Reaching Out For You (Never Letting Go)

by S. Moose

  Me: Maybe ;)

  I put my phone away and remember I have to help Sarah prepare and make breakfast. I can’t move from my bed. I throw a pillow to cover my face and bite down. Adam makes me feel all sorts of feelings and I want him now. My hands start going down my body but I can’t do this today! I sit up on my bed and shake out those thoughts.

  I open my bedroom door and walk down to the kitchen. It is a Christmas tradition in my family where Sarah and I make breakfast. We always go overboard and make too much. This year we decide to make strawberry and blueberry pancakes topped with whipped cream, sausage, bacon, cinnamon buns and eggs. It feels great to be at home with my family, “How’d you sleep last night?”

  “Really well, actually,” I’m whipping the eggs in a bowl, “You?”

  “I was up all night wrapping the rest of the presents and watching TV.” Sarah always has problems sleeping so she keeps herself busy with errands and chores to do around the house, “But I’m glad that the Simpson’s are coming over today.”

  “Oh you mean my boyfriend is coming over?”

  Sarah nearly drops the bowl on the floor. “What?”

  “Yep, Adam and I are official!”

  We start jumping and squealing. It is exciting to tell her the news. Just saying that he is my boyfriend makes me feel like I’m on cloud nine. Adam’s finally mine and I don’t want to do anything to mess it up. He brightens up my life and keeps me smiling. “Oh my God, finally,” Sarah shouts!

  “I know. Best Christmas ever!”

  We get everything ready to serve, “Wow, girls this smells great,” Dad says while shoving a cinnamon bun in his mouth.

  “Daddy, stop! We can’t eat until the Simpsons get here.” I motion for him to sit down, “They’ll be here any minute.” The doorbell rings and I start running to the door. When I open the door, Adam and Connor both come barreling in the door, they take me in their arms, “Merry Christmas Soph!”

  “Oh my God, put me down now.” I really do not want them to put me down but I am embarrassed they are acting like this. As they put me down, Adam looks down at the necklace and I feel my heart dancing, “Thank you for my gift.”

  “It looks good on you.” His mood is quite cheerful as they make their way into the kitchen.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, Merry Christmas!” I go over and give them both a hug.

  “Merry Christmas to you as well, I am so glad the three of you are friends again. Adam cannot stop talking about you since he has been back from school, you know. And thank you for telling me the news, my darling.” I can hear the sarcasm in her voice.

  “I’m sorry! Everything happened so fast.”

  She brings me in for a hug. “Well it is about time!”

  “Merry Christmas, Sophia, where’s your father?” Mr. Simpson asks. I point over to the kitchen. He comes toward me and picks me up in his arms. I feel weird giving him a hug but that feeling disappears. He has been like a second dad to me and I’ve known him all my life. “Thank you Sophia for making both of my boys happy.” He whispers in my ear. When he puts me down, he smiles, “Sophia you can call me Frank! No more Mr. Simpson!” He waves his finger in my face and laughs. “Don’t make me feel old now. Ah, before I go where do you want us to put these gifts?”

  I can’t help but laugh, “Alright, sounds like a plan!” I look behind him and see dozens of boxes. The Simpsons are very generous and wealthy people but I feel guilty while looking at the gifts. Sometimes I think they feel bad for us and do this out of pity but I know better than that. The Simpsons have been our rock since the beginning. Ever since my mom passed away, they would come over to visit my dad and keep him company. It made me feel better about my decision to leave home. “Here let me help you.”

  Frank shakes his head, “Nonsense! Boys come out here and bring in the gifts.”

  A few moments later we’re all in the kitchen, sitting down and eating.

  “Sophia, look at you! You are absolutely beautiful my dear.” Mrs. Simpson always compliments me and it makes me feel so embarrassed. “And it only took nearly twenty one years for you and my stubborn son to make yourselves official.” She continues to eat her cinnamon bun as if saying that meant nothing.

  “Um, thank you Mrs. Simpson.” I start fidgeting in my seat and my face goes bright red again.

  “Sophia, I think you’re old enough to call me Lydia.”

  “Um, okay. Thanks Lydia.” I smile at her and just shake my head. I peer over at Adam and see him looking at me. There is that smile again… the smile that lets me know how happy he is. I bring my hand down from the table and bring it to his. Our fingers twist together and an instant rush comes through me.

  Connor shoves a cinnamon bun in his mouth and looks at us. “Well Soph, now that you and Adam are finally together, when’s the wedding?”

  Sarah high fives Connor and the kitchen explodes with laughter. “One hundred percent Connor. One. Hundred. Percent!” I feel humiliated that they’re already making jokes about us. I am not mad or anything, but I don’t want Adam to think that this is what I want. I mean of course maybe one day we can get married, but now I’m just getting used to having him as my boyfriend.

  “Alright, who wants to open presents?” I get up from the table and head over to the living room. Everyone follows me to the living room for present time as well.

  My dad takes charge and starts to pass out everyone’s gifts. Since we are all older, we start to open up our gifts and say our ‘thank yous’. Lydia and Frank give dad, Sarah, and I, a one-week vacation to Florida. That was their usual gift for us but after Adam and I stopped being friends, we stopped celebrating Christmas together. We haven’t been to Florida in about six years. It will be a good vacation to get away before graduation.

  We give our present to Lydia and Frank. My dad knew about the Florida trip since Lydia asked if it would be ok that we all go this year. Since everything is ok with all of us, they both decided it was time to go back down to Florida-together. My dad bought them an all day spa package which includes massages, a mud bath, facials, golf, a manicure and pedicure. Thank goodness he paid for that gift!

  We give Adam and Connor floor seat tickets to the final game for the NCAA. It is a win-win situation and everyone is happy, “You know this never gets old. I love Christmas,” Connor says. He gets up and hands me a gift, “Here ya go, Soph. Open it.”

  I can’t help but smile. I wonder what he bought me, so I quickly start opening the gift and see a beautiful black Michael Kor’s purse, “Oh Connor, thank you.” I get up and give him a hug, “I love it, thank you!”

  When he lets me go, I look at both Adam and Connor and wink, “I have something for the both of you as well.” I go over behind the couch and grab two boxes, “Here, these are for you.”

  The guys went at the boxes and tore them apart. They open the boxes and are speechless. I bought them both a signed Brady jersey that cost me a little too much but I know it is worth it. The guys get up and tackle me to the ground, giving me kisses all over, “Oh my God! Get off me!” I wiggle underneath them and laugh. Being with them feels like a dream. Everything is perfect.

  “Look at them Tom, doesn’t it feel good to have them all back,” I hear Lydia say to my dad.

  “It is great to have Sophia back.”

  The rest of the day goes by fast. Lydia and Frank head out while Adam and Connor stay behind. We watch Christmas movies with my dad and Sarah and I realize how happy I am. I lean my head on Adam’s broad shoulder and let out a quiet sigh. His hand rests gently on my knee and my whole body clenches as I start thinking about him on top of me kissing me all over and moving his hands all over my body. Oh my God! I need to stop thinking like this.

  “Soph, you never answered my question,” Connor starts to say, “I mean I’ve always wanted a sister.”

  I throw a pillow at him. “Shut up!” I think about what it’d be like to be Mrs. Sophia Simpson, but immediately dismiss the idea out of my head. It has only been a day! I can’t th
ink that way.

  Adam takes my hand as he gets up, “Come outside with me.”

  I immediately get up and start following him outside. When we walk out the door to the porch, I notice that it is lightly snowing. I watch the snowflakes fall from the sky. I run out on the grass and start spinning as I tilt my head back and stick my tongue out.

  “Soph, what are you doing?”

  I start laughing. “I’m alive, Adam! Come on, spin with me.” I spin faster and faster. Adam grabs me by the waist and lifts me up. We spin together as we laugh hysterically. Finally we fall on the grass and look at one another, “Hi.”

  “Hi.”

  “Thanks for staying with me today and for everything you’ve been doing. I know I don’t say this enough but thank you for coming back to me. I really missed you.”

  He leans in closer and kisses my forehead, “You too Soph.”

  Chapter 12

  I have only been back to school for a few days and already hate it. I’ve been stuck in the library 24/7. All I do is research various advances of Optimax, and how we can expand further. It is daunting and I am always so tired. The night times are the best because Adam will stay with me in my room. He is always a gentleman and we hold each other all night. I love everything about him. His smile, his eyes, his scent, and the way I feel in his arms.

  I barely see Kyle, which is a great thing. One day while Adam and I are walking, I see Kyle in the corner of my eye. The way his eyes fall on me, scare me half to death. I don’t know what to say or if I should let Adam know, but I never mention it. Adam complains all the time how Kyle changes the plays and will not let him know. I want Adam to quit the basketball team, but I don’t want him to give up playing. Adam’s love for basketball started when he was a kid. I do not want to take that away from him. I want to talk to Kyle and tell him to grow up, but Erin stops me. I hate this useless battle between the both of them.

  It is Thursday night and Adam has to run back home to help his dad with something. I take the opportunity to get back to studying the company, and do more research. There are not too many people in the library and it feels nice to have some quiet time.

  “Sophia.” His dark voice makes my body clench with fear. My skin crawls and my body becomes tense. Kyle’s near me. I forget what to do and freeze. I hate how scared he makes me feel. His voice alone makes me feel small. I watch him as he comes to the table and sits down across from me. The anger in his eyes emerges and I can feel the tension in the air. I see his fists tighten and I start to get scared, “So you are the fucking slut I knew you were.” I look around the library to see if anyone can hear us. “Sophia, you can’t leave me, I hope you know that.”

  “Leave me alone, Kyle. We broke up. We’re done. I’m with Adam now.”

  He abruptly gets up from the chair knocking it down. “So you think it is fucking over, Sophia!”

  I start to cry, “Kyle, stop and leave me alone please!” I don’t know why I can’t find the strength to stop crying and stand up to him. I hate this feeling. I don’t want to feel weak.

  He flips over the table and all of my papers scatter across the floor. The students around us start to get up and look over at us. I feel so embarrassed, but mostly scared, I am not sure what Kyle is capable of doing. “I am NOT losing you Sophia. You better think about that before doing something you will regret!” He comes close to my face and I see the intensity in his eyes. I close my eyes and think about Adam; my happy place. When I open my eyes again I see Erin pushing Kyle out of my face and kicking him in the stomach.

  “Leave her the fuck alone, Kyle!”

  He gets up from the floor and gets in Erin’s face. “Stay the fuck out of this Erin.”

  Erin gets in his face and stares him down. “Listen you asshole. She broke up with you so move the fuck on! You can’t hit her or treat her like shit anymore. If you don’t leave, I will call the cops.” Erin whips out her phone and looks straight at him.

  I’m frozen in my chair and can’t move.

  Kyle throws his hands in the air and laughs. “Leaving… but you bitches haven’t seen the last of me.”

  I get up and try to reorganize the table and my papers. I can’t help but cry. I notice the whispers and pointing start. I try to ignore it but can’t control my emotions. “Stop looking at me!” I scream. I get on my hands and knees and sob uncontrollably. I hate how much control he still has over me. I just want him to get the hell out of my life so I can be happy. What is it going to take?

  “Sophia, honey it is ok.” Erin takes me in her arms and pats my back. I can’t help but shake. Why can’t he leave me alone? After a few minutes Erin puts everything back to the way it was before Kyle attacked my papers and the table. She puts my papers in my backpack and pulls me close to her, “Come on lets go.”

  All eyes are back on me and I can’t help but think how much I hate myself for allowing Kyle to make a scene. This is my entire fault and I can’t think otherwise.

  We get outside into the dreary night. There are students everywhere and the sidewalks are packed. Students are scrambling to get to their next class so they will not be late. Luckily, for me I am finished with classes and just have to focus on the presentation I am going to have to give in a few weeks. “You hungry,” Erin asks me.

  Erin’s arm is still around me as we walk aimlessly. “Not really.”

  “Well you look like you’ve lost 10 lbs, so let’s get the unhealthiest thing known to man, whatcha say?”

  I shrug my shoulders and follow her as we head toward Oscars-a fried chicken and biscuit place that I used to go to when I had my “friend” visiting. Definitely comfort food but something that I can’t eat every day. We arrive at the tiny restaurant and seat ourselves in the booth. The tablecloth is a checkered pattern. There aren’t many tables and booths in the place since students mostly just take the food to go. The wallpaper is peeling from the wall but I think it gives the place more character. It just shows how long they’ve been opened and it doesn’t need a makeover for people to still be attracted to the place.

  Erin comes back to the table with our food and starts eating. All I can do is look at it and move the chicken around, “Soph?”

  I look up, “Yeah?”

  “You ok babe?”

  “I don’t know Erin. Why can’t he leave me alone? I don’t want to tell Adam.”

  “Hey! You need to tell him. He is your boyfriend and he deserves to know. Don’t shut anyone out Sophia. I am serious!”

  I sigh. Why did this have to happen? I’m happy and I am doing great. I can’t have Kyle constantly around trying to terrorize me. I want my life to be normal. I want to be able to go out with my boyfriend and my friends without the fear of Kyle being nearby.

  Erin and I finish up our dinner and head back to the apartment. When we get there, Connor’s sitting at the island with his laptop. “Hey girls, what is going on?” I feel myself falling apart again. “Oh my God, Soph, what is wrong,” Connor gets up and runs over to me. I fall into his arms and cry. When are the tears going to stop coming now? When will I be happy for more than a few weeks?

  “Kyle confronted her at the library,” Erin answers while stroking my back. “He is going to do something stupid Connor, you need to tell Adam.”

  I grip Connor’s shoulders and vehemently shake my head. “No please no! I don’t want him to worry!”

  Connor holds me tighter. “Babygirl, shhhhh. You need to get some sleep ok? Erin, can you take her to Adam’s room?”

  “Yeah, no problem, come on sweetie, let’s get you some sleep.”

  My trembling body goes to Erin and we head to Adam’s room. She puts me to bed and looks at me, “I love you Sophia and I want you to be safe.”

  “I know.” My voice is so weak and I feel tired.

  Erin hugs me and looks at me. “Get some sleep girl. I’ll be here when you wake up.”

  I close my eyes and drift into a deep sleep. It seems like hours have went by when I get up. The room is dark and quiet.
I look around and I don’t see any lights on. Maybe they went out to eat or something. I walk out of the room and feel eyes on me. I turn around but there is no one around. I continue to walk down the hall and into the kitchen. The hallway is dark but when I flick the light on, nothing happens. Panic sets in as I clench my chest. Something doesn’t feel right. I run to the kitchen but I don’t feel my feet moving. I look down and see the floor but can’t move my feet. I try to scream but nothing comes out. The sweat drips from my face and my heart is beating uncontrollably. I feel dizzy and out of breath.

  “Sophia.”

  That dark voice consumes me. His shadow overtakes me and I fall to the floor. My head hits the floor and the sting runs through me. I see Kyle standing above me with blood on his hands. I try to scream again but nothing comes out. “I told you you’d never be able to leave me. Now you’re mine!”