The Music of Love

by Sandine Tomas

  Back at the stairs again for the next load, Julian was surprised to be handed the speaker by a stranger, but he grabbed it and then realized there were three other men passing the Cowboys’ equipment to the stage.

  “Why don’t you start plugging stuff in?” the man who’d handed Julian the speaker said. “We can get it up here.”

  “Uh, thanks.”

  In a minute, Nick and Gabe were on the stage as well, helping Randy uncrate her drums. As soon as the guitars were plugged in, Julian signaled to the soundman to start checking the volume. One of the strangers, a wavy-haired blond guy who looked vaguely like someone Julian should recognize, started fiddling with Gabe’s guitar.

  “Standard tuning?”

  “Yeah. Thanks!”

  “No problem. We want our opening act to sound good.”

  Shit. No wonder the dude looked familiar—it was Dierks Bentley himself. His band was helping them out.

  Only four minutes after they were supposed to start, one of Bentley’s crew handed out bottles of water while Bentley, after a nod from Gabe, stepped to the front mic and announced, “Ladies and gentlemen, I am happy to introduce The Last Cowboys!”

  The crowd roared, and the panicked adrenaline of the last several hours surged into performing to a responsive crowd.

  After three high-energy songs, Gabe handed the singing over to Julian. With Zachary on his mind, Julian strummed the opening chords of “One Name.” It was his first time performing the song for a crowd this large. As the last notes faded away and the crowd began applauding, Gabe caught Julian’s eye and smiled broadly. Following Gabe’s line of sight, Julian saw Bentley standing offstage, also clapping.

  The crowd hollered for three encores, and then it was a rush to strike their gear for Bentley’s band to bring their equipment from the wings.

  “Nice job!” Bentley himself came over and shook everyone’s hand.

  “Hey, we owe you for the help setting up. We really appreciate it.”

  “We’re all in this together.” The country star looked straight at Julian. “And I want to talk to you about a couple of those songs you did.”

  “S-sure.” Wildly, Julian tried to think if he might have inadvertently used a portion of one of Bentley’s songs in one of his. God, he couldn’t remember if he’d listened to Dierks’s CD around the time he was writing “One Name.” Didn’t think so, but he did own a few of his CDs, so it’s possible he could have accidentally plagiarized….

  Randy gave Julian a funny look as Gabe told Bentley that they were definitely staying to watch his show and they’d catch him after.

  “I’ll make sure he understands the rest of the band had nothing to do with writing my songs. If he’s gonna sue, then it’ll only affect me and—”

  “Julian. Breathe. And why would you assume what Dierks wants to talk with you about is bad? Oh, yeah.” Randy shook her head at her own question. “This is you. Always the worst-case scenario.”

  AFTER BENTLEY’S show, Julian felt like a groupie who’d snuck backstage at a superstar’s concert.

  “Dierks wants to see you. This way.” A dark-skinned young man with shoulder-length brown hair motioned Julian to follow him to where Dierks was holding court on a sofa with only two other people. The other two drifted off as soon as Julian appeared. He perched nervously on the spot they’d vacated.

  “Julian Wallace, right?”

  Julian nodded.

  Dierks put out his hand. “Good to meet you.” Julian shook the other man’s hand and waited, muscles tense. Damn, Dierks was even better-looking in person, with blue-gray eyes that danced over him with a built-in smile. He swallowed down his nervousness.

  “You write the Cowboys’ songs?”

  “Yeah. Been writing for Gabe for years.”

  Dierks nodded. “Gabe is a good guy. Bit of a character.” Julian could only agree. “Don’t think I’ve seen you onstage with them before.”

  “I-I’ve played some small clubs. But this is the first time I’ve toured with them.”

  Expression intent, Dierks explained, “Okay, here’s what it is. I think your songs are fantastic and would like to work with you on a song set for my next concert. Think we could work something out?”

  Julian knew passing out was really not the right thing to do right now. Unfortunately, his body had other ideas. Dierks reached out to steady him as Julian swayed. “You okay, dude?”

  Sucking in air a little too quickly, Julian squeaked out an affirmative. “You want to…. Yeah. I mean, yes. I mean, oh my God.”

  Dierks smiled broadly, white teeth gleaming. He pushed off his thighs and stood. “Sorry, I got folks waiting on me. I’ll be in touch, okay? Keep knocking those songs out. You got a gift, man.”

  Julian stood on shaky legs and shook Dierks’s hand again, pumping warmly. “Thanks. I… thanks so much.”

  IT WAS almost anticlimactic playing their last gig, a medium-sized bar-club in Hickory, North Carolina, which was exceedingly cramped and so smoky that Julian thought his contact lenses would affix to his eyeballs like they were crazyglued.

  They stood around Bessie at 2:00 a.m., exhausted. Randy’s husband, L.J., had picked her up. It was nice meeting someone he’d heard so much about. Julian hugged her a final time and fought back the tightening in his throat. He’d really miss Randy.

  “Hey. It’s okay. The gang will be together again before you know it. Now go on home to that tall drink of water you got waiting for ya.”

  Julian laughed. “I look thirsty to you?”

  Her smile dimmed, and her face turned soft, considering. “Yeah, Jules, you do.” She came closer again and tilted her head up toward his ear. “Julian, you’re a great musician but an amazing songwriter.”

  He looked at her. “Hard to find time to write on the road. Always going somewhere.” The nagging discontent reared its head again.

  “Yeah, sorta. But that’s not it,” she disagreed. “Your songs are you, Jules. When you’re all there, then they are too.”

  She stared at him, and he tried to understand. “But… you leave part of yourself behind with L.J., don’t you?”

  Her tempered expression did not surprise. “Yep. But not the part that’s going ballistic on stage. I love it. Like I love L.J., same but different. So it balances.”

  L.J. approached just then, snaked his arm around Randy’s small waist. “We should go, hon,” he said.

  She hugged Gabe and Nick, then nodded once at Julian as if answering a question he didn’t recall voicing, before hopping into their truck and driving away.

  Julian was wired, anticipation bubbling under his skin. He told Gabe he’d drive, and Gabe and Nick could sleep as long as they headed back immediately. Seven hours and he’d be with Zachary again.

  The keys were tossed at him. “Wake me in a few hours an’ I’ll take back over.” Julian hesitated. Part of him just wanted to drive all the way to Zachary. Gabe patted his back. “I’ll get ya to ’im. Promise.”

  They made it to Washington, DC, in seven hours and twelve minutes.

  Julian stood in the center of his empty living room. Zachary wasn’t home. It was after 9:00 a.m. and Zachary was already in the office.

  Nick broke the silence. “Want us to run you to Harrison’s?”

  Julian didn’t answer. Of course, Zachary was at work. How could Julian not have realized that would be the case? It was stupid. I’m such an idiot. And so tired. And Zachary wasn’t home.

  It took Gabe’s arms around his shoulder, whispering something like “Shh” and “It’s all right” before Julian realized his cheeks were tracking tears. He sucked in air to calm himself.

  “’M all right. Sorry.”

  Nick squeezed his arm. “Don’t be. It’s okay.”

  “You’re exhausted. We all are. Shit, I’m gonna sleep for a week.” Gabe looked at Nick. “C’mon. Julie just needs to crash. Chupacabra will be home before you know it, and then you two can get to work on makin’ some assbabies or whatever.”

&
nbsp; Julian’s mouth twitched. “You’re an idiot, Gabriel.”

  Gabe puckered his lips at him. “But you love me anyway, Julie.”

  Julian didn’t answer and simply walked them out. At the door Julian hesitated. He nodded to Nick and then met Gabe’s eyes. “Gabe….”

  “Yeah, yeah. Me too, asshole. Don’t call me till Thursday. Next Thursday.” The door closed behind them, and Julian stood alone.

  He had just enough energy to strip down to his boxers before falling face-first onto the bed and doing a spot-on imitation of passing out.

  SOMETHING VERY soft and slightly ticklish was moving across Julian’s face, near his ear. Shit. Where was the Raid? He swatted his hand hard at the insect only to yelp when it suddenly shouted, “Ow!”

  Wow, must be one huge mofo roach if it could scream!

  “Fuck, Jules, I think I’m bleeding.”

  Julian blinked a few times, climbing up out of the exhaustion that had rendered him useless. The room was murky, curtains drawn. Something large was hovering near him, holding on to its face.

  “Oh God, Zachary.”

  He leaped up and pulled Zachary’s hand away from his cheek. It was red, but not bleeding. Zachary looked at him, pouting adorably. “You hit me.”

  “Was asleep. Thought you were a roach.”

  A smile crept up Zachary’s cheeks. “A roach?”

  Julian nodded. “A giant screaming roach.”

  “Come across many of those?”

  “Some. They liked my mint toothpaste.”

  Zachary leaned in, so close the warmth of his breath brushed Julian’s lips. “I like your mint toothpaste too.”

  Talking ceased. Julian parted his lips and fell forward and sucked Zachary into him like he was a life-saving elixir and Julian was one second from death. Frantic and fumbling and so instantly hard, he thought he’d roast from the inside out. He pulled at Zachary’s shirt, wanting to touch, to feel that smooth skin he’d been dreaming about night after lonely night.

  Huge hands were all over him, like they couldn’t decide where to land first: on his back, his butt, back up to his face. Zachary drew him in and inhaled before touching his tongue to his, licking into his mouth as if quenching an all-consuming thirst. Julian kept struggling to remove Zachary’s clothes. Couldn’t stand anything between them. Needed his man so much.

  Zachary retreated, dropped off the bed to shuck his pants and briefs, and scrambled back to cover him fully with his body. Zachary latched on to Julian’s neck, sucking hard, bruising and kissing back over it in tiny whispers. Julian was so turned-on, he knew he wouldn’t last. Was gonna blow and there wasn’t much he could do about it. Except maybe control where. He flipped so he was on top and swiveled so Zachary’s head was between Julian’s thighs and Zachary’s cock bobbed hard and red right beneath Julian’s quickly watering mouth. He drew Zachary’s length between his lips in one long dive.

  Zachary gasped and let out a strangled moan, and Julian thought he’d come right there. He stopped a moment to get himself back in check, and then almost lost it completely again when Zachary lifted his head and sucked Julian’s dick into his mouth. Oh. Oh fuck. That felt so good. He ground down and hoped to God he wasn’t choking Zachary, but the sensation was so strong, so delicious, it was impossible not to move.

  He concentrated on Zachary’s gorgeous cock. Using his hand to keep Zachary’s hips still, he hollowed out his cheeks and drew him in and out, feeling him push against the back of his throat, wanting to go farther. But it had been a while and Julian needed to adjust again. Saliva dripped as he pulled up and down, partly sucking, partly jerking Zachary off, twisting his fist around the spit-slick head as Zachary keened beneath him. He knew Zachary was close. Felt his balls draw up and knew by the sounds he was making that it wouldn’t take much longer. Zachary had abandoned Julian’s cock, too lost in his own pleasure to keep going. That was okay. There was time. This was what Julian needed right now.

  “Come in my mouth,” Julian commanded. “Wanna taste you. Missed you.”

  The words did it as Julian knew they would. Zachary hissed Julian’s name like a prayer before releasing, long and shaky down Julian’s throat. He swallowed repeatedly, holding Zachary in place and squeezing gently through all of Zachary’s orgasm. Then he moved to place a soft trail of kisses down Zachary’s chest and belly before turning to stretch out beside him.

  Zachary’s eyes were shut, and his breathing was limited to small, harsh puffs. He placed a hand over Zachary’s pounding heart. Best feeling in the universe. He kissed Zachary’s chest, pressing his lips to the pulsing rhythm. Everything that mattered was right here. He pulled back quickly and worked on tamping his emotions down.

  Zachary turned then, eyes open, knowing. “C’mere,” Zachary commanded, pulling Julian back in. “Me too. More than anything.”

  He snuggled in the warmth for a few moments. Then Zachary licked his palm and brought it back down Julian’s body, taking his still hard cock and tugging just right. Zachary jerked hard with intent. No teasing, no playing, just drawing out his pleasure in steady, sure strokes, with a twist at the end that drove Julian insane. That little trick was all Zachary. Julian had tried to imitate that when alone but never could. Was never as good. Maybe his hand wasn’t big enough. He grunted against Zachary’s collarbone, reaching to touch over Zachary’s abdomen, and felt hard, rippling muscles. His release made his entire body melt at once, a tremor from deep inside, pulling at him, calling him.

  “Zach… Zah—”

  “That’s it, baby, let it go. I’m here.”

  It felt like he came for hours, a vaulting stream flowing from him, through him. Like his insides had come undone and nothing existed but this endless flush of pleasure. Lips latched on to Zachary’s salty skin, and he let himself sink into sated bliss.

  A soft squeeze brought him back to himself. Zachary’s breath was warm against his temple. “Wow,” Zachary chuckled. “Think we missed each other?”

  Julian let a chortle escape. “Maybe a little.”

  “You hungry?”

  Julian’s cock twitched hopelessly at Zachary’s still fucked-out sounding voice. “Gimme a few, I’ll be up for round two soon.”

  Zachary shifted, hazel eyes glinting at him. “I meant food. Like dinner.”

  Julian blushed. “Oh.”

  Zachary reacted to Julian’s shyness and leaned forward for a kiss. “Or not.”

  They didn’t quite get to dinner.

  Sometime in the middle of the night and after round three, Julian heard Zachary’s stomach rumble in clear protest.

  He left Zachary’s almost sleeping body and slipped on his robe. The refrigerator was pretty bare, but Julian found some eggs. He scrambled them quickly and tossed in a slice of American cheese to melt in as well. He put up coffee and returned to Zachary with a tray containing the food.

  Zachary sat up. “Breakfast in bed?” Then he turned toward the clock. “Um… too early, isn’t it?”

  “We both need something.” Julian turned to Zachary. “Zach… can you skip work today?”

  Zachary speared egg on his fork before turning soft eyes toward his. “Couldn’t leave you if I tried.”

  Julian smiled. But then his face got serious, Zachary’s words turning in his head. “I didn’t, you know.”

  “Didn’t what?”

  “Leave you.”

  Zachary didn’t reply but stroked Julian’s jawline with one finger. “So, what do you want to do all day?” Zachary asked when he’d had his fill of staring.

  “Um… not sure. Got a ton of laundry.”

  Zachary laughed. “Oh. Fun.”

  Julian sipped his coffee. “We could, you know, um… fool around.”

  “Why do you make me feel sixteen all over again?” Zachary asked with a leer that could melt the ice caps.

  Julian would have answered. Well, maybe. Even though he knew it was a rhetorical question. Just. Zachary’s eyes darkened and the gold flecks started moving, tripping
over the green that was struggling to peek out behind the blue and… it was like the ocean at midnight.

  “Jules? Go write it down.”

  “What?” Julian asked, gaze faraway.

  “Whatever you’re hearing.”

  A small fond grin tipped his lips up. “I’m hearing you love me.”

  “Yeah. And what’s that sound like?” Zachary’s eyes twinkled now, starbursts against a vibrant ocean.

  “Sounds like something blue.”

  Julian blinked once and rose to retrieve his guitar and started playing his vision, fingers moving determined and sure. Zachary sat engrossed, body swaying and helping to create the melody by merely being.

  He didn’t know how his composition pad and pencil appeared before him, only it was there and his fingers captured the notes in a rush.

  Later. After laundry and napping and a quick trip for groceries. After turkey-and-bacon sandwiches for lunch and take-out Thai for dinner. After sucking and fucking and clenching so tight to Zachary that Julian didn’t know where his body began or ended. After strangled cries and words of desperate need and embraces of pure love. Zachary turned to Julian, finger skimming down his shoulder, over his arm. “That was beautiful this morning. Your song. Can’t wait till you sing it to me.”

  Julian smiled because it was. Beautiful. Like Zachary.

  “Betcha have a whole notebook of new songs for me to hear.”

  “What?”

  “What what?”

  “I…. No. I… don’t. Wasn’t time.”

  Zachary blinked back surprise, but his enthusiasm soon returned. “Well. That’s okay, because you got to play your music and sing. And that’s just as good. Right?”

  Julian nodded automatically. He loved playing his guitar. Always had. In his mind he saw Gabe and Nick and Randy. On stage they’d been charged. Alive. Volts shooting out of their fingers and eyes and skin.

  “I’m sorry I never got to a performance. Next time. But I get to see you when a song appears. There’s nothing better than that. It’s like there’s energy swirling around you, and I can just about see it. Coolest thing ever.”