Whiskey Lullaby

by Dawn Martens

  “Twenty- seven,” she says with a sneer.

  “And you are still acting like a sixteen year old." I shake my head. "I don’t hate you. I just feel sorry for you.” Then, I walk away.

  ******

  Jase

  I watch Julie walk to Matty's truck and I feel like I am losing her all over again. I can’t let her go. What if she runs away again? I start to go after her, but I catch sight of Matty and stop dead in my tracks. He’s holding a little girl’s hand as he walks towards his truck. Dear Lord, she’s staring right at me.

  I have never seen anyone or anything more beautiful in my entire life. She is like a mini Julie and I all mixed together. She leans her head to the side and bites her bottom lip, just like Julie does when she is concentrating. She starts to open her mouth, but Matty says something to her and draws her attention away. She nods her head and starts walking towards the truck but stops after just a few steps.

  The beautiful little girl turns around and looks at me again. She smiles, puts up her small hand, and waves. I wave back.

  “Bye Daddy,” she shouts to me then turns and walks away.

  I want to go to her, but my legs are locked in place. I look down at the ground and take a moment to catch my breath. That is my daughter. I cannot believe that beautiful little girl is my daughter. That’s my Jenny. I lift my head just in time to see Matty’s truck pull away.

  Bec walks over and stops in front of me. “Wow, you guys have a kid together? You never told me that,” Bec says as she looks at me. “Wait, you didn’t know did you? Wow, I thought Julie was a saint, didn’t think she’d do something so horrible as to keep a child from you,” Bec says as she reaches for my arm. “Wanna come home with me tonight?”

  I jerk away and stare at Bec. I look at her. I mean really look at her for the first time in years. I haven’t got a fucking clue what I ever saw in her. Sure, she’s hot. Even with a fucked up nose and puffy eyes, she’s good lookin'. She has light brown hair and pretty green eyes. She’s not a classic beauty like Julie, but she is pretty. That’s it though. She’s like a shitty Christmas present. Pretty on the outside, but when you open it up, it’s just a pair of damn socks. Did I really throw my life away just to fuck this woman?

  “Stay away from my family, Bec, and stay away from me,” I say, and then walk away.

  Chapter 5

  Julie

  I’m in Matty’s truck waiting for him and Jenny. I’m still so angry that I’m shaking. I can’t believe just how much Bec has changed. Why the hell would she come here? And how in the world did she even find out about today? As mad as I am at Bec, it’s nothing compared to the way I feel about Jase.

  Part of me still loves him. I thought maybe, in time, I could forgive him and we could move on from all this anger. Not get back together, because I would never take him back, but at least have some sort of friendship. But now, after what Bec just spewed to me, I hate him. I don’t know what I ever saw in him. He’s nothing but scum.

  I can't believe I hit Bec. I've never done anything like that. Even worse, is what happened with Jase. Having sex with him is inexcusable. How could I have done that after everything I've been through the last nine years? After everything he has done? My God, what in the hell is wrong with me?

  I’m not sitting in the truck long when I hear my daughter yell out, ‘goodbye, Daddy’. I look out the window and notice Jase watching her. I know not telling him sooner about Jenny was wrong of me, but seeing and hearing about the man he’s become, I no longer regret it. I just hope now that he knows about her, he steps up and becomes the dad she needs.

  Matty puts Jenny in the rear seat and buckles her up before getting in the driver’s seat and putting his hand on my leg. “You okay, babe?”

  I nod my head and stare straight ahead. Jenny is talking a mile a minute from the back seat. After a moment or two, her voice starts to fade. Then she quiets completely. I look back and her eyes are closed. I lean close to Matty. “Did you know, Matty? About Jase cheating on me?” I ask in a whisper, trying not to wake Jenny.

  He hesitates then whispers back. “Yeah." He nods his head. "I warned him, when he started with you, to keep it in his pants. I knew about Bec the first time, but he said it was a mistake, never to happen again, so I left it alone. I’m sorry, Jules.”

  I close my eyes. The hurt just keeps on coming. “Just take us home, please,” I say.

  ******

  Jase

  Watching Julie and Jenny ride off with Matty is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I want to go after them, but I know it isn't the right time. Hell, I don't know if the time will ever be right.

  I head into the garage and grab a beer then walk out back and sit at one of the picnic tables. There are people all around, but they stay away. I guess that they know I'm not in the mood for talking. So I sit here all alone, drinking my beer, and thinking about how shitty my life is.

  "She loves you, you know." A woman's voice pulls me from my thoughts. I look up and see a beautiful redhead standing beside the table.

  "Who the hell are you?" I don't care how pretty she is, I just want to be left alone. But she ignores my bad attitude and sits down across from me.

  "I'm Bethany. Julie's my sister-in-law. Well, she used to be anyway."

  "That bastard’s your brother?" She nods. "Then what the hell are you doing here?"

  "Julie is my best friend, and she asked me to move here with her and Jenny." She laughs. "Actually, she told me I was moving here with them."

  "Why the fuck is she friends with you, if that dickwad’s your brother?"

  She gives me a sad smile. "Julie is a good person, and she's smart enough to know that I have no control over my brother's behavior. Believe me, I wish I did," she finishes in a whisper, more to herself than to me.

  I get a feeling there's more behind her statement, but I'm not sure what. "Yeah, Julie's a smart girl."

  "Sometimes, she’s too smart. She spends too much time thinking with her head, instead of her heart. That's why she married my brother. It's also why she ran away from you today."

  "What do you mean by that?"

  "Julie married Dean because her head told her it was the right thing to do. He's a successful doctor. He's rich and handsome. From the outside, Dean is the perfect husband. But when you dig deeper, Dean is a monster." She pauses and looks me over. "You are the exact opposite. You're too sexy for your own good. You drink too much. You're a mechanic. Not that there is anything wrong with being a mechanic, but I doubt you're rolling in the dough. On the outside, you're a man that a woman should stay far away from, but on the inside, you're a good man."

  I laugh at her words. "You know all this just from looking at me."

  "No. I know all that because I saw how you looked at Julie."

  I shake my head at her to let her know that I have no idea what the hell she was talking about.

  "You looked at her like you would take on the world for a chance to get her back." Bethany stands up and starts to walk away. She stops a few feet from the table and turns back towards me. "She loves you, but she's scared out of her mind. I saw my brother beat her half to death, but he never broke her. When she first got to Kansas City, she was broken. It was because of you. If you want her back, you’re going to have to prove that you won't break her again."

  As I watch her walk away, I wonder how the hell I'm supposed to do that.

  Chapter 6

  Julie

  Jenny was quiet after we got home from the barbecue last night. I asked her what was wrong, but she said nothing. I know all of this is hard on her. The move, meeting new people, being so close to her father, it’s a lot for an eight year old to handle. But she’s happier here than she ever was in Missouri.

  I don’t have a lot of good things to say about Dean, but he was a good step-father to Jenny. He never mistreated her. He never hit me in front of her, but she’s not stupid. There were only so many excuses I could give for the bruises and hospital stays. She knew what was
going on.

  By the time she was six, she started to change. She wasn’t a bubbly child anymore. She was quiet and always on guard around Dean. She’s starting to come out of her shell since I left him, and I don’t want my problems with Jase to bother her.

  Bethany stayed at Kristen's last night, and she won’t be home till late this afternoon. Having Bethany move here with us was one of the best ideas I have ever had. She’s like a different person. She found a job at Jenny's elementary school. She's even making friends. Sure, she’s still shy, but she laughs a lot more now. She’s getting out more, discovering that she can have a life of her own.

  Since Bethany is gone, Jenny and I are alone for the day. It’s the last day before school starts and I have to start to work, so we are going to have some fun. I’m going to take her to Nashville and hit Music Row. Maybe I will get her a pair of cowboy boots and take her to Paradise Park to eat. Then we can visit the zoo. I haven’t been there in years, but I heard they built a big jungle gym for the kids. Jenny will love that.

  “Come on sleepy head. Get up. Momma’s got a surprise for you today,” I say, gently shaking her awake. The word surprise has her sitting up and smiling.

  “What kind of surprise?” she asks in the sweet sleepy voice that only kids have.

  “It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you. I put your clothes in the bathroom. Take your shower and then come down to eat breakfast. I’m going to make chocolate-chip pancakes.” I give her a kiss on the top of her head and go to the kitchen. Before I make it to the kitchen, the phone rings. “Hello?” I answer. No one answers back. But I hear breathing. “Hello?” With my second hello whoever is on the line has hangs up. Looking at the phone confused, I put it back down on the table. I know it was Dean, but I’m not going to let him get to me today.

  I’m in the middle of making the fourth pancake, when someone knocks on the door.

  I look out the window and Jase is standing on my front porch. I’m not ready for this. I peek up the stairs to make sure Jenny is not out of the shower yet. I’m not going to let this day get ruined. I open the door and step out. “What do you want?” I snarl at Jase.

  “You said I could see my daughter.”

  “I said you could see her if you got yourself straightened out. Don’t tell me you had some big epiphany last night.” Yeah, I’m being a bitch and I don’t care.

  “Yeah, I guess I did. Everything changed the moment I saw our daughter. Shit, it changed the moment I saw you.” He takes a deep breath. “Come on, Julie. You may hate me, but you know I’d never hurt that little girl. All I want is to get to know her. Please,” he begs, and I can feel my resolve start to crumble. But I have to stay strong. I can’t let him into her life if he is still drinking and whoring.

  “Really? How should I know you won’t hurt her? You practically destroyed me.” I hiss at him.

  “You don’t think that not knowing my daughter destroyed me? How about the fact that everyone but me knew about her? My own father and brothers knew, but no one told me a damn thing. You don’t think that fucking kills me?” he asks through clenched teeth. “Julie, I want to know my daughter.”

  “Yes, and you have that right. But you will have to do it some other time. I’m sorry, but we have plans today,” I say, trying to close the door, but his hand comes out and stops me.

  “Could I come with you?” he asks.

  “I don’t-” My response is cut short by the bathroom door down the hall opening. Jenny is standing there staring at Jase like he is some kind of movie star.

  “Oh Momma, this is the best surprise ever.” She runs over and gives me a big hug, then smiles up to Jase. I look at him and his eyes are wet, but his smile is just as big as Jenny’s. I know what I have to do.

  “Well the pancakes are getting cold. Let’s get inside to eat.” I push Jenny through the door and look back at Jase. He's staring at me, waiting for my next move. I stand to the side and hold the door open for him.

  He looks down and runs his hand through his hair, then steps through the door. “Thank you,” he whispers as he follows Jenny to the kitchen.

  I end up calling Matty to see if he wants to come too, because there’s no way I’m going to spend the day alone with Jase and Jenny. Matty laughs when I ask him, but agrees and says he’ll be over soon.

  “Jenny, honey, Uncle Matty is coming with us today too.” She runs up and gives me a big hug.

  “Oh, this surprise keeps getting better and better. Thanks, Momma.” I smile down at her. God, I love my little girl.

  I go over to the counter to get my plate, and Jase slides in next to me. “Are you afraid to be alone with me?” he asks quietly.

  “Nope, I just don’t want to be around you, so I figured Matty could keep me company while you spent some time with your daughter.” He smiles and shakes his head. He knows I’m lying, but I will never admit it.

  We finish up breakfast, with Jenny asking Jase every question she can think of. Just as I start to clear the table, I hear Matty come in and turn around to look at him. “Babe, I’m here.”

  I don’t know when Matty started using that nickname for me, but I have to say that I love it. Jase nudges me, eyes narrowed.

  “He calls you babe?” he says in a low tone.

  I just smile and turn back to watch Matty come into the kitchen. I go over to him and wrap my arms around his neck for a hug. “Just play along with me for the day,” I whisper into his ear. I need Matty to be there. I can’t be alone with Jase. I don’t want a repeat of yesterday.

  He smiles, and his hands start to move lower on my back pushing me into his body more. I can feel an electric current fill the room, and I know it is coming from Jase. He doesn’t have the right to feel jealous or possessive over me, so he can kiss my ass. It isn’t like I’d ever get with his brother; he should know better.

  I step back from Matty’s arms and tell him our plans for the day. I turn back around to face Jase and Jenny. Jenny is talking to him, but he is looking at Matty and me. He looks furious and that just makes me angrier.

  I look right at Jase. “Actually, how about we all go together, but you and Jenny will do all that fun stuff. Matty and I can finally have some time alone to catch up? It’s perfect, you two can get to know each other better.”

  I don’t let anyone answer. I leave the room and grab Matty’s hand to take him with me. I drag him into my bedroom and shut the door. “I can’t believe he’s doing this to me. I had this whole day planned out for Jenny and me, and he just shows up.”

  “Babe, calm down. Jase wants to get to know Jenny. I’m here now; it’s good,” He says with a smile. “You should have seen his face when you gave me that hug, and then announced you and I would be spending time alone together.” He finishes using air quotes and chuckling.

  ******

  Jase

  What in the hell are they doing in her bedroom? There better not be anything going on between Matty and Julie. If there is, I'm going to kick my brother's ass. I don't give a shit what he said when Julie left. She's mine. Always has been, always will be.

  "I'm so glad you're not busy anymore." Jenny's words pull me from thoughts of Julie and Matty.

  "What do you mean, busy?"

  "Momma told me why you couldn’t come and see me. You wanted to, but you were busy like Uncle Brandon and Uncle Will. They’re busy being soldiers. They go to faraway places, just to keep little girls like me safe. Momma says that she can't tell me why you are so busy. That it’s a big secret, but that you were always with me in your heart. I'm not sure how your heart can be with me. Doesn't it need to be in you, to make you stay alive?" she asks in a serious tone.

  I don't know how to answer her, so I just pull her into my lap and give her a big hug. I'm not sure what Julie has told her about me, but it doesn't sound like it was bad. I don't want to say the wrong thing and make Julie or me look like liars.

  "If you’re not too busy anymore, are you going to come see me like other Daddies do?"

&nb
sp; "Yes, you’re going to see me so much, that you'll get tired of looking at my face," I promise.

  "Oh no, I won't. You're pretty," she says with a smile. I'm freaking beaming now. My daughter thinks I'm pretty. I know the guys at the garage would laugh their asses off if they heard her say that, but I don't give damn.

  "Daddy, can you call me something?" she asks, making no sense at all.

  "What do you mean?"

  "All the other Daddies call their little girls something nice. Like my friend, Autumn's Daddy calls her honey bun. So I want you to call me something nice too."

  I think for a minute trying to come up with a name that’s special enough for my little girl. Then, it hits me. My mom's perfume.

  "Did you know you were named after my mom?" I ask. She nods her head. "Well my mom always wore this perfume that smelled like a sweet pea flower. It’s a beautiful flower, all small and delicate, just like you. So how about I call you sweet pea?"

  She smiles and pulls me in for a hug. "I love it, Daddy!"

  "I love you, Sweet Pea."

  Chapter 7

  Julie

  I've always loved coming to Music Row. Kristen, Bec, and I used to come up here all the time. We'd listen to the music, fill up on junk food, and spend all of our money on the tourist crap. It didn't matter that we lived less than an hour out of Nashville; a Music City tee was still cool as shit!

  Some guys are playing their guitars on the street, and Jenny thinks that is so awesome. She throws all her allowance in their guitar case and requests a Taylor Swift song. Seeing these guys playing "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" is really funny, until I notice Jase looking at me. I give him a look that clearly says you should listen to this song. He just shakes his head and smiles.

  I look over at Matty to see him watching Jenny with a smile on his face. It’s sad that he is more of a father to her than Jase is, but I know that is my fault. Jase could have been visiting her throughout the years, instead of Matty. Maybe Jase would have straightened up if I had told him about Jenny, but it’s too late to think about that now.