The Happiness List

by Annie Lyons

  ‘Never let it be said that you don’t lead a full and eventful life.’ Heather smiled.

  ‘Thank you,’ said Fran earnestly. ‘I was just consoling Pamela, who has family woes.’

  ‘Poor Pamela – what’s up?’

  Pamela grimaced. ‘I feel bad moaning to you, Heather.’

  ‘What, because I’m an orphan?’ Pamela gave a sheepish nod. Heather nudged her. ‘Don’t be daft.’

  ‘Yeah, Pamela, don’t be daft,’ said Fran kindly. ‘Everyone’s got stuff going on – it’s not a competition. We’re your friends.’

  Pamela felt her eyes mist. She had friends of a similar age of course, but most of them were nestled in their own lives – enjoying a second youth on cruises with their husbands or looking after their grandchildren. They were settled and often quite smug about it.

  Fran and Heather were so much younger than her, still finding their way, still working out what they needed – she felt as if she was too. ‘You’re both very kind,’ she told them. ‘It’s Matthew and Barry. I’m not sure if him living with us is such a good idea. I mean, I love having him around but Barry just sees the worst in him all the time. I thought it would be easier when your kids become adults but it seems harder somehow.’

  ‘I reckon it all goes downhill once they hit the teenage years,’ said Fran, shaking her head. ‘Give me a five-year-old with a scabby knee and a Fruit Shoot addiction any day.’

  Pamela smiled. ‘I know Matty hasn’t got a regular income but he is trying with his cash-and- carry runs for Doly. Anyway, I lost my temper with them the other night. I’d spent all day making this lovely dinner for Matty’s birthday and then all they did was argue.’

  ‘I don’t blame you for getting angry,’ said Heather outraged. ‘Sounds as if they’re taking you for granted.’

  It was as if a light clicked on in Pamela’s head. It was one thing to have these thoughts yourself but quite different when another person said it out loud. ‘Do you really think so?’

  ‘Totally,’ said Fran. ‘I hope you lost the plot big time – sounds like they deserved it.’

  Pamela bit her lip. ‘I threw my plate against the wall,’ she said quietly.

  Heather and Fran exchanged glances before bursting into laughter. ‘A woman after my own heart,’ declared Fran.

  ‘Yeah, you go, girl,’ agreed Heather.

  Pamela grinned at them both, feeling unexpectedly buoyed. Maybe she had been right to read Barry and Matthew the Riot Act. Maybe it was about time they heard the truth of how she felt.

  She looked up as Nik clapped his hands together. ‘Good evening, my friends,’ he said. ‘I trust we have all had good weeks and perhaps practised our mindfulness a little more?’

  ‘I took three hours to eat a banana on Monday,’ joked Fran. Everyone laughed.

  ‘Thank you, Fran.’ Nik smiled. ‘We can exchange perhaps more sensible stories during our tea break…’

  ‘Everyone’s a critic,’ murmured Fran.

  ‘…because today we have a very special guest.’ He gestured towards an attractive woman with dark hair scraped back high into a ponytail, wearing a bright pink vest, leggings and a touch too much make-up. ‘This is Stacey.’

  ‘Hi, everyone,’ waved Stacey, flashing an alarmingly white-toothed grin.

  ‘Why am I getting a bad feeling about this?’ whispered Fran.

  ‘This week we are being kind to ourselves and that means we need to look after our bodies,’ said Nik. ‘Science has proven that exercising releases endorphins in the body and, as you no doubt know, these make us happy. So, Stacey here is going to help as we experiment with this by taking us through a Zumba routine.’

  Pamela’s heart sank. The nearest she came to proper exercise these days was the vigorous beating of eggs and sugar when making a sponge. She had had a deep-down fear of sport ever since her PE teacher, Miss Widdecombe, had declared, in front of the whole class, that she was too chubby to play netball. Pamela felt her ears burn with shame even now.

  ‘Thank you, Nik,’ smiled Stacey, standing before them. ‘Right, let’s have you all on your feet and push the chairs right back so that we have enough space. I want you to copy what I do and let yourself go. Don’t worry about anyone else – this is meant to be fun and energetic. Just listen to the music and go with the flow. Okay everyone?’

  Pamela hesitated. She felt old and frumpy and nothing like that young girl who used to skip round the dancefloor with Barry. Fran must have sensed her hesitation as she linked an arm through hers. ‘Come on, Pamela, don’t desert me. Let’s face this together.’ Pamela looked round at Jim, Georg and the others – everyone looked nervous as they took their places. Heather gave her an encouraging wink.

  ‘Follow my lead.’ Stacey smiled, as she pressed ‘play’ on her iPod and a pulsating beat pumped through the speakers.

  Pamela copied Stacey as she started with straightforward side-to-side moves, before adding handclaps and shimmies. She frowned with concentration to start with but felt herself relax as some instinct from her dancing days kicked in.

  ‘Good!’ cried Stacey. ‘You’re all doing brilliantly. Keep going.’

  The beat intensified and the pace with it. Jim was flailing around, waving his arms in the air like a drowning man but clearly having the time of his life. Pamela caught sight of Fran – she was huffing and puffing but smiling too. Even Nik was joining in. Pamela let the beat carry her, forgetting all about netball with Miss Widdecombe and remembering dancing with Barry.

  ‘Great moves,’ said Stacey, smiling at Pamela. ‘You’ve done this before.’

  Pamela felt her cheeks flush with pride as the beat intensified and she managed to keep up. She was aware that Sue and Jim had stopped but Pamela kept dancing right to the end of the track.

  ‘Wow,’ declared Stacey when they’d finished. ‘That was amazing – well done, everyone. How do you feel?’

  ‘I need oxygen,’ wheezed Fran, gasping for air.

  ‘Was fun,’ said Georg, without the hint of a smile.

  ‘I loved it!’ declared Heather.

  ‘Me too, ducks,’ agreed Pamela. ‘Although I could do with a sit down.’

  ‘I thought you all did brilliantly,’ declared Nik. ‘I definitely think that we have released a few endorphins this evening. Thank you, Stacey.’ She grinned at them all. ‘So, this week, I want you to take up a new form of exercise. You can continue with Zumba if you like – I know that Stacey teaches an excellent class on a Thursday. Or try something different. Find an activity that is fun but which brings you benefits. If you couple exercise with a good diet, sleep and limited alcohol intake, you will definitely notice the benefits.’

  ‘I mean the Zumba was fun,’ declared Fran as they left the hall a while later. ‘But cutting down on alcohol? It doesn’t strike me as the path to everlasting joy.’

  ‘I’m a bit nervous about going to another class on my own,’ admitted Pamela.

  ‘I’ve got an idea,’ said Heather, grinning at them both. ‘What are you two doing on Friday morning?’

  ‘Erm, avoiding you at all costs, because from the look on your face, you’re about to make me do something I don’t want to?’ winced Fran.

  ‘Wrong,’ said Heather. ‘You’re both coming with me on an adventure.’

  ‘I’m in,’ declared Pamela, feeling an unexpected urge to grab life with both hands and go for it.

  ‘Why do I get the feeling that I’m not going to like this?’ asked Fran.

  ‘You’re going to love it!’ insisted Heather. ‘It’s going to be so much fun!’

  ‘Fun, huh?’ mused Fran. ‘It’s been a while but why the hell not and if Pamela’s up for it then I’m in too!’

  As Pamela let herself in through the front door, the house was quiet. She breathed a sigh of relief. She peered around the living room door to find Barry watching yet another gardening programme. She could remember how his face used to light up when she entered a room but that was a long time ago. Now he merely flicked
his gaze in her direction before turning back to Monty Don and his herb planting. ‘Hello, Pammy. How was the course?’

  ‘Great,’ she replied, ‘really great. We tried this thing called Zumba – made me think of when we used to go dancing,’ she added, hoping he’d take the hint.

  ‘Sounds nice,’ said Barry, only half listening.

  Pamela turned away, not wanting his lack of interest to dampen her mood. ‘Do you want a cup of tea?’

  ‘No ta, love.’

  ‘Is Matty in?’

  Barry shrugged, his eyes fixed on the screen. ‘No idea.’

  Don’t let it bother you, she told herself as she made her way to the kitchen. Don’t let the fact that you are invisible in your own home get to you.

  The kitchen door was ajar. She could hear Matthew talking in a low voice as if he didn’t want anyone to hear. She leant in to listen. ‘I told you that I’ll get it to you by the end of the month and I will, all right?’ A pause. ‘Yes. I know how important it is. You’ll get it on time, okay? Okay. Bye.’

  She took a step back before casually pushing the door open. ‘Oh sorry, Matty, I didn’t realize you were in here.’

  He stood up from the table and hurriedly closed his laptop with an innocent smile. ‘Don’t worry, Mum. I was about to go out anyway.’

  ‘At this time?’

  He grinned. ‘Mum, I’m thirty-three. I’m a big boy now.’ He reached over to kiss her.

  ‘Matty, is everything okay?’ she asked, her face grave with concern.

  He looked into her eyes. ‘Everything’s fine, Mum. I promise.’ She wanted to believe him. Desperately. He picked up his laptop and made for the door. ‘See you in the morning. ’Night.’

  ‘’Night, lovey. Don’t be late for Doly, will you?’

  ‘Don’t worry, Mum, I won’t let you down.’

  She looked into his eyes.

  Oh Matthew, I want to believe you. I really do but I’m starting to have my doubts.

  ‘Have a lovely evening,’ she said.

  He planted a kiss on her forehead. ‘Don’t wait up.’

  She watched him go and heard the front door click shut.

  Don’t dwell on it, Pamela. Don’t let it get to you. Your husband ignores you and you’re not sure what your son’s up to. But you have to focus on yourself now. Heather and Fran are right – it’s time to find out what you want.

  Pamela opened the cupboards, took out the ingredients for a coffee walnut sponge and started to bake.

  Chapter Ten

  Heather

  Happiness List

  1. Marry Luke!

  2. Sunday walk and choose wedding venue with Luke Fran & Charlie

  3. Exercise more (persuade Luke to go running?)

  ‘Right then, young lady, where are you taking us?’ demanded Fran, tapping Heather on the shoulder from the back seat. ‘Because you promised fun and we appear to be stopping by a large park containing some fit-looking people wearing army fatigues. This better not be a boot camp.’

  Heather winced. ‘It’s not exactly a boot camp – they’re very nice and not at all shouty. It’s just army-style exercises and lots of fun.’

  Fran narrowed her eyes. ‘If I throw up, you’re clearing it up.’

  ‘I don’t think I can do this,’ said Pamela. Fran and Heather looked over at her. She’d gone very pale.

  Heather put an arm around her shoulder. She realized that she’d started to feel protective towards Pamela – she was nosier than an aardvark but she had a warmth that was hard not to love. ‘Honestly, Pamela, it will be fine. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with. We’re signed up for the beginner’s taster session. I’ve done it before – it’s just things like star jumps and tag games. You don’t need to worry.’

  ‘I’m not too old and fat, am I?’ asked Pamela quietly.

  Heather’s heart went out to her. ‘Of course not,’ she said, giving her a tight squeeze.

  ‘Anyway, I bet my muffin top is bigger than your muffin top,’ declared Fran with pursed lips. Pamela laughed nervously. ‘Come on – let’s give it a go and if we hate it, we’ll make Heather buy us cake afterwards.’

  Pamela gave a brave smile. ‘All right. I’ll give it a whirl.’

  ‘Attagirl.’

  They climbed out of the car and made their way over to where a class of around a dozen or so people were gathering.

  Heather felt a pang of nerves. What if it was a disaster? She didn’t know Fran and Pamela that well. She prayed it would be as much fun as she’d remembered and that they could laugh it off if it wasn’t. It would be fine. They’d try it as a one-off and then she’d find another form of regular exercise – maybe she could persuade Luke to go running in the evenings. Yeah. Maybe.

  The instructor had his back to them and some of the other women in the group were gazing up at him in a slightly doe-eyed way as he talked. He was tall and broad-shouldered with pleasingly muscular arms. As they approached, he turned and smiled in surprise.

  ‘Mrs Trott!’ he cried. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Trust Pamela to know the instructor,’ whispered Fran, nudging Heather.

  Pamela grinned up at him. ‘Little Gary Walters – I haven’t seen you for years! How’s your mum?’

  ‘Really well, thanks. Are you still on Hope Street? I haven’t been back since Nan died.’

  ‘We are.’ Pamela nodded. ‘My friend, Heather, here persuaded me to come along but I’m a bit worried that I’m too unfit.’

  ‘Don’t you fret, Mrs T. I’ll look after you. You go at your own pace. Have you got any health conditions?’

  ‘I only get a bit dizzy sometimes because of you know, the change.’ Fran and Heather exchanged amused glances. ‘But that seems to be much better since I’ve been on the HRT.’

  ‘You’ll be fine.’ Gary smiled. ‘If I could get you ladies to fill out these forms please, then we can make a start. So one for you, Mrs T, and here you go, Heather…and you are?’

  ‘Fran,’ she replied.

  As he held her gaze for a second, Heather noticed Fran’s neck flush pink. ‘Here you go, Fran.’

  ‘Thanks, Little Gary Walters.’ He laughed.

  ‘You flirt,’ whispered Heather to Fran as they filled out their forms.

  ‘Was I flirting?’ asked Fran in surprise.

  ‘Don’t worry, Fran – he’s a very handsome man,’ said Pamela, patting her on the arm. ‘And his mum’s lovely – we used go to the same dances back in the day.

  Gary clapped his hands together to get their attention. ‘Okay, good morning, everyone. It’s great to see so many new recruits today.’ He flashed a grin at Pamela, who beamed. ‘We’re going to do a few warm-up exercises so let’s start with some gentle running on the spot. Follow my lead and off we go.’

  Heather watched Pamela and Fran as Gary took them through the warm-ups. Pamela’s face was fixed in a frown of deep concentration whilst Fran was looking around with wry amusement. It was a promising start.

  Gary offered enthusiastic encouragement as if they were competing in the Olympics instead of attempting their very best star jumps in a south-east London park. ‘That’s excellent. Don’t overexert – keep it steady. Well done, Mrs T, great effort.’

  Pamela looked as if she might burst with pride. Heather and Fran exchanged indulgent smiles.

  ‘Right, so now if you could get into pairs. I think we’re an odd number so Fran, you can be with me.’

  Fran pulled a face at Heather before taking her place next to Gary. Heather felt Pamela take her hand. ‘Come on, Pamela,’ she said, squeezing it. ‘Let’s show them how it’s done.’ Pamela flashed her a grateful smile.

  The rest of the session seemed to fly by. Heather couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed so much, especially when Fran, who had a frighteningly competitive streak, rugby-tackled Gary during a team tag game. By the end, everyone was pink-cheeked and grinning with exhilaration.

  ‘Oh Gary, lovey, that was won
derful,’ gushed Pamela, pulling the huge man into a hug as they went over to thank him.

  ‘I’m glad you enjoyed it, Mrs T – hope to see you again,’ he said with a smile. ‘Oh Fran, could I have a quick word please?’

  ‘I’ll catch you up,’ said Fran.

  ‘Thanks for bringing us,’ said Pamela, linking her arm through Heather’s. ‘I’ve never tried anything like that before. I reckon I’ve got a few of those endor-wotsits chugging round my body now.’

  ‘Endorphins?’

  ‘That’s the stuff.’ Pamela grinned. ‘I feel ready for anything!’

  ‘I’m glad,’ said Heather relieved. ‘So are things better at home?’

  Pamela sighed. ‘Not especially but I’ve decided not to let it get me down. From now on I’m going to do what I want.’

  ‘Good for you. Army boot camp every week then?’ asked Heather.

  ‘You’re on!’

  ‘Did you get told off for rugby-tackling Little Gary Walters?’ joked Heather as Fran caught up with them by the car.

  ‘Not exactly,’ she muttered, climbing into the back. ‘He wanted my phone number.’

  ‘Go Fran! Did you give it to him?’ asked Heather.

  Fran frowned. ‘Do you know, I was so caught off guard, I did and now I’m wishing I hadn’t.’ She gazed out of the window in silence. Heather and Pamela exchanged glances.

  ‘He’s a lovely young man,’ offered Pamela.

  ‘I’m sure he is. It’s just that I haven’t been out with a man since Andy died.’

  ‘Well,’ said Heather after a pause, ‘I know it was different for me losing my parents, but I didn’t feel that I’d found a way to live with my grief until I met Luke.’

  Fran folded her arms. ‘Listen, don’t get me wrong. I appreciate you trying to help but I do think it’s different and I’m just not ready to date at the moment. But thank you.’

  Heather nodded. It was the first time she’d seen Fran’s serious side and could tell that she meant what she said. ‘Of course. I get it completely.’

  Fran gave her a grateful smile. ‘Anyway, did you tell Pamela that you’d booked the wedding venue? With a little help from Charlie, I might add!’