One Big Wacky Family

by Jackie French

  ‘I am now,’ said Grizella quietly. ‘It’s…it’s not great fun or anything. It’s not like skiing down Mt Everest or having my own movie theatre.’

  ‘Hey, wow!’ said Tom enviously. He wondered if Grizella might take him skiing on Mt Everest.

  ‘But…yes,’ said Grizella. ‘I’m happy.’

  ‘Well!’ said The Most Powerful Witch in the World. Then no one else said anything for quite a while. There really wasn’t any need.

  CHAPTER 24

  Bad Luck is Lifted

  ‘The question really is,’ said The Most Powerful Witch in the World, ‘why did you come here in the first place? I’m sure it wasn’t just to make Grizella and me happy.’

  They’d been fishing for an hour. The Most Powerful Witch in the World had magicked up a picnic basket, with muffins that changed to whatever you felt like eating at the time: a mouthful of watermelon and a mouthful of cherries, then a bit of marinated octopus too—Tom loved marinated octopus—and a few potato chips.

  All the taste together should have been yuck, but somehow they weren’t. Tom thought that when you were The Most Powerful Witch in the World you could magick up anything.

  ‘Well, that’s partly true,’ said Uncle Gus honestly. ‘I thought you and Grizella sounded unhappy. But mostly it was for my nephew here. You see I’ve helped look after Tom since he was a baby and even if he did spit his stewed pears all over me I’ve got attached to him. And he was really unhappy because of your bad luck spell.’

  ‘Ah, I see,’ said The Most Powerful Witch in the World. ‘Well, the spell’s off now. I removed it an hour ago.’ She shook her head. ‘But Tom, I don’t understand. Why didn’t you just take Grizella to the dance? She’s beautiful, she’s clever…’

  ‘But she’s not Fra!’ Tom burst out, then flushed. He hadn’t meant to mention Fra at all.

  Grizella stared at him. ‘There’s no girl called Fra at school!’

  ‘Fra’s a ghost,’ mumbled Tom, more embarrassed than he’d ever been before. ‘She haunts our tower.’

  ‘But you can’t take a ghost to a dance!’ cried Grizella.

  ‘I know,’ mumbled Tom. ‘But it just wouldn’t be fair to Fra if I took anyone else.’ He blushed even harder. ‘Fra’s special,’ he added. ‘And she loves to dance. Fra has so little, and…’ Tom gulped. There weren’t any words for what he wanted to say. Not words that didn’t sound soft anyway.

  Grizella looked appealingly at her mum. ‘Isn’t there some way you could make a spell so that Fra could come to the dance?’

  Tom stared. ‘But you wanted me to take you!’

  Grizella blushed as red as Tom. ‘Well, it’s not like there aren’t lots of other boys who’d like to take me. And…and…’ she gulped, ‘maybe I owe you something,’ she added.

  But The Most Powerful Witch in the World shook her head. ‘There’s no amount of magic in the world that can let a ghost go to a dance,’ she said. ‘Ghosts have to haunt where they were killed. It’s one of the basic laws of magic. Even I can’t change those. I wish I could help you,’ she added.

  Tom nodded glumly. ‘Thank you, anyway,’ he said.

  ‘No!’ cried Grizella. ‘We can’t give up!’ Suddenly her eyes gleamed. ‘Maybe we don’t need magic at all!’ she cried. ‘I’ve got an idea.’

  CHAPTER 25

  The School Dance

  The school hall was decorated for the dance. The Art class had pinned up posters on the wall and the Home Science class had made the supper. There were balloons and streamers and fairy lanterns, held up by real fairies who fluttered around the room. Dr Maniac had hung up tiny brains from bits of coloured string, but luckily someone had taken them down again.

  It was a wonderful dance.

  The leprechaun band was playing up on the stage, their magic guitars pounding out any tune that anyone wanted to hear. And everyone was dancing.

  Grizella danced with Mog. She was more beautiful than Tom had ever seen her, with her blonde hair bouncing and her blue eyes alight with happiness. Mog looked pretty happy too. His fur was brushed

  for the occasion and he wore a bow tie around his neck, or the bit between his chin and his shoulders anyway, where a neck might be on someone less muscular than Mog.

  Tom had never guessed that Mog was keen on Grizella. The things you never guessed about your friends, he thought.

  Even The Most Powerful Witch in the World was dancing—with Uncle Gus! Uncle Gus worked Fridays for her now, but somehow he seemed to be spending even more time over there. Tom didn’t mind. Uncle Gus had given Tom so much happiness that he deserved to be really happy himself.

  Suddenly the music stopped. The dancers wandered over to the sides of the room as the leprechaun band put down their guitars.

  The leprechauns picked up violins instead, and violas and a harp. They began to play again, soft graceful music that no one had ever played at a school dance before.

  A waltz, thought Tom. Fra had said she loved to waltz.

  The hall doors opened and there was Fra. She wore a two-hundred-year-old ball gown, all pearls and satin and a touch of moonbeams too. Tom stepped towards her, almost in a dream.

  He took her hand. He couldn’t quite feel it, of course. There was no magic that let you feel a ghost’s hand. But somehow Tom knew Fra’s hand was there.

  They began to dance. Tom had never learnt to dance a waltz. But you don’t need dancing lessons with The Most Powerful Witch in the World to help.

  Round and round the room they twirled. Fra’s dress swirled like sunlight, and her face was lit with more than fairy lights as well. Tom thought she had never looked so happy.

  Slowly the music drew to a close. The leprechauns took up their guitars again. Fra smiled at Tom as other people began to join them, as the normal school dance music blew out across the hall.

  Tom grinned back and touched the bit of wood in his pocket. Yes, he thought, it was still there. It was the bit of wood that let Fra come to the dance, for The Most Powerful Witch in the World was right. Ghosts have to haunt the place where they were killed. But that place doesn’t have to stay put.

  Tom had sawn round the place on the floor where the assassins had struck at Fra. Wherever that bit of wood went Fra could go too.

  Fra was still a ghost, but she was no longer bound to the tower room and a life of crossword puzzles and gazing out of the window. She could go to school now. And she could dance.

  CHAPTER 26

  Tom and Uncle Gus

  It was peaceful in the garden, just the sound of bees in the roses and lizards scuttling through the rocks, Kitty-Kat gnawing at her breakfast next door (Tom hoped it wasn’t the postman) and Dad practising a new bogeyman bellow indoors.

  ‘Grroooayooooah!’ shrieked Dad. Everything was as it should be.

  Tom sat on the mossy rock next to Uncle Gus and watched the goldfish nibble at the worm on the fishing rod. There was no hook on the fishing rod, of course, otherwise the fish might get hurt.

  Later, he and Uncle Gus and Fra and Mog would meet Grizella and her mum who was going to take them all on a picnic to one of the moons of Jupiter. The Most Powerful Witch in the World would magick up a perfect picnic place where two kids, a garden gnome, a witch, a ghost, and whatever Mog was, two pet baboons and a sabre-toothed tiger (Kitty-Kat had purred very nicely at Tom ever since Uncle Gus started taking her for walks) would spend a happy afternoon with a basket of magic muffins.

  But for now it was just Tom and Uncle Gus.

  ‘Uncle Gus?’

  ‘Yes?’ replied Uncle Gus contentedly.

  ‘Can humans and ghosts get married?’

  Uncle Gus considered him for a moment. Finally he said, ‘No Tom. I’m sorry. You will get older. But Fra will always stay the same.’

  ‘Then…then is it a waste of time to love a ghost?’

  ‘No,’ said Uncle Gus firmly. ‘It’s never a waste of time to love anyone.’

  ‘But me and Fra…’

  Uncle Gus sighed. ‘Look
Tom, I can’t promise you a perfect world when you grow up. No one can. But I can promise you this.’

  ‘What?’ asked Tom.

  ‘Things change, if you want them to hard enough. You changed Grizella. You changed her mum.’ He smiled. ‘You and Fra changed me too. And sometimes…sometimes the things you want change as you get older.’

  ‘Then there’s hope for me and Fra?’ asked Tom.

  ‘Of course,’ said Uncle Gus. ‘Hope is magic too. Come on. We’d better get your baboon ready for the picnic.’

  Tom nodded. Suddenly an idea came to him, floating through the air like the sunlight through Fra’s dress. Maybe, he thought, maybe Mog and Grizella and me could go back in time. Then we could fight Fra’s assassins so she never becomes a ghost! Maybe…

  Tom grinned at Uncle Gus as he began to plan the next adventure. Life was fun!

  The next four titles in the Wacky Families series:

  My Uncle Wal the Werewolf

  Buster lives in the happiest werewolf clan

  around. Dad can catch dried cow pats with his

  teeth, Mum’s corgi milkshakes are to die for

  (unless you happen to be a corgi) and Aunty

  Paws makes the best dead rat sandwich in the

  world.

  One day Mum and Dad disappear without a

  trace. Have Buster’s parents been wolfnapped?

  And now, Uncle Wal is leader of the pack. He

  wants the clan to move from Werewolf

  Mountain, and for Buster to go to SCHOOL!

  But Buster has other plans…

  Find out what Buster discovers as this thrilling

  and hilarious adventure unfolds in the Wacky

  Families series!

  My Gran the Gorilla

  TJ’S gran has hairy legs and arms. She also

  makes the best banana cake in the universe, as

  well as baked bananas, choc-coated bananas

  and Roast Lamb Surprise (which is mostly

  bananas) too. In fact, there is only one little

  problem about having a gorilla for a gran. And

  the little problem’s name is Linda.

  What will cool clever Linda think when she

  finds out who TJ’s gran really is? And what will

  she think of a pet who’s a slimy Giant

  Skateboarding Slug called Egbert? Will she still

  want to perambulate with TJ?

  But then again, perhaps Mr Pifflewhiskers, their

  teacher, is not what he seems…When wombat

  poachers come to Gobbledygook it’s up to TJ

  and Gran, with help from Linda and Egbert—

  and a surprise discovery—to save the day.

  Join TJ and his gran the gorilla in another

  exciting adventure in the Wacky Families series.

  My Auntie Chook the Vampire Chicken

  Drackie is the happiest vampire on the island.

  He has his best friend, Cousin Snot, who has

  the longest fangs and the blackest hair and

  fingernails of any kid on Vampire Island. He also

  has a six-hundred-year-old zombie servant called

  Plop. And he even has his very own pet vampire

  toad, Fang, who shares Drackie’s chocolate

  bloodshakes and is allowed to sleep in Drackie’s

  coffin during the day.

  Then Fang is kidnapped! (Sorry, toad-napped.)

  Drackie and Cousin Snot have to leave the safety

  of Vampire Island (where every night is dark

  and stormy) to save him. Their only clue is a

  pink feather by the ransom note…

  Who is the mysterious Auntie Chook? Is she really

  a vampire chicken? Could she have stolen Fang?

  Another hilarious, and nail-biting, adventure in

  the Wacky Families series.

  My Pa the POLAR BEAR

  Fuzz and his family live at the zoo. Fuzz’s Dad is

  a blood-thirsty tiger, his Mum a mud-cake-making

  rhinoceros, his sister a tap-dancing

  giraffe, his brothers a pair of somersaulting

  monkeys, and Fuzz makes great pocketmoney

  pretending to be a polar bear. At the end of each

  day Fuzz’s family take off their costumes. Well,

  most of the time, anyway.

  Fuzz’s Pa loves being a polar bear so much he

  wants to be one! And when he wins two tickets

  for a cruise to the Arctic, things don’t quite

  turn out as planned! Who is the mysterious girl

  with pointed ears? What are those strange

  jingle bells Fuzz keeps hearing? How can two

  part-time polar bears cope with real ones? Will

  Fuzz and Pa have to eat raw fish forever? And

  do reindeer really fly…

  Find out what happens at the North Pole with

  Fuzz and his Pa in this amazing Arctic

  adventure in the Wacky Families series.

  About the Author and Illustrator

  Jackie French

  Jackie French’s writing career spans 17 years, 36 wombats, 130 books for kids and adults, 15 languages, too many awards to list, radio shows, newspaper and magazine columns, theories of pest and weed ecology and 28 shredded back doormats. The doormats are the victims of the wombats, who require constant appeasement in the form of carrots, rolled oats and wombat nuts, which is one of the reasons for her prolific output: it pays the carrot bills.

  Visit Jackie’s website

  www.jackiefrench.com

  or

  www.harpercollins.com.au/jackiefrench

  for copies of her monthly newsletter

  Stephen Michael King

  Stephen’s first picture book, The Man Who Loved Boxes, was nominated for the Crighton award for illustration, was the winner of the inaugural Family Award and was selected for Pick of the List (US). He has since illustrated over 20 books, and has been shortlisted five times for the Children’s Book Council Awards. In 2002 he won both the Yabba and Koala children’s choice awards for Pocket Dogs.

  Stephen and his family live on a coastal island in a mud brick house on 10 acres of organic orchards, rainforests and visiting wildlife.

  Visit www.AuthorTracker.com for exclusive information on your favorite HarperCollins author.

  Copyright

  Angus&Robertson

  An imprint of HarperCollinsPublishers, Australia

  One Big Wacky Family was originally published as four separate books (books one to four in the Wacky Families series):

  My Mum the Pirate was first published in Australia in 2003

  My Dog the Dinosaur was first published in Australia in 2003

  My Dad the Dragon was first published in Australia in 2004

  My Uncle Gus the Garden Gnome was first published in Australia in 2004

  This combined edition was first published in Australia in 2008

  This edition published in 2010

  by HarperCollinsPublishers Australia Pty Limited

  ABN 36 009 913 517

  www.harpercollins.com.au

  Text copyright © Jackie French 2003, 2004

  Illustrations copyright © Stephen Michael King 2003, 2004

  The right of Jackie French and Stephen Michael King to be identified as the author and illustrator of this work has been asserted by them under the Copyright Amendment (Moral Rights) Act 2000.

  This work is copyright. Apart from any use as permitted under the Copyright Act 1968, no part may be reproduced, copied, scanned, stored in a retrieval system, recorded, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

  HarperCollinsPublishers

  25 Ryde Road, Pymble, Sydney, NSW 2073, Australia

  31 View Road, Glenfield, Auckland 10, New Zealand

  77–85 Fulham Place Road, London W6 8JB, United Kingdom

  2 Bloor Street East,
20th floor, Toronto, Ontario M4W 1A8, Canada

  10 East 53rd Street, New York NY 10022, USA

  National Library of Australia Cataloguing-in-Publication data:

  French, Jackie.

  One big wacky family.

  For primary school students.

  ISBN 978 07322 8745 0 (pbk.).

  ISBN 978 07304 4357 5 (epub).

  I. King, Stephen Michael. II. Title.

  A823.3

  About the Publisher

  Australia

  HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.

  25 Ryde Road (PO Box 321)

  Pymble, NSW 2073, Australia

  http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com.au

  Canada

  HarperCollins Canada

  2 Bloor Street East – 20th Floor

  Toronto, ON, M4W 1A8, Canada

  http://www.harpercollinsebooks.ca

  New Zealand

  HarperCollinsPublishers (New Zealand) Limited

  P.O. Box 1

  Auckland, New Zealand

  http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.nz

  United Kingdom

  HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.

  77-85 Fulham Palace Road

  London, W6 8JB, UK

  http://www.harpercollinsebooks.co.uk

  United States

  HarperCollins Publishers Inc.

  10 East 53rd Street

  New York, NY 10022

  http://www.harpercollinsebooks.com