Always With You

by Hannah Ellis

  Joe rolled his eyes and returned his attention to navigating the boat.

  “That’s Elephant Rock,” Ruby said, sidling over to me.

  I squinted into the setting sun, following her finger to the red rock formations.

  “The one that looks like an elephant,” Skye said, giving me a cheeky look. I wasn’t sure if they were winding me up. “It looks like a trunk at the end,” she explained.

  “Oh yeah! It does look like an elephant, doesn’t it? There’s some very imaginative names around this place – Elephant Rock and Celebrity Tree Park.”

  Skye leaned into me. “You’ve not seen Hidden Valley yet have you?”

  “Or Kelly’s Knob!” Cassie chimed in.

  “What?” I asked.

  Cassie and Skye erupted with giggles and Joe turned to Ruby. “Come here,” he said, holding a hand out to her. “Come and sit with Daddy and don’t listen to their filth. My poor innocent baby!” She grinned and climbed into his lap.

  “What on earth is Kelly’s Knob?” I asked. “Do I even want to know?”

  “It’s a lookout,” Joe told me as Cassie and Skye calmed down. “A big rock that you can walk to the top of. The best view of the town.”

  “We’ll have to take you up one evening,” Cassie said.

  Joe caught my eye. “Sunset’s nice up there.”

  “But why’s it called Kelly’s Knob?” I asked after a moment. No one seemed to know.

  ***

  Back at their home – a blue house built up on sticks – we were greeted at the front gate by their dog, Charlie. He looked vicious and growled at me for a minute before his face relaxed and he gave me big puppy-dog eyes. He jumped all around me like an excited kid.

  Skye laughed at him. “You’re such a dork, Charlie, you big wuss!” He jumped up, almost knocking her backwards as he licked her face. “He’s still a pup really,” she told me, fighting him off. “Or at least that’s what we say to hide the fact that he’s the dumbest dog ever!”

  Ruby looked wounded. “You’re mean. He is a pup – he’s not dumb!”

  As though he knew she was defending him, Charlie bounded over to Ruby to lick her face in thanks. She was quickly knocked to the ground and lost under a sea of slobbering dog.

  Cassie expertly body-checked Charlie with one arm and found Ruby with the other. “We have to watch him around Ruby. He’s a big softie but he doesn’t know his own strength.”

  “Dumb dog!” Ruby shouted through tears.

  “Welcome to the madhouse,” Cassie called over her shoulder, carrying Ruby up the front steps and into the house.

  In the open-plan living room, an aquarium dominated one wall and the hum of the filtration system mingled with the noise of an overhead fan.

  “I’m gonna put some chips on,” Cassie told me. “Joe will sort the fish. Why don’t you go out the back with the girls? Ask Skye to show you where the beers are.”

  “I probably shouldn’t.”

  “Oh, go on. It’s Saturday! Grab me one while you’re at it.”

  I followed the girls’ chatter through the back door and found them jumping happily on a trampoline. The grass at the back of the house had been scorched by the sun, leaving a dull and dusty yard. I moved to the sheltered patio area, which gave shade to a solid wooden dining table surrounded by assorted chairs. Potted plants gave some colour to the area.

  I located the outdoor fridge, which mainly contained beer, and took a bottle in for Cassie before grabbing one for Joe and moving around the side of the house. He was busy in the garage, unloading the boat and putting away the fishing gear.

  “Thanks,” he said when I passed him a beer. “So you do have your uses! Maybe we’ll keep you around.” Laughter lines appeared round his eyes when he smiled. He was a nice guy – just what I’d have wanted in a dad. It annoyed me that Mum had kept me from him. I could’ve had holidays here. There was a whole family here that I’d been denied.

  “I better do something with those fish,” Joe said, his voice dispersing my thoughts. I’ll have to talk to him soon. I just need to find the right moment.

  When the girls nagged me, I set my beer down and climbed up on the trampoline with them. Ruby got bored before long and went to watch Joe. Skye was trying to teach me tricks, but there was no way I could replicate her perfect somersault. Not without causing myself serious injury.

  When I finally climbed down with wobbly legs, I caught sight of Joe sitting beside Cassie. He whispered and nuzzled her ear until she pushed him away, giggling. My heart dropped to my knees. They were such a lovely couple, but all I could think of was my mum and all those years she spent alone.

  “Fish won’t be long,” Joe said. I realised I’d stopped in the middle of the yard and he was looking at me awkwardly.

  “Great,” I said, swallowing hard and moving to sit with them. “I’ll probably head off after that. I’m really tired.”

  “The heat’s hard to deal with, isn’t it?” Cassie remarked. “You get used to it after a while.”

  “I feel like it’s just zapping all my energy,” I said. That and the emotional rollercoaster I’m on.

  The fish and chips were served on a big platter.

  “We’re kind of feral, aren’t we?” Skye said. “Maybe when we have guests we should use plates.”

  “Saves the washing up this way,” Joe said, jabbing his fork into a piece of fish.

  “I can get you a plate,” Cassie offered.

  “It’s fine,” I said, amused as I watched them dig in. “I don’t mind.”

  “I promise, it’s just fish and chips! We’re more civilised with everything else.”

  “Eat quick,” Joe said. “It’s survival of the fittest round here.”

  He was right; I ended up tussling with Skye over the fattest chips. “Let me have it,” she complained. “You’ve got fish to eat too.”

  “You can eat fish,” I said.

  “Just not this one,” Ruby said, having taken one whole fish to her side of the platter. “I caught it. It’s mine!”

  “You’re all crazy,” I said, laughing as we fought over the chips.

  When I was full, I leaned back into my chair with a feeling of contentment. I wasn’t in a rush to leave any more. In fact, when Cassie started telling Ruby it was time for bed, I felt really sad that the day was coming to an end.

  Chapter 43

  LIBBY – August 2017

  When Joe drove me home, I found the silence unbearable. I contemplated what to say to him. It only took a few minutes until we were outside the Croc. I had my hand on the door, wondering whether to keep quiet and talk to him another time.

  “I don’t know why Mum didn’t tell me about you before,” I said, attempting to jump-start a conversation.

  He looked confused. “What does your dad think about you coming over here?” he asked.

  I spluttered and emitted a strange noise, stuttering as I tried to find words. Any words would do. “I don’t have a dad. I mean, I never knew my dad. That’s why I came here.”

  He looked at me but he didn’t get it.

  “That’s why Mum wanted me to find you . . .”

  “You’ve lost me somewhere,” he said, his voice level.

  My heart pounded and I wanted to be anywhere but there. “When Mum left here . . .” I took a deep breath, trying to keep my emotions under control. “When she got home she was pregnant with me. She never told anyone who my father was. Not until she was dying, anyway.”

  Joe turned away from me. His arms draped over the steering wheel and his gazed fixed somewhere in the distance.

  “Sorry,” I said when I couldn’t take the silence any more. “I don’t know why, I always thought you knew about me. She didn’t really explain what happened . . .”

  He leaned his head to his hands and rubbed his temples. “She said I was your dad?”

  “You must be really shocked?” I said, tears filling my eyes. “Maybe we can just talk tomorrow.”

  I was reaching for
the door handle when he finally turned to me. “I’m sorry, Libby. I don’t understand why she told you that.”

  “She was dying,” I said. “She just wanted me to know the truth.”

  “That’s the thing,” he said, eyes full of sympathy. “It’s not the truth.”

  “I don’t want anything,” I said quickly, tears coming in a steady and uncontrollable flow. “If you think I’m just after money or something, I’m not.”

  “It’s not that,” he said sadly. “I wouldn’t have any problem if it were true, but it’s not.”

  “Mum wouldn’t lie to me,” I said, suddenly angry. “You’re just worried I’m going to mess up your perfect little family, aren’t you?”

  “I’m not saying she lied. I just don’t know why she would say that to you.”

  “I just wanted to meet you,” I said, pulling on the door handle. “I shouldn’t have bothered.”

  I walked quickly to the gates of the Croc and heard Joe’s door open and close behind me. “Libby. Wait a minute,” he called.

  “It doesn’t matter,” I shouted. “Just go.”

  “Libby!” His hand caught my elbow and he swung me towards him. I instinctively yanked my arm from him and he raised his hands defensively. “Just slow down. We can talk about this.”

  “But you’re not going to acknowledge that you’re my father?” I asked, rooted to the spot and glaring at him. “You’re just going to call my mum a liar?”

  “Libby!” He threw his hands up and paced a few steps before he spoke again. “We were never together, Evelyn and me. Not in that way. Things just never worked out for us. I can’t be your father – it’s not possible.” Silence hung between us for a moment and he raised his eyebrows. “It’s really not possible.”

  A sob escaped me as I turned and continued into the gardens, desperately wanting to get to my room and be alone. I needed to get away from Joe Sullivan.

  “Libby!” he called. “Don’t go off on your own. Wait!” I could hear his footsteps behind me and I sped up, almost crashing into Kai as I reached the hostel.

  “Hey,” he said cheerily. “Slow down.” He placed his hands on my shoulders and his face filled with concern when he saw the state of me. “What’s going on?”

  Joe called my name again as he approached. I wriggled away from Kai and hurried up the steps.

  “Go away,” I shouted behind me. When I reached my room, I glanced down to see Kai with a hand on Joe, blocking his path. Joe looked up at me with confusion and sympathy.

  My face was soon buried in my pillow and I cried quietly. Thank goodness there was no one else in the room. I’d made such a fool of myself. It was tempting to get on the next plane and pretend none of this had happened. I couldn’t get my head around it. Nothing made sense. The worst thing was, I’d never know now. I couldn’t ask Mum, and I didn’t know who else to ask. Why did she leave such a mess?

  My phone must have connected to the Wi-Fi and new messages beeped in. I replied to Uncle Rob, since he was obviously desperate to talk to me. I told him I was fine and I’d call soon. I didn’t want to speak to anyone yet; I’d tell them everything later, once I’d got used to the news myself.

  A knock on the door came ten minutes later. “It’s Kai,” he called through the door. “Why don’t you come out and talk?”

  “I don’t want to see Joe,” I replied.

  “He’s gone. Come out. I’m worried about you.”

  Slowly, I opened the door and followed Kai. We sat side by side at the top of the stairs, listening to the chatter and laughter coming from the bar.

  “Don’t you need to work?” I asked.

  “They’ll be okay for a while. Jakob said he’d keep an eye on the bar!”

  “You’re brave.”

  “Jakob’s pretty boring and sensible. Though I heard you led him astray at the pub last night!”

  “That doesn’t feel like just last night,” I mused.

  “Did you have a good day on the boat?”

  “Yeah,” I said, my eyes welling up again. “It was great.”

  Kai looked thoughtful. “Joe filled me in.”

  “Is he really not my dad?” I asked.

  He shook his head. “Joe wouldn’t lie.”

  “But neither would my mum,” I argued. “Why did she say that? I came all the way out here just to make an idiot of myself!”

  “Don’t be daft. No one thinks that.”

  “What happened then? You were here. Don’t you know anything?”

  “It’s a bloody long time ago.” He paused, deep in thought. “It’s all a bit vague now. I remember everyone was surprised when she left. She didn’t say goodbye, you know? Just left without a word. I was pissed off at her. We were good friends. Or so I thought.”

  “Why would she leave without saying anything?”

  “I don’t know. Joe’s ex came back to town out of the blue. But he was over her by then. It never made any sense. Joe couldn’t even figure it out.”

  “But why did she get me to come all the way out here? I don’t get it.”

  He looked at me sadly. “I don’t know.”

  Chapter 44

  EVELYN – February 1995

  When I kissed Joe for the last time, I had no idea that when our lips parted they would never touch again. So many times, I pondered what I would do differently if I could go back to that night. I could have clung to Joe and refused to leave. I could have told Beth to go away or insisted that Joe walked me home. I could have gone and cried to Leslie. There were a number of options that could all have changed my fate.

  I’d watched Kai leave and shouted goodnight to Cam and Leslie. I was a bit drunk and very happy when I put my arms around Joe’s neck and moved my lips to his.

  Beth called out to Joe as she walked over to us. I was confused; she was supposed to be in Sydney, not standing here looking radiantly beautiful. Joe looked as surprised as I was, but there was something else too. There was concern in his eyes and maybe something more. Was he still in love with her?

  Her voice wasn’t its usual silky-smooth tone, but raw and desperate. “I’m so sorry.” She glanced at me before looking to Joe. “I really need to talk to you.”

  He was never going to say no. Joe was too nice, and Beth had always had him wrapped around her little finger. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he might still love her. Joe looked at me apologetically and I wanted to cry. Instead, I glared at Joe, who opened his door for Beth before turning back to me.

  “I’m sorry,” he said, looking frustrated. “I better just check she’s okay.”

  “Are you serious?” I asked, tears springing to my eyes. “She reappears and you drop me? I thought she was in Sydney. I thought she was out of the picture.”

  “She is,” he insisted, reaching to take my hand. “It’s not like that. But she’s still my friend, and she obviously needs someone to talk to.”

  “Are you really that stupid?” I asked. “She wants you back. And when she waltzes back you ask me to leave?”

  “Evelyn,” he said with a sigh. “I’m with you. Let me just see what’s wrong with her—”

  “You’d still be with her, wouldn’t you? If she hadn’t gone to Sydney.”

  “No. Of course not. I’d be with you. I only want to be with you. Why do you think I went to so much effort to figure out how you could stay?”

  He made a good point, but I’d had too much to drink to think rationally, and seeing Beth had brought all my insecurities to the surface.

  When Joe reached for my hand, I pulled away. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “I should walk you home . . .”

  “I know the way!” I shouted without looking back.

  The little town that I’d come to love so much suddenly threatened to close in on me. Why did she have to turn up? Why isn’t she in Sydney? How could I possibly compete with her? Suddenly, it seemed like she’d always be there, and Joe would always choose her over me.

  I was suffocating. Gulping down my t
ears and spluttering on my sobs, I hurried down the road at a quick pace.

  Joe should have walked me home. Kununurra by night was a different place altogether, and it wasn’t always friendly. I wasn’t worried though; I was too busy crying to pay any attention to my surroundings. That was until I walked past a couple of men scuffling on a driveway, lit up by a bright security light. They stopped fighting as I passed, their words slurring as they invited me in. They were having a party, they told me, I should join. I picked up my pace and kept my head down, hoping they wouldn’t follow me.

  The light from a cigarette danced in the dark night air in front of the hotel, and I could tell from the silhouette that it was Todd. I had no energy for him and his weird conversations so I hunched further over and carried on my way.

  When I felt someone following me, I wished it was Joe coming after me.

  It wasn’t though.

  The voice that called my name definitely belonged to Todd.

  Chapter 45

  LIBBY – August 2017

  I think I managed a few hours of sleep, but I was lying wide awake when the gentle tapping came at the door. There was another girl in the opposite bunk who’d I’d not properly met yet. When she’d come in the previous evening, I’d turned towards the wall and pretended to be asleep. She didn’t stir when I hopped out of bed to answer the door.

  “Did I wake you?” Joe asked quietly.

  I shook my head. “I couldn’t sleep.”

  “Me neither. Can we talk?”

  “I’ll get dressed,” I said, shutting the door again.

  He was sitting on the bottom step when I went outside. I followed him to the car and didn’t ask where we were going. It was only just getting light and the town was empty. The motion of the car was soothing, and I could’ve fallen asleep easily. When Joe parked below an imposing red rock formation, I followed him out and along the jagged path upwards.

  “It’s worth it when we get to the top, I promise.”

  “Kelly’s Knob?” I asked.

  He smiled and gave a slight nod. “It’s the best view of the town.”