Queen of the Road

by Doreen Orion

Plum Lucky by Janet Evanovich

  Water for Elephants by Sara Gruen

  Skinny Bitch by Kim Barnouin and Rory Freedman

  The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife, and The Amber Spyglass by Philip Pullman

  The Road by Cormac McCarthy

  Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain by Oliver Sacks

  The Glass Castle: A Memoir by Jeannette Walls

  Born Standing Up: A Comic’s Life by Steve Martin

  Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer

  The Tipping Point: How Little Things Can Make a Big Difference and Blink: The Power of Thinking Without Thinking by Malcolm Gladwell

  Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner

  The World Is Flat: A Brief History of the Twenty-first Century by Thomas L. Friedman

  The Geography of Bliss: One Grump’s Search for the Happiest Places in the World by Eric Weiner

  Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values by Robert M. Pirsig

  The Places in Between by Rory Stewart

  Honeymoon with My Brother by Franz Wisner

  Marley & Me: Life and Love with the World’s Worst Dog by John Grogan

  Look Me in the Eye: My Life with Asperger’s by John Elder Robison

  An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness by Kay Red-field Jamison

  A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers

  The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold

  On Writing by Stephen King

  The Other Boleyn Girl by Philippa Gregory

  The Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards

  The Sex Lives of Cannibals: Adrift in the Equatorial Pacific by J. Maarten Troost

  White Teeth by Zadie Smith

  The Secret Life of Bees and The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd

  The Jane Austen Book Club by Karen Joy Fowler

  Running with Scissors, Dry, and Magical Thinking by Augusten Burroughs

  Up Country by Nelson DeMille

  Good Dog. Stay. and One True Thing by Anna Quindlen

  Any Place I Hang My Hat by Susan Isaacs

  Nature Girl by Carl Hiaasen

  Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers by Mary Roach

  The Orchid Thief: A True Story of Beauty and Obsession by Susan Orlean

  The Time Traveler’s Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

  The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson

  The Tender Bar by J. R. Moehringer

  I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence by Amy Sedaris

  Me Talk Pretty One Day and Naked by David Sedaris

  Ulysses by James Joyce

  Drop City and The Tortilla Curtain by T. C. Boyle

  Acknowledgments, Disclaimers, and Trip Insurance

  Some names in this memoir have been changed to protect the idiotic (although not Tim’s, in spite of his repeated requests). Some events and dates have likewise been time-warped and wormholed for clarity and narrative sake (not that I can think of any off the top of my head, and since I took Physics for Non-Majors the chance of me actually doing such things is rather slim, but I suppose I must have, so there you go).

  With all the controversy surrounding memoirs these days, if doubt ever arises about the veracity of what is contained in these pages, rest assured I can provide appropriate documentation, including but not limited to: emergency room charts, police records, and AAA bills. Many of these can be found on my website, www.doreenorion.com. (Well, not really, but it does have my blog dating back to the start of our trip, slick shots of our travels and our bus, oodles of requisite and yet somehow always adorable pet pictures, several photojournalistic attempts at documenting our various disasters, along with considerably more than just a tad of fun stuff in the form of articles, martini recipes, contests, news, podcasts, and, last but not least, video “reenactments” of our various adventures—poor Tim, even I’m starting to feel sorry for him.)

  And, speaking of my website, I have Steve Bennett at www.AuthorBytes.com to thank for designing it. (How you were able to capture the spirit and tone of the book so well when you’re a guy, and not even that into shoes, is beyond me.)

  To my parents, especially my mother, who insisted that if I allowed her to read the pages involving her beforehand, she would not utter one word of protest. Perhaps, then, I am truly giving thanks for the fortitude Gertrude and Henry apparently instilled in me, as when I offered, “Why can’t you just read the book when everyone else does?” and she responded with the time-tested Jewish mother retort: “If I live that long,” I nonetheless held firm.

  To my beta readers, Robbie Barr, whose sound judgment I much appreciated, and Doug Roemer, cousin and grammar savant extraordinaire. To my writers’ group—Barbara Cohn, Joan Knobb, and Sue Mcmillan—who put up with reading so many incarnations of the first two chapters in the proposal stage (when the book was titled Leave the Driving to Him); I’m surprised they didn’t cry, “Why don’t you just leave the reading to him too, while you’re at it?” To my book group “goyles”: Susan Wientzen, Sheryl Allen, Eileen Gilday, Jane Ann Hebert, Kathryn Lynch, Deborah Ramirez, and Robbie Barr, who provided support and feedback at crucial junctions. Susan also gave me invaluable assistance (due in equal measure to her background in marketing and to her being really, really sharp) in getting the word out about this book.

  To my wonderful agent, Mollie Glick of the Jean V. Naggar Literary Agency. I wish I had something funny to say here, but your faith in this project and supreme skill in guiding it along were never a laughing matter. Kudos as well to Jennifer Weltz at the agency for her considerable expertise with foreign and other rights.

  To my editor and polar opposite, Stacy Creamer. I remain utterly perplexed as to why you wanted to publish me, given what an incredibly active (she does triathlons!), accomplished (she’s a VP at Doubleday!), well-rounded (she still makes time to needlepoint and be a mom!) woman you are. Ah, of course. Silly me. We shrinks call it “reaction formation.” I always suspected people like you unconsciously yearned to be lazy sloths like people like me. I feel better now.

  To Julie Sills and Ellen Folan at Broadway Books for wonderful work with marketing and publicity, respectively. To Kim Dower (Kim-from-L.A.) for taking this project on with such enthusiasm and seeing it through with such imagination and tenacity.

  To Liz De Ridder, Queen of the Copy Editors, for not only doing a stellar job of fixing my mistakes, but actually making copyediting (sorta, kinda) fun. (Those hours of hilarity I spent trying to look up what a smiley face means in my copyediting guide were particularly memorable.)

  To Bella Stander (the world’s best consultant for authors) for hand-holding when I needed it, sound advice when I asked for it, and a wonderful sense of humor all the time.

  Everyone should have a memoir mentor (even if you have no intention of ever writing one). I somehow lucked out and got Kathryn Black. I hesitate to name her here, however, for fear she will be swamped with potential mentees. Therefore, know this and know it well: I’ve got first dibs.

  To John Rainy, for his friendship as well as teaching me much about writing in general.

  To Alexandre Philippe for wonderful writing workshops throughout the years and appearing in my nightmares (for needed instruction only—although there was that thing with the headless chicken…) more than once.

  To Boulder’s Liquor Mart for…do we really need to get into that? And, speaking of which, to my guinea pigs/taste testers, Lisa Cook and Jeanette Buckingham. (I thought I told you two it was a “working happy hour”? Geez.)

  And finally, to my (some might insert here “long-suffering”) husband, Tim. When Mollie first read my proposal, she commented, “You know, this isn’t a travel memoir. It’s a love story.” She couldn’t have said it any better. So for once, I’ll let someone else have the last word.

  Oops.

  Dear Readers

  I hope what comes across in Queen of the Road is that this book has been a labor
of love. After I wrote each chapter, Tim would read it and we’d reminisce about our travels. In a way, then, it felt like our amazing adventure was extended far beyond the measly (funny, early on I might have said “interminable”) year. I like to think that even if I knew no one else would ever read it, I’d still have written Queen of the Road. But once I had a publisher, I truly found myself waking up every day marveling, “I can’t believe I get to write this book!”

  Thank you for reading it. Really. And to really thank you, I’d love to be invited to your book group. (I just invited myself, didn’t I? How rude! Just ignore me, if you like.) If I’m in the area, I’d love to attend in person. (Here I go again.) If not, I’ll attend by speakerphone. I’ve been in a wonderful book group myself for over a decade and would greatly enjoy visiting yours and answering any of your questions. Please go to my website, www.queenoftheroadthebook.com, to arrange a visit or “visit,” see pictures from the Queen of the Road trip, and learn what we’re up to now.

  Readers’ Guide

  1. What would you do if you could take a year off? How do you think it might change you? Is there a life lesson you’d want to learn? Is it hard to incorporate lessons learned while traveling or on vacation into your daily life? What could you do to improve that disconnect?

  2. How would it be to spend 24/7 with your significant other for a year? Would a life on the road appeal to you?

  3. Doreen said she would “never, ever, EVER live on a bus.” She said the same thing about going to a nudist RV park. Are there things you thought you’d never do in your life but ended up doing anyway? How did they work? Are there things you’re certain you’ll never do now? Why?

  4. Are there any “things” you feel you couldn’t live without? Why? Did Doreen’s changing relationship with material possessions make you feel any differently about your own?

  5. Discuss how Tim’s experiences growing up may have contributed to his “working himself to death” and thus became the catalyst for the whole “bus thing.”

  6. Doreen says she and Tim are “polar opposites.” How does that affect their relationship for better or worse? What do you think each sees in the other?

  7. How did Doreen and Tim change during their trip, and how did you see that change progress through the journey? Do you feel their relationship changed as well? What do you envision their future life will be like, and how would that be different had they never done the bus thing?

  8. Who do you think is the most inspirational person Doreen and Tim met or learned about on their trip? Did he or she make you think about doing something differently in your own life?

  9. Did the book make you want to visit any particular place in it? Why?

  10. The bus seemed to have a “will of its own.” How did Doreen and Tim’s relationship with it change during their yearlong adventure? What was the significance for each of them of the challenges it presented along the way?

  11. Did your perception of psychiatrists change through reading this book? How did this memoir about married psychiatrists differ in its portrayal of the profession from that of pop-culture movies and TV shows?

  12. Why do you think Doreen included her martini recipes in the book? What did the recipes represent for her? What self-soothing traditions have you experienced in your own life?

  13. Doreen writes of their dog: “Miles was all about simple pleasures: It was enough in life to have a bowl of food and a small, quiet place to himself, surrounded by people who loved him. Why ask for anything more?” She also writes that he could “teach me a lot.” What have you learned or what do you think you could learn from your pets?

  14. The bus thing seems to have given the lives of all the travelers more balance. How do you think their future plans reflect this? Are you happy with the balance in your life and, if not, what could you do differently?

  15. Doreen “self-coronates” on their return. Do you think she deserved the promotion from Princess to Queen? What experiences during their year especially contributed to her elevated royal status? What obstacles have you overcome that you are most proud of?

  About the Author

  DOREEN ORION is a triple-boarded psychiatrist on the faculty of the University of Colorado Health Science Center. She is an award-winning author, has lectured throughout the United States, and has been interviewed in major national media (Larry King Live, 48 Hours, Good Morning America, and People magazine, to name a few). In spite of all this, Doreen considers her greatest accomplishment to be that her bus was featured as the centerfold for Bus Conversions magazine (for which she is the travel writer), thus fulfilling her lifelong ambition of being a Miss September.

  PUBLISHED BY BROADWAY BOOKS

  Copyright © 2008 by Doreen Orion

  All Rights Reserved

  Published in the United States by Broadway Books, an imprint of The Doubleday Broadway Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

  www.broadwaybooks.com

  BROADWAY BOOKS and its logo, a letter B bisected on the diagonal, are trademarks of Random House, Inc.

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Orion, Doreen.

  Queen of the road: the true tale of 47 states, 22,000 miles, 200 shoes, 2 cats, 1 poodle, a husband, and a bus with a will of its own / Doreen Orion. — 1st ed.

  p. cm.

  1. Orion, Doreen—Travel. 2. Voyages and travels. I. Title.

  G465.O73 2008

  917.304'931092—dc22

  2007048066

  eISBN: 978-0-7679-3021-5

  v3.0