Roadside Bodhisattva

by Di Filippo, Paul

  Two couches and at least half a dozen upholstered chairs, all of them pretty grungy, took up most of the floor space. And about twenty people took up most of the furniture. Guys and women, sprawled every which way, some about as old as me and Sue, some older. The music came from big speakers on the far side of the room. A tv with the sound off flashed in one corner, some raunchy music video or the playboy channel, maybe. The colored lights overhead made the whole scene weird, especially people’s faces.

  Sue and Tito and me entered. Me and Sue stopped near the door, while Tito moved off to rejoin his buddies. Some people turned to look at us, half interested, half bored, while others kept on talking or smoking. Some of the smokers had bongs, some joints, some blunts. A guy and a girl were trying to slow-dance in a corner, but kept bumping into furniture and tripping over each other and laughing. People drank from forty-ounces too.

  One guy when he saw us jumped up. He was followed by two dogs who had been resting at his feet. Big pitbulls, one black, one spotted. Carrying a lit joint, the guy took a few steps right up to us, the dogs alongside him.

  He was a black guy, wearing one of those velvety track suits where the top matches the pants. Tan and brown fabric, as far as I could tell under the crazy lights. His hair was short on his head and trimmed neat on his face, mainly around his mouth and chin. He seemed pretty buff underneath the loose suit.

  “Little Miz Motel Maid! How’s life out at Horndog Park? They put any soundproofing in them cabins yet? Where you been keeping yourself? Busy providing some extra services to the customers?”

  “Fuck you, Jayzee!” said Sue, but she didn’t really sound angry.

  I didn’t say anything. I was too busy staying real still while the dogs sniffed me up and down. They weren’t bothering Sue, probably because they knew her already.

  “Hey, now, is that what you call being friendly? Give ol’ Jayzee a kiss.”

  Jayzee pulled Sue up tight against him. She didn’t fight him. They kissed for a long time, but I didn’t watch it all. I was too busy with the dogs. The black one had his head in my crotch, and the spotted one had his up my butt. I could swear their noses were meeting in the middle.

  When Sue and Jayzee broke apart, Sue said, “Jayzee, this is my buddy, Kid A.”

  Jayzee held up his hand and I slapped it half-heartedly.

  “Friend of Sue’s okay ‘round here. Booger! Ratboy! Get your damn noses outta there! Go to your beds!”

  The dogs yipped as Jayzee whacked their rears, but they pulled away from me without biting, and I could breathe normally again. Their owner shooed both of them away, and they trotted out of the room.

  “Sorry about that, Kid. Hey, what kinda host am I? Here!”

  Jayzee stuck his joint between Sue’s lips. She took a deep pull and passed it on to me. I took a little bit of the smoke just in my cheeks, then gave the joint back to Jayzee. Sue let loose a big cloud, and I let my smoke go too, figuring my little puff would get hidden in her cloud.

  “Make yourself at home, Kid. Me and Sue gotta catch up.”

  Jayzee walked Sue back to the chair he had been sitting in. He dropped down and pulled her into his lap. I turned away.

  I found a spot on the floor near one of the speakers and sat down. The rap rattled my bones, but I figured no one would try to talk to me there.

  Here I was, at one of those wild and crazy parties like Jack and Japhy had always been throwing or crashing. How come I didn’t feel like Jack always did, like I was in contact with something more real than everyday life? I didn’t know any of these people and I didn’t really want to get to know them. They looked like a bunch of slackers and losers. I knew their type from school. Wasted every day, some of them pleasant enough maybe in their fucked-up way, but never really accomplishing anything. I had to wonder what Sue saw in this crowd. I wanted to meet people who were smart and funny and curious and sharp. Like Sid.

  After about ten minutes a white girl came over to me. She had short blonde hair streaked pink. She wore a shirt that said what part of “fuck off” don’t you understand?, low-rider jeans that showed off a ring through her navel, and big clunky loafers with stacked heels.

  She smiled at me and yelled, “What’s up! I’m Lita!”

  “Kid A!”

  “You don’t look too comfortable here!”

  “I’m okay!”

  She stretched out her hand. “Come with me!”

  What the hell. I grabbed her hand, stood up, and let her lead me away, out of the Christmas light room.

  As we left, I looked back.

  Jayzee and Sue sat together still, but they weren’t talking any more.

  Lita brought me to the apartment’s kitchen. A door in the outer wall, next to a single window framing total blackness. A sink piled high with dirty dishes and pots. Filthy linoleum with paw prints. Four guys sat around one of those retro kitchen tables with the aluminum legs. They were playing cards, and didn’t bother with us.

  I felt better out of the crush of music and dope smoke. Lita smiled at me. “Want something to eat?”

  “Sure.”

  She opened a fridge and rummaged around. She came up with a Chinese take-out carton and some dried-up pizza slices on a plate.

  “Take your choice.”

  A slice of pizza seemed safest. “Thanks.”

  Lita put the rest of the pizza on the table for the card players. They grunted. She dug a fork out of the sink and began to eat from the carton.

  “You came with Sue?”

  “Yeah. We, uh, we work together.”

  “I thought for a minute maybe you and her were hooked up. But then she dumped you for Jayzee.”

  “Right. That’s what she did all right.”

  Lita finished the Chinese food and threw the carton and fork into the sink.

  “It’s a nice night. Let’s go out in the back yard.”

  We went out the door next to the window. From what I could make out with my eyes and nose, the back yard was as tiny and full of dogshit as the front. We didn’t move very far from the door.

  Lita grabbed my hand and put it on her waist. Then we were kissing.

  We kissed for a long time. Her mouth had a funny metallic taste, underneath the Chinese food, but I didn’t care. Every few seconds my mind would arrow in on the thought of the condom in my pocket.

  Lita broke away and said, “Let’s get high before we do anything else.”

  “You mean go back inside?”

  “No. Out in the garage.”

  I let Lita lead me around the side of the house and into the garage by a small side door. The building smelled of oils and dried lawn clippings.

  I expected her to take out a joint and fire it up. I wondered why we had to come out here, though. But instead, she moved to a shelf and found a certain can by the yellow beams from the streetlights that made their way in through the line of sooty windows in the main door. She unscrewed the top of the can, and I could smell gasoline.

  “You ever huffed before?”

  “Huff? No, I—”

  “It’s the best. All the noises of the world come together into this beautiful music. You can hear people singing all the way down in Australia.”

  “Is there, like, a downside?”

  Lita’s face was half in light, half in blackness. “You taste gasoline for a couple of days after. Sometimes you get this wicked headache. But it’s worth it! You can see everything about your whole past, and it all looks perfect. And it’s easy to do. You just put your mouth over the opening here and suck up the fumes. Watch me.”

  Lita opened her mouth, and she looked so sexy. But then instead of kissing me or doing something else to give pleasure with that mouth, she put it to the metal and sucked up a double lungful of gasoline.

  “Your turn.”

  I took the can. The smell of the gas on top of the pizza and the one hit of dope made my stomach churn. I felt sick, and wanted to puke. But Lita was looking at me so eagerly. In the stray light her eyes glinted. I
raised up the can to my face.

  I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t going to burn out my brain even if it meant Lita would fuck me. I handed the can back to Lita.

  “Knock yourself out, Lita. But I gotta go.”

  I left the garage, but I didn’t head back inside the house. Instead, I went and climbed into Ann’s car. Stretched out across the back seat, I had more room than in my bunk back in the trailer.

  I must’ve fallen asleep. The next thing I knew, Sue was sliding behind the wheel and slamming the car door. She reeked of dope smoke, and I supposed I did too, if not so bad. She started the motor, and only then did I sit up.

  “Were you just gonna take off without me?”

  “That hurts, Kid. I came out looking for you three hours ago. Found you sleeping like a baby, and locked you up tight.”

  “Sorry.”

  “No problem. Now get up front. I’m not a chauffeur.”

  We didn’t say anything else all the way back to Deer Park. Ann drove fine, despite any dope or beer she had done.

  Everything was dark at the Park except for a light over the office bell. Ann would get up to rent to anyone, no matter what the time, if they rang that bell.

  Sue and I stood by the front of the car for a minute. I could feel the heat of its big engine radiating off the hood.

  “It’s three am,” Sue said in a low voice. “Time for good little boys to go to bed.”

  Before I could say anything she leaned over, grabbed my butt with both hands, the car keys digging in, and kissed me with a lot of tongue.

  And then she was gone.

  bookmark Chapter Five

  Five

  Getting out of bed just three hours after Sue’s kiss was the hardest thing I ever did. But it wasn’t the tiredness in my bones that made getting up so hard, so much as it was the confusion in my head.

  What was going on between me and Sue? Something? Nothing? She had spent all night making out with Jayzee, then practically choked me with her tongue down my throat. Did she feel anything special just for me, or was she really just a slut? Could I still be interested in her if she was going to jerk me around with other guys? And how did I feel about the crowd she was hanging with? What did they say about Sue’s taste in friends? Not that the Lumberton Losers seemed very dangerous or even creepy, just dumb and wasted. Could I get her away from these fuckups somehow? Maybe I should tell Ann about what her niece was up to. No, Sid. I’d tell Sid. He’d have some good advice for me.

  But Sid was already gone from our small trailer. His bunk was neatly made up, his big old-fashioned canvas knapsack resting at the foot, its contents still unpacked, as if he wanted to be ready to step back on the road at any minute. Wouldn’t that be sweet? Maybe that was the answer to all my problems. But assuming we were staying, I couldn’t bring up the subject of what I had learned about Sue in front of the others. I’d have to try to catch Sid alone some time later today.

  I got dressed in my skanky clothes from last night. I didn’t have the energy for a shower. And I didn’t want to meet Sue in the apartment. I went to the diner.

  Sid sitting at the counter, chowing down. Ann waiting a table. Sonny cooking. Yasmine standing as far away from Sid as possible, scowling. Oh, right, I had forgotten the way Sid had demolished her about the hose. Was that only yesterday? I was surprised she had even shown up for work. She must really need this job.

  I didn’t say hello to anyone, I was still that groggy. I just took a stool next to Sid. Sonny turned around from his grill and smiled at me with his moony face. His wispy hair looked like cornsilk.

  “Wha—what’ll it be, Kuh—kid?”

  “Uh, French toast and sausage.”

  Sid mopped up some egg yolk with a wedge of toast. I half-expected him to slap me on the back and make some big public deal out of me and Sue being out so late last night. Knowing his geezer ways, he’d probably even call it a “date.” But he suprised me by not saying anything except, “Morning, Kid,” before returning to his breakfast Had he winked at me though? I couldn’t be sure. Sometimes Sid squinted, like he was trying to intensify his view of the world, or maybe shut it out.

  “Morning.” Sonny slid a cup of coffee in front of me, and I loaded it up with cream and sugar before I sucked down a big slug. When my French toast came I found out I was really hungry. I stuck a whole sausage in my mouth and barely chewed it before swallowing it down.

  Sid finished his meal and stood up. “Ann darlin’, I’ll be working on the gutters of your place till I see the delivery men come.”

  “Fine, Sid. I can’t wait.”

  Sid left, wearing a sly smile.

  Ann “darlin’”? And what delivery men? Sid could be a mysterious jerk. I’d be damned if I’d ask about his secret plans though. I had too much on my mind already.

  I finished my breakfast, got my apron, and went back to my sinks.

  A few hours passed, and the peak of the morning rush had come and gone. Our customers ate early and headed off for their jobs. The Deer Park Diner didn’t attract a lot of businessmen or slackers with nothing better to do than have a long brunch. I was loading the dishwasher out of a tub of dirty dishes propped atop the machine when Yasmine came in. She had a determined look on her face. Her lipstick and nails today were red as blood.

  She came right up to me. “Just tell me why.”

  I stopped arranging glasses on the rack. “Why what?”

  “Why a fairly decent kid like you hangs out with an asshole like Sid.”

  “He’s not an asshole. He’s my good buddy.”

  “You think it was nice, what he did to me yesterday?”

  “So you two had an argument, a difference of opinion. So what? Happens all the time, to everyone.”

  Yasmine was shaking a little. “That was more than a difference of opinion. Your ‘good buddy’ lashed out at me, like he hated everything about me. He wanted to tear me apart down to my toenails. Just because I challenged him when he was doing something stupid.”

  “Well, you didn’t exactly try to win him over with sweetness and light. You called him a moron. You said he was killing the planet. How did you expect him to respond?”

  Surprisingly, that brought Yasmine up short. “I—I didn’t say any such thing.”

  “You did too. I was there, I heard you. Just like when you were teasing Sonny, you were a real bitch.”

  I’d never seen anyone truly go to pieces before. I always thought that expression was just hype. But that’s what Yasmine more or less did. Her face quivered into a million separate parts. Her legs turned to rubber and she started to collapse. But I surprised myself by managing to catch her under her arms and hustle her to a chair. She didn’t weigh much more than me, I would’ve bet, even counting those big boobs pressing against my arms.

  Slumped in the chair, her long bare legs splayed out like a broken doll, her face buried in her hands, Yasmine began to cry. I didn’t know what to say at first, so I just let her weep. This was worse than with Angie, because it was almost in public. I hoped breakdowns like this weren’t going to become a regular thing at Deer Park. I didn’t have Sid’s touch in such situations.

  I kept expecting Ann to stick her head in back to see what was going on, but she never did. Finally I felt I had to say something. But I didn’t want to defend Sid anymore, or tell Yasmine that she had only gotten what was coming to her. She was too beaten down. She knew the score now about her bitchiness without me adding my two cents. But I had to say something, I felt so bad for her. Then, without planning my words, I did.

  “Yasmine, I—I’m sorry about your mother.”

  Once the words were out of my mouth, I braced myself for even more tears. But Yasmine reacted different than I expected. She lifted her face up to me, her makeup all running, snot slicking her cheeks and chin.

  “You—you are?”

  “Yes. Very sorry. Because nobody deserves to get that rotten disease just because they like to fuck, even if they do it in front of cameras. And you don’t
deserve to be all alone with all the responsibility for taking care of your mother. It’s just not fair.”

  Yasmine might not have weighed any more than me, but she was taller. So when she leaped up and hugged me, my face got buried in her boobs for a few seconds. Then she bent to kiss me, no tongue, but smearing my face with all the salty gunk on her lips.

  The screen door slammed as she left out the back. I guessed she was heading for the apartment to get herself together.

  I realized I was smiling like a dumbass dog getting its belly scratched. Ann had hugged me just the other day, and Lita, Sue and Yasmine had all kissed me in the past twenty-four hours.

  Was I turning into a babe magnet, or what?

  Around eleven-thirty, I heard a commotion from out front, and went to look

  Two beefy guys wearing gut-support belts were manhandling something about as big as a washing machine and wrapped in dirty, ripped moving blankets through the door of the diner. Sid was supervising, with various semi-useful gestures and directions. Ann was dithering around nervously, pointing out fixtures about to be smashed if no one listened to her instructions. Once totally inside, the guys got the object over against one wall of the diner. There had been a table there, Number Thirteen, but now it was gone.

  The wraps came off the thing, and I saw it was an old-fashioned jukebox. The movers left while Sid was getting the jukebox plugged in. The machine came alive with neon and burbling tubes of liquid.

  The few customers were all watching with anticipation. Sonny had left off cooking and come out from behind the counter. Yasmine hung back a little from us fellow employees, but appeared somewhat interested despite herself. She seemed back to normal, but with some small difference I couldn’t quite label. Softer? Not so stubbornly certain about everything? Grateful that someone had tried to care about her? Hard to say. But she did send a smile my way.

  Sid ran one thick finger down the list of songs on the box. “All right! They managed to find every damn one I asked for, plus a shit-load more!”