Beyond Repair

by Chelsea Camaron

  “She’s always going to love you, Lawson. Tiffany doesn’t know how to handle being accepted. She’s never known unconditional love like you. I get that she hurt you. She was caught off guard. You don’t know her family, man. You won’t give her a chance to explain or let you in now. I know you are in Charlotte and things are settling down. I want good things for you, bro. I worry about Tiffany. I just wish you would hear her out. It would give both of you some perspective and or some closure.”

  Closure; that word again. I know with Matt gone, there will be a hole for both of us. A void that will never be filled.

  Chapter 7

  Rest In Paradise My Brother

  Tiffany

  The arrangements are made, the time now drawing near. I’m not ready to lay to rest the one person who really knows me. The situation with his family, being as it was, Matt listed me as next of kin. Decisions I’ve never imagined having to make are now solidified.

  My intention in Charlotte was to respectfully inform Harrison of Matt’s passing, that was all. Within hours of our breakfast meeting, he was in the driver seat of my BMW returning home with me. He didn’t want me facing this alone. Truth be told, I don’t think I would’ve made it without him.

  “Sophia, I fucking told you, it’s not like that. Damn it! Does the last year alone, much less two years I’ve known you, not show you anything about me. When I get back, we are going to sort all this shit out. Don’t push me away right now. Matt wouldn’t want her alone. I’m here doing this for him, it’s what he would want.” Harrison firmly states into his phone. Pausing as he’s listening to the other end.

  Damn it, I’m messing things up for him. I hurt him enough in the past. I don’t want to cause him any additional pain. I’m thankful to have him here, but not at the cost of his relationship. He’s only here out of loyalty for Matt. I can’t get lost thinking any of this is about me, it’s all for Matt.

  “I call bullshit, Soph. If you didn’t give a damn, you wouldn’t even be talking to me. We have more than just sex. What we have is real and when I get home, we’re going to face it all, together.”

  Listening to him talking to her makes my heart ache. I remember when he told me what we had was so much more than sex. Oh to turn back the hands of time. To have Harrison back in my arms, my heart, and my bed, but that time has passed and it’s obvious, he’s moved on.

  “Look, Sophia, I gotta go. The funeral is in a few hours. I just wanted to hear your voice, okay. I didn’t call to argue.”

  I look up to see him now smiling at whatever was said on the other end of the phone. Harrison, in general, is appealing. Harrison with his usual hard scowl is tempting. Harrison with a genuine smile is a panty dropping, star of my every fantasy, and a huge turn on.

  I’ve always known Harrison as tall, hard bodied, built like a tank, muscle cut man. When he got out of the military he let his hair grow out some, and added to his previous two tattoos. Looking at him now, I can see that he’s added even more ink from before. Damn, it’s getting hot in here.

  Whoa Tiffany, get yourself together. I quickly remind myself Harrison is here for Matt. He even said so. He’s here because it’s what Matt would want. My Matt, always looking out for me and now he’s gone. For a brief moment, my love and lust for Harrison overshadowed my grief.

  It’s time to prepare for this afternoon. Matt’s mom is coming. She called once I returned from Charlotte. The conversation broke my heart. Listening as she reminisced of how much life Matt was able to live even though he passed so young. How much he was able to see and do by joining the Marines. We shared details of how full of life he was. For her, this is even harder. She lost her son and learned a harsh lesson at the same time: Tomorrow isn’t promised, and she wasted her today. How many todays have I wasted?

  Harrison

  Leaving Charlotte, suddenly, to be supportive of Tiffany, was not conducive to my hopes of a real relationship with Sophia. After our phone conversation, I’m sure once I get home we can work through everything. I will get through today with Tiffany, stay an extra few days to make sure she is settled, then it’s back to the life I’ve built for myself now.

  Dressing for this afternoon is full of memories. The first time I wore my dress blues was in basic training. Matt was with me. That first check in to the School of Infantry, Matt was with me; every step of my military career, Matt was with me. The deployment, which shattered my knee, was an extremely difficult time for me, but Matt was there. Matt took leave to help me, once I was back state side. Yes, he was my brother in arms, but more than that he was my best friend.

  Matt always told me his history with Tiffany. They were raised much like siblings. Her mom, unable to live with the asshole she has for a dad, took off when they were little. Matt’s mom tried to be there for Tiffany, but it wasn’t the same. Matt said his dad isn’t as bad as Tiffany’s. The expectation that Matt would be taking over the firm was engrained from day one by both father’s. Matt went to college for a year, earnestly trying to fit the mold. College life showed him how much he didn’t want in the family business.

  I enjoyed college a little too much. When I couldn’t settle on a major, or have a serious discussion concerning my future, my dad sat me down for a talk. He said, “Harrison, these are your options: join the military, let them make a man out of you, or get a job because I’m not paying for you to party one more day.” I had no direction, no discipline; the Marine Corps did well for my dad, so, at twenty-one, I joined, meeting a nineteen year old Matt. We graduated from basic, the day he first introduced me to an eighteen year old Tiffany.

  She’s beautiful in the tall, skinny, blonde Victoria Secret model way. At first, I couldn’t believe Matt hadn’t slept with her. She’s gorgeous. Hanging out with the two of them, I learned there are two sides to Tiffany. The person she is with Matt is carefree, relaxed, loving, happy, and easy to be around. The person she is away from him is judgmental, rude, snarky, snobby, and overall as stuck up as I’ve ever seen. That side of Tiffany was challenging for me in the beginning. I saw so much of the real her, I slowly ignored the catty side; eventually becoming blind to it.

  Matt’s mother is coming today. Tiffany is concerned both her father, as well as Matt’s, may accompany her. The less drama there is for my ex, the better. I don’t know that she is remotely prepared for the emotions today will bring. Closure, that word again; that’s what they say funerals bring - closure. I don’t buy it for a minute. There is no closure in tragic, unexpected loss. Rather, there is no closure in loss at all. It’s just simply that, a loss. Matt’s life was cut all too soon. Today will not make that loss any less. It will not close the wound left at his absence. This is about honoring a man who sacrificed it all for his country. I will stand at Tiffany’s side, hold and comfort her as best I can. Honoring my best friend, by stepping in where he can no longer. Matt never would want Tiffany to face this alone.

  Today, we lay you to rest, as your casket lowers in the ground, we will mourn your presence here on Earth, and the impact you made on our lives. Rest in paradise, my brother. Take your angel wings, fly free, soar above the clouds, watch over us, and know that we are waiting for the day we can fly free with you. Tonight, I will pour out a beer for my friend, a drink we will never again be able to share.

  Chapter 8

  Not the Time, Not the Place

  Tiffany

  The ride behind the hearse is surreal. If Harrison didn’t have such a grip on my waist, I’m sure I would have fallen by now. My legs are shaking, knees weak as we are watching the military pallbearers remove the flag covered casket. Following our deep routed small southern town tradition, Matt is being buried in his family cemetery. I was astonished when his mom requested this, but couldn’t deny her. Settling into the rows of chairs for family under the tent, I stop myself multiple times from reaching out to the coffin; reaching out to feel connected to him somehow, just one more time. My brain registers that I can’t, but my heart won’t let go.

  The chapl
ain begins the service. Slowly, reality is washing over me. He is gone. The words of the service aren’t registering as the emptiness is consuming me. I hadn’t noticed the lineup for the twenty one gun salute previously. As the cadence is called for seven Marines to begin the routine of the three volley shots, I feel a prickle throughout my body. The shots ring out, my loss filling me. Hollowness further engulfs me as the first sound of the bugle over takes me. My entire body is now trembling, as I can no longer contain my sobs through the sounds of taps playing by the solitary Marine.

  The movement in front of me doesn’t register immediately as my brain is in a fog. Matt’s flag is being folded. I lean into Harrison. I cannot accept this. Yes, I lost my friend, my brother. His mom, she lost her son. The only moment of composure I manage is to nod my head to the chaplain, giving him the sign with my hand to present the flag to her. Lost in my own grief, I can hear the sobs beside me as she engulfs the flag within her arms.

  It’s time now, time to move on, and time to find out who Tiffany Richelle King really is. Matt was right. I will never be happy here. His life may have been cut short by numerical standards, but he was full of life. Matt was always taking chances, up for a new adventure, and not one to be held back. Loyal to those closest to him and always kind to everyone. He was brave, full of honor, a true friend, a kind soul, and a great man.

  Who am I? A cold, snobby, and insecure bitch. That’s not who I really am, that’s who I let everyone see. I’m really loving, loyal, and sensitive. I’m also weak; very weak. Matt was always there to pick up the pieces, now he’s gone. Time to be brave, Tiffany. Time to broaden your horizons and step out of what’s expected of you. Time to claim your life.

  We are escorted back to the waiting limo for our return to the funeral home. Things are still happening around me like an out of body experience. I feel a hard tug on my arm as I’m being pulled away from Harrison.

  “What do you think you’re doing young lady?” My father’s voice sharp in anger.

  “Ummm, I’m not sure what you’re referring to sir.” I stammer out in reply.

  “Who is this beside you? Why would you come arm in arm with some stranger to this event? Have you no pride?”

  I couldn’t contain my anger. “The man beside me is Harrison. He’s no stranger to me or to Matt. This is no event, it’s a funeral.”

  Before I could say anything more, Harrison stepped between my father and me. “Sir, this is neither the time nor the place.”

  “Who are you to tell me when the time or place is to speak to my daughter? You’re a jarhead, nothing more. People who can do no better join the Marines.”

  Without warning, Harrison punched my dad. This is going downhill fast. My dad recovers, looking at me as he’s wiping the blood from his nose.

  “Who are you to disrespect the sacrifice a Marine makes? Who are you to disrespect every single man and woman who gave up their lives to be committed to the corps? We go where we are needed, when we are needed, to protect your freedoms. Having zero say in where we live, being deployed for months sometimes over a year, going on floats that are six to nine months out at sea, being away from our families with zero communication at times. We do all of that so a jackass like you can stand here in your stuffy suit and tell me I’m a fucking jarhead. Well, yes fucking sir, I’m proud to be a Marine. I’m proud to have served side by side with men of honor, courage, and commitment such as Matt. I’m proud to be the son of a Marine who served his country for twenty years. I’m proud of the man I’ve become because of the Marines. You can think less of me and my fellow service members all you want, in the end you look like the jackass you really are.”

  My dad now stunned to silence glares at me. “Are you ready to go Tiffany? The limo is waiting.” Harrison says, interlacing our fingers.

  “Yes, Harrison, I am. I have nothing left here.” I manage barely above a whisper. I’m not sure either male caught the double meaning in my statement. I meant it, though, every last word. I’m ready to leave. There is nothing left here in South Carolina for me.

  Harrison

  The ride to the funeral home is one in silence. I need to get myself under control. Pride overtook my self-control back there. I never should’ve let Tiffany’s dad rile me like that. That was not the time, not the place, and certainly not the way I needed to react to his goading.

  We arrive at Tiffany’s condo. Both of us exhausted with the emotions of the day evident in our somber expressions. I need to figure out when I’m returning to Charlotte. With Brayden and Maggie away on their honeymoon, I’m sure Ryder and Jake are drowning in work. I don’t want to leave Tiffany feeling alone, but my life is in Charlotte now.

  “Tiff, do you need anything tonight?” I ask, looking for a general conversation with her.

  “No, Harrison, I don’t need anything.” She whispers.

  She’s so broken now, lost almost. Can she handle this loss? Matt always told me she wasn’t as strong as she seemed. He always said she was fragile, like glass, and needed to be handled with care. He was always worried that one day she would be too lost, gone, beyond repair.

  As much as I need to return to Charlotte, now is not the time to drop this bit of news on her. We both escape the silence to change into more comfortable clothes. In her guest room, I’m feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. Now in sweats and a t-shirt, I go in search of her.

  As I approach her bedroom door, I can hear the sounds of her crying. Instead of knocking, I enter. She’s sitting on her bed. She’s wearing yoga pants and a tank top, holding a stuffed tiger tight to her chest while sobbing into it. Without a word, I sit on her bed, pulling her into me. We sit there for a while, her crying, me gently rocking her. Exhaustion overtaking, I pull us both back onto the bed. It wasn’t long before we were both soundly sleeping, me on my back, Tiffany in my arms, draped across my chest, clutching her tiger.

  Chapter 9

  My Way Out

  Tiffany

  Tomorrow isn’t promised, I’m living for today. Waking up in Harrison’s arms is a good way to start my new beginning. I know he has something back in Charlotte with Sophia. We’ve talked briefly about her. I don’t want to mess anything up for him. I would like a chance at friendship, plain and simple. Knowing I will most likely, never again, find myself wrapped in his arms I take a few extra moments.

  My doorbell rings taking me out of my reverie. Harrison wakes at the sound. I get up to answer the door with Harrison on my heels. Opening the door, I shouldn’t be surprised to find my father standing there. Outside of Matt, I don’t really have friends, and certainly no one to visit me. He hands me an envelope but never enters my condo.

  “After your blatant disrespect to me and the years of your misplaced loyalty to Matthew, I’ve decided change is in order. You have ten days to be out of this condo. I’m here to retrieve the keys to the BMW.”

  Stunned, I stand there motionless. Harrison is moving behind me. Before I can stop him, the keys to my beloved car are in my dad’s hands, and the door slamming in his face.

  Harrison

  What kind of prick does this to his only daughter? Matt wasn’t embellishing about the way they were both raised. Tiffany buried her best friend a mere twenty four hours ago. Now her dad is taking away everything else she knows. The girl in front of me looks lost and broken, beyond repair. Matt’s biggest fear becoming a reality.

  Instinctively, I reach out and pull her into my arms. Gently rubbing her back I hear her whispering.

  “What do I do now?”

  Guiding her along with me, I take us over to the couch. What is she going to do? She works for her dad. I’m sure that job no longer exists.

  “What do you want to do, Tiff? This is a chance to start over, do anything, and go anywhere.”

  “I have no clue. Given the circumstances, I guess I need to buy a car and find a place to live. Then I can spend time contemplating my career as I’m sure my job is no longer my own.” She blankly states.