Whiskey Lullaby

by Dawn Martens

  Then it hits me, Julie never had a dad. She wanted to make sure Jenny did, even if I wasn't around.

  “Come on, Daddy, let’s go inside. I’m hungry. Momma made no-bake cookies yesterday. I think there’s a few left. I'll sneak us some.” Jenny grabs my hand, and I follow her to the back door. When she opens it, I feel like my heart is being cut out of my chest. My fucking brother is kissing Julie. I can’t believe they would do this to me. I start to walk forward and whoop his fucking ass, but Jenny squeezes my hand.

  “Yuck, Uncle Matty’s kissing Momma!”

  They jump apart and turn to us. They both start talking at the same time, but I don’t give a fuck about what they have to say. I bend down and give Jenny a hug.

  “Daddy’s going to head out now. I got to work in the mornin', so I need to get some rest. Love you, sweet pea.” I release her and walk out the door.

  I walk straight to my truck and drive to Skips. I haven’t been to the bar since Julie got back to town, but I need a drink tonight. I sit at my normal barstool. “Give me a shot of Jack. Keep them coming.”

  Chapter 10

  Julie

  After Jase leaves, Matty and I have a long talk. I tell him how I feel, and he surprises the shit out of me by laughing and saying he already knew.

  “I knew you weren’t in love with me; hell, I’m not in love with you. Don’t get me wrong, I love you, but you’re like my little sister. I did enjoy kissing your sweet ass though,” he finishes with a wink.

  “Then what was that all about then?” I say, motioning towards the spot where we had been standing.

  “Well, it’s time to get your ass in gear. You love my brother, and he loves you. It’s time that you work your shit out. You were going too slow, so I figured I’d give you a push.”

  “I can’t, Matty. He hurt me too bad. I can’t go through that again.”

  “Do you really think I’d be here if I thought there was a chance that he’d do that shit again?”

  “How do you know?” I ask, hoping like hell he has a good answer.

  “I know, because I know what it’s like to love a woman you’ve hurt. Believe me, he won’t make the same mistake twice.” I want to ask Matty who he hurt, but I have a feeling that I already know. I’m not blind; I've seen the way he and Kristen look at each other.

  “Go find my brother, Jules, and give him another chance.”

  “Yeah, Momma, go get Daddy. Bring him home,” Jenny says as she walks into the kitchen with Bethany close on her heels.

  “Sorry, guys, but I couldn’t keep her out. Although, I have to say that I agree with her,” Bethany adds.

  I look around at everyone and nod my head yes. I get up and walk to Jenny. “Okay, I’m going to get Daddy.”

  It takes me nearly an hour to find Jase. I went to his apartment, Pop’s, Shane’s, even the garage. I am about to give up, when I see his truck sitting at Skips. I park right beside it, and sit here for a few minutes thinking about what to say. Finally, I decide that I’m just going to start with I love you.

  When I walk into the bar, everyone looks at me. Melanie, the bartender, and I went to school together. She knew all about Jase and me, so she knows why I’m here. She motions toward the bathroom. When I walk around the corner, Jase is standing there straightening his pants. I wait a second then clear my throat to get his attention.

  “I wanted to explain,” I say in a whispered voice, but stop when I hear the bathroom door open.

  ******

  Jase

  I tap the bar to get another shot just as Brittany slides onto the stool next to mine.

  “Ain’t seen you here for a while. Wanna hit the bathroom with me?”

  I look at her for a minute. I know she’s a fucking bitch, but she’s an easy lay. Why the hell not? It’s not like I’ve got a chance with Julie anymore. I guess I never really did. I tip my chin to her and stand up. We make our way to bathroom without saying a word. As soon as I close the door, she’s all over me.

  She tries to kiss me, but I turn my head. I don't kiss anyone but Julie; she knows the rules. All these bitches do. Brittany gets on her knees and starts to undo my pants. I look down at her, but all I can see is Julie and Matty kissing.

  My stomach starts to roll as soon as she grabs my dick. I pull away and run to the toilet and toss up all the whiskey I've drank. I stand up and run my forearm across my mouth. I look over to Brittany; she’s still on the floor smiling.

  “Come back. I’ll make you feel better.”

  I shake my head in disgust and walk to the door. I open it and step into the hallway. My pants are still undone, and my shit is hanging out. I’m working on my jeans, when I hear someone clear their throat. I look up, and Julie is standing in front of me.

  “I wanted to explain,” she says in a whispered voice. I can tell she is nervous, and her eyes look like she’s been crying. I start to walk to her, but stop when I hear the bathroom door open. I turn around to see Brittany walk out. She looks toward Julie and smiles.

  “Well, if it isn’t nerd girl.” She looks toward me then back at Julie. “You can have him now. I’m finished.” Then, she walks away.

  When I look back at Julie, her beautiful blue eyes are full of unshed tears. I want to comfort her, tell her nothing happened, but I know she won’t believe me.

  Julie takes a deep breath and pulls her body up tight. “I came to tell you that what you saw was a mistake. Matty was just trying to prove a point. There has never been and never will be anything but friendship between your brother and me.” She takes another breath and continues. “I don’t think you coming to my house every day is good idea. You can still see Jenny of course, but we need to work out some sort of schedule. I will talk to Mr. Friedman tomorrow and have him draft up a visitation agreement. Until it’s finished, just call when you want to see her. I’ll drop her off at Pop’s.”

  She turns to walk away, but I grab her. “Please, wait,” I beg.

  “Let me go, Jase. I think it's time we really let each other go.” She whispers then pulls away and walks out of the bar.

  I’ve done it again. I’ve fucked up everything again.

  Chapter 11

  Julie

  It’s been over a month, since I caught Jase with Brittany. I dream about it every night. Last night was the worst though. He was having a threesome. He, Brittany and Bec were all going at it on the desk at Pop’s shop. When I walked in, Bec looked up and asked me to join them. Thank God, I woke up after that. I’m still lying in the bed when I feel a rumble in my stomach.

  Oh no. I jump out of bed and run to the bathroom. This is the second day in a row I’ve woke up sick. I spend the next ten minutes with my head hung over the toilet. I clean myself up and make my way downstairs to the kitchen. I start to open the fridge, but I freeze when I look at the calendar. Oh my God, I’m late. This can’t be happening. I run back upstairs to Bethany’s room and barge in without knocking.

  “Bethany, you need to wake up, now,” I say as I shake her.

  “What?” she says sleepily.

  “You need to go out for me. Please! I think I’m pregnant, and I don't want anyone seeing me buying a pregnancy test."

  With that, Bethany hops out of bed and rushes to get dressed. She turns around to face me, looking panicked. “When did you sleep with Jase?”

  “The night at the garage, during the welcome home party at Pop’s garage,” I say with my head hung down in shame.

  Bethany comes over to me and wraps me in a hug. “It’s okay, we’ll figure this out. I’ll be back as soon I can.” Then, she runs out the door.

  I’m pacing in Bethany’s bedroom when I hear her come back. I look at the clock and notice she was only gone for twenty minutes. She must have sped through town because I know it takes longer than that to get to the store and back. She charges in the room and throws me the bag. I look inside and there are about five different brands of tests.

  I clench the bag in my hand and run to the bathroom. One after the o
ther, I take the pregnancy tests. I sit them all on the bathroom counter and go back out to Bethany. We sit side by side on the bed.

  “Five minutes,” I say quietly, and she nods. It feels like we’re waiting for an eternity before it’s time to check the tests. “I can’t look. Will you do it for me?”

  Bethany gets up off the bed and goes to see what the results are. She comes back holding all of them with a sad smile on her face. “They’re positive, Jules.”

  No, this cannot be happening again. “Are you going to tell him?” Bethany asks hesitantly.

  “No. Yes. Maybe? I don’t know.”

  “You need to tell him. Jase didn’t get to be a part of Jenny's life, but he deserves to be a part of this one,” she says with determination.

  “He deserves to be a part of this one? Are you kidding me? Do you not remember me coming home last month after finding Jase? Do you remember me telling you what happened? What he was doing?" I shake my head. "He hasn’t changed, Bethany.”

  “Maybe not. He might not deserve to be with you, but he does deserve to know about this child. I agree that Jase is a crappy boyfriend, but he's a great father to Jenny. No one can deny that.”

  I think about what Bethany says and nod my head in agreement. She’s right that I have to tell him, but I am not going to do it right now.

  ******

  Jase

  I picked up Jenny from Julie's today. I was hoping to talk to her first, but she wouldn’t even look at me. I don't blame her. When Matty told me what really happened, I wanted to kick my own ass. If I would have stayed out of the bar, Julie and I would be together again. I can still see her face when Brittany walked out of the bathroom. I don’t know how I could have fucked up more.

  I brought Jenny to the lake today. She has been telling me that she’s been in swimming lessons since she was four, but has never swam in anything except for a pool before. It’s getting a little late in the year to swim, but it’s a warm day, so I figure this will be great.

  We just got out of the lake. My Sweet Pea can swim like fish, but she’s tired now, so we’re sitting by the lakeside skipping rocks. It takes me almost twenty minutes to teach her how, but she’s having a ball now. I’ve just tossed a rock when I hear my name being called. I look up and it’s Brittany again. Is she stalking me?

  “Hey there, handsome. Fancy seeing you here,” she says, smiling down.

  I notice Jenny look up at her, looking mad. “Daddy, who is that?” Jenny says, eyeing Brittany.

  “Hey there. I’m Daddy’s special friend.”

  Jenny looks at me and frowns. “Daddy, can she not be your friend anymore? I don’t like her.”

  I chuckle. “She’s not Daddy’s friend, baby. She’s just some annoying person that won’t leave me alone.”

  Jenny breathes out a sigh of relief. “Oh, good. Can you go away now? I’m having fun with my Daddy.”

  “You heard the girl, Brittany. Get lost.”

  She huffs. “I was wondering if you wanted to get together tonight?” she says touching my arm.

  “Don’t touch my Daddy,” Jenny screams at her.

  Brittany instantly drops her hand away. “I can see she’s going to be a problem. Are you going to let her talk to me that way?”

  “Are you serious right now? This is my daughter. She can speak to you however she wants. And if you don’t back off, I’ll let her bite your ankles.” Jenny giggles.

  “Fine, you’ll regret this, Jase. Don’t come crawling back to me when your so-called family ups and leaves you again,” she says as she saunters off.

  “Daddy, why would you ever be friends with someone like her?”

  I run my hand over my face. “I don’t know, baby. I was stupid.”

  “Yeah, I know you were. Now you need to be smart.” She pauses then looks back up. “So, daddy, how are you going to get momma back? I want you together.”

  “Oh, baby, I don’t know. I really messed up.”

  “How did you mess up?”

  Did Julie not tell her? Shit. How do I explain this to an eight-year-old little girl? “I, um, kissed another girl when I was with your momma before.”

  Jenny narrows her eyes. “Well, I’m glad she left you then. I would have too.” My heart feels like it’s being crushed right now. “But, we’re back now, so I think you need to fix it. But, Daddy, if you kiss anymore girls that aren’t Momma, I’ll bite your ankles,” she says with a smile.

  Chapter 12

  Julie

  I’m at work and notice Bec eyeing me, but she doesn’t look smug, she looks worried. I pop a few of the pills the doctor gave me yesterday for my “pregnancy” sickness. It’s not just limited to mornings; it’s all the damn time. I lay my head on the desk for a minute, but the feeling doesn’t pass.

  Suddenly, the smell of Mr. Friedman’s catfish lunch hits me. My stomach starts to roll, and I know what is coming. I’m up and sprinting to the bathroom and throw up everything I’ve eaten today. God, will this never end? I was hardly ever sick when I was pregnant with Jenny, so I hope this passes soon. I flush the toilet and go to wash my face. Bec is standing in front of the sink. She gives me a hesitant smile.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah I’m fine,” I say as I throw water on my face.

  “Does Jase know you’re pregnant?”

  I freeze. “No, he doesn’t, and I don’t know how or when I want to tell him yet,” I say as I dry my hands and face. “Why are you suddenly being so nice to me?”

  “I was hoping we could talk about before. About what happened?” she says timidly.

  “What could you possibly have to say to me? I had sex with your boyfriend, and I liked it? Oh, and I have been chasing after him ever since you left. Hell, even now, I hear you and that bitch Brittany have been after him still.”

  Bec puts her head down. “It wasn’t supposed to happen. I was going through…” She stops for a second and shakes her head. “He’d just lost his mom. We were drunk and it just happened. I’m sorry,” she says and a tear runs down her face.

  “Okay, so the one time, what about for all the others? You two apparently cheated a few more times behind my back. What about then?”

  “There is something I need to tell you about that. But first, I need you to understand how sorry I am. I didn’t really mean for it to go that far, but I started to fall in love with him. At least, I thought I did. We’d talk about our issues, and then it would just go from there. I know he never felt that way for me, but I really thought I loved him. I’m so sorry, Julie.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “That day you caught us, I was hoping you would. I planned the whole thing. You told me you were surprising him at work for his birthday, so I thought I’d get there first so you could finally see.”

  “I’m not listening to anymore of this,” I say and try to walk around her.

  “Please, you were my best friend.”

  Her words push me over the edge. I slap her across the face. “Best friend? I was your best friend, and you did this to me?” I shake my head at her. “You were never my friend, Bec.” I don’t give her a chance to respond. She can kiss my ass and so can Jase. I walk out of the bathroom to get back to work.

  ******

  Jase

  I’m walking into Friedman Law offices to sign the visitation paperwork. I can’t believe it’s come to this. I wanted to work this shit out between us. I’ve tried to call Julie a hundred times, but she won’t even answer the damn phone. I figured she’d soften up after a few days, but it’s getting worse. I even have to text her when I want to see Jenny.

  She didn’t even bring Jenny to Pop’s this weekend; Bethany did. Jenny was kind of quiet too. I asked her what’s wrong, and she said that her Momma was sick. I wanted to go check on Julie, but I knew she wouldn’t want that, so I spent the whole weekend worrying about her.

  The sound of someone being sick pulls me away from my thoughts. I hear talking, and I am pretty sure its Bec and Julie. Bec better not be fucking with
her again. I’m going to put a stop to this shit now! Their voices carry through the door.

  “Does Jase know you’re pregnant?”

  “No, he doesn’t, and I don’t know how or when I want to tell him yet.”

  Julie’s pregnant? She’s pregnant and sick, and she didn’t tell me, again. I try to focus on what they are saying, but my mind keeps going to the image of Julie with my baby growing inside her.

  The sound of the door opening gets my attention. I look up and Julie is standing there with her mouth hanging open.

  I step forward. “Were you going to tell me this time or run off like a fucking bitch again?”

  “It’s really none of your business,” Julie says not looking at me, trying to walk by.

  I grab onto her arm and swing her around to look at me. “Not my business? You ran away nine years ago, kept my daughter from me, and you’re saying this time, it’s not my fucking business?”

  “Jase, don’t. Not here, okay?” she says quietly.

  “Why did you keep Jenny away from me?” I demand.

  “You hurt me, Jase. When I told everyone I was pregnant, they told me not to tell you. They said you weren’t in a good place. Pop and your brothers came out every few months to visit. I kept asking if it was time to tell you, but they said you weren’t ready.” Hearing that my own father and brothers visited my daughter all these years and never told me has me wanting to break their necks.

  “I’m not signing visitation papers. You can stick them up your ass. I’ll see my daughter whenever the hell I want,” I say to her and walk out the building.

  Chapter 13

  Jase

  I go home instead of going back to work. I just can’t deal with everyone’s shit today, and I can’t stop thinking about finding out Julie is pregnant. She wasn’t going to tell me. Was she going to try to say it was someone else’s? No, she wouldn’t do that, but she would run away. I am not going to let that happen again.