Cazzo: A Reed Security Romance (Reed Security Series Book 3)

by Giulia Lagomarsino

  “Could you guys close the door so that I can get dressed?”

  “Doesn’t seem right to me,” John grumbled. “I had to walk to get help in the fucking snow and he’s getting his dick wet.”

  “Would you fuckers shut up? Close the door. It’s fucking cold.”

  “Fine, but I need a feast tonight for dinner. I’m freaking starving after dragging my ass through the snow all night.”

  “Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry, John. I feel terrible,” I said. He looked exhausted and I wondered how many hours he was out walking before he got help.

  “Don’t listen to him,” Jules said. “He wasn’t out there for that long, but we had to wait a little bit for the snow to let up and then we couldn’t find the SUV buried in the snow. You guys are lucky that the snow insulated you inside.”

  I shivered and Jules pulled John back from the door. “Come on. She’s not going to make you a feast if you keep staring at her.”

  John winked at me and shut the door, leaving Sam growling at him. I blushed as Sam turned his gaze on me, his hand running along my stomach under the blanket.

  “We could always stay here a few more minutes,” I suggested. “I’m sure you could warm me up.”

  Something changed and he pulled back from me, gathering my clothes and handing them to me. “Look, I got carried away last night and it shouldn’t have happened.”

  “Are you serious right now?”

  He ran a hand down his face and grabbed his pants. “I get that you’re pissed. I never should have started that, but I couldn’t help myself.”

  “So, now you’re going to pretend like it never happened?”

  “No. I could never pretend like that didn’t happen, but I haven’t changed my mind about us. My reasons still stand and you may not like it, but that’s the way it is until I know for sure how this therapy is going to work.”

  I tugged my shirt on over my head and quickly pulled up my pants and shoved my feet into my shoes. “You’re a coward, Sam. I never thought I would say that about you. If you felt so strongly about this, you never should have done that last night.”

  “You knew where I stood.”

  “But I’m not the one that made the first move,” I said with tears in my eyes. “I understand that this is hard for you, but that doesn’t mean you get to play with my feelings.”

  I flung the door open and stomped out into the cold and over to the other truck that was waiting for us. I had never been so relieved to have distance from Sam. I wanted him so badly, but the way he just treated me was not okay. I didn’t need one more person in my life acting like I was disposable.

  “What’d the asshole do?” Chris asked from the front seat.

  “Just mind your own business,” I snapped.

  “Shit. I was afraid he was going to fuck it up. It took a lot longer than expected.”

  “Can we just not talk about this?” He was quiet, but I apparently wasn’t finished. “If you knew he was going to fuck it up, then why did you want me to keep pushing him?”

  “He’s doing this for you. Don’t you see that?”

  I did see that. He as much as told me in the SUV last night. That didn’t mean I wanted to be used.

  “It doesn’t matter if he’s doing it for me if he keeps pushing me away.”

  “Vanessa, you can’t really expect him to change overnight. He changed therapists because he had a reason to push for more. He wants you, but Sam’s not going to commit to you unless he knows without a doubt that he can do things his way.”

  “And in the process, he can make me feel like shit and use me.”

  Chris sighed and looked out the window. “Do you see what’s going on right now? Look out your window.” I did as he said and saw John pulling Sam out of the SUV and Jules carrying his wheelchair to the back of the truck. “Keep that image in your mind next time you decide that he’s using you. He’s being carried by his friend because he can’t even walk from one SUV to the other. And it’s all happening in front of the woman he’s falling for. John had to go out in the snowstorm last night because he was the only one that was able to. What if it had been just you and Sam? You two would have been fucked. It hurts a man’s pride to know that he can’t even do the smallest things for his woman.”

  The back door flung open and John placed Sam in the SUV, who positioned his legs so he could sit upright. I was so ashamed by my earlier reaction that I couldn’t even look at him. When I met Chris’s eyes in the rearview mirror, I knew that he was right. I had to take things a day at a time with Sam.

  We made it back to Sam’s house without further incident and I hurried into the house so that the guys could get Sam inside without me watching. I figured that he didn’t want me gawking at him. I busied myself in the kitchen with getting stuff out for breakfast. It was still early and I doubted that anyone had eaten yet. I was starving since we hadn’t eaten dinner last night.

  “Vanessa, you don’t have to make everyone breakfast,” Sam said as he wheeled into the kitchen.

  “I know, but I’m sure everyone’s hungry.” I refused to look at him, even when he wheeled up to me and cornered me.

  “Please look at me.” When I still wouldn’t look at him, he pulled my hand until I was sitting on his lap. He took my chin and forced me to look into his eyes. “I was an ass. I shouldn’t have gone there with you when I wasn’t ready to commit to you.”

  I shook my head at him. “It’s not that. You’re right, it shouldn’t have happened. I’m upset with myself because I keep blaming you when you’ve been honest with me about what you need. I knew where you stood and I could have stopped you.”

  “I’m not going to sit here and let you think that you did something wrong. This is on me.”

  I smiled at him. “Maybe it’s on both of us. I think we just need to step back until you’re ready for more. I don’t want to play the blame game with you, so how about we just say that last night was fun, but that’s all there’ll be for now.”

  He searched my eyes and nodded in agreement. “That’s probably best.”

  “Good. I’m going to get some breakfast going and then take a nap. Or a nice, hot bath.”

  “How about we also don’t talk about any situations in which you’ll be naked or in bed. I’m still a guy and I can only show so much restraint.”

  “That’s probably a good idea. Where are the guys?”

  “They’ve been out pretty much all night, so they’re checking things out and making sure everything’s how it should be.”

  “Well, I’d better get going on breakfast so they can eat when they’re done.” I stood and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. “Just so you know, I really hope this does work because I want the chance to experience it all with you.”

  He cupped my cheek and pulled me in closer to him, kissing me soft at first and then harder, letting his tongue slide in and out of my mouth. When he pulled back, he kissed me one last time on the lips. “I hope so, too.”

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  After the guys left, I told Sam that I was going to take a bath and head to bed. I was so tired, but I also had a chill deep down that I couldn’t shake. I filled the tub with water and bath salts and slipped into the steaming water. It felt so good that I started to doze within minutes of being in the tub.

  “God, you’re so beautiful, sweetheart.”

  My eyes drifted open and I saw Sam leaning against the edge of the tub. His fingers glided through the water toward my arm and then back toward my leg where it was bent at the knee. His hand trailed down my leg until he reached the apex of my thighs. Spreading wide for him, he slid his hand over my sex and then I felt his fingers buried inside me. I gasped at the fullness and watched as his arm moved in and out of the water with every stroke.

  “Sam. Oh, God. I need you so much.”

  “We shouldn’t be doing this again.”

  “I know. But I don’t want you to stop either. I want you any way you’ll give me.”

  He curled his fingers, p
ressing them against my G spot and sending blinding light through my eyelids. “I just promised you I wouldn’t touch you and here I am breaking all my rules, all my promises. I just can’t stay away from you.”

  “Then don’t. We don’t have to label this. Let’s just go with it.”

  “I don’t know that I can, sweetheart. I’m falling in love with you.”

  His fingers slid out of me and flowed through the water up to my collarbone, where he ran his fingers up to my cheek.

  “Please don’t say that if you’re only going to walk away,” I said through my tears. I wanted Sam so much, but I couldn’t handle loving words that would only be taken back when he was thinking clearly.

  “I’m not sure I could ever walk away from you. I’ll always be here for you no matter what happens with us.”

  “That’s not the same, Sam. Please don’t do this to me. We can have something without having everything, but you can’t say those words to me.”

  I watched as he played with my nipple, flicking it and massaging my breast. His hands knew me so well even though we’d only had the one time together.

  “I promise. No more words, but I can’t stop touching you. I need you in my bed from now until our time is up. Say you can do that. Say you want that from me.”

  “I do,” I said without hesitation. His hand was back on my clit, working it harder and harder until I came screaming his name. “I love you, Sam,” I mumbled one final time.

  When I opened my eyes, Sam was gone and my fingers were buried inside my pussy. Blinking away the sweat that was dripping into my eyes, I realized that I must have been dreaming. Sam was never here. He had never told me he was falling in love with me. Suddenly, I felt cold and alone. I pulled the plug and quickly dried off, then fell into bed to sleep off the remnants of my dream.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Cazzo

  SEEING HER IN the bathroom touching herself and calling out my name, I hadn’t been able to leave her alone. I had been practically pouring my heart out to her, but then I realized that she was dreaming. After she came, I slipped out of the bathroom, but not before I heard her tell me she loved me. Was that even possible? Did we really know each other enough to be there? I knew that I was falling for her, but how could she be falling for me? I was an asshole most of the time, telling her one thing and then pulling back.

  I wheeled into my bedroom and shut the door, but when I tried to get some sleep, I just kept picturing Vanessa in her room, wondering what she was thinking. If she really was falling in love with me, it was already too late for us. If I had stayed away, I could have decided to walk away if this treatment didn’t work. But knowing that she felt the same as me, I would never be able to walk away.

  Making my final decision, I hauled myself into my wheelchair and headed toward Vanessa’s room. When I pushed the door open, I saw her lying on the bed and crying.

  “Vanessa? What’s wrong?”

  She quickly sat up and wiped her eyes. “Huh?”

  “Why are you crying?”

  She sniffled as she tried to stop the tears, but it only made it worse. “Nothing. I just had a dream and..” She shook her head in sadness. “It wasn’t real. It’s so silly, but it felt real and then when I woke up and realized it wasn’t, I just felt so stupid.”

  “In the bathroom?” I asked gruffly.

  She looked up at me sharply and narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Yes. Were you..was it real?”

  Steeling my nerves, I rolled over next to her and took her hand in mine. “It was real. I was there with you, but then I saw that you were asleep, so I left.”

  She shook her head. “It seemed so real, but then I woke up and you were gone.”

  I ran my hand over the back of my neck and groaned. “Uh, I did run, well, wheel away quickly. I thought you were awake and then I..shit, this is embarrassing.”

  “Just tell me. It can’t be any worse than what I did.”

  I looked at her and smiled. “I thought you were awake and I was touching you.”

  “You were..” The shocked look on her face quickly morphed into a blush. “So, I didn’t dream it?”

  “No, but now I feel like a creepy asshole.”

  “Did I dream the things you were saying to me?”

  I shook my head no. “I wish you had been fully awake when I said them, though.”

  “What happens now? Do we go back to what we had originally discussed?”

  “No,” I said, shaking my head. “I heard what you said too, and I realized that there’s no walking away now. I don’t know what’s going to happen with me, but I don’t want to fight this anymore. I want this to work between us.”

  “Are you just saying this and then tomorrow morning, you’re going to change your mind and kick me out of here?”

  “I couldn’t if I wanted to.” I patted her leg and she scooted over on the bed. Hoisting myself up, I got comfortable next to her and pulled her in close. “You’re stuck with me now, sweetheart.”

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  “Keep going, Sam. Three more steps.” I struggled through the last two steps. Sweat was pouring off me and my arms were shaking, but I was fucking walking. It had been two weeks since I started with my new therapist and the treatment was fucking awesome. Vanessa gave me massages every night and it really seemed to be helping, along with the physical therapy that I was getting. Each day we worked on strengthening my muscles and by the end of the first week, I had taken a few steps. Now, I was pushing more and more every day, even trying to do exercises at home. The therapist warned me against doing too much at home because it could delay me, so I tried to keep my extra workouts to a minimum.

  “That’s it, Sam. Can you give me five more?”

  I tried to put weight on my leg again, but based on the shaking, I knew that was all I had for today. I shook my head and the therapist helped me into my chair before I collapsed.

  “That was great. You’ve improved so much this week. We’ll have you going with a walker by next week.”

  “Seriously? It doesn’t feel like I’m ready for that.”

  “Well, you don’t have to do everything with the walker, but if you’re around the house, it’s good to practice if you have someone there with you. It’ll get easier every day.”

  “I just can’t believe that I’m walking. Two weeks ago, I was a useless heap.”

  “It’s amazing what a beautiful woman can do for your motivation,” he said as he looked over at Vanessa. I followed his gaze and smiled at her. She was by far the best motivation I could ever have. The idea of getting to have her was all I needed to kick my ass into high gear and get myself out of the slump I was in.

  “She’s something else.”

  “At our session tomorrow, we’re going to do something different. Bring a swimsuit because we’re going to do water aerobics.”

  “You mean like old people do?”

  He grinned at me and nodded. “Yep. The water will naturally support your body weight, so you’ll be able to move more freely than you do in our other exercises. The warm water helps with muscle spasms and it’ll give you some pain relief, so we should be able to get a better workout out of you.”

  “Why didn’t we start with that then?”

  “Well, it’s still important that you can walk without the buoyancy of the water. It’ll be a lot easier to move in there, so I don’t want you to get a false sense of how you’re doing. It can be something we alternate or do both on days you’re up to it.”

  “Gerard, I can’t thank you enough. What you’ve helped me accomplish has been amazing.”

  “I’m glad it’s working. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Wait, uh, I have one more question for you.” I wiped my face with a towel and motioned for him to come in closer. “Uh, sex is alright, right?”

  “You mean, are you able to have sex?”

  “Well, yeah. I mean, I’m not going to hurt myself, am I?”

  “Only if you try to be too acrobatic. Just let he
r take the lead for now. Until you’re able to stand on your own for more than ten minutes, I wouldn’t recommend you doing the majority of the work.”

  I nodded and shook his hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Vanessa came over to me with a big grin on her face and I smiled, knowing that tonight, she would have that smile on her face several times.

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  “You guys can leave at any fucking time,” I grumbled to John. He grinned at me from across the table, knowing that I wanted to be alone with Vanessa. She was over digging dessert out of the fridge and was totally oblivious to what I had in mind for tonight.

  “It would be rude to leave before dessert is served,” Jules smirked.

  I looked at Chris, who never wanted to be around other people, but for some reason was always hanging around Vanessa at meal times. “Don’t you have to walk the perimeter or check the monitors?”

  “I have my phone on me. It’ll let me know if there’s a problem.” I narrowed my eyes at him, but he just leaned back in his chair and raised an eyebrow at me. “You need us to leave for some reason?”

  He wanted me to say it. He was baiting me, but what I did with Vanessa was none of his business. I shook my head at him and waited for Vanessa to return.

  “Pussy,” I heard him mutter under his breath.

  I pushed back from the table and wheeled toward the door. “Time for you all to leave,” I said loudly.

  “But, I was just getting the dessert ready,” Vanessa said in confusion.

  “They don’t need fucking dessert.”

  “But I made English Trifle. It has whipped cream.”

  “Yeah,” John smirked. “It has whipped cream.”