Dreaming of Ayama

by K. A Knight

  I just need to play the defeated little girl, wind them around my finger, get close until they never see it coming. If there is one thing I know about men like Harron, they believe they are the smartest in the room…they will never see me coming.

  “Why are you helping me? I figured you would be trying to push me back to the alien camp and do this yourself,” I whisper.

  “I promised Barrott I would always protect you…but, Indy, you don’t need my protection. You are stronger than you think and we can’t do this without you.” She grins and I almost laugh.

  “He will kill you.” I smile and she shares it with me.

  “Nah, you’ll stop him.”

  Eventually we all break away, leaving me alone at the table. I spot Cain arguing with his dad at the edge of camp, and I have to bite my lip hard to hold in my gasp when Harron slaps him, before turning and striding back into camp like a king in his fucking castle. Game on asshole, I am about to topple his crown. I grin when I spot Cain grab something from Harron’s pockets while he pretends to stumble before he turns, slipping it into his own pocket. Bingo.

  Standing up, I dump my tray and my uneaten food, and follow after Cain as he trudges into the forest. I find him hitting a tree, swearing and flipping out. His chest is heaving, his shirt sticking to his skin with sweat, and his hair a mess. It sends a pang through me, because I still care about him. I can’t look at him and not find him attractive. I can’t not think about everything between us as much as I wish I could.

  He doesn’t hear me coming over the sound of his breathing, his hands gripping the bark of the tree as he lays his head against it. “Cain?”

  He freezes, not even breathing as I step up to his side. He turns his head slowly like I might not be real, his eyes locking on me as his exhalation whooshes out of him. “Speed demon?” he whispers, his voice hoarse and his eyes lost. My heart clenches, but I force that away with the memory of Barrott falling to the ground, passed out cold. I can do this. I can use and betray him like he did to me, right? He stands up quickly, his eyes darting around before looking back at me in panic. “You shouldn’t be out here,” he murmurs, his gaze darts to my head and he swallows hard, his hand coming up between us like he might touch it before he drops it and steps back. He pushes his hands behind him and to the tree, like it’s the only way to stop himself from reaching for me.

  I know the feeling, even now, faced with everything, I am itching to touch him. To just curl up in his arms and let him promise me everything is going to be okay, to fall for his pretty lies just to escape this painful reality. “I needed to see you,” I tell him, and again it’s true. I had planned to confront him anyway, but I don’t want to fight, not when I need him on my side. So even as I war with myself about all the wrong he has done, whether he was part of the rebels and what he knows, I step forward, letting my love for the boy who broke down in my arms when his mother died, the man who kissed me under the stars so softly, the man who held me and danced with me, win. It’s easy for me to step towards him. In this moment, I both love and hate it. There is a fine line between passion and pain and I plan to ride it, use it, tame it, and make it my own. For Barrott, I would do anything. Even face the heartbreak I know is coming, even give those jagged, broken pieces of my trust and heart back to the man who broke it to begin with.

  “I don’t want to fight.” He steps back from me, looking wary and panicked. “I just needed you, can we just live in this moment. Just you and me?” I beg.

  “Indy, you should go back,” he pleads, stepping away until his spine meets the tree as I step closer. “I am working on getting Barrott out, okay? Just go back,” he implores, and I almost falter at that before pushing away.

  “No, you were there. Every time I needed to forget on the ship, every time I needed to race and face down my own mortality to feel alive, you offered me a way out, an escape, a moment of pure living. No memories, no past, just us. I need that now.”

  “Speed demon, don’t,” he begs, his eyes wide and filled with pain and hope.

  “I need you, Cain, please,” I admit and I do, as much as we are on opposite sides, I never stopped loving him and right now in this moment, he is exactly what I need. I need the painful, obliterating bliss he offers.

  I stop when we are touching and his hands press to my chest to stop them from getting closer, but instead of pushing me away he pulls me closer, as if he can’t control himself.

  “Speed demon, I never—” I cut him off with a kiss, not wanting to hear it. I can only deal with so much at a time before going crazy, and right now my world is narrowed down to Barrott and what Cain can do to help get him free, but it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy it.

  Grabbing his hair, I yank him closer, pulling on the strands painfully. Punishing him with my mouth and hands. He groans into my mouth, his palms gripping my ass and dragging me closer until I am pressed against his hard body. It feels like an explosion, like everything has been leading up to this. Biting his lips, I swallow his moan and tangle my tongue with his, our teeth clashing in our frantic kiss. Letting go of his hair, I place my hands on his chest and push him hard. He thumps back into the tree and I am on him in seconds, my hands wandering under his shirt and tracing his chest while I bite his neck. He groans, gripping my ass, as I nip hard. Hard enough that I know it will leave a mark, a bruise—he deserves it after all.

  Scratching my nails down his chest, I meet his fumbling lips again, letting him taste my hate and pain, allowing him chase it elsewhere. Everything drops away as we battle, him to get me as close as possible and me to punish him. Yanking away from his mouth to breathe, I meet his dazed eyes.

  “Speed demon,” he murmurs, a plea on his swollen lips.

  “You hurt me,” I gasp, the words tumbling from my lips before I can stop them.

  “I know,” he replies, not even trying to defend himself, just waiting for whatever punishment I want to give him. “I have reasons, I can promise you that, but I know and it’s eating me up inside.”

  Narrowing my eyes, I stop him before he can talk anymore. Right now I don’t want to feel sorry for him, I don’t want to forgive him or soften towards him, or listen to his reasons. Kissing him hard, I pull back so I am whispering against his lips. “Do you love me?” I ask, almost holding my breath, everything comes down to this.

  “Yes, fuck yes,” he snarls, fighting to kiss me again.

  “Would you do anything to make this right?” I demand, tugging on his hair to keep him from kissing me and distracting me again. I have already wasted enough time.

  “Yes,” he answers instantly, with no hesitation.

  “You are going to help me. Then, and only then, will I listen to your reasons,” I order, and he freezes in my grip for a moment before relaxing.

  “You didn’t need to kiss me to get you to help you, speed demon, I would have done it anyway,” he whispers, his voice heartbroken.

  “Maybe I just wanted to kiss you,” I confess. “Whose side are you on, Cain?” I find myself asking, my whisper like a prayer. A prayer that he won’t break my heart again, a prayer that I am wrong.

  “Yours, always yours,” he declares, his voice strong and sure. “Always.” Kiss. “Yours.” I groan and kiss him again, knowing I should get back but I can’t. Despite all the unsaid things between us, and all the lies and half-truths, I still believe him. I still love him.

  “I hope so, we are going to find out. Don’t betray me again, Cain. I won’t forgive you,” I warn, before kissing him again and pulling away. Turning, I wipe my mouth and hurry back to camp, afraid of what else I will say or do if I stay here.

  “You never told me what you needed!” he yells after me but I can’t stop, I can’t stop to tell him that it’s already in motion. While I kept him distracted, Auden was raiding his stuff, Eldon following his dad, Riley persuading the guards, and me…I stole the keys I saw him steal from his father. The keys to the command centre.

  Ground Day Eight

  When I get back, I al
ready notice the difference in the camp. It’s in lock down, with a guard at the entrance and the gates closed, keeping us in and stopping the aliens from getting in here as well. Harron is watching everything from a table in the eating area, surrounded by a few people. The rest of the camp looks worried and seems to be keeping their heads down, obviously afraid of drawing his attention.

  Harron’s gaze catches on me and goes to the forest behind me, obviously realising whom I have been with. I need to turn them against each other and it looks like it’s already starting to work. Instead of avoiding him, because let’s be honest, I would have never done that, I march straight up to his table and sit down opposite him. He smirks, sitting back on his chair, and watching me with a smug look. “Come to concede, maybe even beg for the life of you boyfriend?”

  “No.” I grin.

  His eyes narrow on me, flashing in anger before he relaxes again, no doubt feeling every eye on us. “Just wanted to check out who I was up against.” I get up slowly. “Colour me unimpressed,” I taunt.

  He stands quickly and before I know it, my head is whipping to the side, a slap ringing out across the camp just as Cain comes back. His eyes narrow and he starts towards his father and me, and I turn back to Harron with a smile. “You are going to lose, your own arrogance will be your downfall, and I will be there cheering when it happens.” With that, I turn and leave, heading into camp and checking on people.

  Some frown at my cheek, which is aching, and I can feel the split in my lip but I wave it away, instead making sure they are okay. I can feel eyes on me the whole time, but this isn’t a show. I care about these people and I need to make sure they are okay. I spot Terry and walk his way. He is sitting with some of Barrott’s guards, watching the comings and goings. “Hey,” I say brightly, dropping to the ground next to them. My eyes linger on the command centre for a moment before I drag my gaze back to them.

  “What’s the plan?” he demands, no longer smiling.

  “Who said there was a plan?” I ask.

  “Cut the shit, Indy. There’s a plan and I want in,” he declares and the others echo their agreement.

  “I was hoping you would say that.” I smirk before filling them in on everything, they laugh and agree. I look up and spot Riley. She is coming from a tent and nods when I see her, I nod back before finding Auden with the builders in the corner. He nods too, and then I find Eldon. He is with some others in the camp and when he catches my eyes, he winks. Looks like everything is ready to go, now we just need to wait for nightfall. Tonight, tonight we get Barrott free.

  The rest of the day drags on. I keep myself busy by helping out, so they don’t get suspicious. Auden packs our bags and hides them in the treeline after Riley distracts the guards, just in case. I see Cain watching me nearly all day, and every time our gazes clash, he begs me to tell him what is going on, but I look away. I can’t trust him with this. He can play his part, but he doesn’t deserve the full truth, not after everything. Yet, even though he knows we are up to something, he doesn’t say anything, nor does he stand by his daddy’s side. No, he separates himself from both camps, watching from the sidelines like he doesn’t belong in either, and the loneliness surrounding him has my hard exterior cracking, but then I remember what is on the line. After this is over, I will listen to him and let him choose, but until then I just have to get through today.

  “Please, gather around,” comes a yell and I frown, looking over at Harron and his two ever-present goons as he stands behind his table like he’s waiting to hold court.

  Everyone shares looks before shuffling over. I slip through the crowd, hiding in their mass, wanting to watch him without him seeing me. I duck down a bit and someone squeezes my hand. Glancing up to see who it is, I smile at Eldon. I spot Auden and Riley a couple of people down and it makes me relax. Whatever is going on, we can get through it together. We have a plan.

  “After much discussion.” What fucking discussion? “We have decided to hold a vote today. There is no point delaying the inevitable. We are voting on the sentence for the traitor Barrott, head guard on the Dawnbreaker. The sentence will be death, he will face the bullet this evening if we reach the conclusion I think we will.”

  My heart freezes and I stand there numb, as shock courses through me while the crowd starts to move around. Everything fades apart from his words—no, no, no.

  The crowd starts shouting and jostling around us, but his words ricochet around my head. Fuck, that’s our plan out the window.

  I look over at Riley to see her watching me with a grim expression on her face, but she lets me know with that one look that it will never happen. I nod, turning back to the front, licking my lips. I listen in to all the fighting voices, and the overall feel is shock and anger. These people know Barrott, he has protected them and been with them since the beginning. He is going to have a fight on his hands if he thought he could get rid of Barrott so easily.

  I slip from the crowd, leaving the others to listen to the decision, because it doesn’t matter, they will never get to him. We will move the plan up if we need to, but I can’t stand there for one more minute without flipping out and trying to kill Harron. So instead I move over to the command centre when no one is looking. The guards are on the front, but I skim around the back, searching until I find a small gap in the metal work, just big enough to spy through. Stepping closer, I press my hands to either side, resting my head on the metal hole.

  “Big guy?” I call, not bothering to whisper, the crowd is so loud they will never hear me.

  “Baby, you okay?” he asks, and I hear him rushing over to me until I spot him through the gap. He is pale, his hair in disarray, but looks fine otherwise. I bet he is going mad in here not being able to see or know what is going on, not to mention not protecting me.

  I snort a laugh. Even now he is worried about me while a crowd debates whether to kill him or not. The snort turns into a hiccup and I press closer, wishing I could touch him. “I’m fine, are you?”

  “I’m fine, baby, just a bruise. They didn’t touch you, did they?” he growls and I smile, despite the circumstances.

  “They wouldn’t dare,” I reply.

  He sighs, before sliding his pinky finger through the hole, and I wrap mine around it, holding on to him the only way I know how. “I won’t let them hurt you.”

  “I know that Inds, but try not to get into any trouble please. I would hate to have to destroy this command centre to kick their ass,” he teases and laughter tumbles out, knowing he would do it.

  “I live for trouble, you know that,” I taunt.

  “True, it does follow you around.” I go quiet and he squeezes my finger. “I believe in you, baby. I know you will get me out. Even though I am going to tie you up and we are going to have a long talk about putting yourself in danger after,” he growls.

  “Like you are one to talk,” I snap.

  “I had to, Inds. If he had killed Jolp it would have started a war. A war we would never have won. One life for a whole species, there was no question,” he says softly.

  “To me it is. You are not just one life. You are Barrott, my Barrott. Your life is all that matters to me,” I defend.

  “Baby—” He starts.

  “No, don’t baby me. If I don’t get to get into trouble then you don’t get to be a fucking martyr, okay?” I demand and he laughs, the sound wrapping around me.

  “Of course, Inds,” he promises, and I grumble but settle down. “How’s the vote going? I heard the announcement.”

  “I don’t know. I couldn’t listen anymore or I would have kicked that smug bastard on his ass and been thrown in here with you,” I admit and he laughs again.

  “I thought I punched first, not you,” he teases.

  “Yeah, well, someone needs to knock him the fuck out,” I mutter.

  “Don’t let him get to you, it’s what he wants. You are smarter than him, baby.”

  “No fair, you can’t be all sweet when I can’t even kiss you,” I moan.<
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  “Soon, but you better get back before they come looking for you. Inds?” he says, sounding hesitant.

  “Yeah, big guy?” I reply, kissing his finger wrapped around mine.

  “If it’s a choice between you getting out and me, get yourself out, you hear me? Because this won’t stop with me, he will want you dead too,” he growls.

  “No,” I snap, interrupting him when he goes to speak again. “We all get out, all of us. So don’t even start that shit because there is no way I am leaving you behind.” I kiss his finger again. “Now, shut up and let me rescue you like a good damsel in distress.”

  He laughs again as I force myself away. He is right, I need to get going before they come looking for me. “I’ll be back, don’t get into trouble,” I warn, before turning and heading back to where I can still hear the crowd arguing. Harron is pushing for Barrott’s death, and I am betting he knows we are planning something. just not what. He wants to execute him tonight, then fine, we will move up our plan. It’s time to put everything into motion.

  I force myself through the crowd to Riley, Auden, and Eldon. “It’s time, get everything ready. We do this before it gets dark, while they are getting everything ready for the execution.”

  “How do you know it’s going to happen?” Riley inquires, not doubting me, just wondering.

  “He won’t let it not. Barrott is too strong and will never bow to him, so he can’t live. This vote is just a sham, just a way to make him look good. They will kill Barrott tonight and they will want it public—a warning for us. We aren’t letting that happen, it’s time to teach the rebels who they are messing with.”