Keeping Her Secret

by Sarah Nicolas

  “You’re too good to me,” Courtney muttered. After last night—hell, after the last four years—she believed she didn’t deserve it.

  “I know.” Riya tossed the bottles up on the top bunk. “I bought you some extra time with Becky, but she’s expecting you to be at the first activity.”

  Courtney slid her legs to the side of the bed, placing her bare feet flat on the cool wooden floor. Riya handed her a small piece of plastic. Courtney took it before realizing it was those dissolving strips for freshening breath. She slipped one onto her tongue, then offered Riya a guilty smile.

  Riya shrugged.

  “How did you get so good at treating hangovers?”

  “I dated this guy…” Riya trailed off with a small wave of her hand. “That was a mistake I corrected far too late.”

  One side of her stomach twisted painfully. Of course Riya’d dated a guy before. Guys, even. Girls, too. She knew that. So why did picturing Riya playing doctor to some loser make her feel like she needed to throw up all over again?

  “I want to go to breakfast.” Courtney stood up, gripping the top bunk for balance when her head spun. If she didn’t make it to the cafeteria, people would notice, and they would definitely talk. After brushing off Derek and the imminent inevitable awkwardness, she couldn’t let people think she was pining after some dude. If she was good at anything, it was pretending like she was fine when she felt terrible inside.

  “Okay. Maybe brush your hair first?” Riya suggested.

  Instead, Courtney tossed her head back and shook out her hair with her fingers before coiling it into a loose bun on top of her head.

  A smile skimmed across Riya’s lips. “How do you pull that off? When I try to do that, I look like a slob.”

  “And how do I look when I do it?” Courtney asked, sliding a sideways glance at Riya.

  “Fishing for compliments?” Riya asked, laughing. She put a finger to her lips like she had to think about it. Courtney’s eyes followed the movement, and she watched Riya’s lips form around the words. “Like a model in a high-end coffee ad, padding to her all-white kitchen in a slinky robe.”

  Courtney giggled, then regretted it as her headache flared. “That’s oddly specific.”

  “Stunning.” Riya’s voice transformed, softening to a purr. “You always look gorgeous.”

  Blushing, Courtney turned away, uncomfortable with the sensation. She slipped on flip-flops and walked to the door. They were several minutes late and the path was empty. The pair walked past three cabins before either of them spoke again.

  Riya’s hands twisted at the hem of her shirt, and she stared at her feet. “Um, so. Yeah, I’m just going to ask. Do you remember everything that happened last night?”

  Heat flooded Courtney’s entire body. The skin of her arms tingled. Oh yeah, she remembered.

  Not trusting her voice, she nodded. But Riya wasn’t looking at her, so a couple of seconds later, she raised her head and met Courtney’s eyes. “Yeah.” The word grated her throat.

  “And, did you…” Riya visibly swallowed, transferring her attention back to her feet. “Did you mean everything you said?” She pulled at her shirt again, exposing the wide white straps of her sports bra close to her neck.

  Courtney’s breath came shallow and fast. She raised a hand to push back a strand of hair and noticed it trembling. She didn’t know how long she stared at it before Riya grabbed it, stopping both of their steps, and turned to face her.

  “Did you mean it, Courtney?” Riya’s brown eyes were impossibly big, beseeching her.

  Courtney’s heart pounded so hard in her chest, she thought it might echo on the mountains surrounding them. Her unsteady stomach reeled. She folded both lips in, biting down on them. Her chest expanded slowly as she filled her lungs with air, then let it all out in one puff.

  She nodded. “Everything. I meant everything.”

  Riya bounced. A slow smile crept across her face until she sported the biggest grin Courtney’d ever seen.

  Her heart fluttered against her ribcage. Pride surged in her chest, knowing she was the one who put that smile on Riya’s face.

  Riya bounded up on her toes and kissed her. A quick peck. It wasn’t enough. Courtney slipped her arms around Riya’s waist, pulling her closer. Riya’s breath caught. Courtney tilted her head down, amused at being the taller one for the first time.

  When their lips touched, Courtney’s senses detonated. She’d thought their kiss last night had been life changing, but it was nothing compared to this, when she could feel everything, unhindered by alcohol. Her blood rushed through her veins, spurred by a new purpose.

  Riya’s hands gripped Courtney’s arms. Electric current flowed between them everywhere their skin touched. A hunger Courtney had never felt erupted inside of her. She pressed her mouth harder against Riya’s, pushing her lips apart, needing more of her. Riya moaned and leaned her body against Courtney’s.

  Somewhere nearby, a screen door slammed against the frame.

  Courtney jumped and jerked away from Riya. She cast quick glances about, trying to figure out if anyone had seen it. Her shoulders relaxed when she realized every other camper and counselor was currently in the cafeteria for breakfast.

  She’d forgotten herself. It couldn’t happen again. Courtney took two quick steps back from Riya.

  Riya’s grin collapsed in on itself, imploding like a once-magnificent building blown to bits to make way for the newest strip mall. Her hand went limp, dropping Courtney’s. “I—I’m sorry. I thought—I just thought…” Her lower lip trembled and her eyes glistened in the cloud-filtered sunlight.

  Courtney felt like a heaping, steaming pile of dog shit. And not just because of the hangover. She grabbed Riya’s hands so hard Riya flinched. Her face pinched in confusion.

  “I meant everything I said last night,” Courtney admitted, stalling until she could figure out how to put words to how she felt. “And I like you. That way. I do. Kissing you is the best thing I’ve ever done.”

  When Riya no longer seemed in immediate danger of crying, Courtney took a breath.

  “But?” Riya gave her a sad half smile.

  Courtney breathed a laugh. “I’m not ready. I mean, for people to know. I just found out yesterday, you know? I need time.”

  Riya squeezed Courtney’s hands. “Of course, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about that.”

  Courtney’s shoulders collapsed with relief.

  Then, as if to herself, Riya added, “I can’t believe Dee was right.”

  Courtney stiffened. “Delores? She knows?”

  Riya winced. “Kind of? She knows how I felt about you when we were younger, and she thought you might like me.”

  Adrenaline saturated Courtney’s bloodstream. “You can’t tell her. You can’t tell anyone.”

  Riya shook her head, then nodded. “No, of course. I won’t out you to anyone.”

  But that wasn’t enough. Delores already suspected, and that girl paid attention. Pressure swelled inside her head. “We have to act the same as before.”

  “Before?”

  “We have to pretend nothing has changed.” Delores, her brother, Bridget—they would all know something was up if she suddenly started hanging out with someone she’d claimed yesterday to despise. No one could know. Not yet. Not until she figured out what all of this meant.

  Riya’s head started shaking and didn’t stop. “We can just be friends in public,” Riya pleaded. “I won’t touch you and I won’t tell anyone, I promise.”

  Courtney released Riya’s hands, looking around pointedly. “No. All it will take is one little mistake or one nosy person. I can’t risk it.” The mere thought of someone else knowing made her limbs go numb with panic. Did you hear? they would say. Courtney Chastain’s a…pause for effect… lesbian. Cue eyebrow waggle. She’d seen it a hundred times. Hell, she’d done it a few times herself.

  “Court—” Riya reached for her, but Courtney moved away.

  “No, I mean it.”


  “You want me to pretend, after all this time, that I still don’t care about you? At all?” Riya’s voice was fragile, like one wrong word would break it. The glistening in her eyes redoubled its efforts.

  “If anyone else is around, yes.” The coldness in her voice felt wrong. She softened her tone. “Not when we’re alone, though, okay?”

  Riya wiped her right eye, then her left.

  “Please. I need this.”

  Riya took a deep breath and nodded. Pink tinged her nose and under her eyes.

  Courtney smiled. She couldn’t help it. “You’re so damn cute when you cry.”

  Riya scowled and wiped furiously at her eyes, which only made then redden further. “I’m not crying.”

  “Thank you for taking care of me this morning,” Courtney added, changing the subject. “And last night.”

  “Anytime. Except not—I mean, don’t make a habit of that. The kissing, yes, not the drinking-too-much part.” Did Riya know how adorable it was when she awkwardly rambled? “And definitely not the puking part.”

  Courtney grimaced. Riya reached out a hand to stroke her arm.

  “Starting now,” Courtney said, taking several steps backward. “Go get breakfast. I’ll use the time you bought me with whatever lie you told to take a nice, long, hot-water-stealing shower.”

  Riya continued heading the way they’d been walking, but she turned around and walked backward. “Did you just intentionally make me think about you taking a long, hot shower?”

  The thought hadn’t even occurred to her, but now she was thinking about Riya thinking about her in the shower and her skin prickled. Courtney coquetted, bringing her shoulder up to meet her chin, then finishing with an over-the-top wink.

  Riya tripped, stumbling before she caught herself and stopped. “You’ll be the death of me yet, Courtney Chastain.”

  Courtney laughed, resisting the urge to race to her and wrap her in her arms. “That’s the plan.” She had the feeling that flirting with Riya could become her new addiction. It was fun and—bizarrely—genuine. Honest. Courtney had cultivated the reputation of an incurable flirt, but she couldn’t remember if she’d ever meant it the same way she did with Riya.

  Riya shook her head and turned to walk away normally. “I’ll get you a banana and a box of Frosted Flakes,” she tossed over her shoulder like it meant so little.

  But the fact that, even three years later, Riya remembered her favorite breakfast from when they’d been children, that meant a whole lot more than Courtney would ever admit.

  Courtney allowed herself several seconds to watch Riya walk away, openly enjoying the way her hips swayed on top of her bronze, toned legs. She craved their next minute alone together, knowing the wait would be a sweet torture.

  Chapter Ten

  Dee dropped a full plate in front of Riya before her butt had even hit the bench. “Saved you some.”

  “You’re the best,” Riya said in way of thanks. She picked up a spoon and scooped a giant heap of buttered grits into her mouth.

  The announcements had finished, and Riya had about four minutes to eat before they cleared the cafeteria to set up for the next activity. Remembering her promise to Courtney, she swiped a banana from the tray and popped up to grab a box of the cereal they always kept on hand for the picky breakfast eaters. When she turned to head back to her seat, a T-shirted man chest stopped her. She craned her neck to see Colt Chastain standing in her way. His blond hair stuck up at all angles.

  “Do you know where my sister is?” he asked.

  Oh my God, does he know? How? Who told him? How much does he suspect? How pissed is Courtney going to be? All of those thoughts passed through her mind in less than a nanosecond.

  “You share a bunk with her, right?” he asked. “You must have seen her.”

  Her overactive mind hit the brakes. “Yeah, I saw her.”

  “Is everything okay? She didn’t practice this morning, and she never misses breakfast.”

  Riya nodded, unsure how much of the truth to share. “She’ll be at the first session.”

  “Was it the vodka?” Colt continued without giving Riya a chance to answer. “I knew I should’ve stopped her. She never drinks.”

  “She doesn’t?” In the past two days, Riya’d overheard Courtney tell Bridget how much she’d drank at this or that party several times.

  Something in Riya’s tone caught Colt’s attention. He scrutinized her expression. “She’s two different people,” he said. “The real one, and the one she thinks everybody expects her to be. Though, I guess you know that better than most, don’t you?”

  Riya inhaled sharply and choked on her own spit. Through the coughs, she spat out, “Me?” He knew something, he must. “I don’t know anything.”

  “Yeah, you know the real her,” he said. “From when we were kids.” The skin between his eyebrows wrinkled. “You’re weird this morning.”

  Riya shrugged, thinking up an excuse. “I’m tired, not quite awake yet.”

  He nodded like that made perfect sense. “How late were you up with Courtney, anyway?”

  Riya couldn’t figure out if he was testing her or she was just being hypersensitive. Either he suspected something and was fishing for information or he knew everything and was testing Riya’s loyalty on Courtney’s behalf. Or she was overreacting entirely.

  “Derek told me he left her with you last night and that she’d been really drunk,” Colt added. “How bad was it?”

  “Pretty bad,” Riya said. “I held her hair. I think she threw up everything she’s ever eaten.”

  He probably didn’t need to know that, but Courtney’s drunkenness felt like a much safer topic than anything else they could talk about.

  Colt grimaced. “Sorry.”

  Riya felt compelled to say more, to keep talking. “I gave her water and medicine this morning. It’s going to be a rough day for her.”

  “She doesn’t deserve you.” There was something in his tone that made Riya nervous.

  Her gaze jerked to his eyes, and he waited. Of course Courtney deserved her. More, even. Courtney was amazing. She deserved anything and everything. Riya, remembering the panicked look in Courtney’s eyes that morning, clamped her mouth shut until she could come up with a normal non-romantic thing to say.

  “I gave her some ibuprofen.” She tried to sound dismissive. “It’s nothing anyone else wouldn’t do.”

  Colt twisted his lips together. “Riiiiight.” He drew out the word.

  Dee materialized next to her. “You going hiking again, Riya?” And then, as if he hadn’t been the main reason she’d come over instead of waiting to ask Riya on the walk back to their cabin, she said. “Oh, hey, Colt.”

  Colt grinned down at her. Not a polite smile or a casual good-morning smile, but a full-on “I’m so happy to see you” smile.

  “Good morning, Lola,” he said with a deep smirk.

  Dee giggled, rolling her eyes playfully. Well. Riya had missed something, it seemed.

  “I told you not to call me that,” Dee said, but zero conviction backed up her words.

  “I had my schedule changed so I can go hiking with y’all. Is that okay?” Colt asked without taking his eyes from Dee.

  “Of course,” Riya said before mumbling something about having to go and backing away as discreetly as she could manage.

  She caught up with the twins and Elise as they cleared the table. She scooped her apple and Courtney’s banana from her plate before Tiffany piled it on top of her own.

  “So…” Riya trailed off, indicating Dee and Colt with a twitch of her head.

  “Yep,” Stefanie and Tiffany said in unison. It was kinda freaky when they did that.

  Elise flashed a huge, toothy smile, and those two words were all that was needed to settle the Dee and Colt conversation.

  The four of them waited for a minute outside the door, but Dee didn’t appear, so they headed back to the cabin to get ready for the day.

  Courtney was nowhere
to be found, but her bed was made and all her things had been put away. After dropping the banana and cereal on Courtney’s bed, Riya went to the bathroom partly just to see if Courtney was in there. She washed her face, used the toilet, and washed her hands before returning to her bunk.

  Dee came jogging through the front door, beaming.

  Tiffany threw the shirt she’d just been about to put on at Dee. “Look who decided to show up,” she said, teasing.

  Laughing, Dee tossed it back at her. “Put your clothes on.”

  Riya suffered a flash of jealousy. Though she understood Courtney’s need for time, she hated that she couldn’t celebrate their budding relationship with her friends.

  She opened the drawer with her T-shirts and reached her hand in. But it was empty. Confused, she opened another drawer. Nothing. Only then did she notice that her toiletry bag, which had been sitting on top of the dresser, was also gone. She searched around and realized the blanket, pillow, and sheet no longer lay on her bed. She’d been so focused on Courtney’s bed when she came in that she hadn’t even noticed.

  “Guys,” she said, interrupting her friends’ joking around. “All my stuff is gone.”

  Four smiles fell from four faces as they turned their attention to her. She pointed to her empty drawers and the empty spot under their bunk where her bag had been.

  “They’re kicking you out,” Stefanie said.

  Riya’s stomach turned to stone. No. Not now. Not after Courtney had finally opened up to her.

  “What did you do?” Tiffany asked.

  Riya racked her brain, trying to think. She’d stayed out way past curfew with Courtney, but Courtney’s stuff was all still there, so it couldn’t be that. Could it? Unless her parents, bigshot lawyers, had somehow argued for her to stay.