Promised to Another

by Laura Hilton

  Annie nodded. “I’ve got so much to tell you.”

  The two friends hurried upstairs, ducked inside Annie’s old bedroom, and shut the door. “I heard you were fired,” Becky whispered, “and that the bishop’s granddaughter Ruth is the teacher now. What happened?”

  Annie cast her friend a skeptical look. “I know that’s not all you heard.” Hadn’t news of her imminent marriage gotten out? Daed knew. Her family knew. The community knew. The wedding was today, after all. She remembered the blatant stares at her waist. It was all too real.

  Becky drew in a breath. “Jah. Not much that made sense, though. A buggy accident, I understand. Those are far too common. I heard some undercurrents that you were fired, but I didn’t hear why. And that you and Joshua are getting married today. But why would you marry Joshua? You said you wouldn’t agree to let him give you a ride. Ever. And yet, you were in the buggy with him when he got in the accident.” She shook her head. “You two must have really been courting in secret. You could have told me.”

  “We’re being forced to get married. I was in his hospital room, and….” She couldn’t tell Becky they’d kissed. That was too private to share, even with a best friend. Her face heated. How would she ever get the answers she needed?

  She had to tell Becky everything. She knew Becky would never have judged her if she’d been expecting—after all, Becky had gotten pregnant during her rumschpringe—and she wanted her to know the truth. Annie took a deep breath and spilled the whole story. “And now, Daed says that I’m moving into Joshua’s room. So, I guess that is where we start. Moving me.”

  Becky shook her head. “We’ll start by making sure the other room—your parents’ old bedroom—is clean.”

  An hour later, Joshua’s room sparkled. Annie’s dresses hung in his closet; her dresser had been emptied, everything having been transferred to the empty drawers in his bureau. She was moved. And just in time, too, because more buggies were pulling into the driveway. It would soon be time for the wedding, albeit a little later in the morning than usual, due to the last-minute nature of the preparations.

  Annie turned away from the window in dismay. “Ach, Becky, I can’t face him. I can’t face the people downstairs. You saw how they looked at me when they came in. Daed tried to talk the bishop out of it. He said nein. Said it must be done. That word has already gotten out. But I can’t do this.” Her complaint ended in a whine. And she couldn’t tolerate whiners.

  Becky was quiet for a minute. Then, she shook her head. “Jah, you can. I know what you’re going through. The speculations about you and Joshua will last only a little while, and then something else will get the gossips’ attention, and you’ll be old news. Hold your head up, and don’t let the looks bother you.”

  “But what about Joshua? We’re getting married. He’s going to want….” Annie’s face burned. “I’m scared.”

  Becky blushed. “Jah. That scares me, too, especially after that one terrible experience with that Englischer. But it can’t be all that awful. No one talks about it, and everyone has so many children.” She drew Annie into a hug. “You can reassure me on my wedding day. I want you and Shanna to stand up with me.”

  Annie pulled away and adjusted the shades in the window. Then, she walked over to the bed and smoothed the nine-patch quilt again, remembering when her wedding quilt had been in its place. How she’d hurriedly removed it while he’d been out of the room. Marrying Joshua had been a far-fetched dream when she’d first put her wedding quilt on his bed.

  Now, it was all too real.

  She heard footsteps in the hallway. The door opened, and Annie looked up into Joshua’s eyes. He stopped, gazed at her for a moment, and then looked at Becky, at the hope chest at the foot of the bed, and at the open closet, filled with dresses.

  She looked away shyly.

  “You know, I thought it was a nightmare, until this morning,” he said with a humorless laugh. “Then, I learned it was real. And here’s the marriage license to prove it.”

  A nightmare?

  Tears sprang to her eyes. Of course, he thought marrying her was a nightmare. He’d pursued her only because he’d wanted to follow through with his declaration to Luke that he’d steal her away from him. Because he was a player. Because, to him, she’d always been a trophy to be won. Never a potential frau.

  A tear escaped and rolled down her cheek.

  Guys like him didn’t go for girls like her.

  Chapter 21

  Joshua took a deep breath and stepped further into the room, setting his bag of hospital “goodies” on the top of his dresser. He needed to talk to Annie. Tell her what he’d assured Isaac he would.

  He also wanted to take a pain pill, followed by a brief nap. His head throbbed after the long ride from the hospital and then the courthaus, especially along the bumpy gravel roads outside of Seymour. It hadn’t helped that he’d stood outside with Isaac, Aaron, and some other men, chatting about the accident. No one had mentioned the wedding that would happen in a matter of hours.

  But, Annie. She needed to be first. Joshua looked at her. “Annie—”

  She turned away from him, toward Becky, and then shoved past him, out the door and around the corner. A door slammed at the end of the hall.

  Joshua scrambled to recall what had happened since he’d walked into the room. What could have sparked that reaction? Maybe she’d expected him to walk in with his arms open wide and say something quirky and funny, like, “Hi, honey! I’m home!”

  He looked at Becky, who stood there, her eyes wide with shock. “Was it something I said?”

  She hesitated a moment, then nodded her head. “You said it was a nightmare.” Her hand reached up to cover her mouth, and then she ran from the room.

  Joshua sighed, realizing how his comment must have sounded to Annie. And Isaac had emphasized how deep was her need for assurance. So much for helping in that regard. Joshua resolved to try again. After taking a pain pill. He’d have to go to Annie. As for what he would say or do, he had no idea. In fact, his bumbling attempts to comfort her—to reassure her—would probably backfire, as well.

  If only he could take back the words he’d blurted out without any thought. He simply hadn’t expected to find Annie and Becky in his room. He definitely hadn’t anticipated Annie’s having moved in already. They weren’t even married yet. Mostly, his mind had been focused on the prospect of a nap, and the hope that he would wake up to find everything as right as it could be, given the situation.

  Maybe he ought to go downstairs, find the bishop, and consult him about what to do in this predicament. He could demand to know the reasons behind this forced wedding, to understand why it had to be done immediately, rather than in two weeks, after the banns had been posted. So far, he hadn’t taken that up with the bishop. He’d simply gone along on the ride to the courthaus and followed the necessary steps to be married to the woman he’d always wanted—even though he hadn’t planned on making her his frau just yet. She didn’t love him. Yet.

  Plenty of Amish couples married without being in love, if they thought the other person would make a good spouse.

  He rubbed his forehead, still throbbing in rhythm with the onslaught of harried thoughts. Time for a pain pill. He opened the top drawer of his dresser, expecting to find the bottle of Ibuprofen capsules he’d brought with him from Pennsylvania. It wasn’t there. Even after digging around through each of the drawers, he didn’t find it. So, he went to the bathroom and opened the medicine cabinet. There was his bottle of Ibuprofen, along with all of his other personal items—razor, toothbrush, comb, and so forth. He took inventory of them, noticing how neatly everything had been lined up. His medicines arranged in alphabetical order. His toothbrush in a special holder with the others, their colors forming a rainbow. He swallowed two tablets and headed for the room at the end of the hall, still barred by a closed door. Lord, help me not to make things worse, he prayed silently. It’d be nice to have a pleasant wedding day. And nacht.

 
; ***

  Annie sniffed again, wiping her eyes on the Kleenex Becky handed her. At some point during her crying, Shanna Stoltzfus had slipped into the room. She sat on the other side of Annie, one arm holding snugly to her shoulders, and made soothing sounds as Becky talked, telling Shanna an abbreviated version of what had happened. The truth, not the exaggerated tales that were sure to be circulating downstairs, albeit out of earshot of Mamm.

  “A nightmare….” Annie swallowed another sob. “He would think this was just a bad dream. Because it is, really. I should have known better. Why didn’t he object when the bishop made us apply for a license? He could have. But he didn’t say a word. He just acted like he wanted to go through with it.” Annie pulled in a ragged breath. Her friends didn’t know she’d fallen in love with Joshua Esh. They didn’t know that she’d hoped he’d shared the same feelings for her. Touching her the way he did, kissing her…that’d been nice. More than nice. A surge of hope raced through her heart—hope that, once married, there would be more kisses and gentle touches. Or, maybe he would find her so repulsive that he wouldn’t even be able to look at her. The woman who’d snared him by accident.

  “I’m going to pray that you and Joshua fall deeply in love,” Shanna said.

  “Jah, for sure.” Becky nodded, then clasped her hands and bent her head, as if she expected Shanna to pray out loud, then and there.

  Annie blinked back the fresh flood of tears filling her eyes. She refused to cry anymore.

  Someone knocked on the door. Aunt Sally peeked in. “Annie, honey, they need you downstairs. The wedding is fixing to begin. You need to change. Your friends will help you, jah?” After an affirmative nod from both Becky and Shanna, she backed out of the room and closed the door.

  Seconds later, there was another knock on the door, and then it opened, just enough for Joshua to peek inside.

  Becky jumped off the bed, hands on her hips. “You can’t be in here.”

  Annie felt Shanna’s arm tighten protectively around her shoulders.

  No one spoke for what felt like a very long time. Then, a small grin lifted the corners of Joshua’s mouth. He winked at Becky and then shifted his gaze to Shanna. “Do you ladies mind if I speak a moment with Annie…my Annie? We could talk out here in the hallway.”

  Becky lowered her hands and glanced at Annie. Then, she granted Joshua a sympathetic smile. “Of course not.”

  Shanna gave her a squeeze. “Everything will be okay,” she whispered. Then, she stood and gave Joshua a pretend punch in the arm. “I’ll be right inside the door. Listening.” She grinned at him. There was nothing timid about Shanna. She came right out and said whatever was on her mind.

  Still, her friends had betrayed her. Defected to the player and his charms.

  Annie pushed herself off the bed with her good hand and followed Joshua out into the hall, trying to assume her schoolteacher posture. The one that helped keep the big buwe at school under control.

  She couldn’t quite locate it.

  Not that Joshua needed to be controlled, anyway. She was the one struggling to find her emotional footing after being told that marriage to her would be a nightmare. She pulled the bedroom door most of the way shut and drew in a deep breath. “It’s okay, Joshua. I can move my stuff back to my bedroom. I don’t want to be married to you any more than you want to be married to me.” She hoped her voice didn’t sound as shaky as she felt it did. “We can tell the bishop nein.”

  Pain, along with an emotion she couldn’t quite identify, showed in his eyes, but his grin never faltered. Instead, he took two big, confident steps toward her, stopping just a hairbreadth away. “Ach, Annie.” He reached up and traced her cheek with his fingertips.

  She willed herself not to lean into his touch.

  “I never meant to imply that getting married to you would be a nightmare. I meant…I didn’t want you handed to me against your will. I wanted to win you.”

  Of course, that’s what he’d meant. Who wanted a trophy he hadn’t earned? She stiffened.

  His hand fell away, and he looked down. “That came out wrong. Let me try again. I will marry you. I want to marry you. I want to make this right—before God, before you, and before the community. I won’t dishonor you by running away and turning my back on my responsibilities. And I don’t want you to worry. I won’t force myself on you in any way.” He met her eyes briefly. Color crept up his neck. “And…I would be fine if you wanted to move back to your bedroom, except that we’re expected to…well, to share a room.”

  They were expected to do a lot more than just share a room. But none of that would happen, based on what he’d said—basically, that theirs would be a marriage in name only.

  That meant the gentle touches and tender kisses were a thing of the past. Enjoyed for mere minutes—more like seconds—on one short day.

  It seemed her only concern was being married to a man she loved—a man who didn’t love her.

  ***

  Joshua tried to read Annie’s expression. He thought he’d seen disappointment flash across her face when he’d said they ought to share a room. Should he back out, despite what Isaac had said? He couldn’t. It would dishonor her not to marry her now. Her reputation would be forever tarnished, and he’d be sent back to Pennsylvania in shame. He was more than willing to make things right. And, if they didn’t share a room, living as they were in her daed’s haus, with her brother and sister right down the hall, and with his parents coming for Thanksgiving, it would invite a visit from Bishop Sol and an offer of marriage counseling. Forcing them to discuss things that Joshua didn’t want to talk about, especially in front of the bishop.

  To be honest, they probably ought to consider counseling. After all, it wasn’t typical for an Amish couple to enter into marriage with wrist splints, road rash, killer headaches, and a sense of obligation that might as well have been a loaded gun to their backs.

  They’d figure this out.

  Somehow.

  She sighed, as if her thoughts echoed his, and her tongue crept out, moistening her lips. His breath caught as he watched it trail across their pink softness. He reached up to touch her again, his hand cupping the back of her neck.

  When he started to lower his head, she gave a tiny, strangled cry and jumped back, out of reach.

  He sighed, allowing his hand to fall back to his side. He had a lot of lost ground to recover. Her trust to win. If he could.

  Not to mention her love.

  With a nod, he stepped back, even though he wanted with all of his being to kiss her resistance away. Then, pivoting, he headed toward the stairs. “I’ll see you down there,” he said over his shoulder. “Bishop Sol and the preachers want to meet with us before they present us to everyone.”

  Chapter 22

  Back in the room with Becky and Shanna, Annie slumped onto the bed, grabbed a pillow, and hugged it to her.

  Shanna shut the door. “So sweet, what Joshua said about wanting to win you, ain’t so? So romantic.”

  Annie sniffed. She still felt weepy, and she hadn’t found his comment to be sweet at all. It had been…she didn’t know what.

  Becky nodded. “Jah, I thought it was really romantic, too.” She picked up the yellow bag she’d carried upstairs and lifted out a garment of sky blue. “I know you didn’t have time to make a dress, so I brought you the one I made for my wedding. I don’t know why…I felt I needed to, I guess. I’ll make myself another one. You know you can’t get married in brown.”

  She could. She was still the same, brown Annie. But blue was a happier color than depressing brown. And, truthfully, she was tired of earth tones.

  Shanna studied Annie, then Becky. “You’re almost the same size. Let’s get you ready.”

  Annie was tempted to run after Joshua, to talk about the whole marriage thing. To try to make things right, at least in her eyes, and declare that she loved him. Declare that she would marry him, regardless of the reason, but only if he wanted her. Only if he wasn’t doing it out of a
sense of obligation. For if he was marrying her just to make things right in the eyes of the bishop and their community, not because he loved her, then she’d rather remain a maidal and live with the disgrace than marry a man who would resent her forever.

  But her own disgrace would affect her family, too. She couldn’t dishonor herself and protect them at the same time.

  And it would be even more shameful to back out now. They had the marriage license in hand. “No waiting period,” the courthaus clerk had said with a smile. Their family, friends, and neighbors were already gathered downstairs, despite the short notice.

  Reluctantly, she unpinned her brown dress and dropped it to the bed. Becky shook out the blue one and held it out to her.

  Shanna openly studied her. “Too bad we don’t have time to shop. You need sexier undergarments.”