Whiskey Lullaby

by Dawn Martens

  “The hell you’re not. You’re my daughter’s aunt. You’re my woman’s friend. In my book, that makes you my family.”

  I start to tell him that I’m not his woman, but figure now is not the time to point that out.

  “You’ll really take care of us?” Bethany asks, her voice filled with hope.

  “Yes, I give you my word that I will protect you and Julie with my life. If Dean shows his face in this town, he has me, Matty, and Shane to face. Hell, I’m sure that there are a few other guys that would enjoy hurting him too. He won’t get close to you. That, I promise.”

  ******

  We talk for a few minutes, but I can tell that Bethany needs some time to herself. I motion for Jase to follow me, and we walk to the living room. He sits on one end of the couch and I sit on the other. I can feel the tension rolling off him.

  I think it’s about time we talk about everything. Starting with how he could cheat on me. If I don’t ask and get this cleared up with him, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive him and move on. I also need to know what’s going on with him and Brittany.

  We also need to talk about why I kept Jenny away from him. I know he is angry, and I don’t blame him. With the new baby coming and all this stuff with Dean, he’s got to be worried that I'll run away again.

  I feel determined. I need this done. I go back upstairs and ask Bethany if she’ll go and pick up Jenny. She agrees. When we are back to the living room, Jase is standing near the window looking lost in thought.

  “Thank you for everything, Jase. I’m going to go pick up Jenny. Then I’m taking her to the movies so you two can talk,” Bethany says and walks out the door, without waiting for Jase’s reply.

  We’re both quiet for a minute. I’m not sure what to say, but the silence is killing me.

  “Why?” he finally says. There are so many answers to that question that I don’t even try to answer. Instead, I just look at him.

  “Why, Julie? Why would you keep my daughter away from me? I know I fucked up, but I would never hurt a child. You had to know that.”

  “Your dad hurt you. He hurt you, Matty, and Shane.” I see pain flash across his face and wish I could take the words back.

  “I’m sorry, Jase. That was the wrong thing to say, but I’d being lying if I said that I didn’t think about that when I made the decision not to tell you.”

  “You could have told me any way. You didn’t have stay with me like Mom did with Pop. You could have left me, but at least let me see Jenny.”

  “You’re right. But I was scared, and I also know you. Would you really have ‘let’ us break up? No, you would have done everything you could to stay with me. I didn’t want that. I knew you would be after me constantly, begging, pleading, anything. That’s why I left. That’s also one of the reasons why I didn’t tell you about Jenny, because I knew that begging and pleading would be ten times worse.

  “But mostly, it was because everyone kept telling me to stay away. They said you were drinking all the time and weren’t capable of being a dad, but they were wrong. I know that now. You’re a wonderful father.” I take a deep a breath, trying to control my tears. I look into his eyes and finally say what I have been thinking for nine years.

  “I’m sorry, Jase. If I had it to do over again, I would tell you.”

  His face softens. “You’re right. If you had stayed, I wouldn’t have let you go, or given you a choice.”

  Jase walks toward me, but I stop him by raising my hand. “If I’m going to even consider moving forward, then we need to talk about Bec, and you and Brittany.”

  *****

  Jase

  "First of all, there is no me and Brittany. What you thought happened didn’t. I won’t lie. I went into the bathroom to have sex with her, but I couldn’t do it. At the time, I thought I had lost any chance I had with you, but I still couldn’t touch her.”

  Julie nods and I can see the pain on her face. “What about Bec?”

  How can I explain this in a way she'll understand, when I don't even understand it myself? I sit on the couch and she comes over and sits on the opposite end.

  “Things were easy with Bec. We'd hang out, get drunk, and have sex. It was like she was a buddy that I fucked." I know it sounds cold; shit, it is cold, but I have to be honest.

  "I know this doesn't make it any better, but we only had sex three times before you left. Once right after Mom died, once when you and I had some fight, and the day you saw us. That was it. The first two times, I was so drunk that I don't even remember it happening. That day that you caught us...well, what you saw was my way of keeping Bec quiet."

  When I finish, I look over at Julie. She's not making a sound, but tears are falling down her cheeks. Oh fuck! It hurts like hell to see her cry, especially when I’m the one causing her tears.

  "Why did you need Bec after your mom died? Why wasn't I enough? I was there. I would have done anything for you."

  "That was the problem. You were always there. You kept asking me if I was all right or if I wanted to talk. You would never just let me be. I didn't want that. I just wanted to forget,” I try to explain.

  "I don't understand."

  I take a deep breath and lay it out for her. "When I was with Bec, I was just Jase. I could laugh, drink, and have a good time. When I was with you, I was a guy who had just lost his mom. You watched me like hawk, just waiting for me to fall apart. I wasn't normal, and I needed normal. I just couldn't handle it anymore."

  "So it was my fault?" she whispers.

  I reach over and grab her. I pull her onto my lap. "No, no fucking way. It wasn't you. It was all me. I fucked up, baby. I fucked up bad. I should have talked to you, but I didn't. I'm sorry, Julie. You'll never know how sorry I am. Everything I’ve just told you is simply the truth; the painful, fucked up truth, but in no way is it an excuse."

  She looks up at me, tears still running down her face. "I'm sorry too."

  I use my thumbs to wipe away her tears, and bend down and place my lips on hers.

  Chapter 19

  Julie

  I push him back and shake my head. ”I just need a little time to process everything. Jase, please just give me some space. I just need to think.” He nods and gets up reluctantly.

  He pulls me up with him and wraps his arms around my waist. “Just remember how damn sorry I am, and how much I love you,” he whispers and kisses my forehead gently. I watch him as he leaves.

  I sink back onto the couch. How can you really forgive someone for cheating? There is no excuse for it. I can’t wrap my head around this. Do I still love him? Yes, I do. But can I ever trust him again? I just don’t have the answer for that right now.

  I’m on the couch when Bethany and Jenny come home. “Hey guys, you have fun?”

  “Yes, Auntie Bethy is awesome. She bought me this new shirt!” Jenny says holding up a One Direction T-Shirt. I frown when I look at it.

  I turn to Bethany. “One Direction? Ugh, that’s almost as bad as Spice Girls, Aunt Bethy.”

  Bethany just laughs and makes her way up to her room.

  “All righty, Jenny, time for bed. It’s late,” I say, walking up the stairs behind her.

  I get her into bed and tuck her in, then go back downstairs to get a drink.

  As I pour myself a glass of tea, I hear Bethany come down the stairs. I smile at her. “Hey, Bethany, want a drink?”

  She looks at me with a small smile and nods her head. I take out another glass, grab a bottle of wine and start to walk to the living room. She raises her eyebrows when she sees the wine. “You do remember that you’re pregnant, right?”

  I set the bottle on the coffee table and take a seat. “Yep, that’s why you are drinking for me.”

  “So, are you going to tell me what happened with Jase?” Bethany asks as she sits down beside me and grabs her glass.

  I open the wine and fill her glass up, then tell her about everything Jase and I talked about tonight. I also tell her about our past. I’v
e told her what happened, but I never really explained how hard it was on me. I never told her how close Bec and I were, or how bad it hurt to have him betray me. I’m sure she already knows, but I really need to get it all off my chest.

  Bethany takes my hand in hers. “I don’t blame you for hesitating about this, but from the sound of it, he really does seem genuinely sorry about everything. This also happened nine, shoot, almost ten years ago? He’s paid for what he did. It still doesn’t excuse his behavior, but I think you finally need to let it go. Do you honestly think that he would ever hurt you like that again?”

  I just shrug. How do I know? He hurt me like that once, what’s stopping him from doing it again?

  “Jules, I don’t think he would. That man loves you, and you can see the pain in his eyes every dang time he looks you.” Bethany leans over and kisses my forehead. She then gets up and goes to bed. I sit there and think about what she said and what Jase said. Shit, my head is going to explode.

  *****

  Jase

  I go home and sit on my bed. Did I have a good excuse for cheating? No, but it was the only one I had. I want so badly for Julie to forgive me and move on so we can build a future together. I lean back and start to think back to when we were dating in high school.

  I wanted her for years, but she was too young for me. I finally had enough of just watching her being hit on by other guys. When I overheard one of the guys on the team say he was going to ask her out after school, I lost it and beat his ass. By the time I was done, the asswipe had a broken nose.

  When the fight was over, I knew that I was done waiting. With the decision made, I walked up to her and told her she was going out with me. I didn’t give her a chance to say yes or no. I simply told her we were going out, gave her a quick kiss and walked away.

  After our first date, we were inseparable. Everyone could see that we were meant for each other. We had the perfect relationship until I fucked it all up.

  I wasn’t a saint before I started dating Julie. I pretty much nailed every hot chick in the school. I was worried that Julie wouldn’t ever touch me because of my reputation, but it never seemed to bother her. I’d never been with a virgin before, until Julie. I tried to take it slow, but she wouldn’t let me. By the fourth date, we were in the back seat of my old Camaro. It was one of the best nights of my life.

  Just thinking about our first time, and every time after that, makes my body tighten. She was amazing. Is still amazing. I can happily travel down memory lane all night, but the phone rings, bringing me to reality. The Caller ID says ‘Julie Calling’. I click answer right away. “Julie?”

  “Hey, Jase, um…can you come over? I want to talk.” Her voice is quiet.

  “Yeah, give me fifteen.” I hang up the phone and race out the door. Shit, I hope that nothing’s wrong.

  I run every fucking red light on the way over. In just ten minutes, I’m here and walking up to the front door. It swings open immediately. Julie is standing there, still wearing what she had on from earlier. Before I get the chance to say anything, she comes to me, wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me.

  ******

  Julie

  My mind can’t stop thinking. Thinking of the past, the present, the future. For hours, I’ve been going over the same old shit. Almost on auto pilot, I find myself calling Jase and asking him to come over. Am I really willing to try again? What if he hurts me, like he did last time? I'm not sure I can survive going through it again. But if I don’t at least try, I’ll never know. As scared as I am, I don’t think I can walk away without at least giving it a try.

  I see him pull into the driveway. Before he’s to the door, I run over and open it. I walk straight to him and start kissing him.

  When he pulls his lips from mine, he whispers pleadingly, “Please forgive me, Julie. I still love you so fucking much. I don’t want to be without you anymore.”

  I finally nod, but I'm not truly sure what I’m agreeing to. Jase sags with relief and pulls me in for another kiss. Our kisses quickly become heated. He has one hand cupping the back of my neck, and the other is massaging my left breast. I feel his hardness against my stomach and instinctively, I start to rub against it. He moans into my mouth, then pulls away.

  “Upstairs,” he growls out and picks me up.

  He doesn’t put me down until we get into my room. Closing the door behind him, we frantically start to undress.

  He stalks towards me, picks me up and sets me on the bed. “I’ve fucking missed you,” he says as his mouth crashes down on mine.

  He puts a knee between my legs to push them apart. His mouth leaves my neck, trailing kisses down my neck and chest. He has a hand on my sex, thumbing my clit, while his mouth works my nipple.

  I stiffen when I feel it coming. “Don’t hold back, baby. Give it to me,” Jase says huskily. With his words, I come undone.

  My world unravels. The tension I’ve been feeling over the last few weeks finally comes apart. I feel it evaporating as spirals of color momentarily blind me. Before I can finish my climax, Jase is over me, kissing me, and sliding himself inside.

  “Yes,” I breathe out, while pushing my hips upward to meet his thrusts. "You feel so good, Jase. I love having you inside of me." God, it feels so good. How the hell have I gone for so long without this man between my thighs?

  “God, Julie, so fucking amazing,” Jase says between thrusts.

  I wrap my legs around his ass and pull him deeper into me. “I want you deep, baby. I want to feel you everywhere.”

  I know he’s about to come because he’s thrusting faster and harder. I reach down and pinch my clit. He feels my hand and smiles a sexy smile. "That's it, baby. Play with that pussy." One more squeeze and I'm coming again, his words spurring me on and tipping me over the edge. He always knew how to make me come undone. It seems he still has the touch.

  Jase’s strokes become erratic and he is breathing fast. I know he is on the edge. I move my hand to the spot where our bodies are connected. “That’s me and you baby. Just like we were always meant to be.” The words tumble out of my mouth unplanned. This is it. I’m tired of pushing him away. He royally fucked up. I know this; he knows this. But it’s time I move on. I want to move on.

  “Fuck, Julie. I love you!” he growls out. His thrusts gain even more speed then he slams into me one more time. I can feel him pouring himself deep inside of me. I wrap my arms around his back and pull him as close to my body as I can. We stay like this for a long time, until he eventually lifts his head and kisses me softly.

  He rolls over, taking me with him. He pulls my body to his side so that my head is on his chest. We lay quietly for a moment. I can tell that Jase is thinking about something, but I keep my mouth shut and wait for him to share. “Please tell me that this is us starting over. I swear I’ll never hurt you again,” he says quietly.

  I want it just as bad as he does, but I am scared. I just have to decide what I am more afraid of; being hurt again, or losing Jase forever. I think about the importance of my words and then I say, “This is us starting over, Jase. But I can’t promise it’s going to be easy. You really hurt me the first time, and I really hurt you by taking Jenny away. If we want this to really happen, we’re going to have to work at it every day.”

  "I do, baby, and I will. I'll work at it until the day I die."

  I hear the truth in his words and snuggle closer when his grip tightens. We both fall quiet, and I can feel sleep starting to take over. I settle in closer to Jase and close my eyes.

  Jase kisses the top of my head. “I love you, Julie,” he whispers into my hair.

  “I love you too, Jase.”

  Chapter 20

  Julie

  I can hear my phone ringing, dragging me out of my sleep. I reach onto the nightstand and grab it. "Julie, you need to get over here right now!" Uncle Mack says without giving me time to say hello.

  I feel movement beside me and look over. Seeing Jase in my bed brings back everything that happ
ened last night. Am I really going to do this? Am I going to give us another chance?

  Jase rolls towards me and places his hand on my stomach. He rubs my little baby bump and smiles in his sleep. I smile at him. Yes, I'm going to give us another chance.

  "Did you hear me? You need to get over here, now!" Uncle Mack shouts into the phone, cutting into my thoughts.

  "What's going on?"

  "Your brother’s been hurt. We don't know much. He's in surgery right now, and the doctor is supposed to call as soon as it’s over." Mack keeps talking, but I've already dropped the phone and am jumping out of bed. Hurt? Shit, no! I feel sick. Fuck! I have no time to be sick.

  Jase wakes up when I leave the bed. "What's going on, Babe?"

  "Brandon's been hurt. I got to get to Uncle Mack's," I say, while pulling on a pair of jeans. I grab a shirt and turn to see Jase buttoning his pants. He grabs his t-shirt from the floor and walks towards the door.

  "I'll tell Bethany what's going on. Have her keep an eye on Jenny. Meet you down stairs in a minute."

  I can’t talk. My head is a mess. I can’t think. I don’t want to think. Not Brandon. I nod and pull the shirt over my head. As soon as it clears my face, Jase is standing right in front of me.

  "It's going to okay, baby, I promise." I gladly go to him as he pulls me into his body and wraps his arms around me. I rest my head on his chest and concentrate on how good he feels. I need this moment before I allow myself to feel the pain and panic of my brother being injured.

  "It's always been you," Jase sighs. He takes a deep breath. "When we were apart, I felt like I was missing a part of myself. Last night was the first time I've felt whole in over nine years."