Homegoing

by Janae Keyes

  Allowing it to ring, I prayed silently he would answer the phone.

  “Mechanic,” a voice finally answered the other line.

  “Hey Dad, it’s me. The gas gauge on my car got stuck. Bethany and I ran out of gas. We’d gotten off I-5 because of the traffic. I have enough signal to text over our coordinates,” I told him.

  “Text me and I’ll head over.”

  “Will do.”

  Ending the call, I grabbed my map location and sent it off to him. I glanced over to Bethany as I hit send and she gave me a smile of relief. Turning to face her, she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled her body in close to mine.

  “I’m looking forward to enjoying that pie, tonight,” she mentioned.

  “Mmm, me too,” I hummed thinking about the Dutch Apple Cherry pie sitting in the backseat of my car that we’d gotten from Punky’s.

  My arms pulled her body in closer and my lips found hers. I left a chaste kiss on her pink glossed lips. Time dwindled away, but every moment I had her back in my arms was a gift from above.

  The ride in Dad’s tow truck was rough and crowded, but Bethany’s head laid resting on my shoulder as she slept. I planted a kiss on her forehead quickly before I saw Dad watching me with a smirk on his lips.

  “You’ve always loved that girl,” he chuckled. “I remember when there wasn’t a moment she wasn’t around. I like her. She’s a much better option than that trashy one you knocked up. Don’t get me wrong, I love my granddaughter with all my heart, but you made a shit mistake getting with that girl.”

  “I know. I think about it every day. I’m just worried about what happens when Bethany is done here. I’m not leaving here, and you know that,” The only people I ever talked about my true fears with were my parents, and Mr. Cross.

  “Just make better choices. I like seeing you smile again. It’s been a long time since a smile graced that ugly mug of yours,” he teased me.

  “Ugly mug?” I laughed. “I inherited this ugly mug from you!”

  “True that, son,” Dad agreed as he pulled into the lot of the garage. He backed in to let my car down. “You can take care of the rest. It was a hot ass day and I’m headed home. Lock up for me.”

  “Will do,” I promised as he tossed me the tow truck keys.

  I watched him hop in his pick-up and drive out of the lot and onto the main road toward home. Gently, I nudged Bethany’s shoulder.

  “Hey there, Girlie,” I whispered before giving her forehead a kiss to urge her awake.

  She yawned, and her opened eyes danced around to take in her surroundings.

  “I fell asleep?” she questioned with a small yawn.

  “Yeah, it’s been one long ass day. I’m going to get my car down and we can head up to my place. I’ll make us something to eat,” I told her, and she nodded in agreement.

  It didn’t take long for me to get my car off the truck and parked into the garage. While Bethany stood by, I parked the truck and locked up the garage. I took her hand in mine and weaved our fingers together.

  We stepped into the alley together and started in the direction of the stairs. A small voice startled me, and my head shot up to find the innocent face of Serenati staring down at me from the top landing by my front door.

  “Renni, baby. What are you doing here?” I instantly dropped Bethany’s hand and jogged up the stairs to where my daughter was. My six-year-old was alone in an alley.

  “Mommy and Mike were fighting. I got scared,” she told me as I pulled her small frame up into my arms.

  “So, you came here? Does your mom know?” I was frantic, but not trying to show my emotions to my already frightened daughter.

  “I came, but you weren’t here. Grandpa wasn’t in the shop, so I came here,” she explained, and I nodded trying to listen to every detail she gave. “Mommy doesn’t know. Am I in trouble?”

  “Never,” I instantly proclaimed. “You were scared and wanted to get somewhere safe. You will never get in trouble from me for that. You hear me, Renni?”

  “Mmhmm.” She nodded still unsure of her fate. “Are you going to send me back to Mommy? I don’t want to be there.”

  “And you don’t have to be. I’m not sending you back.” I had to think quick on my feet. I wanted to hurt Kayleigh for putting our daughter in danger, she knew better. I was tired of her bringing men in and out of Serenati’s life like a revolving door of scumbags. “Bethany, you can come up!” I called down to Bethany who stood witness.

  Bethany jogged up the stairs and arrived at my door where I stood with my daughter secured in my arms. I gave Serenati a loving and protective squeeze.

  “Renni, this is my friend Bethany. She’s going to stay here with you while I go get your stuff from your mom’s house. She’ll take good care of you, I promise you,” I informed both of them and Serenati nodded. I knew she trusted my judgement.

  As soon as I got out of the car, I could hear the yelling coming from Kayleigh’s rundown apartment. I arrived at the front door and allowed my fist to bang on the door before it flew open and there was my ex. She was fuming.

  “Why the fuck are you here? It’s not your fucking day,” she spat at me while her boyfriend continued to yell at her from another room.

  I stared into Kayleigh’s lost eyes. She was high. I knew that look when she’d gotten a fix of whatever the drug of the moment was. I shook my head as I glanced around at her pigsty of a place. There was trash on the floor. Beer cans and bottles all over the coffee table. The walls were dingy and a stench reeked through the place.

  “You’re so fucking high you don’t even know your damn daughter isn’t even here. You’re such a lost cause, Kayleigh,” I fumed as I balled my fists but held them at my side to convince myself to not punch her in her face.

  “She’s in her bedroom,” Kayleigh insisted as she turned into her place. “Serenati get your ass out here, your fucking dad is here!”

  “Bitch,” I growled as I shoved her against the wall and held her there to keep her attention on every word I had to say. It took everything in me to not physically hurt her. “Serenati isn’t fucking here. She’s at my place. She ran away because she was scared. She was scared because you can’t keep your legs closed to strange men and you can’t keep it together. I’m only here to get her shit. You are irresponsible, and my daughter will never come back to this shithole. Never.”

  I let her go and she stared at me lost and bewildered as I stepped into her place. From the kitchen, her boyfriend watched me march to Serenati’s room. I found her school backpack and started packing up clothes for her. Most of her things weren’t clean and I eventually gave up on getting too much. I’d just buy her new clothes. The only thing of major importance to grab was her favorite stuffed giraffe that sat on her bed.

  “You can’t just come in here and claim her. I have custody!” Kayleigh screamed at me as I passed her. I sharply turned to her and glared at her.

  “Not for long. No judge will let somebody like you keep custody of our little girl if I have my way. Get your shit together and I might let you see her, but if not, you lost your chance. My daughter deserves a chance to thrive and live a happy and safe life. You can’t provide that right now, not in your wildest dreams. You are the biggest mistake of my life.” I turned away from her.

  “You only say that because your precious Bethany is in town. She’s going to leave you like before. She doesn’t want your small-town ass. You are just her drive by. You’re a piece of shit anyway,” Kayleigh yelled from her apartment as I strolled in the direction of the car I’d borrowed from the garage to get there. I shook my head. It was wrong of me to think of my baby’s mother that way, but if anyone was a piece of shit, it was her.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Bethany

  “I cook with my grandma!” the little girl informed me as we stood in Liam’s kitchen.

  I had raided his kitchen and found the ingredients for chicken tacos for them and a cheese quesadilla for myself. I wanted to keep Serena
ti occupied with something fun. Most of the time I had spent around kids was appointments with the children I did surgery on, and the occasional moment I had with Olivia’s children.

  “That’s great. You’ll be a good help to me then,” I noted as she beamed up at me.

  If I hadn’t lost my baby, I’d have a child with Liam about the same age. I’d be doing these things with our child. It did hurt just a bit, but at the same time, I found some enjoyment in it. Liam obviously trusted me with her and that felt great.

  “Do you like tacos?” I asked the little girl who minutes ago was shivering in fear to now bouncing with excitement.

  “Yes, I love them. Dad makes them a lot. Dad is no good at cooking. We eat with Grandma and Grandpa a lot. Grandma makes the best cake ever. Are we going to make cake? I love making cake with Grandma.” She spoke a mile a minute as she oozed with joy and anticipation.

  “Wow,” I answered, unable to keep up with her rambling.

  I started getting everything ready and told Serenati to go wash her hands. It gave me a minute to breathe.

  Standing in Liam’s kitchen, I thought to myself about what it felt like to be home cooking with a small child. Was I meant to be a wife and mother? Most days I came home late and would order takeout. Could I change the pace of my life to be the doting wife who waited on her husband and welcomed him home with a fresh meal.

  “I’m back!” Serenati cheered as she bounded into the kitchen at full speed, sliding in her socks over the tiled floor.

  “Okay, can you tear this lettuce for me? I’ll show you.” Taking a piece of lettuce in my hands I ripped it to show the little girl exactly how to do it. “Rip it into little pieces.”

  “Yuck, I hate lettuce.” She made a face at me and frowned.

  “It’s good. You should try it. Trust me, I’m a doctor,” I boasted to the little girl whose eyes went wide.

  “Really? You’re a doctor?”

  “I am. I do surgeries for people who really need them. I know eating your vegetables, like salad, make you strong and healthy,” I tell her, trying to convince her of my stance.

  “I’ll eat the lettuce,” she proclaimed. “I want to be strong and healthy. I also want to be pretty like you!”

  “You are pretty. You are a very pretty girl.” As I spoke she grinned with pride.

  “You look like the pretty lady on the picture daddy keeps hidden in his drawer. Let me get it!” She bounced away before I could stop her. It only took her a moment before she raced back in the room with a photo in her hand. “See!”

  She held up a picture I knew right away. It was me on prom night. Liam and I had gone to the Sundial Bridge with Olivia and her date. He’d taken a picture of me. I honestly couldn’t believe he’d kept it.

  “Hey, I’m back!” Liam’s voice interrupted my thoughts. My head shot up to find him strolling through the living room and toward the kitchen. I saw the disappointed look on his face, but I knew it was a subject best saved for later, when Serenati was asleep. He sat the thing in his hand down and came into the kitchen. “What do we have here?”

  Liam look the photo from my hands. I saw the grin on his face and he like me remembered that night. He didn’t say a word but pulled me into his arms and planted a kiss on my temple.

  “Thank you for staying here with her. It means so much to me,” he whispered in my ear before kissing me again. “What’s for dinner?”

  “For you and Serenati, tacos. For me, cheese quesadilla with salad,” I told him as I wiggled from his arms to continue making our dinner.

  “And I’m going to eat lettuce too, Daddy!” Serenati declared.

  “She’s been the biggest helper,” I told him as I moved toward the counter where Serenati was back at her job. “Everything good with you?” I asked Liam as I turned to face him again.

  “Perfect. My two favorite girls are making dinner for me. I’m a damn lucky guy.” He gave me a huge grin.

  Every moment longer I spent with him, the harder I was making it to leave and get back to my life.

  The continuous loop of music woke me. My eyes searched the unfamiliar room and I remembered I was in Liam’s living room. I stretched to realize there was a small person snuggled up to me. Serenati was fast asleep on my side. The three of us watched a Disney movie after dinner and must have fallen asleep.

  Well, not all of us. Liam was missing.

  Maneuvering so as not to wake Serenati, I managed to get off the couch. With the throw blanket that was over the arm of the couch, I tucked in the sleeping little girl before finding the remote and turning the TV off.

  I padded quietly to the bedroom where I expected to find Liam, but I found his bed exactly how we’d left it in the morning. His apartment wasn’t that big, and I was already running out of places to look when I heard the faint sound of a drill. I knew right away it was Liam in the garage.

  Slipping on my shoes, I left a sleeping Serenati behind and jogged downstairs and into the side door of the garage where I saw Liam under his car.

  “Hey,” I whispered through the faint light.

  Liam kicked at the ground and rolled from under the car. He sat up and gave me a defeated look. He’d come down to distract himself. He stood, and I stepped to him. Without words, his arms enveloped me.

  “I’m sorry I’ve been somewhere else in my mind all night. If you’d just seen Kayleigh’s place. She hadn’t even realized Renni was gone. She lacked in everything a parent should be. I’m so fucking ashamed of myself too.”

  “Why?” I asked. “What makes you ashamed?”

  “I fucked up. I’m ashamed in the choices I made that got me to having a child with such a piece of shit human. Then, I’m ashamed of maybe not fighting as hard as I could have for Renni’s best interests. I feel like I failed her,” he explained as he leaned onto the hood of the car and put his face into his hands. “I failed my daughter.”

  “You didn’t. I promise you. She is the brightest and most resilient little girl I’ve ever met because of you. You allowed her to have a higher potential and now you’re making moves to keep that potential going. You aren’t a failure and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Look at my dad. He made similar mistakes with marrying my mom, but he made sure I had all the tools I needed to be the best I could be. Serenati has a great future ahead of her with a dad like you.” I stepped to him and pressed my forehead to his before planting a chaste kiss on his lips, the stubble of his chin scratching my face.

  “Mmm,” he hummed. “You always have the right words to say. That’s what I’ve missed most about you.”

  “Liam,” I started nervously. I wasn’t quite sure where to start. He and I both knew I’d eventually have to leave. Our glimpse of a fairytale life would be left only a memory. The lives we wanted to live were wrapped in completely different packages. I’d move on and he would remain. “You know we can’t keep this go–”

  “Shh, not now. We can’t talk about that right now. Right now, I just want to be. I just want to be with you.” Liam crushed his lips to mine and kissed me hard. I leaned in allowing his arms to envelope me and his kiss to take me away.

  In a split second, he turned me so I was against the hood of the car. He was asserting his control over the situation. He knew me and my strong will and he knew my own needs for control.

  Pulling away, Liam’s hands cupped my face and he gazed into my eyes.

  “Don’t fight me, Beth. Don’t push away and don’t leave without a goodbye. I’m trying here to fight for what we used to have. Can we have it?” Liam’s eyes pierced mine. I swallowed hard as I tried to look away, but he wouldn’t allow me. “Tell me, can we have it?”

  “I’m not sure,” I whispered. “But right this moment, I want it.”

  My fingers grabbed at his belt and began to twiddle with the buckle. I fought with his belt until his pants loosened and he kicked them down his legs. With his lips on my neck, Liam unzipped the back of my romper, the tips of his fingers trailing after the zipper until he reached
the elastic of my panties.

  “Off,” Liam gruffly whispered as he yanked my top down exposing my braless chest. He pulled off my panties and the rest of my romper quickly before his face aligned with mine again. “I have so many things I could tell you but only one is important right now.”

  “And what’s that?” I asked intrigued as he hiked my behind onto the car hood and spread my legs.

  Liam leaned into me and his lips barely brushed mine as he gently proposed in a low voice, “I love you.”

  I inhaled and opened my mouth to no words coming out. I knew how I felt about him but saying it out loud wasn’t in the cards. Saying it aloud would force me to make a choice between the life I’d built, or him. I knew my choice and I’m sure Liam knew it too, but for now we would keep on pretending.

  Liam gripped my thighs and thrust into me. My head slunk back and my breathing became erratic in only moments. My fingers searched for something to hold onto but being on the hood of the car, there was nothing except Liam. I gripped onto his short sleeves as he pounded into me.

  Liam’s hardworking rough hands held me steady for him. Lifting my head, I found his eyes piercing me. There was such an intensity in them that it threatened to force me to spill over. I couldn’t, not just yet. I needed every one of these moments because they would eventually be gone.

  With a sharp inhale, I held my breath to force myself from crying out into the dimly lit shop. Liam’s daughter was only in the apartment above and I didn’t want to risk waking her but keeping my cries of ecstasy at bay were becoming a challenge.

  “Let it go, Baby,” Liam’s husky voice demanded of mine. I shook my head in defiance, I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t scream out in the exact way my body needed when I let it all go. “I said, let it go. It’s okay. Scream for me.”

  And with his words, I did. I yelped out into the hollowed space, my voice echoing around me as my body convulsed in orgasm. My screams were followed by Liam’s deep grumbles and he spilled into me. I shook in a deep aftershock and squeaked his name before his lips pressed to mine.