A Mighty Love

by Anita Doreen Diggs

  And it all came tumbling out. “Every time you walk out the door, I wonder if you’re going to come home drunk or not. Why do you spend so much time at that bar where Debra works? Are you cheating on me?”

  He shook his head. “No. There is no other woman.”

  She relaxed a little. “Then why do you drink so much? Tell me what you’re running away from?”

  “I don’t know what you mean,” he stammered.

  “I want you to get professional help before you become an alcoholic.”

  Mel hesitated. “I don’t need to do that, baby.”

  Adrienne started to cry, and Mel looked at the bills. “If you file for bankruptcy, your credit will be ruined.” He stroked her hair as she sobbed.

  There was no answer for a moment. Mel realized that his wife had a serious case of the blues and that she was going to cry about anything and everything that had ever gone wrong in her whole life. She’s probably crying about Delilah, too, he thought sadly. But he couldn’t even bring himself to say his child’s name aloud.

  So he just cuddled Adrienne and stared at the bills on the table, and wondered how they would ever get out of the hole they were in.

  The bills were still on Mel’s mind when he got off work the next day. He decided to stop off for a drink to take his mind off his troubles before going home. When Mel walked into the bar, he took one look at Debra’s face and knew something was wrong, but he waited until his drink arrived before asking what it was.

  Debra huffed, “Look at that high-yella bitch over there!”

  Mel turned in the direction Debra was pointing. A fat, light-skinned woman with dyed-red braids was sitting with Tina, the young barmaid. The fat woman had several earrings in each ear, and Mel figured that the hair had to be fake because it hung to her waist. Mel couldn’t see her face clearly from where he was sitting, and he didn’t want to.

  “Who is she, and why you callin’ her a bitch?”

  Debra took a rag and wiped the counter in front of him so fiercely that she knocked his glass over, spilling his drink.

  “I ain’t payin’ for that,” Mel said irritably. “What the hell is going on?”

  Debra’s voice rose. “That bitch just started workin’ here, and she think she hot shit, but I ain’t havin’ it. Big Boy just came in here to see me, and her ugly ass was all over him.”

  Mel cracked up. He laughed so hard, tears came to his eyes. “Girl, get me another drink and make it a double this time,” he wheezed. There is some real, sho-nuff stupid shit going on here. How could any self-respecting female even consider brawling over an overweight, uncouth, illiterate lout like Big Boy?

  Debra slapped the drink down in front of him. “What the fuck is so funny?” she asked.

  Mel swallowed a gulp of the rum, which had very little soda in it. He grimaced. “Ain’t a damn thing funny, Debra, but if you gettin’ ready to fight over that fool, times sure must be hard for women. That’s all I can say.”

  Debra gave him a very pitiful look. “Big Boy helps me out a lot, Mel. You know I don’t make much working in this place. Now that you moved out, I don’t even have the money you used to give me. If that heffah takes Big Boy, what I’m gonna do?”

  Mel backed off. “Hey, I’m sorry. Just remember something. If Big Boy hears you’re sweatin’ this, he’s got you by the tit, and he’ll drag you around in the dust. Act like you don’t give a fuck, and that fat fool won’t be goin’ nowhere. Now put a smile on your face and pull yourself together. Me and my wife are coming to your house for Easter dinner next Sunday, and I don’t want you serving me no half-raw shit just because you been feelin’ too blue to cook it right.”

  Debra said, “Aw, shut up, Mel,” and then she started to laugh.

  Someone was missing from the scene. Mel gazed around the bar. “Where’s Belle?”

  “Belle went to jail,” Debra said matter of factly.

  Mel wasn’t surprised. “What for?”

  Debra said that Belle had helped two dudes plan a holdup of the bar. “The robbery happened a couple of hours after you was in here the last time,” Debra informed him as she tapped her feet to the music that was blaring from the jukebox.

  Mel remembered the strange way that Belle had acted that night when she was on the phone, and he hoped that the criminal justice system kept her ass behind bars. Some people were too stupid to be walking around loose.

  “Debra, lemme ask you somethin’.”

  Her feet stopped tapping. “What?”

  “It’s about me and Adrienne.”

  Her feet began to tap once more. “What’s goin’ on? She pregnant?”

  Mel stared down into his glass. “No, thank God. It’s just that sometimes we act like we really want to make it. Then, a week later, things feel like it’s all over between us. How can we fix things, flip-flopping like that?”

  Debra waited for him to continue. When he didn’t, she said, “Maybe what’s broken can’t be fixed.”

  Mel wanted to tell Debra that there was a lot more on his mind. Things like the worsening financial situation in his household, and how liquor wasn’t the high he craved. No matter how much he drank, it didn’t come close to the effect that coke gave him. Sometimes he wanted to throw his passengers off the bus, point the vehicle west, and drive nonstop until he reached Little Jimmy. The feeling was worse now that Adrienne had shown him all of her bills.

  Mel didn’t say any of these things. He swallowed the rest of his drink.

  “When we first got back together, I didn’t really want to be there.” He shrugged. “Something changed inside me around Valentine’s Day, and now I want us to make it. Trouble is, Adrienne ain’t the same no more, but I’m not ready to throw in the towel just yet.”

  Debra said nothing, and after a few minutes, Mel changed the subject. After drinking steadily for the next few hours, he threw some money on the counter, blew a kiss at his sister, and staggered out the door.

  When he got home, Adrienne was lying on the sofa reading a magazine. Her eyes lit up when she saw him. “I was trying to wait up for you,” she said.

  Mel staggered to their room without answering, fell across the bed, and then everything went black.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  On Easter morning, Adrienne woke up to an empty bed. Mel had worked a double shift and wouldn’t be home until late afternoon. Just in time to get dressed and go to his sister’s house, where they were having dinner. Adrienne thought about the long, silent hours that stretched before her. She felt very restless. She surfed the television channels, watching a few minutes of each program before going on to the next.

  By noon, she was tired of lying in bed. She showered, dressed, and then decided to put on some music and clean the house. She thumbed through her CD collection and finally chose Al Green’s Greatest Hits. She turned on the stereo at full volume and vacuumed the bedroom while singing along to “I Can’t Get Next to You.” You hit the nail right on the head, Al, she thought grimly. Ever since she’d told Mel about her bills, his attitude had gotten worse. He was brooding and silent for long periods of time and he was drinking far too much.

  She was still in a foul mood after vacuuming the whole apartment. Al Green had moved on to “Tired of Being Alone” when Adrienne attacked the refrigerator. She took all the food out, filled a pail with soapy water, grabbed a sponge, and started scrubbing the inside vigorously.

  Adrienne knew that a husband had a right to expect his wife to spend time with his family, but the fact that he was always shutting her out these days made spending Easter with his tacky sister and her useless friends a monumental sacrifice. Adrienne didn’t like Debra, because Debra had never really accepted the fact that Mel had ditched some woman named Rose the day after he’d shown up to install Adrienne’s telephone. She wondered briefly if Debra would overlook this and talk with her, woman to woman, about whatever was going on in her brother’s life.

  By 3:00 P.M., the apartment was spotless. Adrienne was pulling clothes from her cl
oset in search of a casual outfit to wear for dinner when her parents called.

  “Happy Easter!” Mama said.

  “Same to you,” Adrienne muttered.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.”

  “How is Mel?”

  “Fine.”

  “Good. Put him on the phone and let me say hello.”

  “He’s at work, Mama. I’m expecting him any minute. We’re going to Debra’s house for dinner.”

  “Oh,” Mama said knowingly. “That’s what the matter is.” She chuckled. “I know Debra is a little rough around the edges, but she’s got a good heart and that’s all that matters.”

  Adrienne wasn’t so sure. Daddy picked up the extension before she could reply. “Hey, baby girl!”

  “Hi, Daddy. How are you?”

  “Fine.” His voice boomed through the receiver. “You cooking today?”

  “No. Mel and I are having dinner at his sister’s house, and I’m not looking forward to it.”

  “If you plan for misery, that’s what you’ll get. Make up your mind to have a good time and everything will be all right. Okay?”

  Adrienne smiled, knowing her father was right. “Sure, Daddy.”

  “Good. I’m gonna hang up now.” Adrienne heard a click, then her mama’s voice. “Well, we just called to wish you a good day, baby.”

  Adrienne hung up the phone just as she heard Mel’s key in the door. He looked tired.

  He planted a perfunctory kiss on her cheek.

  “Mama just called to say ‘Happy Easter.’”

  His face relaxed. “That’s real nice. Debra’s expecting us at four-thirty, so we better get moving.”

  Adrienne forced herself to smile and went back to the closet as he headed for the shower.

  Adrienne wrinkled her nose at the smell in the elevator of Debra’s building as they rode up to the thirteenth floor. She stood in one spot, not wanting her shoes to touch any litter or get near the puddle of urine that lay in a pool between her and Mel. She was beginning to feel slightly nauseous when Debra opened the door with a welcoming smile.

  Mel started popping his fingers as soon as they walked in, because Debra’s apartment was jumping to the sound of one of his favorite records, “The Big Payback,” by James Brown. “Hey, y’all!” he exclaimed as he headed toward the back room with their coats.

  Adrienne remembered her father’s advice and smiled widely at the folks who crowded the small living room. She walked into a wall of funk and heat as she squeezed herself onto the sofa between two women who looked vaguely familiar. It smelled as if Debra had been cooking chitlins.

  Debra stepped into the center of the room. Adrienne could tell she’d had a lot to drink. “Everybody, this is Adrienne, Mel’s wife.” She then pointed out each person to Adrienne. “You know Big Boy. And that’s Ann sitting next to you. On your other side is Tina. She done took Belle’s place at the bar where I work.”

  “Belle is in jail,” Big Boy informed Adrienne.

  “You do remember Belle, don’t you?” asked Debra.

  Adrienne shook her head. She didn’t remember anyone named Belle. As Debra went into a lengthy description of what Belle looked like, Adrienne wondered why everyone in the room was so dressed up. They all looked as if they were heading for some tacky nightclub. Big Boy was actually wearing a suit!

  Debra rattled off a few more names of people in the room, and Adrienne forgot them instantly. They were all either neighbors or coworkers of Debra’s. After a few minutes, they all forgot about her. Mel was dancing and throwing back drinks. Debra alternated between checking on the food and sitting playfully on Big Boy’s lap, and the young girl named Tina kept complaining about the music. “Don’t ya’ll have anything that wasn’t made in the Stone Ages?” she asked.

  “What you know about the Stone Ages, girl? I didn’t think you stuck around high school long enough to even hear about anything like that!” Mel shouted.

  Tina stuck her tongue out at him, everyone laughed, and the party went on. Somebody turned on “Ain’t No Stoppin’ Us Now,” and Adrienne stepped out of the way as they began moving the chairs and the coffee table out of the way so they could all dance. She looked over and saw Debra darting back into the kitchen, and wondered if this might be a good time for them to speak.

  Adrienne moved past a couple who were dancing, drinks in hand, and nodded at Mel, who was deep in conversation with an old friend. She ducked into the cramped kitchen, where Debra was busily chopping up onions.

  “Hand me that butter knife over there,” she said, barely looking up.

  Adrienne didn’t really want to touch anything, but she took the knife and started to run it under the tap water.

  “Just hand it to me, Adrienne. It’s clean,” Debra said, exasperated. “I swear, you just as prissy as they come.”

  “Debra, I didn’t come in hear to argue with you.”

  “Well, whatchu come for, then? ’Cause I know you didn’t come in here to wish me no Happy Easter.”

  Adrienne didn’t know how to begin. She was beginning to think this was a bad idea.

  “I was wondering if Mel had said anything to you.”

  “What you say?” Debra asked, shouting above the music. She was busily making a salad.

  “I said, has Mel said anything to you?—about us, I mean. We hadn’t been talking much, and, well, it just seems like he has a lot on his mind.”

  “I guess he do. Hell, his baby gone, and something like that, you just can’t blink and jump back on your feet.”

  Adrienne couldn’t believe how blunt Debra was—or that she was acting as though Mel were the only one who was suffering, too. She didn’t know how to respond without causing a scene, so she just glared at Debra, watching her mix up the salad.

  “And Adrienne,” Debra said softly, “don’t be over there lookin’ crazy. I ain’t got no kids, but I was a girl once, and I know how much you love your little girl. It’s gone take some time, Adrienne, maybe a whole lot of time, ’fore you and Mel work through that kinda loss.” She watched Adrienne staring at her, mistrustful. “But if you don’t want to lose him, too,” she continued, “I think you better just chill and don’t play him so close. Mel a grown man, and prissy as you is, you know how these men do,” Debra said slyly.

  Now what does that mean? Adrienne wondered as Debra stuck her plump finger into the bowl and licked it, checking the salad’s taste.

  The music seemed to grow louder, and Adrienne felt a headache coming on as Debra sucked the last bit of blue cheese dressing off her finger and held the bowl in her hand.

  Just when Adrienne thought she couldn’t take another minute of the gathering, Debra slipped out of the kitchen and stood in the doorway. “Dinner is served,” she said grandly.

  Ann and Debra filled the plates in the kitchen, and Tina passed them out to the crowd in the living room. Everyone ate with their plates on their laps and drinking glasses at their feet. There were the traditional Easter foods—ham, fried chicken, collard greens, and macaroni and cheese—but there was also roast beef, cornbread made from scratch, homemade apple pie, and caramel cake. Adrienne was picking at a little bit of everything when Mel sat down beside her and began to eat as if he hadn’t seen food in months.

  “Why you not eatin’, baby?” he asked.

  “I’m not feeling too well,” Adrienne lied softly. Debra’s words had sunk into the pit of her stomach.

  He stopped eating for a moment. “Yeah, you do look strange. We can leave in a little while if you want.”

  Adrienne nodded. They were talking quietly about how tired he was from driving all night and half the day, when Adrienne felt Mel stiffen beside her. He choked on a piece of ham, and she pounded him on the back as he reached frantically for his drinking glass. “What’s the matter?” she asked. Before Mel could answer, Big Boy’s voice clamored over the music. “Well, what a surprise! Look who’s here. If it ain’t my favorite cousin!”

  Big Boy was taking coats
from a woman and two small girls. The woman was wearing a green dress in some kind of shimmery fabric, and the neckline was so low, it almost reached her nipples. She was wearing two huge gold earrings in each ear, and a lot of bracelets. The two little girls were wearing ruffled pink dresses and black patent leather shoes. The woman whispered something to them, and they waved shyly at Mel.

  “Mel, you remember Lillian, don’t you?” Big Boy shouted. There was no mistaking the glee in his voice.

  Mel stiffened beside her. “Yeah,” he muttered.

  Big Boy helped his cousin into a chair and then looked at Mel again. “Well, it would seem to me that a man could say hello if he remembers somebody.”

  Mel said, “Hello Lillian,” without taking his eyes off his plate.

  Big Boy grinned widely and whispered in his cousin’s ear.

  “What cute kids,” Adrienne said. “Do you know them?”

  “No,” he said shortly. “I only seen ’em once when they got on the bus with Big Boy’s cousin. I met a lot of people when I was staying here.”

  Why did Mel sound so defensive? Adrienne sighed. His moods were so unpredictable lately. She felt someone staring, and when she looked up, the woman in the green dress was looking at her with unabashed curiosity. Big Boy did the introductions, and Adrienne thought there was an odd gleam in his eye.

  “Lillian, I think you know everybody here except Adrienne.”

  Adrienne smiled. “Hello.”

  “Adrienne is Mel’s wife,” Big Boy added.

  Now there was no mistaking Mel’s discomfort. He was practically as green as Lillian’s dress. There was a lot of rustling around as Lillian and her children found places to sit. Adrienne saw Debra grab Big Boy by the arm and tug him toward the kitchen. She looked angry. Lillian now looked upset as well.

  “Mel, what is going on?”

  “I don’t know what you talkin’ about.”

  Adrienne didn’t know what she was talking about either, but then Ann started whispering in Tina’s ear. When she finished, the young girl let out a whoop and they both looked earnestly from Lillian to Mel to Adrienne and back again.