Homegoing

by Janae Keyes

  “Let’s go upstairs, take a shower, and sleep,” Liam hissed against my pouted and swollen mouth. I kissed him quickly before nodding in agreeance.

  Why did I still love him? Why did being around him make me into a puddle filled with all the feelings he used to give? The old butterflies that were dormant in my stomach were back and no matter how hard I tried to squash them, they kept on flapping away. Leaving him would be hard, but necessary.

  ***

  “Just tell him dammit!” Olivia cursed as we pulled in front of the bar. The back of her SUV was filled with more boxes of clothes I wanted to donate to the shelter.

  “No, I’m not going to tell him. I can’t do it because then–”

  “Then you’ll want to stay. I get it, but maybe you need a break from L.A. life. You need to find that happiness again and Liam used to be that happiness,” she insisted, and I shook my head.

  “He was until he shattered my heart, remember?” I reminded my friend of Liam’s past sins.

  Olivia scoffed and rolled her eyes at me. I continued to shake my head, but she knew me too well and she know how hard I was fighting off these invading feelings for Liam.

  “He apologized, and it seems you’ve accepted it. You’re sleeping together and all. I think it counts for something. Plus, you’ll be closer to me. I hate that my best friend is so fucking far,” she whined.

  “Yeah, same.” I sighed as I thought about how lonely my life was in Southern California.

  I did have a couple friends, mostly colleagues. There had been my ex and his friends. Honestly, I had the most fun when I got to be with my best friend. We’d done everything together from graduating early, to going to the same college, and moving to Seattle together while I went to grad and medical school.

  “Well, let’s get these boxes inside and then we can grab a bite to eat. I’m starving,” I noted as I opened the door and was greeted with the predicted heat of the day. “Honestly, I have to get back to So. Cal. My work down there is piling up and I have so many patients depending on me. My job does make me really happy.”

  “You’ll be happy at your job, but lonely at home,” Olivia pointed out.

  “But he would never move down there. I know that.” The fight was pointless, and I would have to move on.

  There was so much going on that L.A. would be an escape from it all. Liam, the bar, and my mom. Whenever I thought about my run-in with my mom I swear smoke came from my ears. She was a monster.

  “There you ladies are!” Minister Garland’s voice called out from the entrance to the shelter. I gave him a wave as Olivia opened the back of the truck. “I honestly can’t tell you how blessed we are for these donations. Your dad is blessing this shelter from heaven.”

  I smiled at his sentiment before I grabbed one of the boxes. Olivia and Minister Garland followed suit.

  “Thank you so much!” Minister Garland thanked Olivia and me for the millionth time as we headed out the door of the shelter.

  “No problem!” I called back before we shut the door behind us. “What are you thinking about for lunch?”

  “My heart is set on barbeque, but at this point I’m starving and could eat anything,” Olivia noted as we started toward her truck, but were stopped in our tracks at the tall and handsome guy standing on the sidewalk, Liam.

  “Hey there,” he said innocently as if he hadn’t woken up to me in his bed this morning.

  “Hey you,” I resounded as I stepped to him.

  “You two are impossible, you know that?” Olivia commented in the background, but as always with Liam, when he was near, I was drawn to him and everything else was pointless distractions.

  Liam’s mouth pressed to mine as he took me away the same way he did with every kiss from the first. The pull was magnetic, and nothing could tear me away except the loud sounds of a grumbling truck.

  I pulled away from Liam at the sounds of the intrusion. It was an old ass pick-up with a group of guys hanging out the windows and sitting in the bed of the truck. Most of them wore bright red trucker hats and were sipping on beers.

  I rolled my eyes, but then saw one of them point directly at Olivia. A few in the bed of the truck stood taller and began shouting nasty names.

  “Get outta our town, Porch monkey!”

  “Yeah, go back to Africa!”

  “Fuck you, Nigger!”

  My body was shaking with rage at their disgusting words. Liam grabbed me and pulled back before I could yank away from him. He was tuned into me and knew my moves before I could make them.

  “Let me go!” I grunted at him before I turned my attention back to the truck of assholes and my best friend who only shook her head. She’d been through it many times before living in Fort Shasta, you’d think we lived in the deep south and not California.

  “It’s fine,” Olivia commented as she waved them off like they were nothing.

  “It’s not fucking fine!” I growled angrily as their loud truck turned the corner and they were out of our sight.

  “Let’s get inside. It’s hot out here,” Liam said calmly as he placed his hand on the small of my back and led me inside the bar. It was cooler, but only as much as the fans could get it.

  I turned to face Olivia who looked unbothered. I didn’t understand her calm. I knew I wasn’t raised that way but sadly some people around town were.

  “I’ve been through that so many times before and you know it. You don’t see me crying so you just calm down,” she noted calmly as she sat down on one of the barstools.

  “I can’t believe that. Honestly, what year do they think it is? It is freaking 2018, not 1968. That is my biggest pet peeve about this fucking town, all the small minds. What makes anyone think that is okay? I can’t understand it no matter how hard I try.” I was honestly bewildered, and it broke my heart.

  “It’s fine,” Olivia resolved, and I knew not to push the subject with her any longer, but at the same time I knew she was hurting.

  “Just a reminder how much I hate this town and need to finish up and get out of here. I need to be with open minded people again,” I declared, and as soon as the words left my mouth I glanced at Liam who looked away. I’d fucked up by saying that, but it was the honest to God truth and I couldn’t take it back.

  “Hey, if you don’t mind, I’m going to roll out. I did want to squeeze in one more visit with my grandma before I headed back to Seattle tomorrow,” Olivia broke the awkward silence that filled the air.

  “Yeah, tell her I say hi,” I told her.

  “Me too,” Liam piped in.

  “You know I will. See you all later.” Olivia waved before she disappeared out the door, leaving Liam and myself alone to face our uncertain future.

  I swallowed hard and spotted Liam pouring himself a glass of coke. I didn’t know where to begin. We both knew the conversation would come and it was high time we had it. We had to face the fact that I would never stay in Fort Shasta.

  “I know this town has its shitty parts and characters,” Liam began before he took a gulp of his coke, which I’m sure was refreshing, but I wasn’t going to ask him for a drink while he was obviously pissed. “I know it isn’t that ideal spot, but you come in here acting like the town you grew up in is fully infested with the scum of the earth and you are so upper class that you can’t tolerate it.”

  By the time he’d finished, he’d rounded the counter, discarded his drink, and was standing directly in my face.

  “Why would you want to live in a place where your best friend is treated like shit just standing on the street. Who does that bullshit? Fort Shasta will never change. It’s not a place I could ever imagine spending my life. I’m sorry you don’t agree. I understand this is home for you and I respect that, but it isn’t home for me,” his face was twisted in frustration as he listened to my argument.

  My fingers found his chest and the rough denim fabric of his shirt, and my hands pressed into his hard chest. It was high time I let go of him but I couldn’t bring myself to do i
t. We’d never be able to be together when we could never live in peace. I wasn’t moving back to Fort Shasta and he wouldn’t be leaving. I sighed.

  “I should get going, I guess,” I refused to look up and into his eyes. Staying would only allow me to fall into more heartbreak. “Liam, I–”

  “Shh, I already know, but don’t say it right now,” Liam begged as he lifted my chin and my eyes met his for the first time.

  He was the man who broke my heart into a million pieces, and then when I needed someone the most, he was there every step of the way. We’d both grown and come so far to end up standing together, and once again still completely in love.

  I’d made up my mind though. Would the pain ever stop? Never. I was the one causing my heart to break this time, but it had to happen. There was no other choice in sight. My hand pushed at his chest and forced him to take a step back, his eyes glaring me over.

  “We need to come to a consensus on this bar. I talked to my money manager and she will work with me on getting Dad’s debt down. Selling his house will take away most of it, but this bar stands between us. I want to let it go and the only way to do that is if you buy me out,” I spell out the situation.

  “I’ll do it if it means saving this place,” Liam affirmed, and I nodded. I prepared to turn away when his hand rested on my shoulder. “Don’t just walk away though. Don’t walk away from me. At least not today.”

  “Okay,” I replied in a whisper with a small nod as he pulled me against his chest. “Not today.”

  Chapter Fourteen

  Liam

  Stepping into the sunshine, I flipped my sunglasses over my eyes. The street in front of my lawyer’s office was busy as hell, but it was to be expected on a Friday afternoon in Redding. I’d made my intentions official and filed to have sole custody of Serenati.

  My biggest fear was Kayleigh’s dumbass boyfriend dropping a ton of drug money on a lawyer for her to fight me. It’d happened before and I couldn’t let my daughter go back to that life. There was always the help Bethany offered, I could use the fuck out of it, but I had to stand on my own two feet since she was leaving anyway.

  I inhaled, Bethany’s scent still lingered on my clothing. She was all around me as the memories of making love to her last night flooded into my mind. I was beginning to hate her again, but I loved her too hard at the same time.

  Bethany and Liam as we knew it, were coming to an end. I couldn’t force her to stay in a place she despised, and I couldn’t leave my community behind. We’d finally arrived at that fork in the road and we’d have to go our separate ways.

  Glancing up, Dad waved to me from his truck. He’d given me a ride down to the lawyer’s office after my first meeting of the morning. I was making all sorts of sacrifices, but they all had a purpose in the end.

  I checked the flow of traffic on the street before I jogged across the road to the awaiting truck.

  “How’d it go?” Dad asked as I hopped in the passenger’s side.

  “As good as it could for now. My lawyer is going to file the paperwork at the Siskiyou County courthouse later this afternoon and we’ll see how it goes from there. He’s putting it in as an emergency case and we should hear back from the court relatively soon,” I explained as Dad drove off.

  At the end of the day, despite Bethany or the town of Fort Shasta, I had one main concern in my life, Serenati and her wellbeing.

  I glanced out the window. I didn’t know when Bethany would be leaving. She hadn’t spoken of exact timelines, but from the way she’d been acting, the time was close. I was stupid to have some wild dreams of her staying, us getting married, maybe having a baby of our own. I chuckled aloud to myself. From day one I should have known any fantasies like that were pure bullshit.

  “Nia Richards came by the shop while you were at your early appointment this morning,” Dad mentioned in his attempt at small talk. I knew Nia, went to high school with her. She was like a local celebrity with her real estate business taking off. Her picture was plastered all over town. “She just wanted me to take a quick look at her breaks before she headed out to the old Cross out. She had a meeting with Bethany about getting it sold.”

  “Hmm,” I responded.

  “You and Bethany talk about her leaving?” Dad asked, finally getting to his damn point.

  “A little.”

  “What’s the plan?”

  I groaned at Dad’s back to back questions, but I understood where he was coming from. He was preparing himself for the aftermath.

  “She leaves and goes back to her life in L.A. I stay here and continue with my life. Right now, my daughter is a priority. Do I want Bethany to stay? Hell yeah, I love her more than anything, but she doesn’t want to stay, and I can’t make her.” That was my decision. There would be no changing of Bethany’s mind and I wasn’t going to bend over backwards and change my life because of it. Life went on and mine would too.

  “Son, I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to get your ass out of Fort Shasta. It isn’t about you and Bethany, but about Renni. When the dust settles, and you hopefully get full custody, get out of town. Bethany is right about Fort Shasta, it is a black hole that swallows you whole. Your daughter deserves more than the place where her mom became a meth addict. You want her away from Kayleigh, and everything she stands for. The first step? Leaving this place behind.” Dad gave me a firm glance from behind the wheel as we rode up I-5.

  “But–”

  “But nothing, Liam. We know that means leaving the bar, leaving people you care about like me and Mom, but Serenati is your top priority and she deserves better than what she can get here.” Dad told the truth. Serenati deserved the best and Fort Shasta was not the best by far. “Your mom agrees with me on this one.”

  “I’m not raising my daughter in L.A.,” I argued.

  “I didn’t say L.A. I just said out of Fort Shasta. Portland is a good spot. Hell, even Seattle would be great. She needs to be raised around a different kind of people. Mom and I will visit always, but we also want what you want, the best you could give her.”

  “You really think that’s what I need to do?”

  “I really do, son. I really do.”

  Life was throwing me all kinds of curveballs in the last few weeks. Never had I expected Bethany to come walking back into my life and be willing to forgive me. Then actually filing for full custody of Serenati. I’d thought about it for a while after the last time I tried and failed. I was so fucking scared, but I would push forward. Now, Dad was telling me the same shit Bethany had been saying about Fort Shasta. Maybe I did need to leave.

  Dad dropped me off at my place. For the first time in a long time, I was alone with my thoughts. Mom was with Serenati all morning and my parents had offered to babysit her until tomorrow. Why?

  I took one of the extra cars at the shop and did a few errands. I returned to my place with an arm full of grocery bags and only two hours before I’d told Bethany she could meet me at my place. It was quite possibly the last opportunity I had to be with her.

  Her dad’s place was practically empty and if she was having meetings with Nia Richards, his place could be sold by next week. The goodbyes were over and the homegoing had come to a close. Bethany was packing up the last bits of her life that remained in Fort Shasta, but there was still me.

  A knock at the door signaled her arrival. There was no one but Bethany who had that dainty knock that made my stomach fold into knots. Leaving the grocery bags behind, I stalked to the door and opened it without thought.

  Bethany stood on the other side, a dream in blue. Her turquoise eyes shining as she regarded me. Her lips only covered in a thin layer of gloss and waiting for my kisses, I wrapped an arm around her dainty waist and pulled her into me.

  I pressed against her lips in a gentle kiss, but I needed more. I slinked my fingers into her hair and straightened my grip on her as I gave her everything in a long and passionate exchange of lips and tongues before I pulled away.

  Be
thany sighed, out of breath before giving me a sweet grin.

  “That was some welcome,” she breathed as she pressed her hand to my chest lovingly. She made me smile. It was something she’d managed to do since the day we got together. She was a ball of sunshine with a spirit like no other.

  “You’re on time,” I commented as I welcomed her inside and shut the door behind her.

  “I’m a doctor. Of course, I’m on time,” she playfully gushed as she strolled to my house and dropped her purse off.

  “I’m a little behind. I had a long day, but I thought I could make you dinner.” She raised an eyebrow at my suggestion. “You know I’m a good cook,” I countered.

  “Umm steak, but you know I’m a vegeta–”

  “Vegetarian, I know. And I took the liberty of finding some recipes, and I’m going to make you a little something tonight,” I fought back before giving her ass a smack. Bethany squealed before she slapped my arm in rebuttal.

  “I’m intrigued. Can I watch?” she asked as I started toward the kitchen.

  “Yeah, come on, baby.” I waved her over and she followed me into my kitchen. It wasn’t something big, but it had been enough for me and Renni. “I’m making you a Mushroom Frit...ti...titty.”

  Bethany burst into her infectious laughter. Her fit of giggles was uncontrollable. She bent with her hand over her stomach, her blonde curls falling into her face before she came up for air. I glared her down in mock anger.

  “You’re adorable,” she giggled. “It’s a frittata.”

  “I knew that,” I countered as I took the mushrooms from my shopping bag and dropped them into a colander to rinse them off.

  “Wait, wait,” Bethany warned as she rounded the counter to me. “Don’t wash them, you’ll log them down with water. You wipe mushrooms. Let me show you.”