Someone Like You

by Syd Parker

  Lex watched her walk away, her fingers brushing her still swollen lips. However she thought tonight was going to go was the complete opposite of where she sat now, her broken heart aching in her chest. She wasn’t sure how she would face the next couple of months seeing Aspen all the time, aching for her and not being able to have her. If she thought walking away before hurt, nothing could have prepared her for the anguish she was feeling now. Somehow, she had to figure out how to get to tomorrow and how to move past the tiny world she had carved out for them a second time. Easing back against the couch, she stared into the dying embers of the fire and let herself cry. With every tear, she bid farewell to everything that was and opened up a place for everything that could be and by the time exhaustion took her body captive, she was ready for tomorrow. She just had to figure out a way to convince Aspen that their tomorrow was meant to be shared together.

  Chapter 14

  Aspen grabbed Ginny’s bags from the trunk and shut it with a resounding thud. She smiled at the glowing tan on her aunt’s face. “So you had a good time?”

  Ginny’s smile widened. “We did.” They were gone two weeks, opting for a longer cruise. “I’ve developed quite a fondness for fruity drinks with little umbrellas in them.”

  Aspen chuckled heartily. “Oh lord, my aunt is turning into a lush.” She followed Ginny up the steps to the porch and waited while she unlocked the door. “How was Mom?”

  “Oh, you know your mom.” Ginny smiled cryptically. “She’s her normal chipper self as always. Surprisingly enough, we actually got along great. Probably, the first time ever she’s behaved herself.”

  Aspen’s eyebrow cocked in disbelief. “My mother behaved?” Shaking her head, she carried the bags inside and deposited them in the kitchen. “I’ve never known Susan Lane to behave and it’s worse the older she’s gotten.”

  “I think she’s just lonely and really misses your dad.”

  “What?” Aspen asked incredulously. “She said that?”

  “Not in so many words.” Ginny turned to fill a teapot and put it on the stove to heat before taking off her scarf and settling into a nearby chair with a sigh. “You know she never talks about anything.”

  “Oh boy, do I know.” Aspen scoffed loudly. “She’s the queen of keeping things to herself.”

  “From what I gathered, she is tired and lonely. I don’t think she wants to keep the farm by herself anymore. It’s just too much, and the winters in Maine are a lot worse on her old bones than they used to be.”

  The comment made Aspen pause. “You suppose she is thinking about selling?”

  “I know she is.” Ginny added quickly then pushed herself out of her chair with a slow groan. “I think I concur.” Catching Aspen’s look of shock, Ginny patted her arm softly, trying to console her. “We aren’t young anymore and with Neal and your daddy gone, it’s so much to keep the farms running.”

  “So you’re going to sell too?” Aspen leaned back in her chair, the news rendering her speechless for several seconds. She hadn’t given much thought to the fact that her mother and her aunt were getting older, and maybe they didn’t want all that responsibility anymore. Her mother didn’t farm, only rented the land out to local farmers. Nevertheless, she was in her sixties and probably ready to slow down.

  Ginny poured hot water over a bag of Chamomile tea and handed the cup to Aspen. “I’ve been thinking about it. I know how much you love this place, honey, but it’s just too much. The girls, not so much. I love taking care of the horses. It’s the land and the house and the barns. It’s a lot for me to try to keep up. Old man Riley’s been asking about buying my acreage for a couple of years now. His son wants to expand their farm, and this would be a good start.”

  “Wow.” Aspen dunked her tea bag, her mind reeling from the announcement. She had expected tales of their cruise together and instead her aunt was telling her that both she and her mom wanted to get rid of their farms. To say she was shocked was an understatement; bowled over would be a better statement. “But you love the ranch. This was yours and Neal’s dream.”

  “It was our dream. It was different when he was alive. Your uncle took care of everything. Now that he’s gone, I can’t do it myself anymore.”

  “We can hire some people.” Aspen offered. “You could rent the land out like Mom and pay someone to take care of the girls.” She just couldn’t accept the idea of both homes she had grown up in disappearing overnight. There was so much history here, and she didn’t want to let go of it. “What about the girls? Will you sell them too?” Aspen’s voice trembled slightly. She was the reason her aunt had kept the horses in the first place. She knew it was selfish to hold her aunt to this place just for her, but it was one of the last places that she had felt safe and sheltered. It was fear that kept her from letting go.

  Ginny nodded. “I’m afraid so. Mr. Riley would take them too.” She caught the look of fear that passed over Aspen’s features. “It’s okay, honey. His son Jonathon has helped me a couple of times over the past few years. He’s good with them. He will take good care of them. I bet he’d even let you come by and see them anytime you want.”

  “It just wouldn’t be the same. I know I’m being selfish.” Aspen reached over and squeezed her aunt’s hand, and her eyes held her gaze, looking for answers in her eyes. “You’re sure about this?”

  “I am.” Ginny smiled as tears formed in her eyes. “It will be hard to let go, but I need to. I’m not getting any younger and lord knows I can’t do this forever. Your uncle passed before he could slow down and rest. I don’t want that for myself.”

  “I understand.” Aspen sipped her tea as pictures of her life spun through her mind. “I guess you and Mom have a plan?”

  Ginny chuckled softly. “Of course we do, honey. You know us too well.” She shook her head and looked at the ceiling. “We are thinking about getting a place together…in Florida.”

  “You and Mom?” Aspen stared at her in disbelief, her incredulous tone raising several octaves. “Move in together? Where in Florida and why so far away?”

  “As much as that shocks you, yes.” Ginny leaned back in her chair and sighed. “It’s about time your mom and I started getting along. We were thinking Melbourne. There are some really nice retirement villages down there. We’re both ready to relax and at least that will give me space to hide when I get fed up with your mom. I can tell you I haven’t felt as good as I did the two weeks in the sun in a long time. The warmth was good for these old bones.”

  Aspen snorted. “Old bones, ha! I hope I am in as good a shape as you in thirty years.”

  “Thank you, sweetie. I wish I felt as young as you think I am.”

  “So your minds are made up? There’s no talking you out of it?” Aspen searched her aunt’s gaze even though she knew her answer already.

  Ginny nodded. “Your mom and I had a lot of time to talk, and it’s the first thing we have agreed on in years.”

  “You know I can honestly say this is the last time I’m letting you girls go anywhere together. You come back with all these harebrained ideas.” Aspen started laughing. “I just don’t know what to do with you.”

  “Well for starters, when you come to visit, you can take two old ladies shopping. Goodness knows; we have no fashion sense at all, and we will need someone young to carry all those bags.” Ginny’s eyes twinkled mischievously.

  Aspen looked around, her eyes memorizing nooks and crannies she already knew by heart. “I’ll miss this place.”

  “Me too.” Ginny set her empty cup on the table. “We shared a lot of memories here. It will be hard not coming down those steps every morning and watching the sun coming up over the hills.”

  Aspen watched a single tear roll down her aunt’s face, and she squeezed her hand again. She was fighting tears herself, but knew she needed to help her aunt through the difficult transition of saying good-bye to her life here so she could start making new memories. “I won’t miss the cold floors.”

  Ginny half�
��cried and half—laughed. “Bless you, honey. You are right about that.”

  “And the stairs always creaked.” Aspen actually liked the old creak in the stairs. When she had stayed here as a child, she had always known when her aunt was up and making breakfast. She never slept with her door closed in case she missed the sound of the old house as her aunt made her way to the kitchen.

  “I won’t even know what to do with myself not snowed in for half the winter.”

  “I’m just trying to picture you and Mom holding a daiquiri in one hand and a shuffleboard paddle in the other.”

  Ginny guffawed loudly. “Humph. I’m not that old yet.” Wiping her face, she stood up, went to the window over the sink and stared at the ranch. “I’m going to call Mr. Riley today and let him know in the spring; he can have her.”

  Spring seemed so soon to Aspen, and she sucked in a breath. By then, she would leave all of this behind for the last time. Sure, she could visit, but it wouldn’t be the same. She knew saying good-bye was going to be nearly impossible. Letting go of the girls might just push her over the edge. Joining her aunt, she put her head on her shoulder exactly like she had years before. “I guess I should call Mom and find out her timeline.”

  “She is going to sell sooner than later.” Ginny said quietly. “I’m going to drive out for a few weeks and help her get everything together.”

  Aspen swallowed the lump in her throat. It was all happening so fast. Everything in her world was being taken away. She could be rational and accept that what her aunt and mother were doing was the best idea for them all, but her heart hurt just thinking about it. She didn’t want to let go. This was her life. The ranch, the farm in Maine, all of it made up a big chunk of who she was. Forget that the woman that made up the rest was all but gone. It was almost too much to stomach. She needed to wrap her head around it. “I guess I should pack up the rest of my stuff at the farm.”

  Ginny wrapped an arm around her and hugged her tightly. “You can keep it here for now.”

  For now? That could be as little as three months. Aspen had avoided finding her own place after she moved back from New York. She had struggled there for several years, barely getting by on the few pieces she sold and random part—time jobs. She knew she needed to find her own place, but at the time, she had been in no condition to be alone. Fortunately, her mother had plenty of room and had tolerated her company. As much as she didn’t want to move out for good, Aspen knew she needed to. How else would she be able to keep moving forward if she kept taking steps backward?

  Ginny saw her niece struggling, and she leaned over and captured her in a motherly hug. “Honey, you will be fine. I know it seems like everything is getting pulled out from underneath you right now, but this might just be the push you need to get you back out in the world.”

  Aspen snorted loudly. “Yeah, I know. It just feels shitty right now. I know I can’t have you and Mom as crutches forever. It was just so easy to pretend I was fine when I could hide out from the world. This whole thing with Lex has opened up wounds that I am having trouble healing.”

  Ginny sat back down. “How was Thanksgiving?”

  Aspen shrugged. “Fine, I guess. It was sad in a way. I loved seeing her family, but it was a huge reminder of what we used to have. It did help me make some decisions.” Aspen’s mind played the last week’s events in her head. She’d had plenty of time to reflect on her decision after Lex’s admission. There were moments she wondered if she made the right choice of if she should have followed the strong tug in her heart. Lex made it easy though. The morning after their kiss she had met Aspen with nothing but a jovial smile and no word of what had transpired before. Simply thanked her for breakfast and left on her next road trip. Either she had realized that Aspen was right, or she had gotten really good at hiding her true feelings. Aspen hoped it was the former.

  “Oh that’s good, honey.” Ginny’s brow furrowed with concern. The emotions that had played across her niece’s face had ranged from near tears to a wistful smile. “Unless they weren’t good decisions.”

  “They were.” Aspen chuckled. “Lex…she…” Aspen’s voice trembled and she looked away from her aunt, collecting her thoughts.

  “Shhh, honey, it’s okay.” Ginny rubbed circles around Aspen’s back, trying to soothe her as she had when Aspen was young. Her heart broke for her niece. She could see she was caught between a love she couldn’t let go of and a life she needed to live. “We can talk about this later.”

  Aspen shook her head and swiped the back of her hand over her nose. “I need to say this now and shut the door behind me.” Taking the Kleenex her aunt offered, she swiped at her eyes. “Basically, Lex told me she wanted to give us another try.”

  “How do you feel about that?” Ginny could see from the tears that kept threatening to fall that whatever decision she had made had hurt her anew.

  Aspen shrugged. “How could I feel? Up until a few months ago, I would have given anything to hear Lex say those words.”

  “But now?” Ginny watched Aspen fiddle with the edges of the Kleenex, deeply affected by just having a conversation on the subject.

  “Now I have to think of me.” Aspen’s chin lifted with renewed pride, something Ginny hadn’t seen in years. “I can’t keep pouring salt over an open wound. I’ll never heal that way. Right now, the most important thing for me is to finally think about myself. Somewhere out there is a life I’ve hidden from, and it’s time for me to let myself live it. For the first time in years, I realize that I have been frozen by fear, and I can’t let it cripple me anymore. You and Mom selling is just another sign that it’s time to let go. I wasn’t sure how this six months with Lex would go. I even regretted saying yes to the whole thing, but now I’m glad I did.”

  “Oh honey, that’s wonderful to hear.” Ginny matched her niece’s positive tone. If anything, she knew she needed to support whatever decision that Aspen made. “Maybe, just maybe, you will find someone to make you forget about Lex.”

  “No.” Aspen shook her head. “I don’t want to forget about her. I will always love Lex. There will always be a part of me that stays with her. Forgetting isn’t going to make me whole again. What I had with her made me who I am today and I wouldn’t change that for the world. Would I go back and change the outcome? Maybe. I don’t know. I can’t think that way anymore, always asking myself what if. The one thing this has taught me is that I can’t stop living no matter what happens. If I do find love again, there’s nothing that guarantees it will forever. I know that there’s a chance that I’ll find it and lose it, but at least now I will let myself be open to it.”

  Ginny laughed quietly. “What did Lex’s mom put in that turkey? I’m not sure what to do with this new you.”

  Aspen’s eyes danced mischievously. “Is there anything that can be done with me?”

  “Most certainly not!” Ginny exclaimed. “You wouldn’t be my niece if there was. I must say this new outlook suits you. I haven’t seen you this alive in a long time.”

  “Hmm.” Aspen sighed thoughtfully. “The thing I realized was that I miss the old me. I’m tired of looking in the mirror every morning and asking myself if I’m okay to face the day. That’s no way to be. The only downside is my art has suffered tremendously.”

  The comment made Ginny snort loudly. “Leave it to you to think of that at a time like this.”

  Aspen smiled guiltily. “I have to. I have my first real show in four months.”

  “Honey, don’t you fret. I’ve seen the pieces you have picked out for the show. No one can mistake your talent.”

  “That’s just half of what I’ll need. I have to come up with twelve more pieces before March.” Aspen looked around the kitchen. “I’m gonna miss this place. The studio here has always been my favorite. It’s too bad I…” Her voice trailed off as a thought started to form in her head.

  “It’s too bad what?” Ginny saw the gears turning in her niece’s head, and she couldn’t guess where her head had gone.
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  “I just had the craziest idea.” Aspen stood up and paced the kitchen. “What if…what if I bought this place?” She saw the shocked look on her aunt’s face. “Not the land, Mr. Riley can have that. Just the house and the barns, and of course the girls.”

  “Aspen, you can’t be serious.” Ginny watched her niece’s face harden with determination.

  “Yes, I am serious. And why not?” Aspen asked stubbornly. “This is my second home. Certainly, they don’t need the barns, and even if they do, that’s not a problem. As long as I can keep the house and the girls can stay.”

  Ginny shook her head. “I’m not going to sell this place to you. I’ll give it to you.”

  “No.” Aspen exclaimed defiantly. “I will buy it from you. I need to do this for myself.”

  “I can see there is no talking you out of it.”

  “No, there isn’t.” Even as she said it, Aspen was doing the calculations in her head. It would certainly be cheaper than her rent in New York, and she had managed to make that…barely. Between the pieces that she sold monthly and getting a job in Burlington, she should be able to afford the place. She thought she had a good idea of what her aunt would sell it for. “Besides, that will give you and mom a place to come back to when it gets too hot in Florida.”

  “It would have to get pretty warm down there to get your mom back up here. She actually said that she may park her butt on a chair and never move again, the heat felt so good on her bones. You might have to come visit us.”

  “Well that’s a given.” Aspen’s smile widened. “So, we are really doing this?”

  Ginny pulled her into a hug. “We are really doing this.”

  Aspen folded herself into the hug. She had always felt secure in her aunt’s arms, sometimes more so than her own mother. Ginny saw her through the darkest of her days with tremendous strength. Aspen felt a renewed sense of life coursing through her veins. For the first time in years, she actually felt alive. It was a feeling she welcomed whole-heartedly. She knew that when she woke up tomorrow and every day after that, she was going to welcome the new day. She was done with letting her yesterdays hold her back. She was going to live for today. Most importantly, she was going to live, and the thought made her happy for the first time, in as long as she could remember.