The Complete Veterans Affairs Romances: Gay Military Romances

by A. E. Wasp

  “Okay. But when it happens, don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  “Promise.” Troy rolled onto his back, pulling Dmitri on top of him. He loved the weight of Dmitri’s body on his. “In the meantime...”

  Dmitri braced himself on his forearms and stared down at Troy. “In the meantime,” he echoed and then leaned down and kissed Dmitri until they both stopped thinking.

  chapter twenty-one

  Troy woke up to the sound of someone yelling his name. By the tone, it wasn’t the first time. “Troy! Wake up!”

  Troy registered the plywood bedroom door against his naked back and the fact that it was Dmitri calling his name at the same time.

  What?

  Troy’s hands hurt, and he looked down to see why. His fingers were clamped white-knuckled around a black metal lamp from the nightstand. Though the room was dark, he could still make out the blankets piled on the floor where they had been thrown.

  Dmitri huddled against the wall as far away from Troy as he could get. He’d put his boxer shorts and t-shirt back on at some point during the night. The smell of rain came in with the breeze blowing through the open window behind him and his hands clenched the windowsill. “Troy!” Dmitri barked again.

  “I’m awake!” he replied. “I’m awake.” He set the lamp down gingerly, flexing his fingers to get the blood flowing back into them.

  “Really?” Dmitri’s hold on the windowsill loosened but the tight muscles in his arms and shoulders betrayed his tension. Sometimes his eyes darted around the room.

  He’s looking for a way out, Troy realized. He was between the door and Dmitri. “I’m awake,” he repeated. “See? My eyes are open.”

  “Yeah, well, they’ve been open for a while.”

  Fucking nightmares, Troy thought. He could almost remember this one. Not that the specifics mattered. They were all the same. He shifted to his knees, trying to find a semi-graceful way to stand up.

  Lightning flared outside, followed by a crack of thunder. Across the room, Dmitri tensed.

  Troy held out his hand. “It’s okay. I’m just standing up.” With a sigh and an ache in his bones that made him feel three times his age, he pushed himself upright. “I’m guessing I had a nightmare.”

  Dmitri nodded. “Yeah, you started yelling. Talking about Betto and Kimchee. Then you, you started thrashing and…” He shook his head, frowning. “I couldn’t wake you up. But I thought you were awake. Your eyes were open, like wide open and looking right at me.”

  Shit. He’d never had a nightmare with anyone else around before. Dmitri looked terrified. There had to be more.

  “When did I get off the bed?” He reached for one of the sheets, pulling it around himself. Being naked felt too vulnerable, too unsafe.

  Dmitri looked away, hands clenching then straightening. “You, ah, were yelling about them trying to get it. I didn’t know what to do. So I just, just panicked. Told you to go sit by the door to keep them out.”

  “That was good thinking.” In the next flare of lightning, Troy could see the pain in Dmitri’s eyes. With the crack of thunder, the rain came pouring down, loud enough to drown out any conversation. It soaked the windowsill. Water rolled down Dmitri’s arms. Troy moved towards Dmitri, stopping when Dmitri flinched. “You’re getting wet.” He pointed to the open window.

  Dmitri looked down at the floor where the rain had started pooling on the old wood. “Oh. Oh, yeah.” He turned and shut the window. He exhaled loudly, relaxing his shoulders forcibly, then shook the tension out of his arms. He turned back to Troy, running his hand through his unruly curls. “So. How are you feeling?”

  Troy pulled the blanket tighter around him. He wanted to lie, say he was fine. He wanted to reassure Dmitri that it would be all right. But he didn’t have the energy. All that was left was honesty. He shook his head. “I don’t know. I’m scared, man.”

  Dmitri’s laugh was shaky. “That makes two of us.”

  He still hadn’t moved away from the wall, and Troy hung back near the door, afraid to move any closer. If he was reading the situation right, Dmitri had been ready to go right out that window. “I’m sorry I scared you.”

  “I’m sorry you had to live through it. Do you remember any of it?”

  Troy didn’t. Not exactly. But he remembered enough to get the gist. A more real variation of the memories that haunted him during the quieter moments of the day. Popping up unannounced and unasked for whenever anything triggered them. It could be a smell, a song. Someone’s name. The sound of a truck bumping over a pothole. Hell, frozen crab legs reminded him of Fridays at the American Embassy in Kabul the few times he’d been lucky enough to enjoy them. “Kimchee and Betto were buddies of mine.”

  Dmitri took a few steps in. “Was Kimchee Korean?”

  Troy smiled, remembering the short, stout kid with an attitude twice his size. “Part. Half Korean, all asshole, he used to say. He wasn’t wrong.”

  Dmitri took a trembling step and sat heavily on the end of the bed. “Are they, ah…” he trailed off, pulling the sheet up around his waist.

  Troy sat gingerly on the other side of the bed, back to Dmitri. His legs trembled, too, as the adrenaline seeped from his body. “Yeah. Both of them, in Helmand.”

  “Sorry. Sorry that sorry is a lame thing to say.”

  “Don’t be. I don’t even know what the right thing is to say.” Cautiously, he laid a hand on Dmitri’s shoulder.

  Dmitri flinched violently. “Sorry!”

  “What are you sorry for?” Troy asked.

  “Flinching. I know you wouldn’t hit me awake.”

  Troy yanked his hand back, eyes wide. “Did I hit you?”

  Dmitri turned to him, face twisting. “No. Hey, no. It’s not like that. You were flailing, just, just striking out at everything.” He gave Troy a weak smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “I just happened to be in the way.”

  Troy flushed hot and then cold. He felt like the bottom had dropped out from under him. “Oh God,” he whispered. He clambered off the bed.

  “Wait,” Dmitri grabbed at him. “Wait. Where are you going?”

  “Home.”

  “No, don’t do that. What if you have another nightmare?”

  Troy picked his jeans up from where he’d hung them at the end of the bed last night. “Well,” he said, shoving one leg into his pants. “At least I won’t hurt anyone.” He stepped into the other leg, pulled them up and buttoned them. All he could hear was the rain and Dmitri’s breathing. Shirtless, he turned and looked Dmitri. “You sure you’re okay?”

  “Am I okay?” Dmitri exhaled loudly. He paced the length of the room, running a hand through his head. “I’m fine. But you obviously are not.”

  It hit like a blow to Troy’s chest, but he’d been half expecting it ever since he woke on the floor. He nodded, blinking quickly to hold back the tears. “Okay.” Where was his shirt? He knew he had thrown it over the old brass footboard last night. He stuck his hand down between the mattress and the footboard. Nothing. Damn it.

  He yanked his arm up, dragging the bottom sheet off the corner of the mattress. “Sorry.” He reached down to tuck it in, and the top corner popped off. “Damn it.” A hint of red peeked out from underneath the bed. His shirt. He bent down to pick it up as he walked to the head of the bed to fix the sheet and whacked his shoulder on the footboard, shaking the whole bed.

  “God damn it!” He snatched the shirt off the floor, hurling it across the room. It fluttered softly to the bed, rather than smashing into the wall like Troy would have liked. “Damn it,” he said again, softly this time. He covered his face with his hands.

  Dmitri’s hand fell lightly to his shoulder. “Troy.”

  Hot tears squeezed through Troy’s fingers and ran down to his chest. His shoulders heaved under Dmitri’s hand.

  “Troy. Baby. Don’t cry.”

  Troy sobbed at the endearment.

  Dmitri turned him, pulled him into his chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
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br />   Just for a moment, Troy took the comfort that was being offered. His arms went around Dmitri, and he rested against him, his face buried in Dmitri’s shoulder. He loved the few extra inches Dmitri had on him. It made Dmitri a good shield between Troy and the world.

  But Dmitri felt tense under Troy’s hands. His arm muscles were hard as rocks, and Troy could hear his breath whistling harshly. Reluctantly, Troy pushed off.

  Dmitri let him pull back just far enough that they were eye to eye. Anger glinted in Dmitri’s eyes, taking Troy aback. He couldn’t remember ever seeing Dmitri angry in the few weeks they’d known each other. Dmitri’s fingers bit into Troy’s arms; he could feel the other man’s whole body trembling.

  Lightning flashed and thunder cracked, the sound rumbling and echoing for a long second. Troy jumped, half expecting the very foundations of the house to tumble. From far down the road outside came the faint sound of a car alarm screaming in the night.

  Dmitri shoved Troy, pushing him down until his back hit the mattress.

  “I am so mad,” he said, advancing on Troy. He put first one knee, then the other on the bed until he kneeled over Troy. “That they - somebody - life -war - whothefuckever did this to you.”

  He dropped to his hands, his forehead resting on Troy’s. “I want to fix it. How? How do I fix it?”

  “I don’t know. I don’t know if I can be fixed?”

  “I just found you,” Dmitri whispered.

  “I know.” Troy touched Dmitri’s chest and felt his heart pounding against his hand. “Kiss me?”

  Dmitri didn’t hesitate; slamming his mouth onto Troy’s so hard he drew blood.

  Troy reveled in it, his body finding an outlet for the adrenaline in his system. He pulled Dmitri down onto him, needing to feel his weight anchoring him to this place and time. The thunder boomed softer now as the storm passed into the east and it echoed with the memories of war in his mind.

  Troy reached down blindly for the sheets. When his fingers found the thin cotton, he pulled it up as far as he could over Dmitri’s shoulders. He wanted to pull it up over their heads, hide them away from the world and the past that haunted him every second of the night.

  Everything narrowed down to the bed - The past, the storm, the night, even the room, fading away. Dmitri butted his head against Troy like a big cat, rubbing against Troy’s chin, up his jaw. “Not gonna let you go.”

  Troy lifted his head to give Dmitri better access to his neck. “What scared you the most?” he asked.

  Dmitri kissed his neck, the tip of a tongue tracing the hinge of his jaw. They were alone in this bubble world of rain and wind, thunder and lightning.

  “You were yelling,” Dmitri’s mouth dragged up the column of Troy’s neck and back down to his collarbone. Dmitri’s hand dragged a trail of heat across the planes of his chest, tracing the outline of his muscles, back and forth.

  Troy dragged them both higher up onto the bed, arranging them until Dmitri sat with his back against the headboard. Troy slipped down deeper into the bed, his head resting on Dmitri’s thigh. He slipped his hand up under Dmitri’s shirt, the skin there as soft as always. He couldn’t stop running his fingers across it, dipping under the waistband of Dmitri’s boxers. He rolled onto his side, lifting Dmitri’s shirt so he could put his lips on the skin over his hip bones.

  Dmitri groaned and relaxed back against the headboard. His hand slipped behind Troy’s head, cradling his skull. “What…ah,” he shivered as Troy scraped his teeth over the bone. “What was happening? What did you see?”

  Troy shook his head against Dmitri’s stomach. “Nothing. I can’t remember.” The imaged had faded as the horror and adrenaline drained from his body. All that was left was the picture of the fear in Dmitri’s face. That would haunt Troy for a while. He needed to not think. All he wanted was to lose himself in the reality of Dmitri’s body under his hands, the taste of him, and the sound of Dmitri’s moans in his ears.

  Troy slid his hand across Dmitri’s back to his other hip. He slipped both hands up and under, pushing Dmitri’s shirt up and up and up, over Dmitri’s raised arms. With both hands on Dmitri’s shoulders, he pulled him back down to the bed. Dmitri went willingly, and Troy rolled his body over his Dmitri’s.

  Troy held himself up on his forearms, searching Dmitri’s eyes, wanting to be sure. Even now, with Dmitri wrapped around him, skin to skin, he needed to be sure that Dmitri wanted him, damaged and broken.

  chapter twenty-two

  The storm had rolled away into the night; the room was silent. “Are you sure you don’t want me to leave?” Troy asked.

  Dmitri reached up and pulled Troy’s head down, pressing his mouth to Troy’s. “Don’t go. Be with me here, now.”

  Troy licked across Dmitri’s dry lips even as Dmitri opened wide, chasing Troy’s tongue, trying to get it back between his teeth, his breath hot against Troy’s lips. His stubble burned Troy’s face, the room was hot, the sheets worn and pilled, and it was all so real that Troy could cry.

  He threaded his fingers through Dmitri’s hair and pulled away, holding Dmitri back when he tried to follow. “This is real, right, Dima? This?” He thrust down hard against Dmitri’s hips. Please let it be real.

  Dmitri grabbed Troy, sliding his long fingers under the waistband and digging his nails deep into the soft flesh. “Yeah, it’s real. Feel that?” He bit Troy’s neck. “Feel that?”

  The pain brought Troy all the way back into his body, and he moaned, deep and long, at the feel of hard muscle and silken flesh beneath him. “Yeah.”

  He rolled off Dmitri. “Naked. Now.” Troy ripped off his jeans, Dmitri right behind him. They both groaned as Dmitri pulled Troy back on top of him, thighs spread, welcoming Troy. It was almost too much too fast for Troy, a cascade of touch and taste and sounds.

  Troy alternated between kissing Dmitri over and over, feeling those soft pink lips under his, and keeping Dmitri’s mouth free hear him his gasping and breathing.

  Troy licked across Dmitri’s lips, nipping and biting until Dmitri let him in. Dmitri’s hands curved up under Troy’s shoulder blades, pulling him down as Dmitri slid up, fingertips pressing hard enough to bruise. Dmitri rocked side to side, settling Troy deeper into the cradle of his hips and pressed them together over and over. Troy pulled off Dmitri’s mouth and buried his head in Dmitri’s neck. “Oh, God.” He shuddered. “Stop, slow down. It’s gonna be over too soon if you don’t stop.”

  Dmitri wouldn’t stop touching him, hands sliding across skin and then gripping tightly as they slid down over his ass and back up again. He kept talking, he wouldn’t shut up, and that drove Troy to the brink even more than the feel of his hands.

  “Oh, God, Troy. I just.” Dmitri’s hands spanned the width of Troy’s body, and he grabbed handfuls of muscled flesh. “You’re so gorgeous. Always. Always want you.”

  Troy was sure this wouldn’t last. A few more nightmares, some more time spent together, and Dmitri would see right through the façade of normality Troy has built. But for tonight, he was going to have this comfort.

  Troy plundered Dmitri’s mouth, sliding a hand down Dmitri’s arm when he felt Dmitri’s death grip on his ass loosen just a bit. He grabbed Dmitri’s hand, tangled their fingers together and dragged it over Dmitri’s head into the pillow.

  Dmitri’s eyes were almost black with desire, the blue just a tiny ring around the pupil. His face was so open, so unprotected. The innocence there trapped Troy. He wanted to run from it, even though it was way, way too late.

  Somehow, Dmitri felt Troy’s fear, and his fingers tightened around Troy’s, holding Troy, grounding him. He raised his head and captured Troy’s mouth with his. Troy’s lips seemed to fascinate him, and he licked and nipped at them, sucking them one at a time into his mouth while Troy tried to get more. No matter what he did, Troy couldn’t seem to get control of this situation, and he needed some control tonight.

  Shifting his weight, he grabbed both of Dmitri’s wrists with one hand. Dm
itri pulled against the hold, and Troy tightened his grip. He leaned heavily on Dmitri, using his full strength on him for the first time.

  Dmitri shuddered, eyelids fluttering and hips thrusting up involuntarily, thighs tightening around Troy’s hips.

  Slipping his free hand under Dmitri’s neck, Troy lifted, forcing Dmitri’s head back and went for broke, using every trick he’d ever even heard of to drive someone crazy.

  He plunged his tongue into Dmitri’s mouth until Dmitri had lost the ability to kiss, let alone talk. His mouth hung open as he panted into Troy’s mouth. “That’s better.” Troy pushed Dmitri’s hands deeper into the pillow. “Keep them there.”

  Dmitri nodded wide-eyed.

  “You like that?” Troy asked.

  “God, yes.” His eyes bored into Troy’s as Troy slowly moved down Dmitri’s body, licking, kissing, and nipping every inch he could reach as he did. His tongue swirled around a nipple, flicking against it.

  “Yeah,” Dmitri exhaled.

  Troy spent a little more time there, flicking back and forth.

  “Damn. C’mon, Troy,” he whined.

  Troy licked his fingers, then twisted and pulled the other nipple at the same time.

  Dmitri arched off the bed. “Yeah.” He twisted underneath Troy, pushing into him, then pulling away as if he couldn’t decide if he wanted more or less. “Troy. Please.”

  Troy pulled off with a long lick. “Please what?” He missed the answer as he rocked against Dmitri’s thighs. It felt incredible, so he did it a few more times, biting Dmitri’s chest almost absentmindedly until Dmitri’s hand landed heavily on his head and yanked it up.

  “Don’t tease. Just fuck me already. Blow me. Something.” He licked his lips as he gently tugged down Troy’s lower lip with his fingertips. “Oh yeah. Your mouth. You really need to blow me.” Troy bit down, and Dmitri yelped, pulling his fingers out. “Hey!”

  Troy kneeled up and grabbed Dmitri’s hands. “And you need to keep. Your. Hands. Down.” Troy slammed them up back over Dmitri’s head, then straddled Dmitri’s stomach. He leaned way down to whisper into Dmitri’s ear, licking around the shell of it until Dmitri squirmed. “If you keep your hands here. I promise I’ll suck you until your brains leak out your ears.”