Pastures of Faith

by Sarah Price

  The room was silent. Daniel felt his pulse racing through his blood. He suspected where this was going and he knew he wasn’t going to like it. Carefully, he chose his words. “What would you have me do then?”

  “Take her to a singing or one of the youth gatherings.”

  “What?” Daniel almost jumped up from his seat. If he had expected some request, this clearly was not it. He glared at his two younger brothers, both of whom had started laughing at Junior’s request. “Take her where?”

  “Anywhere. Introduce her to people so that she has some purpose, some laughter in her life.”

  “Why me?”

  Junior frowned. “Would you have me ask David or Samuel?”

  This time, it was Samuel who shot out of his chair, confronting his older brother with a loud voice and twisted expression. “I’m not taking her anywhere!”

  Katie silenced David and Samuel with a stern look as she walked toward the chair where Daniel was seated. She smiled at him as she stood next to Junior. “Daniel, you should be kinder to this girl,” she started. Then, glancing at the two younger boys, she added, “You all should. After all, she needs our understanding and comfort.”

  “Mamm, you don’t understand. She’s bold and forward,” Samuel blurted out.

  “You will try harder to get along with her, son.”

  “She’s mean,” he retorted. “I don’t know what they teach in Ohio but she’s not like any girl I ever met. Her tongue is sharp like a knife!”

  Katie smiled, speaking calmly and with more patience than she was feeling. “She’s alone and confused. She’s in mourning.”

  “Mourning? For what? Ohio?”

  “For her mother,” Katie said softly, her eyes welling up with tears as she thought about her own Mamm, long passed from this world but still ever so dear to her heart. “She’s mighty young to have been dealt such a blow. Her mother had a terrible passing, I’m told. Think how you’d feel if you were in the same situation, Samuel.” He lowered his eyes and looked away, clearly not wanting to examine Rachel’s perspective on the matter. Katie sighed, exasperated with his willfulness. “Mayhaps it’s best if you both go on out to the barn and see if your daed needs help.”

  They didn’t need any more of an invitation to leave, preferring to be away from the uncomfortable discussion about taking Rachel to a singing. So, David and Samuel scurried out of the kitchen, slamming the kitchen door behind them but not before Samuel shouted out, “Don’t make me take that grouchy girl nowhere!”

  “Samuel!” But Katie’s word fell on deaf ears as David and Samuel were already hurrying across the driveway toward the barn.

  Daniel watched through the window, knowing that this was going to end poorly for him. He scowled at his oldest brother. “Well, certainly not Samuel. Not with his less than charitable behavior toward her.” He glanced at his mother. She was clearly unhappy with Samuel and trying to count to ten beneath her breath. Daniel tried to reason with Junior. “But surely David could take her. He’s closer in age to her and he likes going to those singings.” In truth, Daniel hadn’t gone to a singing for several months, much preferring to stay home in the evening. Early to bed, early to rise…

  Junior sighed. “Daniel, you know that David and Samuel are inseparable. They run with the same supper gang and those boys are just as bad as Samuel. That would be no gut. Plus, you’d be hard pressed to get those two to attend apart and that wouldn’t do. Plus, same age or not, he’s just younger than her and he doesn’t know girls her age. It makes much better sense for you to take her to the singing.”

  Daniel shook his head. He couldn’t even begin to comprehend what his brother wanted from him. A singing? A youth gathering? Not only did Daniel dislike going to those events, he certainly didn’t want to take Rachel alongside him. “You ask too much, Junior.” But Daniel sighed, knowing full well where the conversation was going and how it would end. With his Mamm on Junior’s side, there would be no escaping the duty at hand. “And what if I have to bring her home from the singing? I don’t want people to think we are courting!” he complained.

  Junior put his hand on Daniel’s shoulder. “I doubt that any of us would suspect you of come-calling on Rachel, Daniel. That would be like putting a stallion into a paddock with a bull. I’d hate to think about who would walk out unscathed!” He started to walk away but turned back at the door. “Besides, maybe you’ll get lucky and some Amish beuw will start courting her!”

  It was two days later when Daniel found himself seated next to Rachel. The buggy lurched back and forth on the rode, the horse’s metal shoes clicked against the macadam as the buggy wheels hummed. It was an Amish symphony, music to Daniel’s ears and a welcome distraction from the woman sitting next to him.

  While reluctant to ask Rachel to attend the Sunday singing, Daniel had known better than to argue with Junior and Mamm. The last thing he needed was to have Daed get involved with the decision. So, he had given in and, after the Sunday service at the Yoder’s farm, Daniel had taken a deep breath before walking over to Junior’s house in the afternoon.

  She had been sitting by the window, reading from the Bible. Linda and Jacob were nestled next to her on the sofa, listening to her story about Jonah and the whale. Daniel had walked through the room connecting his mamm’s kitchen with the grossdaadihaus. When he opened the door, he could hear Rachel’s voice before he saw her. There was something sweet about the way she read the Bible to Linda and Jacob, her voice fluctuating as she changed it when she spoke Jonah’s words. She would pause and comment on the story along the way, too.

  “’Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs,’” she read. “’But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you. What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the Lord.’ And the Lord commanded the fish and it vomited Jonah onto dry land.” Rachel paused. “That certainly doesn’t sound pleasant, does it now?”

  Jacob giggled and Linda replied, “Better than being stuck in the whale’s belly, ja?”

  Rachel nodded sincerely. “I think you have a good point, Linda. Being inside a whale would be very cold and wet and lonely.”

  “I don’t like being alone,” Linda said seriously.

  “Me, too,” Jacob added.

  Daniel had cleared his throat, hating to break up the scene but he did have to get chores done early if he was going to take her. When she looked up and saw him standing there, she seemed hesitant at first. They hadn’t really interacted since that night in the hayloft and, after suffering from the abuse of Samuel, she wasn’t trusting of the Lapp boys. But, there was something about how she stared at him, her large brown eyes so doe-like and curious. There was a peacefulness about her expression, perhaps because she had been reading to the children. He suddenly found himself uncertain what to say to her.

  “Gut martiye, Daniel,” she finally said, breaking the silence.

  “Headed over to the singing tonight,” he mumbled, too aware of how nervous he felt. He had never asked anyone to attend a singing with him and, even though this was a favor, not anything more, he felt awkward and out of place. “Thought you might want to ride along,” he had said. When she didn’t respond right away, looking at him suspiciously, he took a deep breath and sighed as he explained. “Might be nice to meet some of the other youths, ja? Junior thought so, anyway.”

  It had surprised him that she had agreed, something softening in her expression. Now, several hours later, he found himself seated next to her in his buggy, feeling awkward next to a girl he didn’t know and one that he wasn’t interested in.

  Daniel was relieved that his daed let him use a regular buggy, rather than forcing him to use the courting buggy that was covered in the horse barn. It would do no good to have anyone spy him with this strange Amish girl from Ohio. Even though he wasn’t interested in courting anyone at the present moment, he certainly didn’t need tongues wagging that his romantic interest resided with Rachel. There was no chance of any roman
tic thought crossing through his mind about Rachel, he told himself. And he sure didn’t need that Amish grapevine with loose tongues spreading gossip about him, that was for sure and certain!

  “You didn’t have to take me,” she said, finally breaking the silence.

  Daniel didn’t reply. His mother used to always say that the less said, the better. He knew that this was one of those moments. Besides, he thought, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye, he didn’t know how to respond anyway. Truth was that he didn’t have to take her but, when Junior had asked, he knew that it was the right thing to do. He certainly didn’t want to encourage her but he also didn’t want to make her feel as though he had taken her strictly on pity.

  “Back in Ohio…” she began.

  He sighed, closing his ears to whatever story she began to tell him. Her voice droned on and Daniel escaped to his own thoughts. He wondered what his friends were going to say when he showed up with this strange young woman. Outside of church, he hadn’t seen his friends in weeks. Despite the Amish grapevine, they probably didn’t know much about Rachel’s presence at the Lapp farm. When Daniel arrived at a singing, with a young woman accompanying him no less, he knew that tongues would start to wag without any regard for finding out who she was. At least, Daniel thought, I don’t have any interest in anyone who might be upset by his arrival with Rachel.

  Silence. He realized that she had stopped talking and he glanced over at her. She seemed to be waiting for a response from him. “Did you ask me something?”

  Immediately, he could tell that she knew he hadn’t been listening. “I was telling you about the singings in Ohio,” she said softly. “I wanted to know what your singings are like?”

  “My mind wandered,” he said quietly, slightly embarrassed that he had been caught daydreaming rather than paying attention to what she had been saying.

  “You weren’t listening,” she said, her lips pursed tight. “I don’t even know why I tried,” she mumbled. “You aren’t any different than that horrid brother of yours.”

  “I’m sorry, Rachel,” he said, forcing himself to not respond with a similar, terse tone. “I was day-dreaming, t’is all.”

  When she didn’t respond, he glanced at her. She was staring straight ahead, her eyes on the road as though searching for something. But, whatever she sought wasn’t out there. Instead, it was inside of her. He could tell that she was fighting back tears. The color was drained from her face and small red splotches were forming on her cheeks. But he knew that she would fight it as much as she could. Surely the humiliation of crying in front of Daniel of all people was simply too great a burden.

  The rest of the ride passed in silence, not a word shared between them. With each minute that passed, Daniel felt worse and worse. He chastised himself, once again, for not having been patient with her as her mother and Lillian had requested. He hadn’t meant to upset her. There was just something about Rachel that brought out a new part in him, a part that he had never experienced before.

  On the one hand, she was so unlike the other Amish girls that he had ever met. She was feisty and outspoken, standing her ground to battle with him and protect herself. It was as though she was constantly on guard against an unknown enemy. Except, Daniel realized, it was increasingly apparent that she viewed him and his brothers as that enemy. Still, he had to admit that he admired her for her courage to leave her home, her friends and family, to come stay with strangers and try to make the best of it. He had to continue to keep his own guard up, not wanting to know anything more about her than he needed to know. After all, courting and marriage were far from his mind. No need to encourage a friendship with someone that, sooner or later, would leave to return to Ohio anyway.

  There were at least thirty buggies parked around the barn when they pulled down the driveway. Most were open-top buggies that belonged to the young men who were more serious about courting. Those buggies were passed down from brother to brother, used often for only one season before a marriage ensued in the late autumn. For that reason, Daniel was even more relieved that his father had let him borrow the grey-topped buggy. The courting buggy remained covered in the horse shed and, as far as Daniel was concerned, there it would remain for a good long time to come.

  Before he had a chance to help Rachel down from the buggy, she had already opened the door and was standing on the ground, her back to Daniel while he tied the horse. Her silence bespoke her displeasure with their exchange in the buggy. He felt increasingly worse. Here she had been opening up to him, in whatever way she knew how, and he had shut her out, refusing to listen because she had been talking about Ohio and things that didn’t matter to him. He wasn’t used to interacting with women and certainly not feisty ones like Rachel. But he could only take a deep breath and move forward. He couldn’t take back what happened in the buggy but he could certainly try to remember to try harder in the future. Besides, he had promised Junior and his mother that he would try to introduce Rachel to others, to get her involved in the community, and to feel as if she belonged.

  Daniel motioned toward the barn where the kerosene lanterns burned and the voices of the youth were already raised together in song. Once inside, Rachel quickly moved toward the area where the other young women stood. Not knowing anyone, she stood by herself, watching the people and avoiding his gaze. He would have introduced her but her rapid separation from him made that impossible. Daniel watched her for a moment, before joining his own friends. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw one of his friends waving to him. But Daniel continued watching Rachel, making certain that she was alright. To his surprise, he saw her smile pleasantly at a group of three girls that stood nearby and, while he watched, she walked over and introduced herself.

  For a long moment, Daniel continued watching her, this dark haired young woman from Ohio who had never left home. She glided into the circle of three girls, began talking with them, and, before his eyes, she transformed. She was no longer sullen or sulky. She seemed to become alive, animated, and glowing. Daniel frowned, confused by this transformation. At one point, she looked up and her eyes scanned the barn until they met his. There was a triumphant look on her face and she quickly looked away. He felt the color rush to his cheeks, embarrassed that she had caught him watching her. With his hands in his pockets and his head down, he moved over to join his friends at last.

  During a break between songs, his friends crowded around Daniel, watching the newcomer who stood near the refreshment table. She was with the same group of girls that she had introduced herself to earlier. They seemed to be getting along as though they had known each other for years. Daniel did his best to avoid staring but he couldn’t avoid the questions from his friends.

  They asked him about whom she was, having seen her arrive with him just a short while before. It was unusual to have new young people attend the singings unless it was a cousin from a neighboring district. But, even those individual had typically been to other social or worship functions in the past. Unless, of course, it was a young woman of interest to Daniel.

  Daniel was quick to explain that Rachel was his father’s cousin’s daughter from Ohio who was staying with them for a while. “Arrived a few weeks back to help with the farm work,” he said, wondering if that would be considered a lie in the eyes of God. In truth, she hadn’t helped much with the farm work at all.

  Several of the young men in his circle raised an eyebrow. It was unusual for a young woman to travel so far from home and certainly quite rare for her to be sent away unless something had happened. “Sent away from home, ja?” one of his friends said. “Strange, that.”

  “I heard that her Mamm died,” Daniel explained. “Her daed felt she needed a change.”

  “A change?” There was an unspoken question in those two words. Change often meant a new environment, usually because of poor behavior on the part of the individual sent away. It raised questions among the community and, in the case of a young woman, among the single young men. Clearly Daniel’s frien
ds were thinking that, perhaps, Rachel had engaged in risky business that had soiled her reputation. The insinuation about improper behavior was clear in his friend’s simple question.

  “Ja,” Daniel said, his eyes glancing over at her. He remembered his mother’s words. He didn’t know how her mother had died beyond the fact that it was unexpected and, presumably, an accident since his own mamm had said it was a terrible passing. And the words about being nicer to her echoed in his ears. So, feeling as though he had to protect her reputation so he quickly added, "She was ferhoodled, not getting over the passing of her Mamm, I guess. Was two years back or something like that.”

  The explanation sat well with the small group of men. Jacob Zook followed Daniel’s eyes and watched the girl. There was something about her, an aura of confidence and peace. Most Amish girls would not want to be without their friends around them. Rachel certainly didn’t seem to mind. And, as Daniel had witnessed, she had quickly immersed herself into a circle of peers.

  “Sure is pretty,” Jacob said.

  Daniel laughed, his eyes flickering momentarily over to where Rachel stood. Pretty? He had never really looked at her, never noticed her shiny dark hair that peeked out from beneath her prayer kapp or her large and bright brown eyes that sparkled as she looked around the barn at the strangers before her. Her skin was pale and ivory in color, blemish free and her lips were heart shaped, full and slightly pouted.