Hold On to Me

by Victoria Purman

  ‘A drink at the pub? Sure,’ Luca announced. ‘We’d love to.’

  Mr Dirty Younger-Man Truck Sex was standing in the doorway with two takeaway coffees, a killer smile on his tanned face. Three-day growth, that tan, a loose T-shirt, boardshorts and thongs. She wanted to lick him all over. And then slap that smile off his face.

  ‘Great!’ Lizzie clapped. ‘Come round tonight. We’ve got a fantastic guitar player in the front bar. He looks just like Jon Bon Jovi.’ Lizzie skipped out of the shop.

  ‘Who?’ Luca asked, confused.

  Stella waved a distracted hand in the direction of the doorway. ‘A singer from the eighties and nineties and two thousands and the twenty tens. He used to have big hair and tight pants. Now he just has tight pants.’

  Luca put Stella’s coffee on the counter, right on top of the headline. ‘Good morning,’ he whispered, pushing his sunglasses back onto the top of his head. He planted his hands on the counter. ‘How’s your day going?’

  How was her day going? It had started out heavenly, thanks to wake-up sex with Dirty Younger Man. Now it had descended into a mire of humiliation. She turned so his kiss hit her cheek instead of her lips. ‘Oh, I’ve had better.’

  Luca moved next to her, rubbing her shoulder with his big warm hand. ‘What’s happened, bella?’

  All she wanted to do was throw herself into his arms. She checked to see there weren’t any customers in earshot and then whispered, ‘Two things.’

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Firstly, your sister knows about us. Lizzie hinted at it but then got evasive and I’m sure Anna knows we’ve been … you know, fucking.’

  ‘So what?’

  ‘So? She’ll probably want to kill me, that’s what.’

  ‘Wait a minute.’ Luca held up a hand. ‘It’s none of her business who I …’ a sexy grin lit up his face and he raised an eyebrow ‘… fuck.’

  Stella wanted to watch his mouth just a moment longer, see the word sitting there on his lips like an invitation her body wanted to accept right away. ‘Stop it, Luca. Remember New Year’s Eve?’

  ‘I’ll never forget it.’

  Stella tried not to laugh at him, and lightly slapped his shoulder instead. ‘Please. This is so not funny.’

  ‘Yeah, it was. You laughed like a drain, if I remember.’

  ‘Yeah, well. That was two days ago and I was on an orgasmic high. You won’t think it’s so hilarious when you read this.’ She moved his takeaway coffee and poked at the paper. Next to her, his shoulder brushed her arm as he bent to read the story.

  ‘That was a close call, Luca. It was so incredibly stupid of me.’

  ‘It was fucking hot, that’s what it was.’ He dropped a hand and, hidden behind the counter, cupped her bum and squeezed it.

  ‘Ugh, no!’ She twitched her arse out of reach.

  ‘You can’t tell me you care about this?’ Luca asked incredulously.

  ‘Of course I bloody well care. Don’t you?’

  He shrugged. ‘Not really. They didn’t use our names, right? Who’s going to know?’

  Stella took a side step. ‘See what happens when I let my guard down, when I stop thinking? I make stupid mistakes. What if my name had been plastered all over the paper? Everything I’ve worked for would be shot down in flames. My reputation. My business. The whole lot.’

  ‘Wait a minute. This isn’t a disaster, Stella. It’s nothing.’

  Honestly, his attempt at calming her down was having the exact opposite effect. She felt her cheeks flame in indignation and a lifetime of injustices bubbled up inside her. A lifetime of keeping a lid on risk and being smart and sensible.

  ‘You make me take stupid risks, Luca.’

  Luca’s smile faded. Fast. He gulped his coffee down in one swallow. ‘I’m not talking about this here. I’ll see you at home.’

  At home? He was talking about her place as if he lived there.

  ‘My home, you mean.’

  The look in his eyes grew steely. ‘I’ll be waiting for you.’

  CHAPTER

  29

  Luca drove west along the Victor Harbor road, turned left at the second roundabout once he hit the town, and then pulled up outside the offices of the Southern Gazette. He slammed the door of his truck behind him but it had no effect on his anger. Ten minutes’ drive and he was still fucking furious. He looked up and down the quiet street, the sound of the door slam still echoing between the heritage buildings that sat a couple of blocks away from the busy tourist strip of Ocean Parade.

  He wanted to punch something or kick something. A soccer ball usually did the trick. That’s what he did when he was frustrated or pissed off. Kicked the hell out of a soccer ball in Adelaide’s south parklands for an hour or so, finding new ways to make it to the net, working out his tensions that way.

  But there he was instead. Right in the middle of true-blue Australian beach-holiday territory at the height of the cricket season. Something had to give.

  Luca pushed open the doors of what appeared to be an old shop and had to wait for his eyes to adjust to the dim light inside. It was sombre, heavy and dark, not the noisy bustling place he expected a newspaper to be.

  ‘Can I help you?’ A young woman called to him from behind one of the two modern desks at the rear of the office.

  ‘I’m looking for Joe Blake.’

  ‘Can I say what it’s about?’

  ‘It’s a personal visit. Tell him it’s Luca Morelli.’ The young woman threw him a flirtatious smile and he turned away. He wasn’t in the mood. A minute later he heard footsteps on the wooden floorboards.

  ‘Hey, mate. What are you doing here?’ Joe strode over to him and held out a hand.

  Luca held out his for a cursory shake. He felt like breaking the guy’s fucking fingers. ‘We need to talk. Privately.’

  Joe looked at him quizzically. ‘Something happened in your family, Luca? What’s going on?’

  Luca answered him with a glare.

  ‘Shit. Okay, follow me.’

  They went through the rear door to Joe’s office. It was small, with a desk, a bookshelf and a couple of chairs, with a window looking out over the street. Luca closed the door behind them and backed up into a corner. He didn’t trust himself to get any closer. He knew Joe was a good guy, that he loved Anna and adored Francesca. He’d become part of Luca’s family. But this time, he’d made the wrong call. And Luca had to make sure he knew it.

  Joe watched him, his eyes narrowed and his focus direct and inquisitive. Luca noticed he didn’t sit down either. He stood behind his desk and propped his fists on his hips. ‘You going to tell me what the fuck’s going on? Is it Nonna? Paolo? Sonia?’

  ‘No. No, they’re all good.’

  Joe let out a sigh of relief. ‘You scared the shit out of me. For fuck’s sake, sit down, will you?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Something’s got you freaked out. You going to tell me what it is?’

  Luca stilled. Joe’s words hit him hard. Trust the former Sydney journo to get right to the heart of the story. He was in trouble. He’d cut Stella off earlier in the shop when she’d started to explain why she was angry because he didn’t want to hear what she was about to say. He was pretty sure he was going to be kicked out of her bed and her life. Since New Year’s, he’d been the happiest man in the world, and it wasn’t just because he’d decided to take a holiday at the beach. It was because of Stella. He wanted to hold her all the time. The waking up with her, the going to bed with her, knowing that she was going to be in his arms at night made him feel like more than a million bucks. And it wasn’t just the sex. He loved the way she laughed. The way she woke up next to him in the morning with her face bare and beautiful. He loved the way she spent ten minutes deciding what to wear before she walked out the door in the mornings so she could be a perfect advertisement for Style by Stella. The way she talked about her day when she came home. He liked the kiss at the front door and loved the look on her face when he presented her with h
er first glass of wine for the night. And he really, really liked it when she dragged him off to bed even before they’d thought about what to prepare for dinner.

  Most of all, he liked the kind of future he saw when he was with her.

  And all that was about to be blown to pieces.

  ‘Luca?’ Joe asked again. ‘You in some kind of trouble?’

  Knowing that he was about to lose everything turned his words into a tirade. ‘Yes. I’m in trouble. With Stella Ryan. And it’s your fucking newspaper that’s caused it.’ Luca lunged for Joe’s desk and grabbed the latest edition, which was spread out there. ‘That fucking story. Why did you run that shit, huh?’

  Joe slowly sank into his chair. He didn’t say a word. Luca swore he could see his brain ticking over, adding two and two together and coming up with fifteen. ‘That was you and Stella?’

  Luca nodded and he sat down too. The two men sat in silence for a few moments.

  ‘When things with her turn to shit for me, I’ll blame you.’

  Joe leant forward, kept his voice quiet. ‘We didn’t know it was you two, swear to god, mate. We had a call from the neighbours and then the cops gave us a few details. It’s only four pars, Luca. This is already tomorrow’s chip wrapping. Don’t worry about it. No one will know it was you guys.’

  Luca noticed Joe was desperately trying not to grin.

  ‘It’s not fucking funny, Joe.’

  And then Joe exploded in laughter and slammed his fist on the desk. ‘Mate, it’s hilarious. You and Stella? In a truck by the side of the road? What are you, sixteen?’

  Luca rested his elbows on his knees and dropped his head into his hands. ‘She’s really pissed.’

  Joe waited a moment before speaking. ‘So. You and Stella. It’s official, huh?’

  Luca looked at Joe. ‘Not any more. Not after that.’

  ‘You got a thing for older women?’ Joe smirked.

  Luca glared at him. ‘You think this is a joke to me? It’s not a fucking joke, Joe.’

  ‘Yeah, okay. I can see that. Sorry, mate. Tell me what I can do.’

  Luca stood up. Felt for his car keys in his pocket. ‘Make sure no one else ever finds out. If I hear that people are gossiping about Stella … about this … I’ll wring your fucking neck.’

  The rest of the day passed in a blur for Stella. Customers and window shoppers came and went and she was so distracted she forgot to eat lunch or have her afternoon double espresso. A rain shower had passed overhead mid-afternoon, which drove people into the shop for some respite—and they all left with purchases swinging from their hands.

  Every minute of the afternoon, Stella went over and over everything she’d put at risk by being so reckless with Luca. As the hours passed, her regrets grew deeper and more humiliating. What was she doing, playing around like she was? She wasn’t a teenager with nothing to lose. And if word got out that it was Stella Ryan, successful businesswoman and owner of Style by Stella, who’d fucked a guy in a truck by the side of the road? How could she look people in the eye again?

  She had too much to lose.

  Stella had been holding on tight to her secrets her whole life. About who she really was. About where she’d come from. When she’d moved to Middle Point, her Auntie Karen had let her tell everyone that her parents were dead, and there was immediate sympathy for the poor orphan girl. And she’d hidden everything that had happened in Sydney with Sully too—she’d been humiliated by the fact that she’d let down her guard and let Sully into her business. His addiction, the fraud, her near-bankruptcy, the real reasons she’d come home: all of it was mortifying.

  Everything she had now was because she’d hidden the truth about who she really was and what had really happened to her. And now, that carefully constructed façade was at risk of collapse. She was terrified that if one secret got out, if her privacy was breached, a trickle would become a flood and she would drown in the shame.

  Her reputation was hard fought for … and had been built on a foundation of lies. She couldn’t risk it by being reckless. She couldn’t risk everything she’d built because of an infatuation with a younger man. Against her will, Luca had worked his way inside her defences, bit by bit, day by day, kiss by kiss. Not with the force of his own stubborn streak, but by being wonderful and sexy and a great kisser and an even better lover. She’d not only opened up her mouth and her legs to him; she’d given him her trust. She’d not only let him into her business; she’d let him into her house. She’d only let a man inside that part of her life once before and had been hurt so terribly she’d vowed never to do it again. She’d grown up without a permanent place to call her own, so she’d coveted and craved one and now that she finally had a place of permanence and peace, she wanted to protect it with everything she had.

  Once again, she’d put all that at risk.

  Which made being with Luca all the more dangerous, because it wasn’t just about sex any more.

  Which meant it had to stop. And as she locked the front door to her shop at the end of another busy day, she knew she would have to end it tonight.

  CHAPTER

  30

  When Stella got home, she found Luca sitting on the sofa staring into the distance. Mouse, the traitor, was curled up in his lap while Luca softly stroked her ears. The cat was in heaven. Stella dropped her bag on the kitchen bench, kicked off her shoes and sat down next to Luca with a sigh. He didn’t look at her. When she noticed the two glasses of wine on the coffee table, her heart clenched. Stella reached over to pat Mouse. The cat’s volcanic purrs were the only sound in the room for a long while.

  Finally, Stella spoke. ‘Thanks for the wine.’

  Luca’s expression was so grim she felt like she’d been slapped. His eyes were dark and narrowed and she hesitated. How the hell was she going to say goodbye to this man?

  ‘It’s your wine. I just poured it.’

  ‘What I meant was, thanks for thinking of me … Oh, hell.’ She shook her head. ‘There’s no use pretending otherwise. We need to talk.’

  ‘“We need to talk.” Four worst words in the English language,’ Luca said seriously.

  ‘This … this thing between us?’

  ‘I thought it was more than that, Stella.’

  Stella felt for the ring on her left ring finger, twisted the glass bauble around and around. ‘The thing is … when we met, I wasn’t looking for anything. Especially not a thing.’

  Luca looked at her, his expression cold.

  ‘Especially not with someone like you, Morelli Constructions.’ She said it to lighten the mood, to make him smile maybe. There was no smile.

  ‘If you’re going to go on about the age thing again—’

  She rested a hand on his thigh to stop him. ‘No, please let me finish. I don’t mean someone younger. I mean someone important. But … even though I wasn’t looking for it, it was there. From the first day I met you, well …’

  Luca turned slightly towards her and reached an arm out behind her on the back of the sofa. Mouse meowed but didn’t move.

  ‘The first day?’ he asked, surprise in his husky voice. ‘You’ve never told me that before.’

  ‘Well, I was embarrassed about it. And determined to lust after you from afar. Like a secret fantasy I would never do anything about or reveal to anyone.’

  Luca covered her hand with his. ‘I like the idea of being someone’s secret fantasy.’

  ‘I think it all started when you called me “Boss” that first time.’

  Luca finally let something like a smile appear on his lips.

  Stella sighed. ‘I don’t see any point in denying it. I see it every time you look at me. And I feel it every time I look at you. And it’s definitely there every time we … make love.’

  And she was feeling it right now. The lovely Luca, who’d been waiting for her, who’d poured her a glass of wine, who cared about her. She felt at war with herself; about what she wanted to do and what she felt she had to do. The likelihood of her ending t
hings with him dipped to ninety per cent.

  ‘I can’t hide it.’ Luca shrugged. ‘It’s who I am.’ Mouse startled and jumped off his lap, settling under the coffee table to watch them. ‘And the other thing is, Stella, I’ve never wanted to hide it.’

  ‘It’s different for you. You’re a man and you’re not from here. You can always get back in your truck and go home. But this is where I live. This is where I’ve made my life. I can’t afford to risk everything I’ve built. I’d lose it all if the story got out that it was me in that truck with you.’ Stella waited a moment to see if taking a deep breath would calm the hammering in her chest. ‘Whose stupid idea was that anyway?’

  ‘Yours.’ Luca grinned.

  ‘See what I mean?’

  ‘No one is going to find out, Stella. And if they did, as if it’d stop them coming to your shop.’

  ‘While I appreciate your attempt at reassurance, you don’t know small towns like I do.’

  ‘Aren’t most of your customers tourists anyway? At least at this time of year? Why would they care? And you clearly don’t trust your friends. You said yourself Courtney won’t talk and I made it pretty damn clear to Joe this afternoon that if word gets out, well, cement shoes, bottom of Victor Harbor, all that.’

  Stella froze. ‘You told Joe it was us?’

  ‘I drove around to Victor Harbor to put the hard word on him to keep it quiet.’

  Stella squeezed her eyes closed in shock. ‘Are you completely crazy? He’s the editor of the Gazette. And not-married to your sister.’ She flopped forward and buried her head in her hands.

  Luca tried to rub reassuring circles on her back but his caress only made her more tense.

  ‘I was defending your honour, bella. Kudos to me, right?’

  She was still trying to process the knowledge that Luca had stood up for her. The likelihood was dropping now, possibly down to fifty per cent. But still. ‘You may as well have placed an ad.’