Always With You

by Hannah Ellis

“That’s because you’re drinking water!” I said. “Let’s do shots . . .”

  There was a cheer from people at the other side of me, who’d previously dragged me into a conversation about dangerous wildlife, one of them claiming he knew a guy who’d been bitten by a croc. It had made me think of Andrew and his paranoia about the Australian wildlife. I’d decided to message him earlier but had put the phone away when I realised I didn’t have his number nor any way to contact him. I fired off a message to Yvonne, telling her to get his number for me, but I didn’t get a reply. It was probably for the best.

  “Okay,” Jakob said. He’d been keeping up with me on the beers. It seemed to be a point of pride. “I’ll get shots!”

  “I’ll help,” I said, stumbling as I stood.

  I had an alcohol glow and was smiling to myself when I heard my name called. Looking along the bar, I saw Kai waving furiously and beckoning me over. “Back in a minute,” I told Jakob.

  I didn’t register the guy next to Kai until I reached them. Even then, I didn’t make the connection. I wobbled as I greeted Kai with a hug, leaning into him heavily.

  “Did you remember what I said about water?” he asked, keeping a hold of my arm until I was steady again.

  “I might have just drunk beer instead,” I told him, giving him my crazy eyes and laughing.

  He shook his head but smiled warmly. “This is Joe,” he said. “I was just telling him about you.”

  I looked at the guy perched on the barstool. My eyes refused to focus and I blinked hard. It certainly wasn’t the reunion I’d planned. I wasn’t sure what I had expected but meeting my father for the first time when I was drunk and swaying wasn’t it. Must sober up and be cool.

  “Hi,” I said, offering my hand. He hesitated, staring at me.

  “Can you believe Libby is Evelyn’s daughter?” Kai said. “Crazy, isn’t it?”

  He finally took my hand, shaking it briefly in an awkward gesture. “Crazy,” he muttered. “Looks like you’re having fun. I hear Kai’s been looking after you?”

  “Yeah,” I said. My head was spinning, and I cursed myself for drinking too much. I didn’t know what to say to him.

  “I’m too old for this place,” he said, slapping Kai on the shoulder as he stood.

  “You’re pretty old!” Kai quipped. Joe didn’t seem to hear.

  “Great to meet you, Libby,” Joe said, giving me a cursory glance.

  I opened my mouth to say something but my brain wouldn’t work, and he was already halfway across the room anyway.

  Without thinking, I followed his path.

  He was climbing into his shiny blue pickup when I reached him. “Hey,” I called, making him turn to look at me. “I wanted to talk to you about my mum. She wanted me to find you . . .”

  We were stuck in a deadlock then, looking at each other and saying nothing. I couldn’t find the words, but I didn’t want him to leave. I had questions; I just couldn’t quite remember what they were. I took a deep breath and tried to get my thoughts in order. What happened with you and my mum? Why didn’t I hear about you before? Didn’t you want to know me? Did you even know about me?

  “She’s really dead?” he asked, taking me by surprise.

  I nodded and blinked away tears. He didn’t hide the tears that formed in his eyes. A moment later, he hopped into his pickup and screeched out of the car park. He came to an abrupt stop on the road and leaned out of the window. “You’re staying in town for a while?” he asked. I nodded dumbly. “You should drink some water.”

  “Okay,” I whispered as he pulled away down the road.

  Chapter 41

  EVELYN – February 1995

  The weeks before I left Kununurra went by in a blur. Thoughts of leaving niggled constantly, tainting the good times and making me increasingly anxious. Subconsciously, I think I’d been worrying about it for a long time. Maybe since I’d first met Joe. But now it bubbled to the surface and I knew I couldn’t ignore it any more. I was going to have to leave. If only I’d stuck it out on the farm, I’d have been able to extend my visa. It was too late now though. In a month, I’d have to leave and say goodbye to Joe. Possibly forever. It seemed impossible. And unbearable.

  The heat had been building steadily, and during the first week in February the humidity rose to sauna-like levels. It was like a fog in the air, threatening to suffocate. I’d always felt fairly immune to the heat, but I was starting to feel like it might make me insane. There were always rumours about the heat making people go crazy and I started to see why. Everywhere, people talked about rain. There’d been showers throughout January but only ever a sprinkling that did nothing to bring the temperature down. It was as though Mother Nature were teasing us. The wet season was late this year and heavy rain was expected any day. I never thought I’d be excited about the prospect of rain.

  My afternoons at the pool were replaced by trips to anywhere with air-conditioning. Some afternoons I sat in Stan’s office, chatting and playing poker with him and Kai. Other days I hung out in the Tav or even the supermarket, the freezer section being a favourite spot.

  It was Monday afternoon and I’d finished work and was almost back at the Croc when a huge raindrop splattered in front of me. Then came another and another. The heavens opened and I ran to get to shelter before I was washed away. At my room, I stood with the door open, looking out at the deluge. Within minutes, the water was flowing off the roof like a waterfall. Joe jogged up the path with a huge grin on his face. He stopped in the middle of the lawn and spread his arms out beside him.

  “What are you doing?” he shouted over the noise of the violent downpour. “Get out here!”

  “Are you mad?” I shouted back, laughing. He turned in a circle, looking up and opening his mouth like a kid. He shook his head like a dog after a swim and then pushed his soaking hair off his face.

  “Come out and play,” he called. “You’re missing all the fun!”

  I ran at full pelt, stopping directly in front of him. “This place is crazy! You stay inside when the sun’s out and go outside when it rains. I’m used to the opposite!”

  “This is proper rain. I bet it puts your English drizzle to shame.”

  “It does,” I said, the familiar feeling of dread creeping over me at the mention of home. “I don’t want to leave,” I shouted. The rain seemed to come down even harder and the roar almost drowned my words out completely.

  He pushed a dripping lock of hair off my face. “You don’t have to.”

  “What?” I asked, sure I must have misheard him.

  “I don’t want you to leave either. You can stay.”

  We’d been avoiding the subject and this felt like a bad time to have brought it up. “I can’t stay though. My visa’s going to run out. I can’t get another one.”

  “I’ve looked into it,” he said. When he paused, panic washed over me. Oh my God. He’s going to propose. It was exactly the sort of thing Joe would do. It’s not like the thought hadn’t crossed my mind, but I’d dismissed it as insane in a second.

  “I spoke to Arthur,” Joe continued. “He agreed to sponsor your visa. You’ll have to keep working for him, but that would be okay, wouldn’t it?”

  The rain stopped suddenly. Like someone had turned off the tap. I looked up, unable to believe that the rain could stop so abruptly. Everything fell silent.

  “What do you think? You’d be okay working for Arthur? I think you’d have to go back to England for a while until the visa’s approved, but it would just be for a month or two.”

  My work uniform was dripping wet and my hair clung around my face. “I don’t think it’s that simple,” I said. I’d looked into every possibility myself, of course. “I have to have a skill that’s needed here.”

  “Arthur can claim that he needs you.”

  “But I don’t do anything that someone else couldn’t do. Anyone could do the job at the hotel.”

  “It’s very difficult for Arthur to keep staff in this part of Australia,�
�� he said with a sly smile. “He has records that show no one’s stayed in that job for more than a few months for the last twenty years. You’ve lasted longer than anyone.”

  “The only reason people don’t stay is because Arthur’s a grumpy old bugger!”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Joe insisted. “I’ve spoken to people at the Department of Immigration and to people at the local government department. If you want to stay, we can figure it out. You can stay!”

  I was at a loss for words and I wasn’t sure I could let myself believe what he was telling me. Could I really stay? “You did all that for me?” I asked.

  He nodded and I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. I moved my lips to his and we stood together, dripping wet and full of hope. Suddenly my future looked so much brighter.

  “Get a room, will ya!” Kai shouted. I looked up and blushed. “You guys going to Cam’s place tonight?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” I called.

  “I have to get dry and get back to work,” Joe said, turning to leave us. “I’ll see you at Cam’s.”

  The rain had created a buzz in the town and the mood was electric as I sat in Cam’s apartment eating pizza and drinking beers. The thought that I might be able to stay had given me a lift, and I was excited to find out if I really could get a visa extension. I hardly dared hope that it could be true. I snuggled into Joe on the couch while Cam entertained us with his story about driving through flooded roads to get back into town.

  “Okay,” Kai said when Cam took a break to drink his beer. “I have some good news.”

  “What?” I asked.

  “We might be getting a pool at the Croc!”

  “No way!” Cam said.

  “Seriously,” Kai said, excitedly. “I’ve been looking into it and got some quotes . . .”

  “And Stan agreed to it?” Leslie asked.

  “Well not yet,” he admitted as the rest of us groaned.

  “So it’s not happening at all?” Cam said.

  “It definitely will happen,” Kai was adamant. “Stan had that look in his eye – you know, when he’s saying no but you can see that he actually thinks it’s a good idea?”

  “But he did say no?” I asked, laughing. I loved Kai’s enthusiasm for the Croc.

  “What else you got planned for the Croc then?” Joe asked Kai, who happily launched into his favourite topic.

  Over the next couple of hours, we drank and chatted and laughed like we had done so many times before. The evening passed too quickly and before I knew it, Kai was complaining about having to be up early for work. “C’mon,” he said, looking at me. “You’d better see me safely home.”

  Joe ushered me to the door while Leslie negotiated with Cam to sleep on his couch. He’d give her his bed without a doubt.

  “You wanna stay at my place?” Joe whispered, taking me by surprise. Physically, we’d been taking things pretty slow, and even though Joe’d made a few comments about us spending more time alone, I hadn’t really been expecting it that evening.

  “Yes,” I said without hesitation. I definitely wanted to stay with him.

  “I’ll walk Evelyn home later,” Joe said to Kai as he stumbled through the doorway.

  Kai laughed. “Yeah right! Have fun! See you tomorrow,” he called as he set off alone.

  I thought about that moment a million times over the years. Had I known that I wouldn’t see Kai again, I would have hugged him so tightly he’d have complained he couldn’t breathe. I had no idea though, so I just watched him go and returned my attention to Joe, smiling at what was to come.

  “Goodnight!” I called to Cam and Leslie.

  Leslie had been such a brilliant friend, and I didn’t even say goodbye, just a measly goodnight.

  I was so blissfully ignorant of what lay ahead. The events of the following hours changed my life completely. But at that moment, I had no idea. All I knew was that I was in love with Joe Sullivan.

  Chapter 42

  LIBBY – August 2017

  I’d been wondering whether or not food was a good idea when a shadow fell over me. Joe stood beside me. I hadn’t expected to see him again so soon but was happy that he’d come looking for me. My anxiety at meeting him had been banished to the back of my mind, mainly because all I could think about was my hangover.

  “How’re you feeling?”

  “Like death,” I told him, my sunglasses not doing nearly enough to tone down the brightness.

  “You didn’t take the advice about the water then?”

  “I’m not great at taking advice.” I paused. “I’m not great at much, really.”

  “Wow.” He pulled up a seat beside me. “That is a good hangover! Your mum was always pretty cheerful with a hangover.”

  My mouth twitched into a half-smile, which faded quickly. “Shame I don’t take after her in that respect.” The silence that surrounded us was awkward. “She wanted me to find you.”

  “Why?” His expression was blank until I lifted my sunglasses to meet his gaze. “Sorry,” he said. “I just don’t really understand. Why did she never come back herself?”

  I still had no idea if she’d told him about me. If he didn’t know I was his daughter, it would explain his confusion. My brain struggled to function properly, and I struggled for something to say.

  “I think she was sad she didn’t get to come back here. Maybe she thought she would, one day. Then she ran out of time.”

  His eyes glazed over and he looked thoughtful for a moment. “So what happens now? She wanted you to find me. But then what?”

  “She didn’t say.” When Joe stood up, I panicked, worried that he’d walk away and I’d have come all this way just to have these snippets of conversations with him. An image of Mum flashed into my head. The day she’d spoken to me about Joe. “She wanted me to tell you she was sorry,” I blurted out.

  I’d expected questions. What was she sorry for?

  “I’ve gotta run,” he said after a moment. “We’re off out on the boat. You wanna come? Cassie and the girls are waiting in the car. I heard you already met them . . .”

  “Yeah. In the shop.”

  “So, you coming?”

  “I’ll grab my things,” I said.

  ***

  Ruby squealed when I opened the car door five minutes later. “Sit next to me. Sit next to me!”

  “Nice to see you again,” Cassie said, twisting in the front seat as I climbed in between the girls. “I hear you’re not feeling great?”

  “I’ve found the worse place in the world to be hungover,” I said bluntly.

  There were chuckles from the front as we pulled away. We drove out of town, towing the boat behind us and turning into Celebrity Tree Park and the boat ramp, which dropped into Lily Creek Lagoon. The girls were great tour guides, pointing everything out for me.

  “Lots of famous people planted the trees,” Ruby informed me as we stood watching Joe expertly reverse the car to drop the boat into the water.

  I looked around at the pristine park with its neat arrangement of trees spread around. “Really? There were celebrities here?”

  “Baz Luhrmann,” Skye said proudly. “I’m not sure you’ll have heard of any of the others.”

  ***

  An hour later, I had a beer in one hand and a fishing rod in the other. I’d been bullied into the beer by Cassie. It was the last thing I wanted but she was right: my hangover was gone within a few sips. The boat bobbed serenely and the girls were in the water for a quick dip with Cassie.

  “I’ve got something!” The line tugged and I gripped the rod, setting my beer down as a rush of adrenalin pumped through me. “What do I do?”

  “Reel it in?” Joe suggested with a smirk.

  I wound the handle furiously.

  “Slow down,” he said, moving over to me. “Pull the rod up and then reel as you lower it.”

  “I don’t know how,” I said, not sure why I was panicking so much. “Help!”

  He put a hand ov
er mine to lower the rod. “You’ve got it. Now reel.”

  “I’m trying,” I snapped at him. “Can’t you do it?”

  “It’s your fish,” he said, backing away.

  I kept reeling the line in and moving the rod up and down. Joe stayed quiet, chuckling occasionally as I flailed over my first fishing experience.

  “There it is!” I said as the fish floundered and splashed at the surface. I was surprised at its size. It had felt heavy on the line but it was decidedly small.

  Joe stepped in and took the fish in his hand. “You did it.”

  “I caught a fish,” I said proudly.

  The girls cheered from the sandy bank at the shore.

  “Get a photo,” Cassie shouted.

  Reluctantly, I took the little guppy when Joe handed it to me. He pulled his phone from his pocket, snapping a photo of me holding it at arm’s length before he took hold of the fish again. In one fluid motion, he unhooked it and then put it back into the water.

  “Not quite dinner, but not a bad effort,” he said.

  I hadn’t expected to enjoy fishing, but it was a beautiful day, and there was something so relaxing about sitting with a line in the water and just waiting for that exciting tug on the line.

  The hours passed quickly and the sun was setting when we started heading home. We had three decent-sized fish for dinner. My score ended up at three, though none of them were big enough to keep. Ruby was claiming she caught one of the fish in the bucket – though I think it was mostly Cassie’s efforts – and Joe caught the other two. Skye had turned her nose up at the fishing rods and protested that she wouldn’t eat the poor fish. Joe and Cassie exchanged a look.

  “Skye’s a vegetarian at the moment,” Cassie told me.

  “Unless you put a hamburger in front of her,” Joe said. “Apparently she’s not so precious about cows if you grind them up and put them between some bread.”

  “Dad!” Skye snapped. “The cow had already died and you cooked too many burgers. I didn’t want it to die for nothing.”

  “It’ll be something else next week,” Joe whispered.

  “I heard that,” Skye said. “Just because you’re unprincipled.”