Striving for Acceptance

by B. L. Mooney

  I stood up and ran to the door, but even distracted on his phone, he still stopped me. “Maybe we should call the police for kidnapping.”

  The look he shot me said he was tired of my attempts to run. There was a simple solution—let me go. I went to the bathroom while he talked to his friend and slammed the door.

  I looked at myself in the mirror. The burns on my arms and belly were really red and starting to swell. I ran my arms under the sink again. It probably wasn’t a bad idea to get checked out, but I’d rather have a doctor do it than a veterinarian.

  Mick had moved a chair in front of the door and sat there. I scoffed when I saw him. “I won’t try to run again. May I lie down on your bed?”

  He sat up straight and looked at me. He was suspicious. “You’re going to make me think you’re sleeping when really, you’re just going to wait for your opportunity to run.” He sat back and crossed his arms. “Go ahead and lie down, but I’m sitting right here.”

  I looked down to my arms and belly. “I should have someone look at it, but I would’ve preferred a different medical degree.”

  He got up and moved the chair out of the way. “Come on. It’ll take a little while for them to get here.” He led me to his bedroom. “You should know that Maria started in medical school. She was going to become a people doctor, but I think she likes animals better than people.”

  “I don’t blame her. Sometimes they’re downright pricks.” I looked at him before I lay down.

  He smiled and shook his head. “I’m going to lie down next to you, but no funny business.”

  “Yes, I’m a waterfall for you tonight.” I yawned. “Get real. It’s the Sahara Desert down there.”

  He lay next to me and put his hands behind his head. “If you see that lady again, I want you to call me.”

  “Okay.” I started to drift off to sleep but kept thinking about the fire. I don’t know what I would’ve done if he hadn’t shown up and put it out with the fire extinguisher. I was too shocked to think clearly. I turned my head to him. “Did you call me babe?”

  “What?” He turned on his side, bringing him closer to me.

  “You called me babe.”

  “Oh, did I?” He shrugged. “It was just a term of endearment. I was comforting a friend.”

  “Let’s get one thing straight. We’re bed friends, Mick, not best friends.”

  He rolled to his back again with his fingers laced together over his chest. “Yes, I know.”

  I woke up to someone touching my belly. It startled me and I grabbed her wrist. “What are you doing?”

  “I’m sorry. I thought I could let you sleep.” She looked down to her wrist where I still had it gripped. She held out her hand when I let go. “I’m Maria, Mick’s friend.”

  “Oh, sorry.” I shook her hand. “Deb.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Deb.”

  “I’m sorry you had to come all the way out here for nothing.”

  “I wouldn’t say for nothing.” She looked at my arms. “I see why Mick was nervous, but I think you’ll be fine. Can you take a couple days off?”

  “You mean close the shop?” I shook my head. “No way.”

  “Then get someone to help you. You don’t want to further injure yourself.” She looked back to the doorway. “I know someone who isn’t working anymore.” She looked back to me. “I know he’d help you in a heartbeat.”

  I sat up. It made me uncomfortable to think about leaning on Mick for anything. “I can ask my sister.”

  She shrugged. “Suit yourself.” She looked at me and narrowed her eyes. “Usually, I’m pretty good with clients, but have you brought a pet to me before? You look very familiar.”

  “No.” I got up and walked to the window. “I’ve never had a pet.”

  “Huh. I swear we’ve met somewhere before.”

  “I don’t think so.” I walked to the bathroom and spoke without turning around. “Will you tell Mick I’m going to borrow his cold water again? Thanks for coming out.”

  “Sure.”

  I started the cold water and stripped. What I wanted was hot, scalding water to wash off the filth I felt. I’d never met Maria before. She probably remembered me from the news. It wasn’t a widespread story, but when Craig Sullivan was killed while holding his ex-girlfriend hostage, it drew some attention.

  Mick startled me when he walked in. “Sorry. They left.”

  “And you had to come in here while I’m naked to tell me that.”

  “Well, I’ve already memorized every inch of your body, so I didn’t think it was a big deal.” He leaned against the counter and crossed his arms. “Besides, I figured you came in here to hide out.”

  “It was just starting to hurt again with her poking at it.”

  He nodded. “Stay here tonight.”

  “I don’t sleep over.” I turned the water off and stepped into the towel he had opened. “You know I don’t spend the night.”

  “I thought you’d make an exception. You had a rough day.”

  “I’ve had rougher.” I picked up my clothes off the floor and walked past him. “I would like to borrow a full shirt, please.”

  He went to his closet and pulled out a T-shirt, but held onto it. “You could just stay here. I’ll sleep on the sofa. Then it wouldn’t be like sleeping over.”

  I looked at the bed and wanted nothing more than to just crash for the night. I couldn’t break the rule, though. I only slept at Al’s while I was back home with my parents. Once I moved into Rachael’s old apartment, I stopped spending the night.

  I shook my head. “No. I really need to get home.”

  He looked disappointed but held out his shirt to me.

  “Dude. You’ve got to get to the bottom of her trust issues. I know she’s downstairs from you, but come on.” Blake was doing his best to give me a pep talk.

  “What does her being downstairs from me have to do with anything?”

  “What I think he’s trying to say is she’s a convenience. You have an on-site booty call whenever you want it, and it’s hard to give that up.” Maria didn’t like to join us for target practice, but she was a little too eager this time. It wasn’t hard to see they were ganging up on me, trying to get me to push for more from Deb or just walk away.

  “Look, I’m really glad the two of you found each other and trust each other completely. It isn’t that easy for the rest of us.”

  “Have you even told her you’re a cop yet?”

  “Former cop,” I corrected Maria.

  “When did you decide that?” Blake was still hoping I’d come back to the force.

  “I think I decided it when I left, I just didn’t have the balls to say it. Seeing Deb start her business . . .” I shook my head. “I want to do that. I want to go after my dream.”

  “Well, it was nice knowing you.” Blake walked off to set up our targets.

  Maria turned to me. “He’ll be okay. He just knows when you start that, you’ll be around less. What he doesn’t realize is we’ll get to have your cooking more often.”

  “Yeah. It’s going to be hard at first, but he’ll still bug me there.” I smiled at her.

  “I have to say I was kind of hoping to see Deb with you today. How are the burns coming?”

  “They’re a lot better. It’s only been a week, but she doesn’t wince much anymore.”

  “Then you should’ve asked her to come out today.”

  “She’s hanging out with some woman a lot lately. I haven’t seen her much. Sometimes she’ll come over in the morning before she opens the shop, but it isn’t as long as I’d like.”

  “She really is just using you for sex, isn’t she?”

  I shrugged. “I don’t mind.”

  “I’m sure you don’t. What about this friend? Or what about this sister she mentioned? Can they help you get to her or at least tell you a little bit about her?”

  “Her sister told me she’s been through bad shit and to be prepared if I truly want to hear it. She won
’t tell me anything else.”

  “And the friend? Sometimes they’re closer than family and can help more.”

  “I don’t know much about Drew. I’ve only met her once, but I didn’t get the feeling they were buddies.”

  “Well . . . wait.” She faced me. “Did you say Drew?”

  “Yes. What does it matter?”

  She hit my chest and knocked me back a couple of steps. “Holy shit! I just remembered something.” She started running.

  I ran after her and grabbed her. “What?”

  “Oh, a client I have today. Whoops.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “What’s with the name Drew?”

  “That’s my client’s name.” She started running again. “You’ll take Blake home, right?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  Blake ran up beside me. “What’s going on?”

  “She forgot she had a Saturday appointment.”

  He slapped my back. “See what I have to put up with?” He turned to me. “Let’s really shoot some shit up now that we don’t have the chick to weigh us down.”

  It was a great day with Blake. I loved Maria, but it was better she had a Saturday appointment to go to. It gave Blake and me a chance to have one last day together before I turned my life upside-down.

  It was late and I was tired, but I was excited to get started on the cleanup. Just taking a look around turned into two hours of clearing out, and the dumpster out back was filled quickly. I’d have to rent a demo dumpster to really make a dent in the place.

  “Hey, there you are.”

  I turned to Deb, standing in the doorway. “Hey.”

  She took a step in and looked around. “You’re starting it, huh?”

  “Yeah. I decided it’s time.”

  “I’m glad. I was wondering when you were going to get off your lazy ass.” She grinned at me.

  “Yeah?” I smiled. Her smile always made me smile. “Actually, you’re quite the inspiration.”

  “Me?” She shook her head. “I’m not an inspiration for anything.”

  “Sure you are. You’re following your dream. That’s inspiring.”

  “I suppose going for what I want is inspiring, but I’m not.”

  I wiped my hands on my jeans and walked over to her. I grabbed her hips before she could turn away and pulled her to me. “You inspire many, many feelings.” I kissed her neck.

  She tilted her head back and rubbed her hands along my arms. “You’re dirty.”

  “I can get much dirtier.” I grabbed her ass and pulled her to me.

  She laughed. I loved hearing her laugh. She wrapped her arms around me. “I’ll just throw it in the wash when I get home.”

  She took my head and brought my face to hers to kiss me. I brought her inside the doorway and pressed her against the wall. “I want you so badly.”

  “You can have me. You just have to shower first.”

  I put my head on her shoulder. “I don’t think I can wait.”

  “Too bad, lover boy. The way you look and, quite frankly, smell, you’re not sticking anything in me until you’re clean.”

  I kissed her and stuck my tongue in her mouth. “You don’t stop me from doing that.”

  “You’re not using your tongue to scrub anything in here, are you?” She ran her fingers through my hair. “You’re really sweaty.” She kissed me again. “Maybe just wash your waist down. This is kind of sexy.”

  I pulled her hips to me and pressed my erection into her. “I really want you now.”

  “You’re not the one who’ll end up with an infection. Wash first. Fuck later. Even if you were clean, I couldn’t do anything right now. I’ve got a family thing.” She kissed me again before stepping out of my embrace. “Believe me. It’s killing me, too. I like you so much more than my family.” She smiled and slipped out the door.

  I placed my forehead on the wall I’d just pressed her against and smiled. It was agony to be that hard without her, but she said she liked me. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, I was getting to her.

  “Hey, Dad.” I walked up to my childhood home and saw my father sitting on the porch. This wasn’t a conversation I was looking forward to, but it was one that was way overdue.

  He didn’t do much to acknowledge my presence. There was just a quick nod of his head, but he didn’t look up. I had a feeling word got back to him already about my permanent resignation.

  I sat in the chair next to him and waited a few moments. I wasn’t sure what I could say to make him understand. There probably wasn’t anything at all. He wanted me to be a cop and that was it.

  “I think you’ve probably heard the news already, so I won’t insult you by acting as if you hadn’t.”

  “You’re following in your uncle’s footsteps.”

  “No, I’m making my own.”

  He scoffed.

  “I don’t expect you to understand. You only see your passion, but believe me when I tell you my passion is just as strong as yours. It’s just about something else.”

  “Yeah. Cooking.” He scoffed again.

  “It’s more than cooking.” I shook my head. “You’ll never get it. Maybe if you see the restaurant after it opens, you’ll understand.”

  “You expect me to go somewhere I don’t want to go?”

  “You expect me to hold a job I don’t want to do?” I stood. “I’m your son. You should be happy for me.”

  “I’ll be happy as soon as you take your resignation back. This is what our family is about. This is our legacy. You can’t back out on that.” He stood and pointed to me. “You took an oath to protect and to serve. And it wasn’t serving the daily specials!” He stormed into the house and slammed the door on me.

  “Nice talking to you, Dad! See you in another two years!”

  I shook my head and started to walk away when the door opened. I turned to my mother as she came out. “I’m sorry your father is having a hard time with this.” She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight. “I’m very proud of you. I’ll be there.”

  I smiled. “Thanks, Mom. I love you.”

  “I love you, too. Besides, it’s probably the only time I’ll get to meet this girl you’re dating.”

  “How do you know about Deb?”

  “Blake’s been practicing his Best Man speech.”

  I shook my head. “Of course he has.”

  She tilted her head to the side. “It isn’t too bad, actually. I was just a little surprised to hear it was for my own son’s wedding when I’ve never heard of the girl.”

  “It’s complicated.”

  “And you can’t come to your mother for advice? I was a girl once, too, you know.”

  “Well, it’s kind of awkward.”

  “Nonsense.” She took my hand and led me to the swing she likes to sit on. She patted the seat next to her. “Sit and tell me about this one. You’ve never shied away from telling me about girls before.”

  I sat next to my mom and wondered what exactly I could say about this relationship. I talked about dates before, but the only thing Deb and I really did was have sex. There was nothing about that that I want to discuss with my mother.

  “First, I should say that we aren’t close to getting married at all. The only person who thinks that is Blake.” I rubbed my hands on my jeans a little.

  “So, this is more of a physical relationship?”

  I put my head back and looked up to the ceiling of the porch. “This is really awkward, Mom.”

  “Okay, so tell me about her.”

  I smiled. “She’s beautiful and smart. She’s strong-willed which causes us to butt heads over almost everything, but I like that at the same time. She doesn’t want anything from me. She can do it herself. That bugs me because I like to help, but I’m proud of her for doing everything on her own.” I turned to my mom. “Did I tell you she’s beautiful?”

  “Oh, boy. I can see why Blake is preparing his speech. You, my boy, are in love.” She patted my face.

  “Well, it
doesn’t matter. She doesn’t trust me for shit and she won’t let me in.” I crossed my arms. “She doesn’t even know I’m a cop.”

  “Former officer.” My mother corrected me. “But why not?”

  “I’m not ashamed of it. She really doesn’t like cops. She’s afraid of them.”

  “You need to tell her, Mick. All the trust you build now is going to come crashing down when you tell her that.”

  I stopped the swing and leaned forward placing my elbows on my knees. “I know. I just don’t want to lose her.”

  My mom rubbed my back. “If you wait much longer, you already have.”

  “I know.”

  “Now, tell me about the restaurant. When can I start to get free meals?”

  I leaned back and laughed. “Anytime you want, Mom.” I leaned over and hugged her. “I’ll cook for you anytime you want.”

  The back-door buzzer went off and I looked at Drew. “That’s weird. Will you watch the front for just a second?”

  “Sure.”

  I walked to the back and looked through the peephole. It was Paul, the delivery guy. “Hey, did you forget something yesterday?”

  “No. I have another shipment for you.” He walked past me and started dropping boxes off.

  “Wait. I didn’t order those.”

  “Yes, you did. It says you called yesterday and said you didn’t order enough. You needed this right away. Business must be good.” He walked out to get more boxes.

  “No.” I shook my head. “I mean business is good, but not that good. I didn’t order these. You’ll have to take them back.”

  “I can’t take them back. It’s a rush order.” He brought in another box.

  “But I can’t sell all these.” I looked around. I’m not sure where I’m going to store them, either.”

  “That isn’t our problem.” He pushed the clipboard in my hand, but I wouldn’t take it. “Look, if you return this shipment, you’ll lose a distributor. Just take them.”

  I signed for the delivery but had no idea what to do with them all. I started looking to see what they were. They were all roses. I looked up to the ceiling. Of course, they had to be a more-expensive flower. “Fuck.”