Keep Her Forever

by Maria Jackson

  “It’s not that big of a deal,” I said, almost blushing. “I always did well at motivating myself. I come from a high-achieving family, and they taught me the value of hard work. It also helps that I spend every Friday afternoon thrift shopping.”

  “That sounds nice,” she said. “I’d love to check out your blog sometime.”

  “Here’s the address.” I scribbled it down for her. “What’s your day job?”

  “Oh, mine’s boring compared to yours. I work as a hotel clerk. Checking people in and out, sending stuff they need up to their rooms… it gets pretty dull at times. I guess that’s why I spend so much time with the dog rescue.”

  She could check me out any time. I buried the thought deep inside me as soon as it flitted through my mind. I had to stop thinking about her like that. If I started down that path, who knew how far I’d end up? I couldn’t let it happen.

  Diamond came up for a head scratch, which I obligingly gave her. “Hello, cuteness. How’s the baking?”

  “Baking?” Heidi asked.

  I glanced up at her. “Because she has a couple of buns in the oven.”

  Although she rolled her eyes, she laughed. “While I have you here, I should tell you more about how to handle her.” She stood up, revealing those gorgeous calves again. “She should eat twice a day, and a snack at lunch if you feel like it.”

  She motioned as she spoke, the towel threatening to fall at any moment. I forced my gaze down to my bowl of cereal. Way too soggy at this point, but at least it was a distraction from her sex appeal.

  “That sounds fine,” I said. “Anything else?”

  “You can give her a multivitamin if you really want to be careful.”

  “I want to be very careful,” I said. “I’m going to take the best possible care of her that I can.”

  “Okay. You can give her half an egg a day too, but it’s completely optional.”

  “Half an egg. Got it. Scrambled, fried, sunny side up?”

  “Hard-boiled would be fine.”

  “I’ll go to the store and grab some. I’m not big on eggs for myself, but I’ll buy whatever it takes to keep Diamond healthy and happy.”

  “That’s a good way to look at it.” She smiled at me. “I’m glad her foster mom cares about her so much.”

  The word “foster” made me a bit sad, but it probably would be better for me to give her up after she had her puppies. Having a dog was so much work… but I was so in love with her already. I didn’t even want to imagine what the house would be like with her gone.

  “I should go finish getting dressed,” Heidi said, putting her cup in the sink.

  “Yeah, you should.” I turned away to avoid seeing her gorgeous back.

  Even without looking at her, the warm, melodious sound of her voice drew me in as she responded. “See you later, then. Have a good day at work.”

  “You, too.”

  I headed up to my room, where I’d carved out a nook for my work. A divider in the middle of the room blocked off one side as my office. The window ran the length of the room, so that whether I was in the bedroom or the “office,” I still had natural sunlight. A mahogany corner desk faced the wall.

  The set-up worked nicely for me. I’d vaguely considered turning Cindy’s old room into an actual office when she told me she wanted to move, but the extra rental income was great.

  I sat down behind my desk and turned my computer on, then began to check the other blogs that I looked at every day. Then I startled at the sound of claws on the floor outside. Diamond skittered into the room, her brown eyes full of mischief.

  “What is it? You want to go for a walk?” I got up, already dying to take a break and stretch.

  Diamond licked my hand, which I took as a yes.

  I touched her collar, trying to remember where I’d left her leash. “You probably do need to walk, don’t you? Sorry, girl. This is all new for me. I should probably start getting up earlier so I can take you out.”

  She made a soft whining sound.

  “Or Heidi could take you, if you want. I’m sure she’d be happy to. Isn’t she the greatest?”

  Diamond didn’t answer, of course, but I was pretty sure she shared the same opinion. Her feelings toward Heidi had to be a lot less complicated than mine were.

  We headed out, and Diamond frolicked in the late summer air. She seemed overjoyed to be outside when she was with someone she could trust. This sweet, playful dog was a world apart from the terrified animal I’d originally discovered under my car.

  When we got to the park, I stopped and looked around. The park was big, grassy, and green. There was a small playground, but otherwise the place was all grass, trees, and a small soccer field.

  “I’ve never even been here before. I guess I was having too much of a good time watching you to pay attention to where we were going.”

  She looked up at me, her ears flicking back and forth.

  “You want to get off your leash, don’t you? I think it’s allowed. We can try it, anyway.” Another dog ran off-leash on the grass. I assumed that if that dog was doing it, we could too.

  Diamond was ecstatic once I let her free, but she stayed far away from the other dog. Instead, she left and came back to me every couple of minutes as if she was reluctant to leave my side. After sniffing at the ground, she picked up a branch and brought it to me.

  “What now? You want to play fetch?”

  How did that game even work? I wasn’t completely sure if dogs just knew how to play or if they needed to be trained. I figured since she’d brought me the branch, I might as well give it a try and see how it went.

  I tossed the stick away, and Diamond happily ran after it. She picked it up, her eyes glowing with pride as she brought it back and dropped it at my feet.

  “Good girl!” I told her, scratching behind her ears. “What a smart doggy. You’re amazing, do you know that? You already know how to play fetch.”

  We stayed there for a while, playing and fetching. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had so much fun. I had some laughs with my friends, and sometimes we got drunk together, but this was a kind of real, unadulterated happiness that didn’t require any illicit substances.

  I wondered if I’d had this much of a good time with the cats when I was a kid. Most of them were standoffish, from what I remembered. If they ever played, it was on their schedule and not mine. Of course, their personalities were partly a result of the environment they lived in.

  My mother mainly wanted the cats as a status symbol—they were all purebred Siamese. My father was never too enthusiastic about their presence. I was generally the only one who even tried to pay attention to them. After being subjected for so long to my parents’ coldness, it only made sense they wanted little to do with me.

  Now I was beginning to understand why dogs made some people go so crazy. They yipped and yapped and tried to lick you, but they also brought a kind of absolute, unselfish love that was rare to find in this world.

  By the time I got Diamond back to my place, it was already time for lunch. I shook my head at her. “You really sent me off track. I’m going to have to be careful with you. If you distract me too much, I won’t get any posts up. Then my blog will lose all its followers, and then there’ll be no money to buy your dog food. So remember that and be careful of what you’re doing.”

  Diamond looked at me as if she understood for a second. Then she looked at the front door and started panting. I shook my head. What was I going to do with her?

  My gaze dropped to her belly, and I laughed at the situation I’d gotten myself into. Never mind now—what was I going to do when there were six more of her? Six tiny puppies who’d need a ridiculous amount of attention and care… I’d have no time for anything once those puppies came.

  I wondered how things were going to happen for the next month. If Diamond would gain a lot more weight, or if this was pretty much it. I wondered how big the puppies would be, and if they’d be hyper or lazy. Was Diamond going
to nurse them, or would we need some kind of puppy food?

  I’d have to get more information on her pregnancy from Heidi. I was actually excited about the prospect of finding out more.

  Or was I just excited at the thought of spending more time with Heidi?

  SIX—HEIDI

  When I got home from work, Topaz and Diamond were already waiting for me at the door. Topaz looked great in her navy button-down and spotless white Converse shoes, while Diamond was as cute as always with her swelling stomach.

  “Hey!” I said. “I hope I didn’t keep you waiting. I had to stay at work a couple minutes later than usual dealing with some annoying guests. They wanted a bowl of all green M&Ms. It was like one of those spoiled-celebrity horror stories, except with regular people.”

  Topaz pushed open the screen door, and Diamond jogged out, only the leash preventing her from breaking into a run. “No problem. I was thinking we might have to leave without you. I’m glad we waited.”

  “Me, too. I wouldn’t want to miss walking her.” Or walking with Topaz.

  We’d been getting to know each other a lot better over the past couple weeks. We usually had breakfast and dinner together, and often hung out in the evenings when I wasn’t volunteering. We’d even met some of each other’s friends.

  As Diamond trotted ahead of us on the sidewalk, I took a subtle glance at Topaz. The more I got to know her, the more I liked her. But on top of her being my roommate, I still had no idea whether or not she was actually into girls. Something about her set off my gaydar, but I couldn’t have said what.

  So far, she hadn’t said anything to indicate that she was either straight or gay. Maybe I should’ve started up a conversation about our love lives, but I would’ve had to force it. Plus there was just so much else to talk about.

  I already knew all about her blogging, and she’d suffered through endless stories about my job. Sometimes I told her about all the other crappy jobs I’d had in the past, as well as the shitty apartments I’d lived in. She’d also heard about all the different dogs I’d ever worked with at the dog rescue. Seriously, she deserved a prize for how many of my long, boring stories she’d listened to.

  “So, tell me about what you’re wearing,” I said, trying to make myself sound like a red-carpet announcer. “The cut of your shirt is so in vogue, and these basic white sneakers never go out of style.”

  Topaz laughed, holding Diamond back as she tugged at her leash. “This is a thrifted DKNY sweater,” she said, pinching the fabric to hold it up. I watched her hands closely, happy for the rare chance to stare at her body without guilt. I could’ve drank in the sight of her lean figure all day.

  “The pants are from Ralph Lauren,” she went on. “The original price was two hundred and fifty dollars, but I found them marked down for just over twenty-five at an outlet mall.”

  “Wow, what a steal! You must be an excellent shopper. You should really have a blog or something.”

  “Ha, very funny.” Topaz rolled her eyes at me, but affectionately. “You know, you’re pretty interested in fashion for someone who’s not interested in fashion.”

  “Who says I’m not?”

  I took Diamond’s leash from Topaz only seconds before the dog began to squat. I groaned. My timing was terrible. We’d decided weeks ago that whoever was holding her leash at the time when she pooped would be the one to clean it up.

  “I’m just assuming,” Topaz said. “I mean, you know…” She gestured up and down my body.

  I liked the idea of her looking at me, although it stung a bit to know that my fashion sense wasn’t up to par. Then again, I could admit I didn’t put a whole lot of effort into what I wore. Clothes were just clothes, and there were more important things in the world. Like dogs.

  “I guess I don’t really know enough about it to care,” I told her as I pulled out a poop bag. “It seems like this whole big thing, and it gets so complicated. I’m protected from the elements, and isn’t that what clothes are for?”

  With the mess cleaned up, we turned onto a side street. Diamond practically leapt for joy when she saw the flowers and grass. I snatched the leash away from Topaz when she tried to take hold of it. Now that I’d dealt with her doggy business, I wasn’t going to let go of that leash for the rest of the walk.

  “Yes and no,” Topaz said. “Clothes shield you from the elements, but they’re also a way to express yourself. Your clothes tell the world about who you are. For example, you can tell from my clothes that I’m quirky and a little creative… if I do say so myself.”

  Again I seized the opportunity to look at her, soaking in the sight of each of her curves. “That’s true. I do get that from your outfit. But I could also get it from getting to know you.”

  “But you can’t get to know everyone,” she said. “It’s impossible to have an in-depth conversation with every single person you see on the street.”

  “True, but do I need to?”

  “If you can tell by someone’s clothes that you might have something in common, then you can approach them before you would approach someone else. And if you use your clothes to broadcast something about yourself, it’s like you’re voting with your attire. It’s just another way to make a statement.”

  “I don’t know if I have a statement to make,” I said.

  “Of course you do. Everybody has a statement. Fashion can be like art.”

  “I don’t know. How would I use my clothes to tell people I really like dogs? Unless I just wore a shirt with a dog on it.” Not a bad idea, actually. I’d wear the hell out of a shirt with a dog on it.

  “Okay, so you can’t make a statement about just anything, but it’s still possible to show people what kind of person you are. When someone dresses like you do, it’s harder to know.”

  I glanced down at my dingy old Adidas shoes from years and years ago, along with some loosely belted shorts and a blue-and-white cardigan. I liked the cardigan because it was soft and cozy. So what if I was the only person in our age range to own one?

  “I think you can tell from my clothes that I’m a person who doesn’t think a lot about clothes.”

  Topaz snorted. “Fair enough.”

  We turned our steps back toward home a few minutes later, and Topaz went quiet as if she was internally debating something. I glanced at her once more, wondering what could be on her mind. “Something you want to say?”

  She gave me a guilty look, shuffling Diamond’s leash from hand to hand. “If you want, I could give you a style refresh sometime.”

  I raised an eyebrow at her. “Like a makeover?”

  “No, a style refresh.”

  I failed to see the difference. “I don’t know. What would that involve?”

  “I could give you some tips on how to dress for your shape,” she said.

  “My shape? I have a shape?”

  “Everyone has a shape,” she said. “You, for example, are a spoon.”

  Huh. “So what’s that mean?”

  “I can tell you another time. It’s better if I can show you some examples. Only if you want to, though. I don’t want to force you to start dressing differently just because I told you to.”

  “Trust me, I’m not going to change anything I don’t want to. I’m just curious to hear what you’d say.”

  “All right, let’s do it sometime.” She didn’t suggest a date. “Are you hungry?”

  “You know I’m hungry!” It was past six now, and we’d still have to cook before eating. “Let’s do more of those enchiladas we made last time.”

  “Yeah, that sounds good.”

  Diamond picked up speed as she walked, as if she wanted to eat enchiladas too. “None for you, pretty mama,” I told her.

  When we got back to the house, we slipped easily into the kitchen routine we’d come up with. I did the chopping and washing, and Topaz did the actual cooking. She knew her way around the frying pan, while I had better knife skills.

  As I finished dicing a yellow pepper, I picked up
the cutting board and brought it over to the stove. “I’ll take that,” she said, her arm brushing against mine as she did. She used the knife to slide the peppers into the pan. Meanwhile, I was still shivering from the contact she’d made.

  “You want more pepper?”

  “Sure, maybe a little.”

  I grabbed an orange one and started to chop it, too. Topaz moved by me on her way to the fridge, and the heat of her body sent a rush through me. I really wished I knew which way she swung. She hadn’t given any indication of being gay or bisexual, but the idea wouldn’t leave me alone.

  It was driving me crazy to not even know if I had a chance. Not that I was going to do anything about it while we were living together, especially when my relationships always went so poorly anyway. Topaz was different, though. The more I knew her, the more I liked her. It wasn’t just her looks—I got the feeling we might actually be good together.

  Biting my lip, I decided I might as well make some effort to figure this out. “Cooking together is fun,” I said, trying to keep my tone casual. “I haven’t done so much cooking with anyone since me and my ex broke up.”

  “That sucks,” she said, keeping her eyes on the frying pan. “Cooking with someone is more fun than cooking alone.”

  “Same with eating,” I said.

  Topaz nodded, focused on stirring the vegetables. That went nowhere. I was going to have to get more creative.

  Nothing came to me, so I decided to get more direct instead. “Have you ever lived with a partner before?”

  “No, not yet,” she said, reaching out for the cutting board. I passed it to her and watched as she slid the chopped peppers into the pan. “I’m only twenty-five, you know? There’s plenty of time for that.”

  “True. There’s no rush.” There wasn’t for me, either… although sometimes living alone got lonely. I couldn’t even find a connection that lasted more than a couple months. When would I ever find someone serious enough to move in with me? I kept my discontent to myself. “Do you date much?”

  She met my eye for a brief second, but I couldn’t read the expression there. “Not in a long time,” she said. “I’m too busy.”