Dead Radiance

by Ayer, T. G.

  On my right, a row of beds filled a small infirmary. I headed to the nearest bed. A man appeared beside me. A Warrior, perhaps. One who appeared eager to tend to the new Warriors. I bent to lay Aidan upon the clean sheets, sinking to my knees, every last sap of energy drained from my body. I was afraid I had no energy left to stand, so I just sat there, watching.

  The Warrior barked orders and people shuffled around. His words sounded odd. Distorted, mangled words. As if I were underwater trying to make out his garbled voice. My cloak fluttered as a young girl swept past me. A bushy red tail peeked out from beneath her skirt. Another Huldra.

  "Perhaps we should leave," Fen said. I'd forgotten all about him, but he'd remained at my side the entire time. The anxious way he looked at me spoke volumes about his concern. I nodded and rose, my legs a wobbly mess of nerves. We left the hall.

  Outside, Sigrun waited beneath the golden tree.

  I turned to thank Fen, but he walked on without a nod or a goodbye, leaving me alone with Sigrun. Fen. I wondered when I'd begun to think of him as Fen rather than Fenrir. When had I developed a relationship that allowed me to shorten his name as if we'd been friends for years?

  I shook my head and smiled at Sigrun. But no smile greeted me today. And that made me sad. On top of the horrid things I'd seen and done today, Sigrun's smile would have been my safety net.

  I tucked my arm into hers, seeking the warmth of her hand and the warmth from the golden shade of the tree.

  "It is okay," she said. "The first time is always difficult. It will be easier the next time."

  I glanced at her face. She had no idea what I'd just been through; she thought this was a standard, first-time Retrieval. I doubted that every Valkyrie got to bring the boy she loved to Valhalla.

  "Is something wrong Bryn?"

  "My Retrieval was someone I knew. Knew very well."

  "Oh, Bryn." Sigrun patted my shoulder to comfort me. "I am sorry. That is not supposed to happen. I will speak to Fenrir about this. The Valkyries are not meant to bring back those they knew in their lifetimes. The emotional weight is far too taxing."

  "No, Sigrun, please. Don't speak to Fen about it." I touched her arm, a tiny part of me afraid she'd go flying at his fast-disappearing back to give him a solid telling off. "I know why he gave me the Retrieval."

  "But Bryn, he really should not have done that."

  "It's okay. Aidan was the boy I once loved, and I think Fen knew about it. And I'm thankful he let me bring Aidan instead of some other Valkyrie. He also gave me time to know what had happened to him."

  "I am so sorry," she said softly. "That must have been hard."

  "It was . . . okay. It's not important anyway."

  "What do you mean it is not important? He was important to you." Sigrun wore that righteous look on her face, the one that reminded me she would go to war and give up her life for me if required.

  "Was," I said. "He was important to me. But not anymore. Not since he betrayed me. Since he lied and almost got me killed."

  "I see. I am so sorry, Bryn." She didn't probe any further, though she barely knew any of the story. Her consideration made me want to burst into tears, but I swallowed hard. I decided to tell her soon, maybe in the next few days when we were alone. To break the silence, I asked, "Who did you bring back?"

  "Brody Stevens."

  I sighed, relieved. Sigrun was the perfect one to bring our little boy back. I should have paid closer attention when Fen read out the names of the Valkyries connected with the Craven kids. I was just so focused on seeing Ms. Custer. "That's good. Thank you."

  "So you knew him, too?" Sigrun frowned. "I suppose you would have known many of the people we brought back from your old town."

  I nodded. "I knew them all. It was only Aimee that I didn't get to know very well. Joshua was my best friend, and Brody was my little foster brother. And Aidan . . . well, I told you about him."

  Sigrun stared at me, aghast. "I am so very sorry that you had to be present for that."

  "It's really okay, Sigrun. I'm happy I knew. Happy they'll get a second chance too."

  She hugged me, and I took what I could from the embrace. Strength, support, affection. They were getting a second chance, all of them, and I was happy for them.

  I wanted to see Brody, to assure myself he was fine, curious as to what was going to happen to him. Wanted to run back into the hall, but a glance at the door showed it was shut tight. Suddenly all my energy drained out of my body.

  I took a deep breath and stared up at the sky. The hazy green and purple lights still flickered, brighter and more entrancing than before. I stared mesmerized by the magical beauty of it. "What is it?" I asked Sigrun.

  She tilted her head, staring into the heavens with me. "Your people call it the aurora borealis. It can only be seen in the far Northern Hemisphere. To Valhalla it is the song of the Warriors written in the sky."

  "So Asgard is located in the polar north?"

  "Yes. Well, somewhere near the Northern Pole, though I am not too sure exactly where."

  "The lights are stronger now. Brighter than when we arrived."

  Sigrun smiled. "It is a sign that the Warriors are regaining their strength. Some people believe the spirits of the Warriors perform this sacred dance in the night skies. That it marks the journey of a Warrior's soul from death to new life to einherjar. The lights fade away once all the new Warriors are well and ready for training."

  "It's beautiful."

  A gasp of shock from Sigrun disturbed my appreciation of the undulating aqua and green colors. I tilted my head and looked up in the direction of her entranced gaze.

  Above me, a leaf had fallen free from the branch. It glittered as it swayed in a wide arc, fluttering on the air, arcing back and forth as if some invisible puppeteer swung it to a rhythm we couldn't hear. We watched in silent wonder as the single golden leaf slowed in its descent and landed on my shoulder. I craned my neck to see it, almost afraid to touch it. I had this image in my head of the fragile leaf shattering into a cloud of golden dust when I touched it.

  "Go on, take it," Sigrun urged.

  I picked it up between two fingers. It really was a leaf, not a carved piece of gold. The great golden Rowan tree had given me one of her leaves.

  "Wow!" was all I could muster.

  "Oh my, you are so very, very lucky, Bryn. I am so jealous." Sigrun laughed, not sounding in the least jealous.

  "Why lucky?" I asked. The tree must shed its leaves at some point."

  "This Rowan is special. No season affects it. No leaves fall from it unless Glasir wishes it. We believe Glasir will only give you a leaf if you are important or special."

  "So I'm now special?" I grinned.

  "You always were anyway, Bryn. This just confirms it."

  "You mean because of Brunhilde?" I tried and failed to keep the bitterness from my voice.

  "Yes and no. You are special in your own right, too. I barely knew Brunhilde when she lived. But I know you. And I admire you, Bryn. Not for your incarnation. Merely for who you are as a person. Right here and right now."

  Her words made me feel better. They were like drops of water to my parched soul, after having heard so much about this wondrous Valkyrie who was the real me.

  I twisted the leaf between my fingers. "So what's the purpose of this leaf then?"

  "What do you mean, purpose?" Her forehead wrinkled.

  "Does it do anything? What's so special about having it?"

  Sigrun frowned. "Does everything have to have a purpose? Can you not see the beauty of something just because it exists? Just because it is beautiful?"

  I frowned back. I'd just sounded so petty, so materialistic. When had I become this self-centered person? Or had I always been this way? I didn't like it much. The leaf gleamed and my frown vanished.

  A leaf for a leaf's sake. I could live with that.

  For a timeless moment we admired the leaf. Very Zen, if you're allowed to Zen in the land of Odin. I would have remained
entranced for who knows how long, if not for the footsteps.

  Heavy boots pounded across the ground. A Warrior hurtled toward us, only stopping because Sigrun hailed him. "What is the matter?" she called out.

  "Freya." He struggled for enough breath to push the word out of his mouth. After sucking in three deep breaths, he added, "She is coming. I have to tell them." Then he sprinted away to tell his brothers inside Valhalla.

  "When will she arrive?" Sigrun yelled.

  He didn't stop. His last words, shouted over his shoulder, floated to us as the door closed behind him.

  "In two days."

  Chapter 27

  The whole of Asgard boiled and buzzed. If Freya was as powerful and imposing as Odin, then I could understand the frenetic tone of the hustle and bustle.

  Even Turi rushed into my room after dinner to grab my armor. "It needs a double polish to elicit double the shine!" she said, an excited tremor in her voice. I didn't doubt the girl believed her words. But I paid little attention to her as she breezed in and out of the room. My mind tumbled thoughts of Brody and Joshua and Aidan together. I focused on finding a way to either get into Valhalla or get information on the condition of my friends.

  ***

  The next morning, our training focused on working with the Ulfr. The whole thing seemed a bit back to front since I'd already been out with Fenrir yesterday, but I choked back my opinion. The upside was the welcome absence of Astrid. Even Sigrun commented on how much calmer and more relaxed the training session was.

  I wasn't prepared for the transformations of the Ulfr though. Fenrir paired each one of us off with an Ulfr, and though they were still in human form, the glint in their yellowed eyes hinted that we were in for much more than hand-to-hand sparring. My blood still ran cold with the memory of Fenrir's half-transformation on the day we first met.

  The Ulfr, as humans, were a magnificent race. A raw beauty shadowed the harsh, rugged lines of their faces and though you would think such craggy facial structures would be misplaced on the females, you would have been way off the mark. They were beautiful, both male and female. Beautiful and strong. And dangerous. No doubt the best backup a girl could ask for, but still dangerous.

  My partner was a woman named Mika. She was tall, muscular. Dark hair held back in a neat ponytail. Exotic Asian eyes. We sparred, exchanging blows and defensive moves to warm up. We were well matched in strength and agility. And although my mind wasn't entirely focused on the task, my body made up for my lack of attention.

  When Fenrir growled, the reverberation of his animal call sank into my bones, bringing dread with it. I knew what would happen next. The Ulfr heeded his instruction. Brows flattened, cheekbones flared and canines lengthened. I didn't want to look at Mika but my gaze settled on her face. Her eyes were a deeper yellow and despite the distinct changes to her bone structure, she still retained the look of a human.

  I sighed, relieved.

  "I see you are not afraid of me," Mika said, her words slightly distorted by her protruding teeth.

  I resisted the urge to step back. "I wouldn't expect you to be here to harm me. Aren't we fighting on the same side?"

  "Well, technically we are not on the same side," she said. "But truthfully, we all know why we are here. And it is serious. So we take our training seriously too."

  A little shocked by her admission, I blurted out, "What do you mean we aren't on the same side?"

  She raised a brow and studied me. "The stories tell us that Fenrir will defeat the great god Odin at Ragnarok," she said. "Fenrir does not agree, and has offered to help to train the Warriors of Odin and Freya. All your regiments will know our techniques in case the stories are true."

  "So it's a sort of suicide mission?"

  "Something like that, but not quite. Fenrir does not want Odin to lose. Whether it is to Fenrir or to the frost giants. Our master would rather be the loser, as he will never raise arms against his own master. This is the best way to ensure it."

  I nodded, appreciating what she meant. Fenrir was an honorable man. Wolf.

  We continued sparring. The lack of armor meant more bruises, but freedom from the heavy weight of the bronze meant more strength and stamina. The day passed in a snap, as time sped up to compensate for our hard work.

  Later I joined Sigrun at the pool to soak away the bruises and muscle aches. I suspected the water possessed some kind of magical rejuvenating quality, as my injuries healed super-fast, bruises faded away within twenty-four hours and muscles were soothed before bedtime. Easy to understand how the job of a Valkyrie could be fulfilling and comfortable despite stretching through centuries.

  "How can a Valkyrie be killed?" I asked, sinking into the welcoming embrace of the heated water.

  She blinked at me. "Why? Are you planning to get rid of Astrid?" Sigrun's smile was broad, and we both laughed.

  "Of course not. How did Brunhilde die?"

  "She chose to marry for love. At that time a Valkyrie removed herself from Asgard if she chose to marry."

  "Why?" Seemed a bit sexist to me. A woman had as much right to a career as a man, and I couldn't see the Brunhilde everyone spoke about as being subservient.

  "Because it was the belief at that time that the duty of the woman as a wife is all-encompassing. That it is not possible for a woman to be a wife and mother and still fulfill roles outside of her marital home."

  I frowned. "And I hope that's changed," I said dryly.

  "Yes, it has changed. A long time ago. Frigga had become tired of losing Valkyries because of the old rule. She said that as the wife of Odin, she had certain wifely obligations but as the Goddess of the Clouds and Sunshine, Fertility and Marriage, she had other duties to perform. She argued with Odin that if she left her goddess duties just because she had an obligation to him as a wife, what would happen to the world? He then insisted she was capable of performing both tasks perfectly well without sacrificing the other. Frigga won the debate and the freedom for the Valkyries to choose to marry if they wished."

  "Go Frigga!" I whooped and slapped at the water.

  "Yes, we are most grateful for her strategy." Sigrun sighed happily and reached across to turn the hotter pipes on. Soon we were perspiring from the heated water, though reluctant to leave its steaming embrace.

  "What happens when Freya arrives?" I asked.

  "A procession and dinner. The next morning we have a mass meeting, presenting the Warriors. Then Freya chooses."

  "What does she base her choice on?"

  "Freya is a war goddess. Naturally, she wants the best Warriors but she is not allowed to tip the scales. Balance is important, especially when all she is creating is another regiment within the same army. But Freya is a demanding general. So she is fussy. It is good that Frigga helps with the choosing."

  "Frigga?"

  "Yes, she is a seer. Not a full oracle, but she senses the nature of a creature. Their deepest desires. Their dreams. Using her knowledge, she will advise Freya."

  "Wouldn't that be a sort of conflict of interest?" When Sigrun frowned in confusion, I explained. "Frigga is Odin's wife. Wouldn't she choose the best Warriors for Odin anyway?"

  "But you see, it is not a competition. Each regiment must be weighted equally, with the same number of strong and wily Warriors as the next. Nobody wants to belong to the regiment that loses the war. Nor would you want to lead that regiment."

  It made a lot of sense, the way the gods worked. I rose from the waters and toweled myself dry, glad now that I'd washed my hair since there would be an official procession. "So, with the procession I take it our training will be canceled?"

  Sigrun reached for her clothes. "It depends on Fenrir," she said. "We will meet at the training field, along with all the other Warriors and Ulfr. Fenrir will organize the regiments, both new and old, and prepare us. The new Warriors will be placed at the front of the procession, to allow Freya to observe them."

  My stomach twisted as my mind strayed to Aidan and the rest of the kids from Crave
n. They were in for some grueling training before Freya came around again. I promised myself I'd find a way to get to them, even though Valhalla was totally off limits so far. Maybe Sigrun could help.

  "Sigrun, is there any way I could see Joshua and Brody and Aidan?"

  Sigrun stopped walking. Clearly, my request didn't sit comfortably with my friend. "You know it is not allowed. Valhalla is where the Warriors recover. Where their life is returned to them. You cannot go intruding on something meant to be an almost sacred activity."

  "I just need to know they're all right. How long before I can speak to them?" I hadn't realized how afraid I was until I asked the question. The four kids from Craven were my only link to a real home. Despite the sour taste Aidan left in my mouth, he was still a link to Ms. Custer. "And what about Aimee?"

  I'd wondered where they would have sent her. "Aimee? Oh, that would be the girl who was retrieved from your town? She will be in Valhalla."

  "But I thought Valhalla was for men only?"

  "Did you learn that from your modern history books too?" Sigrun asked dryly.

  "Well, it's what I was taught." I bristled slightly. Could I help it if the historians of our time had misinterpreted the real facts of history?

  "So in your armies, do they have both men and women who fight for their country?"

  "Yes, of course. Women have the same rights as men do."

  "Well then, why should Asgard be any different?" Sigrun admonished me with a smug smile.

  So Aimee would be with the boys. At least she wouldn't be alone. There was a slight comfort in that. "Is there any way you can get me in to see them before tomorrow?" I was desperate to speak to them, to tell them I was here with them.

  Sigrun frowned, but I knew that expression. She disapproved of my request, but understood and sympathized. I hoped it meant she would come up with a plan to help me.

  A long moment passed in which I wondered if she had decided it was too risky. Finally, she spoke. "I have an idea. Be ready after dinner. I shall come to fetch you from your room." A sudden, mischievous grin revealed her clear enjoyment of the exercise in breaking the rules.