Keep Her Forever

by Maria Jackson

  On very rare occasions, I allowed myself to… appreciate them in more than a fashion sense, let’s put it that way. But they weren’t real. They were people, yeah, but they came from Atlanta and Tokyo and Paris. They were nowhere near me, with no chance of breaking through my shield. I hadn’t impulsively decided to invite them into my home…

  It wouldn’t be a big deal to have Heidi around, though. It’d be no different from living in the dorms in college. Back in those days, I even had to share a shower with other girls. I did my best to look away. No one ever picked up on my inner torment.

  I reminded myself that Heidi wouldn’t be into me, anyway. She’d given no sign of liking women. Surely she was normal, unlike me. Given the way she looked, I’d probably have to deal with her bringing a boyfriend over.

  I pushed open the door to let us out of the lobby. Diamond was more than happy to run in front of me. “You were alone at your last apartment?” I asked, blinking as my pupils adjusted to the sunlight.

  “Oh yeah, I’ve been living alone for years.” Heidi gestured at her car, which was parked a few spots down from mine. “It’ll be interesting to readjust to having a roommate. I haven’t had fantastic experiences with them before, but you seem pretty laid-back. You won’t flip your shit if I leave the dishes in the sink for half an hour, will you?”

  “No way.”

  “That’s why it’s so much better to live with someone chilled-out. One of my exes mentioned us moving in together, but we were only seeing each other for a couple weeks. Way too early for that kind of thing, plus she was that kind of neat freak. I just knew it wouldn’t work.” Heidi clicked her automatic key fob, and her Hyundai’s lights flashed red.

  I blinked again, looking at her. I must have heard her wrong… although the strange twisting in my gut told me I’d been completely correct. “She?”

  “Yeah, my ex was a girl.” Seeing the look on my face, Heidi stopped moving toward her car. “I’m gay. That won’t be a problem, will it?”

  I stared at her, the beautiful lesbian I’d just invited to live in my home. “No,” I choked out. “That won’t be a problem at all.”

  FOUR—HEIDI

  I shoved another shirt inside the box, cramming it inside the pan I’d precariously balanced on top of a stack of old textbooks. The box was absolutely stuffed now, and I doubted I could get another thing in.

  After forcing the top flaps down, I grabbed the roll of packing tape. Once it was done, I wrote “Kitchen/Bedroom” on top. One box down, roughly one million to go.

  I still wondered if I was making the right decision. Now my worries were no longer about losing my chance to hit on her. Moving in might have meant we couldn’t date, but if she wasn’t gay, that wouldn’t matter.

  It seemed like the situation might be awkward for a completely different reason. Topaz looked put off when I mentioned my ex. In fact, she looked downright freaked out.

  Hopefully homophobia wouldn’t be an issue. I didn’t want to deal with any weirdness if I ever brought a girl over. I hoped against hope that it wouldn’t be an issue with her. I had more than enough of that elsewhere.

  As I let out a sigh, staring down at the wreckage in front of me, my phone blared the We Are Family ring tone. If anyone else had been calling I would’ve ignored it, but that song meant it was my baby sister. Well, not so baby anymore, seeing as Liana was twenty-two. Somewhere in my mind, it felt like we were still eight and eleven.

  Balancing the phone on my shoulder so I could continue to tape up boxes, I said, “Hello.”

  “Hey, Heidi. What’s going on?”

  “Not much, just packing my shit. I’m moving today.”

  “Excuse me? Where do you think you’re going?”

  I laughed. Liana was definitely my favorite family member. For one thing, she was the only one who had no issues with what gender I loved. She also cracked me up. We spoke often enough that she normally would’ve heard about me moving, but I also moved often enough that I hardly thought it was worth mentioning.

  “It’s a bit spontaneous,” I told her. “The opportunity came, so I’m jumping on it. It’s happening pretty much overnight.”

  “Sounds exciting,” Liana said. “It’s a nice place? Tell me about it.”

  “It’s a fantastic place,” I told her. “It’s an actual house, not an apartment. Laundry in the building, can you believe it? And the best part is, there’s a dog!” I told her all about Diamond and the way I’d met her. I was looking forward to living with that soon-to-be mama, and my enthusiasm came across in my tone.

  “Amazing,” Liana said. “It sounds like the girl who first found her might’ve grabbed your interest, too.”

  I stacked one box on top of another to carry both of them down to the car. It’d take me a few trips to get everything else down there, but I’d get it done. It was better than hiring movers.

  “Okay, she’s cute,” I said. “And, fine, I did kind of wonder if she might be into me. But I get the impression that she’s straight.”

  “Even if she is, this sounds like a pretty sweet deal. A cute dog and a cute girl? I want to meet her!”

  I got an evil thought. “Really? How bad do you want to?”

  “You know how I love cute dogs, and even if I’m straight, I can still appreciate female cuteness.”

  Sounded like I could move forward with that evil plan. “What are you doing right now?”

  Ten minutes later, she was at my door. I let her in, and she looked around. “No dogs. No girls. Just boxes.”

  “That’s right. Grab a few and load up your car. This is going to go a million times faster with your help.”

  Grumbling, she picked up a few boxes. Twenty minutes later, both of our cars pulled up in front of Topaz’s house. Topaz herself was standing right behind the screen door, with Diamond leaping up onto it as I approached.

  When I got to the door, I introduced her to Liana. “She’s going to be helping me move today.”

  Topaz shook her hand. “Any sister of Heidi’s is a sister of mine.”

  “And who’s this?” Liana said, her voice going all high-pitched when she saw Diamond. “What a beautiful dog!”

  I coughed. “That’s Diamond, and don’t monopolize her. I want to pet her, too.”

  “You got to pet her before.” Liana shoved me out of the way with her butt. Diamond shied away anyhow. She probably still wasn’t comfortable with strangers, and Liana was coming on awfully strong.

  “She also wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for your sister, so I’d let her pet who she wants,” Topaz said.

  Diamond cowered behind my legs. I bent to face her, hoping I could hide the heat in my cheeks. “You’re the one that found her,” I told Topaz. “She’s here because of you.”

  “How many times do I have to tell you, Heidi? I wouldn’t’ve had a clue what to do if it weren’t for you.”

  Standing up again, Liana rolled her eyes. “Cut out the flirting, you two.”

  My face got even hotter. “We weren’t flirting.”

  I put my arms around Diamond, and she licked my face. The warmth of the beagle’s tongue scraped against my chin. I’d been waiting all day for this moment. I dug my fingers into her fur, and she grinned at me happily. She seemed to be enjoying this as much as I was.

  This had to be the sweetest dog I’d met in a long time, and that meant a lot since I met a ton at the dog rescue. I was so happy I had the chance to see Diamond more often.

  “We should probably go back to the cars and start getting those boxes,” Liana said.

  “In five minutes,” I said, still stroking Diamond.

  “There’s still a couple of loads left. It’s going to take a while.”

  “It’s not that much. We’ll probably only have to go back once, now that I have you helping me.”

  “Now that you tricked me into helping,” Liana groaned. She bent down to try petting Diamond again, running her hand over her back since I had her head and neck. “Wait a second, Heidi.
This dog isn’t knocked up, is she?”

  Topaz looked at her in admiration. “Wow, you’re perceptive. I thought she was just chubby.”

  “Oh my God, you guys are going to have puppies! That’s going to be the cutest thing ever. I can’t even deal!” Liana was freaking out—to the extent that Diamond got spooked and rushed into the other room.

  “You didn’t tell me about this,” Liana went on. “You don’t tell me anything! I hear at the last minute that you’re moving and that there’s going to be a cute dog. How do you manage to leave out the fact that you’re going to have puppies? I’m just going to move in with you two, by the way. I’m going to have to see them every day.”

  I shook my head at her. “Liana, you’re not moving in with us. You can visit if Topaz allows it.”

  “Of course she can.”

  “All right, you can visit,” I told Liana. “But no more than, oh, three times a week. No dropping by unannounced, either. You have to text or call me first.”

  “You are the meanest big sister ever!”

  Somehow or other, we managed to get that load of boxes into the house. Although I hadn’t expected Topaz to do much more than watch, she ended up helping as much as Liana did. She was strong enough to carry several at once, and things went even faster with her assistance.

  Once we finished the first load, Liana and I went back to my old place for the second. I dropped my key in my landlord’s mailbox, and then I was officially moved out. And when we got back to Topaz’s place and she handed me her key, I was officially moved in.

  “I think this calls for a beer,” Topaz said, sitting down on the living room couch and putting up her feet on the coffee table.

  “I’ll grab the drinks,” I said. “I’ll buy you a six-pack tomorrow. No, a twenty-four pack. You’ve been such a huge help today.”

  Some of my boxes still sat around the living room, and Diamond sniffed at them. Her curiosity satisfied, she came up to me and nudged my leg with her head. I bent down to look closer at her, and she licked my face.

  Once I got the beers, we had some drinks and chatted. “I think I’ll get some sweaters and boots for Diamond,” Topaz said, scratching her head. “She’s going to be the most fashionable dog in town.”

  Liana nudged me and twitched her nose some more, but I ignored her. “Sweaters and boots?” I asked. “It’s still warm out.”

  She shrugged. “Dog clothes are just for style purposes anyway.”

  “Ah… no, they’re not.” Topaz gave me a baffled look, so I continued. “Those things are to keep them warm in the winter.”

  “They are? But they have fur. Isn’t that enough?”

  I did my best to not look at Liana. The second our eyes met, we were both going to burst out laughing. “For some dogs, yeah. Some have short hair, or they’re leaner, or they have a health issue. Then a sweater can help keep them warm. Diamond should do fine on her own.”

  Topaz’s face fell. “You mean I can’t dress her up?”

  That was it. I glanced at Liana, and the two of us cracked up for a solid minute before I collected myself enough to answer. “Maybe in the winter. Definitely not right now.”

  When it started to get late, Liana decided to head home. “Good luck, Heidi. I’ll be back soon to play with that dog.”

  “Okay, okay. I guess I can allow that.”

  I waved goodbye to her, and Topaz actually seemed sad to see her go. “Nice girl,” she commented.

  “Sure. Annoying, but nice.”

  “I knew I didn’t make a mistake by having you move in here.”

  “I’m glad you think that.” I must’ve been wrong about that hint of homophobia. I felt bad for having doubted Topaz. Of course she wasn’t that kind of person. I was just a little paranoid, given my family’s attitude.

  They knew I was a lesbian. I gave them a speech to that effect at sixteen, after an experience made me realize I needed to. And they weren’t openly against it, which made them better than a lot of other people’s parents. They just gave me these looks sometimes, like they were disappointed or even disgusted.

  It made me not want to talk to them about my love life. I ended up not talking to them much at all.

  My life might’ve been harder if Liana wasn’t around, but she was supportive enough to make up for all of that and then some. She even promised them she’d give our parents grandchildren. That wasn’t much comfort for me. I did want kids one day, even if I wasn’t going to have them the old-fashioned way.

  I took a long sip of my beer, then set it down to run my fingers over Diamond’s coppery head again. Her tail wagged back and forth. She was definitely coming out of her shell, and that made me very happy.

  I was content here with my new friend and her adorable dog.

  But as I cast my eyes over that new friend’s pretty features and the curves of her gorgeous figure, I knew I was also in for a lot of frustration.

  FIVE—TOPAZ

  I woke up to a strange sound coming from downstairs. My sleepy mind tried to figure out what could be happening at this hour. Was that Cindy? Normally she woke up much later than me. As things began to come back to me, I remembered she’d moved out a couple days ago. That meant it could only be Heidi.

  I dragged myself out of bed and down to the kitchen. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I stared at the sight before me. The sound I’d heard was Diamond’s claws scrabbling on the floor tiles. But I barely glanced at her adorableness. My gaze was drawn instead to the spectacle of Heidi in a towel.

  Her bare shoulders gleamed in the sunlight, cleavage nearly spilling out of the terrycloth as she knelt to pour food into the dog’s bowl. My gaze drifted lower, grazing over the enticing curve of her waist, and down to the delectable skin of her calves. She was so close to naked, right there in front of me. If that knot holding the towel up happened to come loose…

  I swallowed hard, fighting the urge to bite my lip. She wasn’t affecting me. If I kept telling myself that, maybe it’d be real.

  “Hey,” Heidi said, gracefully bringing herself to her feet.

  I did my best not to look below her face. Even without looking down, I could see a few water droplets at the base of her neck. Soon they’d be dripping down… I wasn’t going to think about where they’d be dripping.

  “Hi,” I said, my throat almost closing. “What… what…” Swallowing again, I pinched my arm discreetly. Get it together! “What’s up?”

  “Nothing much.” She gestured to the dog, who was now hunched over the bowl eating happily. “Diamond was whining, so I ran down to feed her.”

  “You didn’t have to,” I said, turning to the fridge and grabbing the box of milk. Anything to not look at her. “I was going to do it when I got up.”

  “I didn’t wake you, did I?” She got in front of me, and I took a step back. “I figured I should do it before work. I was going to leave you a note to let you know.”

  “No, that’s fine. I work from home, so it’s easy for me to do anytime.”

  “Right, I was curious to hear more about your job.”

  I glanced at the door. Was I really going to have a full conversation with her when she was practically nude? Was there some way I could ask her to get some clothes on? No, that’d sound too weird. She’d definitely think I was strange if I did that. After all, she was covered up. It was perfectly normal to walk around your home in a towel. Just… not in my home. And not when the girl had that kind of body.

  Instead of looking at her, I dropped my gaze to the milk. I poured it in a bowl, then blinked at it.

  Clearly Heidi found my actions as weird as I did. “You don’t put your cereal in first?”

  “Oh. No. I like it better this way.” Nice save, idiot.

  “How’s it better?”

  I put my hands to my forehead, squeezing my temples as I pretended to push back my hair. The brief massage did nothing to quell my oncoming headache. “I like it better when it’s a little softer,” I mumbled. “The cereal can soak through e
venly when you put the milk in first.”

  “Oh,” she said. “I never thought about doing it a different way.” She sat down at the table, looking at me expectantly.

  I grabbed the cereal out of the cupboard and poured it into the bowl. There was no way for me to avoid sitting down now. I slid into a chair. Even though the table was hiding those lickable legs, I could still see the top of her breasts and her smooth, toned arms.

  Where did she even find the time to work out, between her job and her volunteer work at the dog rescue? I would’ve asked, but that would’ve given away that I was staring at her to a decidedly non-heterosexual extent.

  “So, what did you want to know about blogging?” I asked.

  “Everything, I guess. How does it even work?”

  “What part, monetizing it?”

  She nodded. My spirit lifted, and I could almost forget that she was half-naked in front of me. This was one of my favorite subjects. Most people who heard about my blog only wanted to ask me about clothes. But the business side was just as much a part of it, and it was equally my passion.

  “There are a few different ways that I profit from it. Google ads are one thing. For every certain number of impressions—that’s views of a site—I get a small percentage of a cent. But when you get into the millions of views, those minuscule amounts add up.”

  “You get that many?”

  “I do.” My blog was among the top few in its category, and it was growing every day. “There’s also personalized Skype calls. People can book a style refresh session with me, and I advise them. I also sell some PDF documents about particular aspects of fashion—how to dress yourself if you’re short, or heavy, or what styles to look out for in the coming seasons.”

  “That’s amazing,” Heidi said. “And you do it all from here, by yourself? You must be so disciplined to keep yourself on track like that.”

  She was impressed by how much work I did? That warmed me inside. Most people seemed to think I farted around all day. Heidi seemed to naturally understand me, and she’d barely met me. I got the sense that she was someone who could truly appreciate me.