Reaching Out For You (Never Letting Go)

by S. Moose

Adam: Here

  I skip down the stairs with a silly grin on my face. When I open the door and see him I wrap my arms around him and hold him for a minute. “Wow you look nice.” He says looking down my body.

  “Oh this is just what I wear to sleep.” I see his eyes get wider and his jaw get tight. I get closer to him and can hear his breathing get uneven. I lightly touch his arm and tease him. Sarah gave me advice on how to tease guys and what drives them crazy. I hate being so inexperienced but it is fun learning with Adam. “Want to go upstairs now?”

  Adam looks at me and simply nods. I take his hand and guide him upstairs to my room. We get in and I slowly close the door. When I turn back around, Adam has made his way to my bed and gets comfortable under the blankets. I stand at the edge with my arms folded across my chest, “Comfortable?”

  “Not yet.” He pats the space next to him and I go sit next to him. We don’t say anything for a few minutes but just look at each other. I drink him in and cherish each moment. His eyes are so beautiful and filled with desire. I can feel myself getting hot and I wish he’d just take me now. I’m ready to give Adam everything; my body, my heart and soul. I take off my hoodie and fling it on the ground. I hear Adam inhale sharply. “You ok?”

  “Huh?” I see desire and want in his eyes. It makes me feel seductive and powerful. I want him just as much as he wants me, but tonight will not be the night. I want our first time to be special-to be memorable.

  I turn my body around and face him. My pink tank top is fitted and flaunts my body. “I asked if you’re ok.” I bite down on my lip and watch as he parts his lips.

  “You’re so beautiful.” He says to me while caressing my arm.

  “You aren’t so bad yourself.” I stroke the stubble on his face.

  “Pretty girl, please don’t.” His voice is low and hoarse.

  I’m confused at what he is telling me. Maybe I read all the signs wrong and he doesn’t want me the way I want him. “I’m sorry. Let’s just go to bed.”

  He takes my hand and looks at me. Those eyes again. He makes me forget about my irritation. “Hey Soph, stop.”

  “What?” I answer quickly. “You don’t want me.” I look away from him since I don’t want him to see my hurt feelings.

  The tension in his face tightens. “Is that what you think?”

  I roll my eyes, “It is what I know.”

  “Baby, listen to me. I want you… BAD! But not like this. I don’t want you to think of us as a hook up or friends with benefits type of relationship.” He touches my face and I lean into him. “I want to make you feel special so you feel nothing but love. Do you understand what I am trying to say?”

  I can’t respond back. My whole body freezes. His honesty is killing me. I’m glad he is able to open up to me but it scares me. Are we opening ourselves up too fast? I try and shake away my insecurities but I can’t seem to let go of those thoughts.

  “Then let’s not rush anything ok? I don’t want to mess anything up.”

  I lean in and kiss him on the cheek. “Let’s go to sleep then.”

  “Only if you let me hold you,” he whispers.

  I oblige him by moving closer to him and push my body close to his. He wraps his arms around my waist. I hold his hand and stroke his arm. I love this feeling of him with me. I slowly close my eyes and feel his arms hold me tighter. I can get used to this feeling.

  Chapter 10

  We wake up the next morning in each other’s arms. Everything feels great and I don’t want him to leave. He wants to leave before my dad and Sarah wake up. He gives me a kiss on the cheek and a long hug before he leaves. When the door closes, a part of me starts to get sad. I thought we would be together by now but nothing yet and it sucks! I know that he is taking things slow because of me and I get it-I do! But a part of me is so mad. I want him to lift me up in his arms and take me away… away from myself and away from the memories of the darkness. Maybe I should just make the first move? I don’t want him to think I am being pushy. I run my hand through my hair and decide to take a shower.

  I spend a lot of time with my family as the next few days go by. Dad took us shopping and out to dinner one night. It felt so good to catch up with them and for us to be a family.

  Sarah and I shop up a storm! We have been at the mall buying last minute items and of course things for ourselves. One night, we decide it is time for some quality sister time. We go out to dinner and talk about everything. It is nice to spend some alone time with her. I feel bad that she still hasn’t found someone for herself. My dad has kept her busy with making arrangements about new clinics. I keep telling her to make sure she has time for herself.

  After dinner, we go out to Olive’s Bar. It is busy tonight! I see a few friends from high school and I freeze. I haven’t talked to them in years but when they see me, all the hugs and kisses come as well! Apparently Connor told people in town I was back to “normal.” We talk about what we have been up to the last few years. I did feel normal again and I am having so much fun. We dance and laugh the whole night. There are a few guys who try to get our attention, but all I can think about is Adam. I think about what he is doing and who he is with right now. I want to text him but Sarah wants to spend time with just me.

  This was exactly what I needed-a break. Erin texts me every day, she is having fun back home in New York but wants to be with us. She wants us to come up for New Years, but I am not sure what we are going to do. I told her I would let her know when I find out from Sarah and the guys.

  Its Christmas Eve night and I really don’t know why Adam hasn’t texted me. I roll my eyes and figure he is out partying it up with Connor. It makes me really sad and I start to think he has changed his mind about me.

  I look over at the box and envelope that Adam gave to me and wonder what is inside. I’m about to get up and open the gift when all of a sudden I feel him. The power of his presence is overwhelming. I can’t believe how my body reacts whenever he is near. I have fantasies about him kissing me all over and us making love. My skin begins to burn up as my mind drifts to my deepest desires.

  “You promised you wouldn’t open the gift until Christmas, Soph.” Adam walks over to my bed and sits down, “You know it is not nice to break promises.”

  I close my eyes and turn around, “Well you know me, and I don’t like waiting.” I roll my eyes, “Plus you’ve been ignoring me since the other night.”

  A sly smile comes across his face, “Did you miss me?” He gets up and touches my arms. “You know, I did think about you. You’re always on my mind pretty girl. I keep thinking about ways I can make you feel special. I want to be the one who makes you smile.” He kisses my forehead and I wrap my arms around him. I never felt this way before. He is the only one who has touched my heart and soul. I hope that I can be enough for him. I hope that I’m the only one in his heart and mind.

  I pout, “Why didn’t you text me or call?”

  “My parents, Connor and I have been busy to be honest. Dad has us moving things around since he renovated the whole basement for us when we’re done with school,” his body shifts over to me and before I know it, his face is inches from mine, “I thought about you the whole time though.”

  He picks me up into a hug. I think about being in his arms forever. He is the only place I want to be. “I missed you.”

  He runs his nose by my cheek, “I missed you too pretty girl. God, you smell so good.”

  The honesty and love in his tone makes me melt. I don’t think I will ever get tired of him or what he says to me. I love how honest and open he is. I All I can do is nod and smile. Each time my heart beats, it beats for him. Every breath I take, I take for him. He is my life he means everything to me. I close my eyes and feel his breath on my face. I want to take my hands and run them through his hair.

  “How about we go ice skating tonight?”

  My face is still against his chest. I close my eyes and we stand there before I answer. “I’d love that.”

  “Be re
ady in thirty, ok?”

  I nod. He gives me a quick kiss on my cheek and leaves my room. I get ready fast and make sure I look good. I curl my hair into soft curls and spray some hairspray in my hair. I run down the stairs and look outside. It is lightly snowing out and I am excited; I can’t wait to spend time with Adam tonight.

  Right at 6 o’clock I hear the door open. I run to the front door and see him standing there in his jacket, hat and gloves. He looks absolutely adorable. I jump in his arms and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. “You just saw me pretty girl. Miss me already?”

  “Yes!” I wish I could tell him I miss him whenever he is not around me.

  “I missed you too. Are you ready?” I nod. “Then let’s go.” Adam grabs my ice skates and we head out to his car. His parents bought him a new black Nissan 370z. It is an awesome car and I can’t wait to get in. Adam opens the door for me and I get right in. Inside is just as beautiful. I see Adam’s wallet in the console and wonder what he has inside of it. I grab it and when I open it, I see a picture of me inside. I don’t remember where this was taken. It looks recent. I’m wearing a black dress and my hair is curled. The last time I wore that dress was when Erin and I went out to celebrate our grades.

  “You’re so nosy.” Adam gets in and closes the door. He starts laughing and it fills the night air. I love to hear him laugh.

  I turn to him and point to my picture in his wallet. “You have my picture, from when?”

  “Ummm… I stole it from Erin.” I see his face blushing and I feel bad that I’m embarrassing him. I take his hand and smile.

  “You’re too much.” I take out my phone and get right next to him, “Smile.” I take the picture with my phone and look at it. The picture came out great. Anyone can see the happiness between us, and the love we both share for each other. I am not sure how much longer I can wait, but I know I want to be his girlfriend.

  “Alright, ready to go?”

  “Yes!”

  It is a short drive to the ice rink. There aren’t that many people out which is great because I want to spend time with Adam. “Where’s Connor?”

  “He is helping mom with some things. He says hi and to not punch me.” I punch him in the arm and giggle. “There is that laugh I miss.” He takes my hand and kisses it. “Promise me you’ll always laugh when we’re together?”

  “Always,” I promise.

  We get to the rink and find a spot to put on our skates. It has been ages since I went skating and I am scared. Adam takes my hand and leads us out onto the ice. At first it is hard but after a few moments we are both going at a good speed. Hand in hand we skate around the rink and the feeling is unforgettable. I want to ask him when we can become official, but I don’t want to scare him off. Just this feeling of being with him makes everything feel amazing. Everything makes sense with him. Everything in life is clearer. I put aside my fears and let myself go with him. I know that this is the feeling of true love and I hope he feels the same way.

  We skate for a little while longer before collapsing on the ground. The skies are clear tonight and the stars are out. It is beautiful outside. We hear carolers in the distance and I get excited for Christmas. Adam gets up and pulls me into his arms. I will never get tired of being with him. He looks down at me and smiles, “Do you know how much I care about you?”

  “Nope, I don’t!” I hold him tighter and feel his chin resting on my head. He lets me go and I look at him with question in my eyes. I know he is thinking and I wonder what he is thinking about.

  “I know we said to take it slow, but I can’t anymore.” Adam brings his lips to mine as we share a sweet kiss. This feeling is incredible and I never want it to end. The kiss is gentle and I love how his lips feel on mine. I put my arms around his neck and pull him down to me. I part my lips and let his tongue in. At first, it is slow and gentle but when I start to moan, I feel him pull me in closer. His kisses are full of want and urgency. He pulls away leaving me breathless. “I don’t want to scare you away and you know I’m not going to turn my back on you. I just don’t want to be your friend anymore.” I gasp and cover my mouth. A part of me is ready to be with him but the other part still feels damaged. He looks down into my eyes. “Sophia you are all I think about. When we aren’t together, I miss you. I count down the minutes until I get to see you again. Do you know how hard it was to stay away from you? Or how hard it was to see you with Kyle? I wanted to punch him every time I saw you two together.”

  I take his hands. “Adam you know I feel the same way, but I have so many issues and I don’t want to drag you down with my issues.” I look down and feel ashamed. This is what I want but for some reason I can’t accept him or his feelings. I look up and see hurt in his eyes. “I’m sorry Adam but I don’t want to ruin you.”

  “Sophia,” he starts to say, “I don’t care if you have a lot going on in your life. I will be here to help you.” He cradles my face and kisses me again. “I want to be here for you. I came back for you. I couldn’t stay away from you any longer.”

  “Yeah but you turned your back when my mom died and when I got angry.” I start to cry. “You never even tried to come back even after I saved you after your accident.” I wipe the tears away and turn my back toward him. I don’t want him to see me cry.

  “I know I messed up and I’m sorry. I will do everything I can to make it up to you Sophia. Please just give us a chance.” I look away from him. A part of me is jumping for joy but the other part is crying in the dark corner. I’m nervous that if I let him in again, I’ll just get hurt. “I love you. I think I’ve always loved you. You are the only one for me pretty girl, and I want to be with you. Please be mine forever.”

  I pull away from his arms. I don’t know what to do. Should I run? Should I just take this chance? “I’m scared Adam.” I feel like a child. He slowly walks toward me and when he is standing in front of me, I close my eyes and feel everything around me; the quietness of the night and the cold breeze going through us. His lips brush mine as his hands stroke my back. I push forward a little and intensify the kiss. I want him now and forever. Something in me breaks and I know that Adam is the one for me. I cradle his face and smile. “I love you too Adam and I’ve always been yours.” He picks me up laughing and spins me around. When he slowly brings me back down, we kiss again and my heart beats uncontrollably.

  This is the best Christmas Eve and I know my life will be much better now that Adam is officially mine.

  Chapter 11

  Its Christmas morning! I wake up in a jolt and am so excited. Christmas has always been a happy holiday for us. Even though my mom isn’t here with us physically, I can feel her around me. I walk over to my desk and pick up Adam’s gift. I slowly slide my finger across the envelope and unfold the letter:

  Merry Christmas Pretty Girl!

  I bet you couldn’t wait to open up my gift and letter but thank you for waiting. If you’re reading this then that means you came back to me. You’ve made this the best Christmas yet. I know you’re probably wondering how I know we’re together but you underestimate me. I believe in us. When I first saw you, I knew we’d be back together soon. And if we aren’t well this is pretty embarrassing. I know our lives have changed and it has been years since we last talked. What I want you to know is that I love you pretty girl; I always have. You mean more to me than life itself. I regret leaving you that night and never coming back to you. I hope that you are able to forgive me and realize how I will do whatever I can to keep you in my life. You are an amazing woman and I’m proud of you. I hope that one day you will love me just as much as I love you. I hope you like your gift because it symbolizes my love for you. A piece of me will be with you forever.

  I love you pretty girl.

  Yours forever,

  Adam

  I clench the letter in my hands and hold it to my heart. I can’t believe he just poured his heart and soul into this letter to me. It is funny how he knew we’d be back together. I am glad that his predictions were rig
ht. I put the letter down and then pick up the box. I go back to my bed and sit cross-legged examining the box. I gently peel back the tape and wrapping paper. The box is black and light. I open the box and see the most stunning diamond heart silver pendant. I put my hand over my mouth and I am amazed. I put on the necklace and look at myself in the mirror and smile. The necklace is beautiful and I feel so lucky to have a great love like Adam. I grab my phone and text him:

  Me: Merry Christmas boyfriend. I love you and my present.

  Adam: Merry Christmas pretty girl. I love you too and I’m glad you like your gift. Can’t wait to see you and kiss your beautiful lips. I had a dream about you last night.

  Me: Oh yeah? What about?

  Adam: Maybe one night I can show you.

  I start laughing and think about what he could be talking about. I feel my body getting tight and there is warmth spreading through me. I touch my lips as I think about Adam and how his lips feel on mine. For a moment I forget where I am and get lost in thoughts of Adam’s lips all over me. I want to feel his hands on me and the weight of his body on mine. I want our first time to be special. I want to make love with him and for him to be my first and last.