Dirty Neighbor

by Vivian Connelly

  The door started to close and I cast a sidelong glance to my father. He looked at me briefly and I knew what he was thinking. This thing was over before it started. We would be able to talk circles around these fucking cattle ranchers. If we played our cards right I could probably negotiate all of that land and a couple heads of steer to boot.

  Like taking candy from a baby…

  The door had almost drifted completely shut and a last set of hands caught it and pushed it open. It was a powerful push, and it led me to believe it would be another man stepping through. But the person who came through was not male. Not by a long shot.

  Long, dark hair. Eyes that saw right through me. Smartly dressed in business attire, but I knew the body under those clothes was something out of Greek mythology. She was a goddess, and her good looks were only matched by her razor sharp tongue and her quick wit. She had been a Sunday night longshot. My midnight angel finally had a name.

  And it was Olivia Hawthorne.

  “Shit.”

  Chapter 6

  Olivia

  “Shit.”

  I hadn’t planned to say it out loud, and it certainly wasn’t the way I was going to start our negotiation with the McCallisters. But I saw Jonathon sitting there and I felt my heart sink to my feet and the word tumbled out of my mouth before I had a chance to catch it. Luckily, he let it fly first, and I watched as most of the eyes in the room turned to look at him. And for a fleeting moment, I thought I had said it quietly enough that no one else heard it.

  Except for my father. Of course my father heard it. He heard his princess every time she used a swear word.

  “Do you two know each other, Livy?”

  Eyes that weren’t still on Jonathon were now on me. And then back to Jonathon. And then back on me. He was looking at me like a deer in the headlights and I knew it would be up to me to think of something clever. But for the first time in my life I stood there with my mouth open and nothing clever to say. And then the one person in the room with no skin in the game was the one to come from out of nowhere and save both our asses.

  “Why don’t you folks have a seat and then we can get started,” the deputy said.

  The business-like tone of his voice was enough to get my father’s mind off my swearing and he settled down as I parked my ass in the last seat at the table. Across from Jonathon. The guy I was riding only twelve hours ago.

  “As you all probably know, the county is in an effort to try to cut costs as much as possible,” the deputy said. “For this reason, the judge would like you both to at least make an effort at reconciliation before involving the Madison County Court, as that will mean time and taxpayer dollars. And more likely attorneys for both of you. So we think it is in the best interest of both parties for us to come to an agreement amicably.”

  The deputy paused. It was an awkward pause because he intended for someone else to speak and no one did. I looked at Jonathon and he looked at me, and I could see my bite mark on the right side of his neck. I didn’t intend to leave a mark, but his skin was warm and just a little bit salty, and I couldn’t help but…

  “Clearly, Abraham Dunlevy had the property surveyed when he originally received the deed. That document is the oldest known legal representation we have for the property and I think it needs to be honored.”

  It was the mousy guy next to Jonathon who was speaking. I would have guessed it to be his father, but he couldn’t have been any taller than 5’ 8” and Jonathon had to be at least 6’ 4”. He was tall. He was the tallest guy I’d ever been with…

  “That’s a bunch of horse shit.”

  There was no mistaking my father, and I think the windows even rattled a little when he said it.

  “Abraham Dunlevy was crazier than a shit house rat. There’s no telling where he even got that survey or if it’s even legitimate. The survey I got with my property clearly has the boundary marked. It’s ridiculous that we’re even sitting here talking about this.”

  “Possession is nine tenths of the law Mr. Hawthorne. My survey says your occupying part of my property, and it absolutely makes sense to be here discussing it.”

  Jonathon’s father was cool and smart and the complete opposite of every McCallister joke I had ever heard growing up in my house. But my father was having none of it and was getting madder by the second. I could see we were on the fast track to nowhere. I opened my mouth to speak but my father beat me to the punch.

  “You’re right about one thing, McCallister. Possession is nine tenths of the law. And right now I possess the property as it was originally zoned and I possess the survey to prove it. And if you’re not happy with that then just take your wheat growin’ elsewhere.”

  The old woman on the other side of the table winced and grabbed at the pearls around her neck. Jonathon’s father was getting a case of red-face and was opening his mouth to speak when Jonathon put a calming hand on his arm and spoke.

  “We believe our survey would more than hold up in court, Mr. Hawthorne. But we’re willing to be reasonable. Nobody wants a court battle over this, after all. We are going to be neighbors. So perhaps we can reach a more equitable agreement. Perhaps we can split the land in question equally.”

  It was apparent right away the man sitting next to him was his father. Jonathon had spoken eloquently and had the subtle cues of intellectualism as his mousy, older counterpart. In the light of the arbitration room I could see that he actually had quite a strong jawline. It was something I hadn’t really noticed in the bar. Or in the car afterwards…

  But he went for splitting the property way too early. He had shown his hand because he thought we were going to be pushovers. And the entire reason for my being here in the first place was making sure I could make the McCallisters sweat.

  “Excuse me, but we have a certified survey from the county with the land being drawn on our side of the property. That is the way that Abraham Dunlevy has lived with it for the last forty years. And I’m sure that the judge would agree. But if you want to bring in attorneys, and go through the iterations, then by all means do it. It’s your dime.”

  It was a bluff. It was a huge bluff. We weren’t in the financial position to hire a stable boy let alone an attorney. But I could tell by the look on his father’s face that the threat had landed right in his kidneys, so I let it sit there a minute before continuing.

  “Of course, in the interest of being neighborly, I suppose we could meet you in the middle. The court would side with us, so splitting the property doesn’t make much sense. But I could see maybe, say, a thirty-seventy split.”

  The old woman next to his father smiled at me and winked. I wasn’t sure but I think I just got an ‘atta girl’ from his grandmother.

  Jonathon was smiling at me too. It was the smile he gave Cynthia and I when he made his first corny come-on. And it was the smile he made when he had told me how much he sucked at dancing. And then when he touched me in the car…

  “Thirty-seventy? With us being on the short end? I don’t think so. And I think the law will be on our side. It doesn’t matter what Abraham Dunlevy did with his property over the last forty years, the deed and the survey both clearly state you are on our property. A fifty-fifty split is being generous on our part.”

  Well played, Jonathon. I would have been disappointed if you rolled over.

  A voice came from next to me and reminded me that my pothead brother was still in the room.

  “I don’t know, Pop, it sounds fair to me. Why don’t you just split the difference and then we can be done with this thing.”

  My father was nodding his head as he considered his options. But he already knew what his options were. We had been over it ad nauseam, and the best possible scenario out of this thing was doing exactly that. The biggest downside was admitting a concession to the McCallisters. But that was a bitter pill that he could swallow over time. And he could start when I was back in New York.

  “I suppose,” he said, and almost as an afterthought he muttered, “Doe
sn’t seem right, all those acres for wheat farming. Stupid waste of time if you ask me.”

  I heard him say it and I hoped I had been the only one. My brother was already standing up to leave but I knew he was probably as high as a kite and wouldn’t have heard it anyway. But Roger McCallister heard it, because his face was turning a special shade of red.

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean, Hawthorne?”

  Not good.

  I put my hand over my mouth and coughed lightly. When that didn’t get his attention, I snuck my foot over to his side of the table and kicked him in the shin. Jonathon had been moving towards a truce just like I had, and the quiet sense of panic in his eyes confirmed it for me. He looked at me as I coughed again and I motioned towards his father with my eyes. I watched as he took my hint and put his hand on his father’s shoulder and tried to intercede.

  “It means exactly what it sounds like, McCallister. I don’t care for you people or your stupid wheat farming ways. It seems like an awful waste of land to grow goddarn wheat. But I’m a reasonable man so…”

  My father wasn’t helping, nor was Jonathon’s hand on his father’s shoulder. I cleared my throat and kicked him again under the table. He shook his father by the shoulder.

  “It’s OK, Pop…”

  Not helping. His father was pissed.

  “Waste of land? At least I’m not polluting the environment with my crops, Hawthorne. You cattle farmers are all the same. Your skulls are just as thick as the damn animals that are crapping up your land.”

  Jonathon’s father had successfully insulted my father and his cattle in the course of two sentences. I watched my father’s expression change and I knew that the shit had just officially hit the fan. I put my hand on his arm and felt nothing but tense muscle. Nanny was on the other side of him and scooted her chair down about six inches.

  “What did you say to me, McCallister? Are you calling me stupid?”

  “I’d call you obtuse, Hawthorne, but I know you’d have to go home to fetch your dictionary.”

  My father was starting to stand up and his big frame started to cast a shadow on the table.

  “I’ll tell you what, McCallister. You can take your big words and your kid there and go back to that wheat farm of yours and get yourself a lawyer. I should have known better than negotiate with the likes of you. I’ll get the best lawyer in Madison County and we can see each other in court.”

  Fuck me…

  It was the last thing I wanted to hear. He didn’t have that kind of money. I was doomed. I was going to be forced to come home to bail him out of trouble. If he didn’t end up going to prison for strangling Roger McCallister first. I tried to get Jonathon’s attention but his face was already contorted in panic. I coughed again but the sound was drowned out by the tension in the room.

  “That’s fine by me, Hawthorne. I should have known you would be too stupid to see a good deal when it’s put in front of you.”

  He stood up from his chair and he looked like he was half my father’s size. It didn’t stop him from squaring off with Daddy, though. The last man I saw do that with my father ended up in Madison County Hospital. I watched my father clench his fist.

  I coughed at Jonathon again but his eyes were fixed on my father. I stuck my foot out under the table and kicked him in the leg. A saw him flinch and look across the table at me.

  “It’s final, then. There’s no deal. There will never be a deal between my family and yours, McCallister. You can take that wheat of yours and stick it up your ass.”

  My father’s voice boomed off the walls of the little room as he stepped forward. Each person on the other side of the table moved a couple of inches back. I saw the deputy in the corner of my eye unbuckling the snap on his holster, and I knew it couldn’t get any worse. My future was on the line, and there was only one way to make the insults stop flying.

  “Stop, stop. You can’t keep speaking to each other like this.”

  My voice was half the decibel level of my father’s but it was shrill, and it stopped them in their tracks. I felt all eyes in the room on me.

  “You were right, Daddy. Jonathon McCallister and I do know each other. We know each other well. You two can’t keep fighting, because we’re in love with each other.”

  My brother flopped down in the chair next to me. Jonathon was still watching me like he was waiting for the punch line. I could hear the air rushing out of my father’s lungs as Roger McCallister’s jaw dropped.

  Somewhere out on the street a dog was barking…

  Chapter 7

  Jonathon

  “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

  We were back in Huddy’s, which seemed to make sense at the time. It was daytime and the place had just opened and there was hardly anyone there. Still, Jimmy the bartender was eying us with interest and Olivia gave me the hush signal as she grabbed me and dragged me towards a booth.

  “What are you talking about, Jonathon? This is perfect.”

  “Perfect? I’m going to get cross examined for hours by my family after this. They have been hating on your family for generations. What could you possibly have been thinking? What can possibly be perfect about this?”

  I knew my voice was gradually getting louder, and I could feel Jimmy watching us from the bar. A couple of work crew looking guys came in and had a seat at the bar, and I could see Jimmy was suddenly occupied.

  “Listen Jonathon, you should be thanking me. If I didn’t say that when I did I’m pretty sure your father would be on his way to Madison County General by now. I’ve only seen that look on Daddy’s face a couple of times before and it never worked out in the other guy’s favor. And one of those guys was a six hundred pound steer.”

  I shook my head and looked back at the bar and saw that Jimmy was finished with the two guys and was back to watching us. I held up two fingers in the universally recognized gesture to bring us two beers.

  “I can’t spend a lot of time dicking around here, Olivia. I just graduated from Notre Dame and I have a job waiting for me in Chicago. I have a month to burn here, two tops. The whole point of me coming back to help with this land bullshit is so that I never have to come back here again.”

  “You went to Notre Dame? I thought most McCallisters didn’t even finish high school.”

  “Yeah, Notre Dame. Degree in Accounting. Job in a big six firm waiting for me in the windy city. And your jackass of a father is threatening to blow that all up for me.”

  She was clearly pissed at the comment but she leaned back in her seat and Jimmy walked over and put two beers on the table. He looked at us and we looked at him and he went back to the bar to check on the other two guys.

  “Well, la-de-da for you and your big accounting job in Chicago. I’m supposed to be in New York in a month and a half to start getting ready for NYU in the fall. I already graduated from Syracuse and I’m supposed to be starting my MBA.”

  “You’re going to be working on your MBA and the best idea you had in that arbitration room was to tell them we’re in love? Seriously?”

  “I didn’t see you coming up with any brilliant ideas, you moron. Besides, I needed to throw a little water on that fire. It was spinning out of control.”

  I took a sip from my beer as she spoke. She had a dimple in her cheek that I hadn’t quite noticed that night in the bar. And I must have missed it when she leaned over to bite me in my backseat…

  “Besides, I think you’re missing the pure genius of this whole thing, Jonathon. Stop being a hard headed McCallister for a second and just look at what I’ve done. We got out of that courthouse without our fathers killing each other. And we basically had them agreeing to split this ridiculous little piece of land, right?”

  “Um, yeah. It was a done deal until your jackass of a father had to go hurling wheat insults.”

  “Whatever. Anyway, we’re supposed to be back in that arbitration room in two weeks to discuss it again. The judge doesn’t want this thing in his courtroom, the depu
ty already said so. All we need is to chill things out for two weeks and get them to agree to split the stupid property. Problem solved.”

  The door to the bar opened and another couple came in. The work crew guys were on their second round and Jimmy was still watching us. Although in his defense, he was probably trying to see if we were ready for another round.

  “We can’t have this thing get to the point where there are lawyers involved, Olivia. My father mortgaged half his ass to buy that stupid farm. If it comes down to bringing in attorneys, it’s lights out for me. I’ll have to move back here to help him and I’ll be stuck here forever.”

  The couple walked over to the two guys at the bar and the guy slapped one of the men on the back. Both of the guys stood and one of them hugged the woman who was standing there. There was something to be said about small towns. In Chicago that might have gotten you killed.

  “Believe me, attorneys are the last thing in the world my father can afford, Jonathon. That was supposed to be a fucking bluff. It wasn’t supposed to blow up like that. I’m equally screwed if this thing actually sees the inside of a court room. But it’s not going to, trust me.”

  She took a dainty sip of her beer.

  “If your old man just kept his mouth shut, then everything would have been fine, Olivia.”

  “I know, I know…”

  “But noooo. Then he has to start with the wheat insults like a big jackass…”

  “OK, enough. Your father wasn’t a whole lot better. Let’s just be in agreement here, Jonathon. We’re going to settle this thing, right?”

  “Yes, absolutely.”

  “Fifty-fifty split, right?”

  “Yes, that’s fine.”

  “No playing games next time. We sign the papers and then we’re done, right?”