Her Secret

by Tara Fox Hall

  “Good,” Danial said, obviously relieved. “I hope to be home a few days after. Please take care of yourself, Sweetheart.”

  “You, too. Bye.”

  I sat with the phone in my hands, wondering what to do.

  Danial and I had messed up when we met. We should have been friends first, and lovers later, when we knew each other. We should have tried to bend more for each other, to give each other more forgiveness. But against the odds, somehow we had become what we should have been to each other all those years ago, in every way but the physical: a solid team that was there for each other, even when it caused us pain.

  As for Theo, there was nothing to do but wait and see where the chips fell.

  * * * *

  Christmas that year was good, if touched with somberness. Elle, Theo, and I went to my parent’s house, and opened presents. Elle loved everything that she got; at least, she acted as if she did. That went for everyone really, from the statue Theo had carved of my mother’s favorite cat to the gift certificates I received. More importantly, we enjoyed each other’s company, and had a great time.

  There was one small glitch: my stepfather got Theo absolutely smashed on scotch. I was surprised at first, then slightly amused. But when I saw just how bad Theo was starting to feel, I’d got him packed into the car, and Elle as well.

  Driving to Daniel’s through the clear December night, I watched glowing stars twinkling above, and thought to myself even if things weren’t great, they were still pretty nice.

  After I put Theo to bed in Danial’s room, I stayed up with Elle and Theoron for another hour playing a board game Danial had given them for Christmas called Peanut Butter and Jelly. It was an odd game: the point was to make sandwiches before animals ate parts of them. Elle won, as I kept getting no bread and too much peanut butter.

  I put her and Theoron to bed at nine and then went in to Theo. As I crawled in bed with him, and held him in my arms, he stirred slightly. I kissed him very lightly, meaning to just fall asleep. Instead, he kissed me back, and hugged me.

  Amused, I went to give him another kiss. My lips were almost on his when he said “Tasha.”

  I went rigid against him, holding my breath.

  “Tasha,” he murmured again. He kissed me, groaning softly.

  I gently pried myself out of his arms, and got out of bed. I stood there and watched him move in his sleep, clearly dreaming of her and he having sex. I was about to lean over and wake him when he said, “I told you I loved you. I told you I’d come back. Now we’ll be together.”

  I swallowed back bile. Was this what he and I had looked like caught in the throes of the dream we had shared? Even if I couldn’t answer that, I now had the answer of where he was really heading to on Monday. Tonight was the only night this week he had not changed form into a cougar, and that was probably only because of all the alcohol in his system.

  I went back out to the great room and sat there for a while, thinking about what to do. Ghost and Darkness, who had been dozing near the couch, came and sat near me, wagging their tails hopefully. I petted them, then hugged them.

  “He’s leaving me for her,” I told them softly. “Do you think you could get used to living here again? Ivan will take you for w-a-l-k-s again.”

  They stared at me intently. I gave a smile, and then lay down on the couch, stretching out. Seeing no walk or treat was in the offing, both dogs lay back down and went to sleep.

  Cia walked in, startling me. “Sorry,” she whispered. “Danial asked me to check on Theoron. He had Terian teleport me in. I’ll be here the same way to feed Theoron tomorrow morning while you take Theo to the airport.” She produced a parcel. “He also wanted me to give this to you, if you were still up...um, by yourself.”

  With foreboding, I took her offered package. “Thanks, Cia.”

  “We’ll be outside on duty until dawn,” she assured. “Goodnight.”

  “Goodnight.”

  When she’d left, I opened Danial’s present. There was a card with a familiar red velvet box. It showed just a full moon. Inside he had written:

  I love you

  Not only for who you are

  But for who I am when I am with you.

  I love you

  For ignoring the possibilities

  of the fool in me

  And for laying firm hold

  of the possibilities for good.

  I love you

  Because you have done

  More than any creed

  To make me happy.

  You have done it

  Without a word,

  Without a touch,

  Without a sign.

  You have done it

  Just by being yourself

  After all

  Perhaps that is what

  Love means.

  Underneath he had written:

  This was not written by me, but a man by the name of Roy Croft. I wish I had the skill to write words such as these for you, to sing as my brother does for you, or to be the knight in shining armor that Theo has been for you. But I do not, and so I offer you only this: my unconditional love, now and forever.

  Love, Danial

  I opened the velvet box. There lay another pair of fox head earrings, identical to the ones I’d given Elle. The ruby eyes winked in the light. These were more than security, symbols to wear when we faced the other vampires of the world. They were a gift from a man to a woman he loved, and that he would continue to love, even if they couldn’t be together.

  Brushing away tears, I put them on, fighting the sudden desire to call him immediately, and tell him I’d be his again, that I’d found out about Tasha. Bitterly, I told myself not to make things worse.

  My love for him aside, what would happen if I went back to Danial? Eventually, no matter how careful we were, I’d turn vampire. The status quo hadn’t changed. I’d gone through hell to rid myself of the damned vampire virus. Being with Danial would just infect me all over again. I’d likely find myself taking little yellow pills this time next year.

  My eyes flooded with tears at the unfairness of it all. Damn it, I loved Theo, and I’d done all this for him, and now he was leaving me for that fucking teenager.

  For a long time I sat mopping at my weeping eyes as I thought about my options. Finally, I decided to confront Theo in the morning. If he was leaving me, I wanted to hear it from him.

  * * * *

  I awoke early the next morning before it was light. Despite my life was going to hell in a hand basket, Elle didn’t need her Christmas morning ruined by finding me sleeping out in the great room.

  Theo was still sleeping peacefully in Danial’s room. There was no smell of sex, as there had been with our dream. Relieved, I got in bed beside him and moved myself gently into his arms. I breathed in the scent of him, of wide blue skies and earth and pine forest, and prairie grass in the summer sun, and finally fell back asleep.

  He awoke at ten. “Good morning,” he said softly, kissing me. Then his eyes sprang open. “Shit, what time is it?” he said, rolling away from me to check the clock. “I’ll miss my flight.”

  Without speaking, I got up and quickly put on some clothes. Theo was swearing, as he pulled out clothes and shoved them in his duffel. I left him that way, and went to wake up Elle, but she was already awake.

  “Get dressed,” I told her, giving her a kiss on her forehead. “We have to drive with Theo to the airport in a few minutes, or he’s going to miss his plane.”

  “I want him to miss it,” she pouted. “I want him to stay here with us. It’s Christmas morning!”

  “I wish he was staying too, honey,” I said, hugging her. “But he has to go. He’ll come back.”

  “Promise?” she said, looking up at me.

  “Ask him yourself at the gate,” I said perversely. “Now put some clothes on.”

  Theo was at the door by that time. “Hurry up, we have to go!”

  We piled in the truck fast. Theo went down the driveway at forty-five m
ph. Somehow we got the airport in one piece. We parked, then walked with Theo to the private airport hanger section to see him off. Security was tightened for the holiday season, and we couldn’t go with him to the private plane, as usually was possible.

  “Do you have at least two guns?” I asked him softly, as we hugged good-bye.

  “I have three,” he answered, kissing me roughly. “And there’s another waiting for me with a contact who is going to pick me up at the airport. I won’t disappear again.”

  Elle hugged him. “Are you coming back?” she asked nervously.

  “I’ll always come back for you, Elle,” he said affectionately.

  “Promise?” she said, tearful and unsure.

  “I promise,” he assured her. He picked up his luggage, and turned to me. “Please take care of yourself.”

  “I love you,” I told him, and gave him a hug. “Take care of yourself, too.”

  “I love you, too,” he said easily. Then he scented the air suddenly. “What’s the matter? You’re upset—”

  Above us, a speaker came to life. “Passenger for runway eight; your flight has clearance. Please report to hanger fifteen immediately.”

  “Passenger for runway eight; your flight has clearance. Please report to hanger fifteen immediately.”

  “That’s me, I have to go,” Theo said, irritated. “Damn pilots.”

  “You’d better go,” I said, watching him closely. “She’s waiting.”

  Theo blanched, all the blood draining from his face.

  If I’d doubted my suspicions, I didn’t now. “Tell her I said hi, and I’m going to take care of Elle,” I hissed at him. “Don’t worry about us, if that crosses your mind, that is.”

  “Mom!” Elle gasped

  Theo’s eyes went yellow. “You don’t understand—”

  “Save it,” I said. “I understand enough.” I grabbed Elle’s hand and strode away angrily.

  “Mom! You made him so angry! Why did you say that?” she wailed. “He looked so sad! Now maybe he won’t come back!”

  I turned around and hugged her. “Elle, I’m sorry you saw that. What happened just now wasn’t your fault. Theo had to go work out some things from when he was gone from us. It may be a while until you see him again. But he told you he’d come back, and that means he will.”

  “How long will that be?” she said tearfully.

  “I can’t say. But your dad and I’ll be here to take care of you, no matter what.”

  “You have jealousy in your voice,” Elle said accusingly. “He’s going to another woman, isn’t he?”

  “Yes,” I said hesitantly. “Honestly, I don’t know more than that. But the truth is that even when he does come back, he and I might not be together anymore.”

  “Are you going to get back with Dad?”

  “I don’t know,” I said awkwardly. “Please, let’s go home.”

  “I want Dad!” she wailed.

  “We’ll go call him,” I affirmed. “I need to talk to him myself.”

  When we returned to Danial’s, a package was waiting for me near the door. It was airmail, postmarked South America. Eyeing it, I said, “Elle, do you want to play, or lie down for a bit? I’ll see if I can get your father on the phone.”

  “I’m going to my room,” she said tiredly. “I want to talk to Dad, if you get him.”

  “Go ahead. I’ll come get you if he answers.”

  Elle went into her room. I dialed Danial, but reached only his voicemail. I left him a message, saying that Elle was upset, there had been a scene at the airport, and I knew why Theo had left.

  Theo was gone, maybe for good. Screw it. I hung up the phone, then opened the package. Inside was J. Blunt’s album on CD, the one with the song “You’re Beautiful” on it.

  It hadn’t been Danial that Brian had been talking to that day as I sung that song’s refrain; it had been Devlin. I held my breath, and opened the card.

  Sar, Do one last thing for me: Listen to the fourth track on this CD. Pretend it is me, singing to you, and know I mean the words, all of them. If you still don’t want to come to me, I will leave you alone.

  Good-bye, my lover.

  Dev

  I took the CD into Danial’s bedroom, and used his state of the art CD player to play the song. It took me a while to get it to work, as my hands acted numb. I had tears of frustration in my eyes before I had the CD player working. As the first strains of the song began, I settled down on the floor by the cold and empty wood stove to listen. I looked at the back of the CD, to find the title of the fourth track. The title was “Good-bye My Lover.”

  Every word wrenched my heart a little more, and by the fourth line, tears were slipping down my face, one after the other. By the time it was over, I was sobbing, because his longing for me was my longing for him. His pain at not being with me was equal to my pain at not being with him. If he really felt all of that for me, I was crazy not to go to him. I wanted him so badly at that moment, I would have called him if I’d had access to his number and told him I would come to him right now, tonight, and damn everything else.

  Wait. Devlin’s number had to be in Danial’s phone, under one of the speed dial buttons. It wouldn’t take long to find. I moved toward the phone, and then suddenly, it rang.

  I wasn’t sure how to answer, this being the private line and not the business line. “Racklan residence,” I said hesitantly.

  “Sar, I got your message,” Danial said, upset. “What did Elle witness? I need to know before I speak to her.”

  I took the phone over to Danial’s bed and lay down. It was the side Theo hadn’t slept on. Danial’s pillow still smelled faintly of spices. I lay my head on it and breathed in his scent.

  “Sar, answer me,” Danial said angrily. “Was this a full blown fight? Were any blows struck?”

  “You meant did I hit him?” I asked groggily. “No. I just told him to say hi to her for me, and not to worry about Elle or me, if it crossed his mind. He didn’t say anything back.”

  “That’s a relief,” Danial sighed. “If you’ll take the phone to her, I’d like to talk to her. After I’ve handled that, I’ll answer your questions, if you still want answers.”

  “I think I have the answers,” I said coolly. “I got them in bed last night from Theo’s own lips. Hold on.”

  I took the phone to Elle, and handed it to her. She took it, then closed the door. I went back to Danial’s bedroom, stripped off my clothes, and got into bed. Within minutes, I was asleep.

  A loud knocking woke me. “Mom, are you in there? Dad wants to talk to you.”

  Anyone else I’d have told to let Danial call me back when he was done with his business, which was clearly above me on his to-do list. But I couldn’t say that to Elle. “Come in, Elle.”

  She came in and handed me the phone. “He told me to go back to the fox compound with Cia. Is that okay?”

  “Of course,” I said, nodding. “Don’t worry if I’m not here when you get back. I planned on going home for a few days until we head off to that party in Canada.”

  “I want you to stay,” Elle pleaded. “Can’t you stay?”

  “No,” I said gently. “Like Theo, I have a few things to work out on my own. But I will see you before we leave, okay?”

  She hugged me. “I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you, too, Elle. Now go play and have a good time.”

  She left, and I put the phone to my ear. “Racklan residence.”

  “You’re very funny,” Danial said crossly. “Where are you? You aren’t sleeping at the desk, are you?”

  “I’m in your bed,” I said, yawning. “Naked.”

  There was silence for two seconds, then Danial said, “Don’t play, Sar. I’m in no mood.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said in a fake apologetic tone. “I was tired and wanted the comfort.”

  “You mean you really are naked in my bed?”

  “Yes,” I said naughtily. “I wish you were here with me.”

&nbs
p; The groan he gave was filled with enough love and lust to strike a cord in me. “You are killing me, Sar, with your words and the images they invoke.”

  “Seriously, I’m sorry,” I replied. “Maybe if you spent more time at home you’d know when naked women are around.”

  “Sar, you are always welcome in my bed, even if I’m not there to share it with you. Get some rest, and stay as long as you like. I heard Elle ask you to stay. I can have your pets taken care of.” He paused. “I’m working as fast as possible. It should only be a few more days, if that.”

  This wasn’t fair to him or good for me, teasing like this. “Thank you for the card,” I said seriously. “I loved the poem you picked, and what you wrote after it. As for the earrings, I’m wearing them.”

  “I meant all of it. Forever.”

  “I know you did. I feel the same way about you.”

  There was silence for a few breaths, then Danial said, “What was in the package?”

  Cia had made a report, no doubt. “Dev sent me a CD.”

  “Was it him, or someone else?”

  “It was Dev,” I said, surprised. “Who else would it be? I don’t know anyone else in South America.”

  “No,” Danial said with a snort. “I meant was it him on the CD, or someone else singing?”

  “It was an artist we both like.”

  “Have you called him?”

  “No,” I said guiltily, thinking I would have if Danial hadn’t called. “I don’t think that will solve my problems, or make their solution any clearer.”

  “Do you still want to know, about Theo, that is?” Danial asked abruptly.

  “Tell me what you know.”

  “I got a letter two weeks ago. It was addressed to Theo, care of the company. Theo took it and read it in private. When he came back, he asked me to arrange a flight for him. He wanted to be with you and Elle at Christmas, so he waited to fly out until now.”