asked, sitting up.

  "Yes, please," Becka grinned, sliding under the covers.

  When Nate walked back into her room, Becka did her best not to drool, admiring him in all of his shirtless glory. It was still so strange to Becka how powerful her attraction was to him. It seemed to be only Nate that did this to her. She had seen guys built like him since they had met, and they still did nothing for her. Becka sat up, pulling her sheet with her to cover herself as Nate handed her a beer. Moving arou
nd to the other side of her bed, Nate pulled off his pants and crawled into bed with her. Becka set her beer down and snuggled up to him.

  Chapter 16

  Becka was surprised to see Nate soundly asleep, still with her when she woke up. He had stayed the night! Becka took this opportunity to just look at him. He looked so adorable, but Becka didn't want to get caught staring at him. So she grabbed her robe and went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. Becka was surprised to see Dave in the living room on her way to the kitchen.

  "Somebody had a sleepover."

  "Maybe."

  "I didn’t think you went out last night."

  "I didn’t."

  "So who's the mystery man?"

  "It's Nate."

  "Him? Again? You have issues."

  "Shut up! He’s sleeping!"

  "Issues, Becks."

  Becka ignored him and grabbed a yogurt, leaning against the counter to eat it. She was still eating when Nate walked out. He nodded in Dave's direction and came to stand behind Becka. Wrapping his arms around her waist, Nate kissed her in the spot where her neck met her shoulder. Setting her yogurt down, Becka turned in his grasp, wrapping her arms around his neck.

  "Morning."

  "Hey, kid."

  "Can I make you something to eat?"

  "I have to take off."

  Becka stiffened in his arms. Of course he did. Slipping on some boots, Becka walked Nate out to his car. He gave her a quick kiss and left, with no mention of when he would call or see her again. As Becka watched his car disappear from sight, she kicked herself for letting him come over. It felt so good when he was with her, but it hurt a little bit more every time he left. She hurried back inside.

  "He left pretty fast."

  "Fuck off, Dave."

  "Hey, what the hell was that for?"

  "You know."

  "Then why see him?"

  "I can't explain it."

  "Try, Becks."

  "It's like…I feel like what I feel for him is so unlike anything I have ever felt when I am with someone else that he has to feel something too, right? Am I crazy?"

  "It's just not always like that with guys, Becka."