Her Secret

by Tara Fox Hall

  My mouth dropped open in shock. No, it hadn’t. “How do you know for sure I’m not turning?”

  “I’ve been with many women as they were turning. I turned a fair number of those women myself. Most of them, actually.”

  Was that pride in his voice? Ick.

  “You have been partly turned now for more than a year and a half,” Devlin continued. “You would have turned by now if you were going to. When a human is close to turning, a vampire can taste it in their blood. It becomes bitter, as the blood changes from human to vampire blood. Yours still tastes of summer,” he added sadly. “Though I can taste the drug you were dosing yourself with faintly.”

  “If I wasn’t turning, why was I so drawn to Danial?” I protested desperately. “The way I acted with you and him...I was out of control.”

  Devlin shot me a seductive smirk. “I can’t speak to your attraction to my brother, but your attraction to me is simple: you love what I can do to you. You can’t get enough of me.”

  Arrogant prick. “You know what I mean, Devlin! When Danial tried to stop, I wouldn’t let him. I made him bite me and practically raped him.”

  Devlin’s eyebrows shot up. “You were having consensual sex, at least how he described it. It was more a matter of Danial getting just what he deserved. I told him to watch his step.”

  I seized on that. “Why did you tell him that?”

  Devlin’s rich laugh sent shivers through me. “If he had taken you as you wanted him to, you both would have gotten some relief. But Theo wouldn’t have liked that, I’m sure.”

  “Please, say what you mean.”

  “Your body is telling you what it needs, and has been all along: you need more of the vampire virus in you. Your body has changed from having Theoron. You need what I just gave you.”

  I trembled in his arms. “To lose most of my blood?”

  He held me tighter. “To be bitten and for some of my saliva to get into your bloodstream through the open wounds. That is why you were okay for a month after letting me love you.” He rubbed his cheek against mine tenderly. “My other bodily secretions were not going to be enough, not this time.”

  “So when I was with Danial, trying to stop my urges, all I was doing was torturing myself?” I asked, anguished.

  “It would seem so to me,” Devlin said, bringing my wrist to his mouth. He kissed it gently. “Remember, don’t move. You’ve reopened these already.”

  Wait a minute! I pushed him away roughly, then turned on him, livid. “That day we were together! You said you could taste it in my blood! You said I was close to turning!”

  “I lied,” Devlin said, giving me a defiant look, that same faint smile on his face.

  “You complete and utter bastard! All that time I worried, taking those pills, feeling like I wasn’t myself! How could you not tell me, tell somebody?”

  “You should have come to me as I asked,” he replied coolly. “If you had, I’d have told you.”

  The handsome, seductive son of a bitch had betrayed me. Worse, he’d let me suffer because of his own Goddamn ego.

  “You’re angry,” Devlin said, taking a deep breath. “At me, I’m sure. But what did you expect me to do? You’d not have believed me, if I’d told you. Don’t lie and say you would have.”

  What had I expected of him? To be decent, the gentleman who’d seduced me, the lover who’d made me believe he cared about me. I’d been naïve, believing all of his fabrications when I’d known down deep what he was. The worst thing was I’d known from the start, and still fooled myself, romanticizing him so much I’d fallen in love with what I’d remembered him to be. That romantic loving image was a fantasy. It had always been one.

  “You asshole,” I shouted bitterly, with tears in my eyes. “You have done nothing but lie to me from the beginning. But the worst was your lie about loving me, because you fucking made me believe you!”

  Devlin went utterly still at my words, and then lunged at me, growling. I evaded him, running out of the bedroom and into the garage, quickly slamming the door behind me and locking it.

  He hit it with his shoulders. “Sar! Come back here!”

  The door held, the frame cracking. Devlin hit it again. This time the frame snapped, and he was instantly through, reaching for me. As he did, I ducked under the opening garage door.

  Naked, I ran out into the storm, into the daylight where he couldn’t follow.

  “Damn you,” Devlin growled, glaring at me with red eyes. “Come back in here.”

  I faced him, shivering, my hair blowing around me, holding one bare foot out of the snow at a time to minimize the freezing cold, and frantically went over my options. If I headed toward the forest, I might freeze to death before reaching a neighbor. But if I could somehow circle around to the barn, I could take shelter in my woodshed. There was plastic sheeting there...

  Dev’s eyes were pools of fire as he looked out at me, then down at the daylight that was an inch from his body. Then he turned fast from me, going to his motorcycle for his gloves and helmet.

  I turned with a gasp to run through the snow as fast as I could. I made it only about fifty feet before he came after me, swearing loudly. In a few more seconds, he tackled me and we both went into the snow.

  I screamed at the shock of the cold snow on my bare skin. Devlin grabbed my hands with a furious snarl, and pulled me to my feet. Without a word, he began dragging me back through the snow to the house, my hands in front of me, my wrists clamped together in his left hand.

  I shook with cold and fear. Once he got me inside, I’d be at his mercy. I had to escape! I dragged my feet, pulling against him, but he was much stronger than I was.

  If I only had a weapon, I could stop him...wait!

  Before I could reconsider, I reached down to his wrist with my captive hands, and dug my fingers into the gap between his leather jacket cuff and his leather glove. With as much speed as I could, I pulled the cuff of his glove down toward his hand that was holding my wrists together, and exposed his wrist and part of his hand to the weak light of the sun.

  The effect was instantaneous. Devlin let out a shriek, and let me go. His wrist was smoking, and he covered it as fast as he could, hissing in pain, as I ran from him. Before I’d gone ten feet, he tackled me again. This time he didn’t help me up. We lay there in the snow, his body on top of me, as I shrieked, over and over, writhing.

  “Please let me up! Please!”

  “You burned me! You are such a bitch, Sar!” Devlin growled down at me through his helmet. “You’re lucky I do love you, or I’d stay here with you in the snow until you froze to death.”

  “Let me up, please!”

  “No. You fucking want to kill yourself; we’ll just give you a taste of it right here.”

  “I want to live,” I gasped, then began crying. “Please, let me up! Please!”

  Devlin held me there, his breathing ragged, smoke still wafting faintly from his injured hand. I struggled, then went limp in the snow, lightheaded again.

  “You’re bleeding,” he said, standing and lifting me in his arms. “Don’t struggle.”

  Devlin carried me into the basement, shutting the garage door behind us. Then he carried me up the cellar stairs, and past the growling and barking dogs. Ignoring them, he set me down by the wood stove, propping me up in the nearby armchair. He lowered my blinds, until the room was in twilight, and turned on the light.

  My fire was almost out, but he got it going again with some fire starter and some small logs. When that was done, he took off his helmet and his gloves, then his jacket, his T-shirt, and his pants. He hung everything over the nearby furniture as it all was wet now, or at least semi-wet. He took off his boots, and socks, and put them to the side of the fire to dry. Ghost and Darkness had stopped barking and now watched him uneasily.

  Devlin grabbed two blankets from the nearby rack. Laying one on the floor before the stove, he sat on it and threw the other around his shoulders. “Come to me.” He beckoned.

&
nbsp; I eased myself down beside him and he enfolded me in his arms, wrapping the blanket around us. By this time, warmth had started to flow out of the stove. Devlin started rubbing my arms and legs. Slowly the redness and numbness went away.

  “I’m sorry for my language,” he said finally. “I lost my temper, because I was worried.”

  I didn’t reply, save for trembling a little.

  “Are you warm enough?” he asked. “I can open the dampers more, if you’re not.”

  “How did you know how to start my fire?” I asked hesitantly.

  He gave me a look. “That night you found Danial, who do you think loaned him that equipment, Sar? Did you ever see him use it again, or the truck for that matter? I’m surprised you didn’t figure that out before now.”

  Danial had only used that Avalanche truck the first week we’d been dating. I’d assumed he’s rented it, and the camping equipment. Danial was a hotel kind of guy. “He said it was his.”

  “There are more than a few things that he says are his that turn out to be mine, Sar,” Devlin said pointedly. He lifted my hair, kissing my neck.

  “The truck was yours? You go camping? That’s harder to believe than Danial camping.”

  “Technically, it was my friend Lash’s truck and stuff, but—”

  “You have friends?” I said, giving him raised eyebrows.

  “Stop being a bitch, Sar,” he said, kissing my half scabbed over wound. Before I had time to react, he’d slid his fangs in. I jerked in his arms, gasping at the rush of pleasure. Devlin held me tightly, his mouth moving on me as he sucked gently. As he did, I watched the wrist that I’d exposed to sunlight heal. New skin formed, and slowly the burn disappeared until it was gone, his wrist and hand healed completely.

  I reached back with my right hand. Devlin stiffened against me as if he expected a slap, but didn’t stop drinking or release me. Gently, I touched his face with my hand, feeling his stubble growing under my fingers as his body renewed itself with my blood. As I slid my fingers into his hair and caressed him, he trembled slightly. Abruptly, he kissed my wound, holding his mouth over it so that the wound closed.

  “It’s too deep for that,” I sighed.

  He took his mouth off my neck. “No, it’s not. None of the bites you bear is deeper than my normal love bites, Sar. A little of my blood will heal the others, too. I don’t want them reopening again.” He gave the healed skin a final kiss, and then moved to the other side of my neck.

  “Why did you come to me?” I asked.

  He kissed that bite a few times, then said, “To see you. To make love with you, if you would let me.”

  “Did you think I would refuse?” I said, turning and kissing the side of his neck. “I’ve wanted that since the moment we parted.”

  “Then why didn’t you come to me in Rio?” he whispered sadly. “I asked you to many times.”

  “Because I have responsibilities to more than myself. There’s Theoron and Elle to consider, not to mention I’m technically still married.”

  “What do you mean by technically?” Devlin asked, suddenly alert. “Theo is in Canada checking out the Gathering arrangements, isn’t he? Are you breaking up? Danial said nothing.”

  “No, he wouldn’t have,” I said, irritated. “Theo has another woman, one he loved when he was gone those two years. She wrote him a letter out of the blue, and he’s left to see her. I’m guessing a divorce is in the making when he returns.”

  “I thought you were a little less morally uptight,” Devlin said teasingly. “Here I thought it was just you finally coming to your senses.”

  Just like that, I was angry at him again. He’d trashed my life, with what he’d done to me. “If I’d come to my senses, you’d be on your ass out there in the sun.”

  Devlin took a sharp intake of breath, his arms loosening. I knew I’d hurt him, but remembered how he’d lied to me and didn’t apologize.

  “Did you like my gifts?” he said hesitantly. “Danial said he gave them to you.”

  “Yes. I’m sorry I didn’t thank you for them. I should have emailed you a thank you.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” he said softly. He got up, and helped me to my feet. “I should go.”

  “Don’t go,” I said, reaching out to him, and caressing his cheek with my hand.

  He took my hand off him angrily. “What do you want of me, Sar, that you want me not to leave? Speak.”

  “I want you not to go. Stay with me. I’m alone until Friday night, until Danial returns and we all leave for the meeting in Canada. I’d like to spend that time with you, if you want to spend it with me.”

  He turned away and began checking his clothes to see if they were dry. “It’s not enough.”

  “What do you want from me?” I said in exasperation. “That day back in the fall, you seduced me just for sex, or so you told me then. After, you told me you loved me and that you were leaving and never coming back. Then you send me presents and ask me to drop my whole life to come to you. You come back to me months later with no warning, and initiate sex again. I don’t understand what you’re really after. Would you tell me the truth for once in your life?”

  He turned to me then, the look in his eyes hitting me like a physical blow. “I want you to be with me, to try to have my child as you had Danial’s child, to give me your Oath, to let me give you my love, to share my life.”

  I gaped at him, my mouth open. If he was telling the truth, I ached for him, because it wasn’t going to happen. If he was lying, I hated him for saying that any of that mattered to him when it didn’t.

  “But it’s enough for me, right now, if you just tell me you love me, Sar,” Devlin said, looking at me defiantly. “Tell me you love me, and I’ll stay.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Can’t or won’t?” Devlin said, raising his eyebrows.

  “I’m not in love with you,” I said, reaching for him.

  He eluded me. “Why?” he said indignantly. “I used all of my skill with you that day. I held back nothing of myself, told you everything I was feeling when I was with you, made your every wish a reality. It was likely the best sex of your life. Why aren’t you in love with me?”

  I thought about saying a lot of things, but decided the truth was best. That was the whole point here, wasn’t it? “Because I can’t trust you.”

  “You trusted me earlier today,” he said, coming closer to stand in front of me. “You came willingly without a thought when you saw it was me.”

  “I’ve desired nothing but you for months now.” I reached for him again.

  Again, Devlin stepped away. “You have an odd way of showing it, Sarelle. Every attempt I made was met with rejection. But the worst was your apathy. I wasn’t even worth a moment of your time, much less a thank you.”

  The use of my full name from him infuriated me. “You want to know how I feel?” I shouted hatefully. “I’ll tell you. I hate you for what you’ve done to me! Do you know how many times I thought of you, wished you were with me? How many times I wanted to call that number you gave me, just to hear your voice? How much I wanted to put on the choker and go to you, even knowing what it would do to everyone I love? I had to finally put it in Danial’s safe, so I wouldn’t be tempted—”

  Devlin’s eyes widened “He knows? He said nothing—”

  “No, he doesn’t know!” I shouted. “I knew he’d destroy it, or that Theo would. I couldn’t leave it there, either! I had to ask Terian for a box to hide it in finally—”

  “Why not just burn it, like you burned the book I gave you?” he said sarcastically, his eyes molten with anger.

  Danial must have told him. It didn’t even dent my anger. “Because I couldn’t bear to destroy it, or to let anyone else destroy it! I loved it! I hated that I couldn’t wear it, that a time would never come when I could!”

  “I wanted you to wear it,” he said sadly. “If you had only come to me—”

  “I drugged myself for another reason besides being able to co
ntrol myself around Danial, and other vampires. I had to stop thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting you! I want you more than I have ever wanted anyone in my life. Does that mean anything to you, you son of a bitch?” I put my hands over my face, crying.

  Devlin came close and put his arms around me. “Yes,” he said softly. “It means something to me, to have heard those words from you, to hear in your voice you mean them. Please don’t cry, Love.”

  “Call me Sar,” I sniffled.

  “Sar,” he said tenderly, then brushed his lips gently down my neck. “Shh, Sar.”

  I relaxed into him, running my fingers up through his hair. It was shoulder length now, as Danial’s was naturally.

  “This is the length it always grows back to,” he said, kissing the side of my neck. “And I’m not cutting it short for you, so don’t ask.”

  I gave him a grimace. “I never asked anyone to cut their hair for me.” I pulled back to look at him, and the words just fell out of my mouth. “I like you just as you are. I just wish you wouldn’t lie to me, so I could love you.”

  Devlin gaped at me, lips parted.

  I went crimson. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t—”

  “No, you’re right,” Devlin said, pulling me against him. “There have been enough lies between us, even though some of them were necessary. Ask me, and I’ll tell you the truth.”

  “Anything?”

  “Anything.”

  “Was it really your truck?”

  “It is Lash’s truck. Yes, I have friends. Sar, but I can count them on one hand, and that includes my brother and Lash.”

  “Who is he?”

  “He is to me what Theo is to Danial, but I’ve known him much, much longer.”

  Lash. He was the one Brian was so afraid of. “Was he with you the night you came for me?”

  “If he had been, I’d not have lost to Terian and Theo,” Devlin said darkly. “He was with me the night I came to save you from Alphonse. He led the main assault on the house, diverting most of the guard’s attention so I could rescue you. He is the one who entered the bedroom, who told us to hurry.”

  “I remember.” Lash sounded a lot like Devlin, capable of anything. No wonder they were good buddies. “Can you trust him?”