Hold On to Me

by Victoria Purman

  Luca chuckled. ‘You’re not my brother-in-law.’

  Joe looked into Anna’s eyes. ‘I would be if she ever said yes.’

  ‘Anna, c’mon,’ Luca urged with a grin. ‘Put the man out of his misery.’ Then he turned his attention to Joe. ‘You still asking her?’

  Joe grinned across the table at him. ‘Every damn day.’

  Luca shook his head. ‘I don’t know who’s more stubborn.’

  ‘I keep telling her that I’m never giving up. She’s gotta make an honest man out of me one day.’

  ‘In your dreams.’ Anna laughed.

  Stella watched the delivery truck drive away up The Strand and then she turned her attention to the two big cardboard boxes on the floor of her shop. It had been a hectic week with bumper crowds in the tourist town. It was now Friday lunchtime and she was pleased some new stock had arrived just in time for the weekend. She glanced around for her new part-time assistant.

  ‘Molly?’

  The young girl popped her head out from one of the change rooms. This week, her hair was crimson and she was wearing a floral vintage dress, one of a dozen items Stella had rescued from her wardrobe and given to her new shop assistant. The wardrobe clean-out had kept Stella’s mind occupied a couple of nights before, after a long phone call with Luca. The decluttering had also benefitted Molly. Stella had loved the girl’s reaction on Thursday when she’d arrived with a couple of bags full of pieces. When Stella had handed them over, she thought Molly might collapse with excitement. She managed to utter a disbelieving, ‘Cool!’ before hugging Stella fiercely.

  Everything was cool with Molly. Stella liked that about her. As well as her enthusiasm and her initiative, she was friendly and chatty with customers and had no qualms about explaining her choice of hair colour to whoever asked. She told them that once school began again, she’d have to stop being so creative and revert to her mousy brown, so she was making the most of the holidays to have a little fun and to express her individuality.

  ‘I’m in here,’ Molly called from a dressing room.

  ‘What are you doing in there?’

  ‘The light globe in the lamp blew and I’m putting in a new one.’

  Stella smiled to herself. Molly was turning out to be an inspired choice.

  ‘When you’re done, could you unpack these boxes and see what’s inside?’

  The light in the dressing room flicked on and off and then Molly joined Stella. ‘Sure.’

  When the bell over the front door announced the arrival of Summer and Duncan, hand in hand, matching smiles and sideways glances for each other, Stella grinned. She couldn’t have been more pleased at this turn of events. Summer had been looking for love for a long time, and Duncan had been too, just in the wrong places.

  ‘Hey, Stella,’ Summer said. Duncan waved a hand in greeting.

  ‘Hi, Summer and … is that really you, Duncan McNamee? I mean, look at you!’

  He was wearing boardshorts and a surf T-shirt, Ray Bans and thongs. Duncan grinned. ‘Summer convinced me to take a couple of weeks off. I’m sure the world of human resources can live without me for a little while.’

  ‘She’s right,’ Stella replied, leaning her elbows on the counter.

  ‘Whoa, who sent these?’ Summer sniffed the scent of the enormous bunch of flowers that was sitting in a squat vase next to the cash register.

  ‘Nice,’ Duncan said with a wink.

  Summer looked impressed. ‘Are these from Luca?’

  Stella nodded. They’d arrived the day before with a simple message attached: Until Friday.

  ‘Aren’t they beautiful? What a lovely thing to do. So, it’s all guns blazing with the young hottie, is it?’

  Stella didn’t want to discuss that in front of Duncan and particularly not in front of Molly, who’d bounced back to the counter with an enthusiastic smile.

  ‘Shall I unpack those boxes now, Stella?’

  ‘Sure.’ Stella found a pair of scissors in the top drawer and handed them to her. ‘Get to it.’

  When Molly had dragged the boxes to the rear of the shop, Summer said, ‘How’s she working out?’

  ‘She’s learning fast and she’s great.’

  ‘She’s so lucky you gave her this chance,’ Summer said.

  ‘It was time I got the help. So, what are you two lovebirds up to?’

  ‘We’re on our way to lunch, actually.’ Summer and Duncan exchanged glances. ‘We wondered if you might join us.’

  Stella hesitated. Could Molly handle the shop on her own, so soon? She decided to throw caution to the sea breeze. Half an hour. She could leave her for half an hour. She had her phone with her and she was only around the corner if there was a problem.

  ‘Molly,’ she called with a wink at Summer.

  ‘Yeah?’

  ‘Do you think you could mind things here while I grab a bite with Summer and Duncan?’

  ‘Cool!’ came Molly’s reply. Stella grabbed her purse and the three friends walked to a local café.

  After lunch was ordered, Stella considered Summer and Duncan and how happy they seemed. Gushingly in love, in fact.

  ‘So, you two. I want to officially say how happy I am for you both.’

  ‘That’s lovely of you to say,’ Summer said with a hitch in her voice. ‘We didn’t know if it would be weird …’

  Stella held up her hands. ‘Not for me. It’s not weird for you, is it Duncan?’

  ‘Not a bit,’ he said with a long look at Summer. ‘Sometimes things work out the way they should for a very good reason.’

  ‘That’s very true.’ Stella nodded.

  ‘And what about you?’ Summer asked with excitement in her voice. ‘You and Luca. That’s all fantastic, isn’t it? Isn’t it amazing that things are working out for both of us, both at once? It’s as if the angels were looking down on us and willing us to be happy.’

  Stella noticed Duncan nudge her with his shoulder. Summer blushed.

  She laughed. ‘You and your angels.’

  Her own angel was just hours away. The thought both exhilarated and terrified her. Something had been growing, deep and fast, between them, but her revelation about her childhood had catapulted whatever that was into something else. Perhaps sooner than it should have. And tonight they were supposed to be having dinner with Anna and Joe and the others and so she would see firsthand what Luca’s sister’s reaction to the whole thing really was.

  Their sandwiches arrived and they sat in silence for a while as they ate.

  ‘Stella, there’s a particular reason we wanted to catch up with you today.’ Summer took Duncan’s hand. ‘We’ve got some news.’

  Stella stopped mid-chew. News? Her mind raced. A secret elopement? Engagement? Pregnancy? A puppy?

  ‘We’re moving in together,’ Duncan announced.

  ‘Wow.’ Stella put down her sandwich. ‘You two don’t waste time, do you?’

  ‘We can’t see the point,’ Summer said.

  ‘Are you sure it isn’t a bit fast?’ There was more that Stella would have said to Summer, but not in front of Duncan. There were questions only women would ask each other. Are you sure? Is he kind? Is he really the one? Sure, the sex might be great but does he love you, really love you?

  Summer shook her head. ‘We’ve both had long, lonely years, so we figured, why hang around and pretend we don’t want each other? Because we want each other.’ She looked up into Duncan’s eyes and he leant down for a lingering kiss.

  ‘We do.’

  ‘I’m giving up the rental on my house at the end of the month and I’m moving into Duncan’s. Which means we’ll be neighbours, Stella.’

  ‘Congratulations, you two. I wish we had some champagne to toast this.’

  Stella found a smile for her friends. She’d meant what she said: she was happy for them. But she couldn’t shake the feeling that their relationship was moving way too fast. There was so much potential for things to go wrong, really wrong. What if they didn’t know each other? Wh
at if it was loneliness talking and not really love?

  Her heart and her head began to niggle at each other.

  And then she realised they were the exact questions she should be asking herself.

  After lunch, Stella walked back to the shop feeling disoriented. Her footsteps were heavy and slow and she almost got bowled over by a car when she failed to stop at the curb. Summer and Duncan. Moving in together. They barely knew each other. She knew how enticing great sex could be, how it clouded your judgement about what was best for you.

  Sully had been a great lover too. And he’d turned out to be horrifyingly wrong for her.

  Was she about to make the same mistake again?

  She and Luca were sharing a bed and, potentially, so much more, if she opened herself up to the possibility of it.

  She was scared. Scared of making a mistake. Scared this might not be what she thought it was.

  When she reached the door to her shop, she heard laughter and happy voices inside and was snapped out of her silent reverie. Molly was at the counter, a customer smiling broadly at her, and Style by Stella was full of people. She let out a deep breath and took it all in. Yes, so many things had changed in her life and she let herself smile about it.

  She never thought she would let it happen: to trust someone with her biggest investment. There had been something about Molly she’d seen from the very beginning. She had a young woman’s openness and curiosity and lust for her own life which Stella had admired.

  The exact qualities she wished she had.

  CHAPTER

  34

  ‘You ready?’

  Luca twirled his car keys around a finger as he sat on the end of Stella’s bed, waiting. He was studying her every move, trying to figure out why she’d greeted him at the door with a hurried peck and a scowl. He’d arrived half an hour earlier, surprised as hell he didn’t get a speeding ticket on the way down to Port Elliot, having barely endured the Friday peak-hour traffic all the way from the city to the coast. Every minute longer away from her than he had to be had felt like an hour and he wanted to see her almost more than he’d wanted anything else in his life. There were things to say and he wanted to say them that night.

  But Stella had been in a distracted rush when he’d arrived and, after a quick and entirely unsatisfying kiss, she’d stripped off her clothes and hopped in the shower.

  Something was off. And while Luca waited on the bed, watching the light glint on his twirling keys, he tried to figure out what the hell he’d done.

  A few minutes later, when she stomped back into the bedroom, a fluffy white towel wrapped tightly around her, he rested his flat palms behind him on the bed and called her name.

  ‘What?’ she said, throwing him a quick glance before she returned to rifling through the top drawer of her dresser.

  ‘Come here.’

  She shook her head. ‘We’re in a hurry.’

  ‘I know that but are you going to tell me what’s wrong?’

  Stella stilled. She wouldn’t look at him, concentrating instead on the lacy things in her fingers. ‘Nothing.’ When she finally turned to him, he saw it again. That fake smile. The one she’d been sporting ever since he walked in the door.

  Luca swallowed his frustration. He didn’t want to leave it like that but he didn’t want to be an arsehole, either.

  ‘Okay.’

  Stella tugged on her knickers, slipped her arms into the straps of her bra and fastened it, and then came to him. She stood between his knees, put her hands on his shoulders, and leant down to kiss him. It was perfunctory and polite, as if it was what she should do rather than something she wanted to do.

  But she was there and half naked and he’d missed her and he wanted her and he couldn’t keep his hands off her. He reached for her waist, held her there, kissed a trail down her stomach from her belly button to the tiny pink bow at the front of her silk knickers. When he slipped a finger inside the elastic and flicked his eyes up to meet hers, she sighed and pushed herself out of his embrace.

  ‘I appreciate the sentiment but we have to go to the Middle Point pub and meet everyone for dinner, remember? We’re probably already late.’

  Luca clenched his jaw, trying not to hear that as a dig at him. ‘I got here as fast as I could,’ he explained. ‘The traffic along the expressway was bumper to bumper tonight.’

  Stella waved a hand at him. ‘I’m not having a go at you. I’m just … Don’t worry about it. I’m exhausted. I’m so not in the mood. I don’t know why we agreed to it. ‘

  And wasn’t she making that damned obvious? he thought. ‘So why did you?’

  ‘Summer bounced into the shop yesterday saying it was about time the whole group of us had dinner and when I mentioned we were already meeting Anna and Joe … god, it all just got out of hand.’ Stella stomped to the wardrobe and pulled out a hanger. She slipped the vintage party dress over her head and then walked backwards to Luca, looking over her shoulder. He pulled the stiff zip up carefully.

  ‘God, you’re beautiful,’ he said quietly, close to her ear, hoping his words would soothe her, make her happy. That’s all he wanted to do every day for the rest of his life. Make her happy.

  Stella turned and smiled up at him and this time, finally, it felt real. ‘Thanks. We’d better get going.’

  When they walked around the back of the Middle Point pub and into The Market at the rear, the only thing Stella could see was a crowd of people, smiling faces, cheering people, clapping hands, and almost immediately white noise filled her head and roared between her ears.

  She’d been ambushed.

  ‘What’s all this?’ She turned to Luca. ‘Did you do this?’ She hated the way she sounded, accusing and snarly, but the words were out of her mouth before she could take them back.

  ‘Don’t look at me,’ Luca replied as he reached an arm around her shoulders. She shook him off. She didn’t want this. Didn’t feel in the mood for handling all this. The urge to turn and run was strong and she fought it off with clenched fists.

  And then Summer came to her and threw her arms around her friend. ‘Surprise! Happy birthday, hon! Well, happy birthday for next week!’

  Her birthday. Another one of those rituals in life she chose not to observe because it was a reminder of who had given birth to her, of all the years no one had remembered, of all the years no one had cared.

  ‘What’s going on, Summer?’ The white noise had morphed into a throbbing at her temples.

  ‘It’s your surprise birthday party, obviously.’

  Stella dug deep for a smile as Summer urged her forward to the guests. ‘I may have to kill you later. Slowly.’

  ‘Oh, stop it. We thought you deserved a party after what you’ve been through and anyway, why should you want to hide turning another year older? The alternative is far worse, right?’

  Stella’s legs were taking her to the party but she didn’t know how to deal with it so she reached for Luca’s arm, gripping it hard. She needed him near her. She needed his strength at that moment.

  Luca slipped an arm around her waist and whispered in her ear. ‘You didn’t tell me it’s your birthday.’ And the look he gave her was one of sad confusion.

  ‘It’s next week. The fourteenth.’

  Someone cranked up the music so it began to sound like a real party and when Stella had pulled herself together enough to focus, she realised the party was filled with familiar faces. In fact, it was as if the whole south coast had turned up. Ry and Julia were there with Mary. Dan and Lizzie were serving drinks. Courtney and Molly were chatting and Duncan was there too. Sitting at a table, waving at her, were Anna, Joe and Francesca. Other traders from Port Elliot filled out the crowd and some of her most loyal customers had even come.

  ‘I can’t believe it,’ she muttered to no one.

  Then someone started singing and the words happy and birthday began to pound in Stella’s head.

  All these people were a part of her life. She had managed to become part
of this … she struggled for the word … family. And Luca was wrapping his arms and his love around her like a blanket too.

  So why did she find it all so suffocating? Why was she not opening her arms in return to embrace them all? She felt as if the ground had fallen out from under her feet and she was plummeting right back to the life she’d had before she met Luca.

  That thing she’d felt that was moving too fast?

  It was now speeding like a bullet train through her, taking her heart rate up to two hundred beats per minute and making her skittish.

  Luca pulled her closer and looked into her eyes, direct and probing. He knows, she thought. He can see it. He knows me now, and that made her shrink away from him even further. What had she done? Why had she told him her secrets? Why had she ripped herself open and let him in? His care stung instead of soothed.

  ‘Happy birthday,’ he said and kissed her, long and passionate, claiming her in front of all these people, and the crowd whooped and hollered and Stella felt sick when she should have felt happy. She wanted to pull away and slip out of his arms and her heart thudded and she closed her eyes and wished she wasn’t there.

  The singing finished and she opened her eyes to see Anna, holding Francesca.

  ‘Happy birthday, Stella.’ Anna’s smile was warm and open and she kissed her on both cheeks.

  ‘Thank you, Anna.’ Stella looked from mother to daughter and realised with a shock how alike they were. Two pairs of chocolate Morelli eyes looked back at her. Olive skin and the same full lips. ‘Hey, sweetie.’ She tickled a finger under the baby’s chin and Francesca responded with a pout and pulled away from the stranger touching her. Something inside Stella shrank at her reaction.

  ‘I’ll take her.’ Luca held his arms out and Francesca went willingly from mother to uncle.

  Stella blinked. He was holding Francesca in his arms so comfortably he might have been her father instead. His laughter echoed hers, her giggly little-girl voice even softer against his husky laugh. His dark eyes were trained on the little bundle of softness and warmth. He lifted his free hand and stroked the baby’s neck, speaking to her in a soft, soothing voice as he did, Italian words Stella didn’t know. And something sharp and stinging pricked at the back of her eyes. She closed them to fight off the image that came, unbidden.