A Deep Dark Secret

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  Jillian wrote a while longer and then thought about Nikki. She so wanted to call and check on her but now that Nikki was on punishment, she doubted that Miss G would let her talk to her. So, she decided to sign on to AOL to see if maybe Nikki had by chance snuck online, and thankfully she had. Jillian smiled and clicked her mouse inside the narrow box to the right, and an instant message window opened. Jillian’s screen name was Jillian22, and while both she and Nikki had signed up on the same day and had planned all along to choose screen names as close to the same as possible, neither of them had any idea what was so special about the number 22, but since Nikki had insisted on how cool it sounded, they’d gone with it.

  Jillian22: Hey, Nik. How are you? Mom said you were really upset this afternoon.

  Nikki22: I was but I’m okay now.

  Jillian22: What was wrong?

  Nikki22: I couldn’t stop thinking about Marcus and how mean he was to me. And then I kept thinking about what everyone else was saying too.

  Jillian22: They’re all wrong for acting this way and I hate that they’re doing this to you.

  Nikki22: I don’t want to go back there. But my mom says that I made my own bed and now I have to lie in it. She’s so mad at me.

  Jillian22: I could tell this morning.

  Nikki22: Jill, what am I going to do?

  Jillian22: I don’t know.

  Nikki22: I’m so embarrassed about everything.

  Jillian wondered if this was a good time to ask her about those terrible things Marcus had said about her today, the part about her being broken in and wide open. More than anything, she still wondered why Nikki hadn’t told her about being with some other boy.

  Nikki22: Hey, I have to go.

  Jillian22: OK. And, Nik, things will be better tomorrow. You’ll see.

  Nikki22: I hope so.

  Jillian browsed through some of the headline news stories AOL had posted and then picked up the phone and called her grandparents and Layla.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, Grandma, how are you?”

  “I’m fine, Jill. How are you?”

  “I’m good. And how is Grandpa?”

  “He’s doing well, too, and Miss Layla has him in the den watching some show on Disney.”

  Jillian laughed. “That figures. She makes everyone watch that channel.”

  “That she does. So, how’s Nikki doing? Your mom told me all about her little situation.”

  “She’s okay, I guess, but the kids at school won’t stop attacking her. They keep saying such hurtful things.”

  “That’s really too bad. Nikki shouldn’t have done what she did, but those boys are just as much at fault.”

  “I know, but nobody’s saying anything bad about them. They’re all talking bad about Nikki.”

  “How sad. But you know, Nikki has always been a little on the grown side. She’s always been much too fast for her age, and when you’re fast like that, boys are quick to take advantage of it.”

  “I guess.”

  “It’s the truth, and your grandfather and I were just talking yesterday and saying how proud we are of you and how you always carry yourself. You’ve always been a very caring and obedient child with a good heart, and those are the things that will make life good for you when you get older. Keep your innocence, Jill, until you’re old enough to fall in love and get married. Don’t ever let anyone take that away from you while you’re a child, because it’s just not worth it. There’s nothing wrong with waiting and nothing wrong with doing exactly what the Bible teaches us to do.”

  “I know, Grandma,” Jillian said, and like every other time when the subject of sex came up, she thought about her father. She thought about all the fondling, all the oral sex he’d made her give him, and even about the naked pictures he’d taken of her against her will. She thought about every single incident and was deeply ashamed of herself.

  “So, do you want to speak to Layla?”

  “Yes, and then I’ll speak to Grandpa.”

  “Actually, Layla was asking if you were going to spend the night here as well.”

  “I wish I could but I need to use my computer for my homework. I don’t have a lot but it’ll still take me a couple of hours or so.”

  “Oh well, then I guess that’s out, because this old thing your grandfather and I have over here is about as slow as a turtle.”

  “Actually, it’s worse than that, Grandma,” Jillian said, and they both chuckled.

  Jillian chatted with Layla, who still begged her to come spend the night with her, and then Jillian talked with her grandfather. Jillian missed Layla whenever she wasn’t at home, and if Layla was going to stay at their grandparents’ again tomorrow night, Jillian would have her mom take her there right after school was out. Actually, now that her father was back, and seemingly for good, she wished she and Layla could stay with her grandparents indefinitely.

  After another half hour passed, Jillian decided to call Kyle. Yes, her father didn’t want her talking to him, but it wasn’t like he was going to find out anyway. Right now, he was much too busy begging her mother to forgive him, so who she called on the phone was the very least of his concerns.

  “I thought maybe you changed your mind,” Kyle said as soon as he answered.

  “I was online with Nikki and then I called my grandparents and my little sister.”

  “Oh. So, what’s up with your girl?”

  “Not much. But she’s already dreading coming to school in the morning, and I don’t blame her.”

  “This whole thing is wack, if you ask me, and Marcus is on a straight rampage. I mean, he treats plenty of girls like dogs, but this is the worst I’ve ever seen it. And a lot of this is Nikki’s fault.”

  Jillian didn’t like the idea of him placing most of the responsibility on her friend. “Why do you say that?”

  “Because it was one thing for her to do it with him the first time he asked her, but to give it up to three dudes all at one time, well, that was just crazy.”

  Jillian didn’t want to talk badly about Nikki, but she couldn’t deny how much she agreed with Kyle.

  “I just hope all of this dies down soon, because if it doesn’t, I’m not sure how Nikki’ll be able to handle it. She’s so sad and so upset, and she hated being at school today.”

  “It’ll all pass eventually, but with this kind of stuff it’s hard to say when. I’m just surprised at how both of you could be best friends for so long and yet be so different.”

  Jillian defended their relationship. “The reason I’m friends with her is because she’s a good person. And I can trust her with my life.”

  “I guess.”

  “I’m serious. Nikki would do anything for me, and I would do the same for her. We love each other like sisters.”

  “And there’s nothing wrong with that, but I gotta tell you, I’m glad I started talking to you and not her, because your girl, Nikki, is out there. She’s wild, and she’s a big liar.”

  “What did she lie about?”

  “Being a virgin. I mean, wasn’t she smart enough to know that you can’t hide somethin’ like that? Because even when we were leaving practice this afternoon, Marcus was still talking about how easy it was for him to get inside her. He said there was no struggle or tightness at all. Not even a little.”

  “I don’t wanna talk about this anymore,” she said, but wondered the same thing she had earlier: Why hadn’t Nikki told her about this other boy she’d done it with? They told each other everything…well, almost everything. But not once had Nikki ever mentioned having sex before she’d had it with Marcus.

  “Fine. Let’s talk about us then. Let’s talk about when you’re going to let me kiss you again.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Well, whenever it happens, I hope you like it a lot better than you did the night of the dance, and we definitely have to make sure your dad is nowhere around, because that dude is scary. Maybe we could do it at school.”

  “Maybe.”
>
  “I’ll let you know where before lunch.”

  “Okay. But hey, I’d better go so I can get started on my homework.”

  “Me too. I’ll see you at your locker before first hour, though.”

  “Talk to you later.”

  Jillian hung up the phone and pulled out her math book, but to her regret, her father knocked on her door and then came in before she could say anything.

  “Your mother just went down to start dinner,” he said, closing her door behind him.

  Jillian said nothing.

  “I know you’re probably upset with me so I just wanted to come and tell you how sorry I am. I’m sorry about the terrible mistake I made and I promise you, I’ll never cause problems for our family again. I’ve prayed and asked God to forgive me, and I know He already has.”

  Jillian still didn’t speak.

  “I could never take being away from you and Layla, and I can’t even imagine what I would do if you and I couldn’t spend time together anymore. But thank God, everything is good now, and we’ll never have to worry about that. Our lives will be back to normal in no time.

  Jillian just stared at him, but he walked closer to where she was sitting and stroked her hair from front to back.

  “I love you so, so much.”

  His voice sounded too serious, and Jillian’s nerves raced chaotically. She’d heard him say these words many times before, but today, he spoke in the same way husbands speak to their wives.

  “You’re so precious and so very special to me,” he said, smiling, and Jillian wanted him to leave.

  “Byron, honey, can you come down here for a minute?” she heard her mother yelling from downstairs.

  Her father looked at her strangely and then moved hastily toward the door and opened it. “Sure, baby. Is something wrong?”

  “I need you to come take a look at one of the burners on the stove because it’s not lighting up properly.”

  “I’ll be right there,” he said, and then turned back to Jillian. “You’d better get back to your schoolwork, and I’ll see you downstairs later.”

  Jillian watched him exit her room and wished he would drop dead.

  Chapter 19

  IT WAS AMAZING HOW THINGS COULD CHANGE SO DRASTICALLY in only a three-week period. Jillian’s father hadn’t made her perform even one sexual deed for him, and she couldn’t have been more relieved. She was sure this was all simply a result of his spending every free moment he had with her mother and his behaving as though they were on a second honeymoon, but she was happy nonetheless. Interestingly enough, her mother was happy, too—thrilled was more like it—and she acted as if her husband hadn’t even had an affair. She acted as if he’d been completely faithful to her since the very first day she’d met him and like their marriage was perfect.

  But not everyone was feeling so blissful. At first, it had seemed as though Nikki was going to be okay, especially since the rumors and ridiculing had ended almost completely after the first week. However, as the days had gone on, Nikki had slipped into what Miss G had described to Jillian’s mom as “a severe state of depression” and had taken too many of her mother’s sleeping pills. Miss G had found Nikki unconscious in her bedroom, and while Jillian didn’t know all the facts, what she did know was that the doctors had been forced to pump her stomach and that she’d been admitted to the hospital. She’d been there for a whole fourteen days now, but Jillian hadn’t seen Nikki or spoken to her yet because her doctor didn’t want her having too many visitors. The good news, though, was that Miss G had promised Jillian she would pick her up this weekend to go see her, and Jillian couldn’t wait. She missed talking to Nikki, and she wanted to be there for her. She wanted to let her know that she was still her best friend and that she would help her in any way she could.

  Although that would all depend on whether Jillian got caught doing what she was getting ready to do with Kyle right now. She wasn’t sure why she’d let him talk her into slipping outside the school building during their lunch hour, but that’s exactly what they’d done only a few minutes ago, and already Jillian was regretting it.

  “Why are you acting so nervous?”

  “Because. You know we’re not supposed to be out here, and if someone finds out about it, we’ll be suspended. Plus, it’s cold.”

  “One of my boys is gonna text me as soon as it’s safe for us to come back in, so it’ll be fine. He’ll be texting me in a few minutes, though, so we’d better hurry up.”

  Jillian braced herself, and Kyle gently eased her body against the light tan brick building. Then he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her. She kissed him back and all was well for the first twenty seconds or so, but then her father’s face flashed through her mind, live and in vivid color. She saw his face as clearly as if he were standing right in front of her, and she shoved Kyle away from her again, the same as she’d done just a few weeks ago.

  Kyle frowned immediately. “Girl, what in the world is wrong with you?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Then, why do you keep doing that?”

  “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

  “Look, Jill, if you don’t want to be my girl, then I wish you would just say it and stop playing all these childish games.”

  “I’m not playing games. I just—”

  “Whatever,” he said, interrupting her and pulling out his vibrating phone. “That’s him, so let’s just go before we end up in trouble.”

  “Now, what are you two doing out here in the middle of the school day?” a tall, wavy-haired officer said in a deep voice.

  “Nothing,” Kyle lied.

  “And what about you, young lady? Were you doing nothing, too?”

  “Yes. I mean, no, we were just talking.”

  “And you couldn’t just talk in the cafeteria?”

  Jillian felt like the entire world was coming to an end—at least her own personal world anyway—especially if her mother was going to be notified about this.

  “What are your names?” the officer asked.

  “Jillian Maxwell.”

  “Kyle Davis.”

  “Mayhorne,” the officer called out to one of the other policemen on his two-way pager. “This is Scott. Hey, let Principal Meyers know that I’m on my way in with two truants,” he said, and recited both their identities.

  Truants? Jillian thought. Was he serious? They were only standing just outside the building and were nowhere near away from school grounds, so what was he talking about?

  “Let’s go, you two. Now.”

  Kyle looked just as terrified as she was, and all she could think was how this was the first time she’d ever been ordered to the principal’s office for breaking any rules.

  As soon as they walked inside Mrs. Meyers’s office, she closed the door and told both of them to have a seat. Officer Scott sat adjacent to them.

  “So, what is this all about?” she asked, leaning back in her chair.

  Kyle cleared his throat. “We were just talking.”

  “Okay, but why were you outside when you know you’re not supposed to leave from inside the school during lunch or class time?”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “But, Mrs. Meyers, I promise it’ll never happen again.”

  “No, I’m sure it won’t. But you do know that the district’s latest discipline code states that when a student leaves the building or a classroom without permission, I have the authority to place you on in-school suspension, right?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Jillian nodded her head in agreement as well. She knew all about this brand-new policy, because she’d heard about other kids sneaking out and getting caught in one way or another. She also knew the principal didn’t mind suspending people and even expelling them, because after Miss G had reported Marcus and his two friends, Mrs. Meyers had kicked Marcus out of school for ten days for participating in consensual sexual activities during a school-related event and told him he’d be expelled if he did anything else. He’d tri
ed denying the whole thing, claiming Nikki had lied on him, but with all the boasting he’d done to everyone, it hadn’t been hard to find kids who were glad to tell what they knew, including Jillian.

  Mrs. Meyers continued. “I also have the right to do nothing at all, but just so we make sure the two of you never do something like this again, I want both of you to report to the in-school suspension room first thing tomorrow morning. You’ll only be in there for one full day, but I’ll also be calling your parents to inform them about it.”

  Jillian wept silently.

  “And one more thing,” Mrs. Meyers said. “From the looks of your files, neither of you has been in any trouble before, so that’s even more reason why I have to impose at least some sort of discipline. You are both good kids, and we want you to stay that way from now on.”

  Jillian wept audibly this time. She wept, because she knew the punishment Mrs. Meyers had just given them would be nothing compared to her mother’s.

  Chapter 20

  JILLIAN RUSHED INSIDE THE HOUSE, DROPPED HER SHOULDER bag and backpack, and went over to the kitchen phone. She scrolled through the Caller ID and to her dismay, Mrs. Meyers had already tried calling her parents. Thankfully, neither of them was home yet, and she had a mind to erase the number from every phone they had and then dial into the voice mail system to delete whatever message her principal had left. For as long as Jillian could remember, her mom hadn’t seen a need to give Jillian their system’s password, mainly because she didn’t think children had any reason to check grown people’s messages, but about a year ago, Jillian had overheard her mother and father joking about how silly it was to create a 1–2-3–4 password. They’d said it was so silly no one would ever think to guess it, and that this was precisely the point.