The Perpetual Quest for the Perfect Life

by Pace, Michelle

  “Dammit, Nicki. You scared the hell out of me.” His chest rumbled against her cheek as he spoke, and she could hear the hammering of his heart. She was vaguely aware that her fingers were tangled in his shirt, but she had no intention of releasing him. He held fast to her, and Nicole’s knees gave way and she collapsed against him completely. The lack of sleep, the beer, and the close call culminated in exhaustion. He lowered her into a nearby chair, kneeling beside her. Only then did she feel like she could release him.

  Aaron took her head in his hands, his eyes fierce. He looked pale and he heaved a labored breath. Thunder cracked close by, reverberating off the windows and the lights went out. She could still see him in the dim light through the wall of windows to her left. Aaron’s expression scolded her, and when she opened her mouth to apologize for freaking him out, he stifled her speech with a kiss.

  She tried to pull away, to read his face, to understand the shift in his mindset. His hand was on the back of her neck, refusing to allow her retreat. His mouth was unrelenting as he pulled her entire chair closer to him. They were eye to eye, him on his knees before her and her in the chair. He pushed her back and maneuvered himself between her legs, pulling her thigh around him. She wrapped her legs around him on reflex, her body on board with the agenda before her mind. Wet kisses traveled down her jaw to her neck, and at that point Nicole had forgotten her protests and questions. She relaxed in his arms as his hands traveled up her shirt. Silently she cursed him for toying with her mind, but she was helpless to resist the sensation of his calloused fingers through the thin material of her bra.

  From somewhere below came a loud crash and someone chuckled. There was a loud exchange of voices, and Aaron and Nicole both pulled back from each other.

  “You break it, you buy it!” Nicole recognized the voice of Louise, the bar manager. Her eyes widened, and she looked at Aaron who sat back on his heels. Running his hand through his hair, he stared at the ground as if he were confused or lost. Nicole stood up and pulled down her shirt as if to conceal any evidence of what had just taken place. Aaron was on his feet as well, refusing to make eye contact. Presuming he’d flip-flopped yet again, she shook her head and made for the stairs, unable to suffer through another awkward exchange with him. As she entered the stairwell, the lights flickered and came back on.

  Downstairs, Louise stood watching two men roll in dollies piled high with champagne and wine crates and cases of beer. She did a double take when she saw Nicole.

  She pushed her glasses up looking from Nicole to Aaron. “Where’d you two come from?”

  “Do you know how to get to the chandelier, Louise?” Nicole didn’t appreciate the amused expression the bar manager wore.

  “Sure do.” She walked past the fireplace, along the wall on the far side of the room, and turned a knob. The chandelier descended slowly, and Aaron graced Louise with a crooked smile.

  “Thank you, ma’am,” he said. Had he been wearing a hat, Nicole was sure he would have tipped it. Louise shot him a flirtatious smile and shook her head at Nicole, as if in sympathy. Nicole hurried away to the last greenery strand, ready to end the project and flee.

  “It’s getting ugly out there. The roads are slicker than snot,” Louise said from behind her.

  “Icy already?” Aaron asked.

  “Yeah. One of the delivery guys took a tumble on the way in the door.”

  “About done?” Aaron asked from right behind her. Forcing herself not to look up from her task, she fastened the tail of the strand in place.

  “Finished.” She crossed to the wall knob and returned the chandelier to its rightful place. Seeing her vision realized, she sighed. “Perfection.”

  Feeling Aaron’s eyes on her, she casually turned to him.

  “Thanks for all your help.”

  “Anytime.” He nearly smiled as he shoved his hands in his jean pockets and watched her expectantly.

  “You’d better get going or you’re going to be late for your date, Nicole,” Louise called from the bar.

  “Date?” The way he annunciated the “t” made Nicole snap her head in his direction. Aaron frowned and his expression seemed to silently interrogate her. Nicole blinked at him in surprise. He’d asked for this friendship, not her. She inhaled, not sure what would come out when she spoke.

  “I’d better go salt the parking lots at the farm.” He grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair, put it on, and paused. Nicole hated the indecision and frustration she saw on his face, so she busied herself placing a runner on the nearest table. He headed out the door into the ice storm. Nicole flopped down in the nearest chair, her head in her hands. As the storm raged on outside, a little voice whispered in the back of her mind.

  “He’s all wrong for you, Nicole. You know that, right?”

  Not now, Ryan.

  Avery watched the foreign desert terrain out the window of the crappy rental car. Arizona had the same foreign beauty to her that Shilah did, but frustration blocked her ability to enjoy the experience.

  Somehow Shilah had managed to secure them seats on a flight and after they suffered through security, the plane was delayed for weather. Hours later, they arrived in Flagstaff. At the car rental counter, Shilah selected a ghastly lime green Prius, and after multiple attempts to make a reservation, they spent a tense night at a cheap airport hotel.

  “Stop pouting, Avery. It’s unflattering.” His condescending tone made her grit her teeth.

  “I’m not pouting. I’m pissed.” She tossed her bangs out of her eyes.

  “Still?”

  “Shall I recap the past twenty-four hours for you?”

  “No. I’ve heard you loud and clear. Over, and over, and over again. Step out of your comfort zone for a couple of days!”

  “What the hell are you talking about my ‘comfort zone’? I probably have bed bugs now. I had to take a cold shower 'cause there was no hot water. I’d say we crossed the border of my ‘comfort zone’ a few miles back.”

  He laughed, and it incensed her. They turned into the driveway of a lovely Spanish-style cottage of white stucco with a terra cotta roof. The front yard was peppered with cacti and housed an intricate rock garden.

  Shilah took his hands off the steering wheel and his dark eyes pleaded with Avery.

  “This is my mom’s place. Please try to behave.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  When the front door opened, a thin woman with hazel eyes threw her arms around Shilah.

  “Shilah! Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” She seemed to notice Avery for the first time and ran a hand through her short, dark hair nervously.

  “Mom, this is Avery. Avery, this is my mother, Katherine.” Katherine beamed at Avery as they shook hands.

  “Come in, come in. What’s new? Have you picked out your house plans?”

  Shilah glanced at Avery and shook his head. Katherine led them through the eclectic house to the kitchen and offered them something to drink. Minutes later, they had settled outside on her deck.

  “I’m glad you’re here, but it’s quite a surprise.” She cocked an eyebrow as she sipped her lemonade. Avery turned to Shilah, dying to hear his response.

  “I had a couple of days off and wanted to show Avery my old stomping grounds.” Katherine did a double take and Avery felt like she was looking at her in a new light.

  “You must mean a great deal to my son. He’s never brought anyone home before. I thought he was gay.”

  “What?” Shilah asked with a shocked laugh. Avery chuckled out loud.

  “All the signs are there, Shilah.” Avery agreed.

  “You’re a successful professional, well dressed…” Katherine chimed in.

  They visited for quite some time, Katherine asking all about Avery’s life. She made them lunch, telling them about her classroom success stories and her volunteer work. As they returned inside, she asked where they were staying.

  “The View.”

  Avery cocked an eyebrow at him. He must have made n
ew reservations while she was in the shower.

  “Oh, Shilah. Honey, please tell me you’re not going to see him.” Katherine shook her head as her face clouded over.

  “I have to.” His reply seemed matter-of-fact, but Katherine’s response made Avery nervous.

  “Just be careful.”

  Later as they said their goodbyes, Katherine pulled Avery in for a hug and whispered, “Be good to him. He’s my baby, and he’s not as unshakeable as he acts.”

  Avery thought about Katherine’s comment as she allowed herself to absorb the scenery as they pressed on to their final destination.

  “Your mom’s pretty cool.”

  Shilah nodded, but kept his eyes on the road.

  “Why did your mom tell you to be careful?”

  “She’s knows we’re going to my dad’s.”

  “Okay…” Avery wanted to press him further, but his furrowed brow made her wonder in silence.

  A couple of hours later, they pulled into a trailer court. It looked abandoned to Avery, until she saw a small child playing with a doll and an old woman hanging clothes on a clothesline. As their car passed the child, the little girl waved. Avery waved back uneasily, and her stomach clenched. They came to a stop in front of a run-down silver bullet camper.

  “Home sweet home.” Shilah’s lips curled in a smile, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

  At the top of the rickety stairs, Shilah rapped on the door. Avery stood behind him on the ground. Her instincts told her to take his hand and pull him back to the car.

  “Who is it?” A nearly unintelligible voice growled from inside.

  “It’s Shilah.” The trailer shook as the sound of stomping feet reached her ears. Shilah backed down the stairs and gripped Avery’s hand hard enough to make her wince. The door swung open with such force that it slammed into the side of the trailer. A middle-aged Navajo man stood before them wearing nothing but a pair of sweat pants. He raised a surprised eyebrow at Avery and waved them inside. Avery looked around the room at the clutter and empty whiskey bottles. It looked like every dish in the house was piled in the sink. The thought of sitting down on any piece of furniture made her cringe, and she wasn’t sure she could have found a spot if she’d wanted to.

  “Avery, this is my dad. Dad. Avery.”

  Avery held out her hand, but Shilah’s father only gave her a quick nod.

  “I haven’t seen a bill from the housekeeper.” Shilah announced looking around the room.

  “Caught her stealing and had to let her go.”

  Shilah walked to the sink and turned on the faucet. No water came out. “I thought I told you to get this turned back on.”

  “I haven’t had the time to call anyone.” His father responded, plopping down in the one recliner that wasn’t covered in filth.

  Shilah started to pick up whiskey bottles, tossing them into the trash.

  “Son. Would you stop?”

  “Someone has to do it. Why can’t you keep this place up? I’ve told you over and over if something needs fixed, send me the bill.”

  “I don’t need your money.” After saying this, he took a big gulp of whiskey. Avery tried to contain her disgust as she took in the awkward exchange. She struggled to reconcile the differences between Shilah’s mom and dad and wondered what had happened to him to make him like he was.

  “Can you at least wait until we’re gone to start your daily binge?”

  Shilah’s dad cracked a dry smile and shook his head. “This is my house, half breed.”

  Avery whipped her head in Shilah’s direction and saw his jaw clench. As he stared at his father, Avery watched his facade crack, and the distraught expression he wore made her ache to comfort him. She looked over at Shilah’s dad, who seemed focused on his whiskey. She returned her gaze to Shilah, who slowly turned his head in her direction.

  “And you thought your family was a mess?”

  “So that’s why you’re here? To show your white girlfriend the slum you crawled out of?”

  “Yeah, something like that.”

  “I don’t have time for this shit.” Shilah’s dad stood and stumbled to the door, whipping it open violently.

  “Why, Dad? Do you have more whiskey to drink?”

  “Get the hell off my property.” Avery flinched as if he’d slapped her. She watched as Shilah drew in a deep breath and blew it slowly out. Her mind reeled with questions. She could not believe this man could have sired Shilah—that he could have descended from someone so vile.

  “Good to see you too, Dad.” With that, Shilah ushered Avery out. From behind her, she heard the door slam shut.

  Nicole blotted her lipstick and looked at her reflection. The woman in mirror looked as indecisive as she felt. Her make-out session with Aaron still had her aroused and she was sick and tired of being alone. Thrusting her jitters aside, she fluffed her hair and put on her strappy shoes. She pulled the curtains in the living room and lit the candles on the dining room table.

  She’d had The Old Mill cater dinner, which she kept warm in the oven. The table was set for two. Scouring her music collection for something soft and romantic, she panicked as she realized she had nothing of the sort. As she searched for a radio station, she came across a love song channel. A sinking feeling came over her as “You and Me” by Lifehouse oozed from the speakers. The ultra-sappy song transported her back to Aaron at the fish fry, yet she found herself unable to change the station. She poured herself a glass of red wine and paced.

  A light rapping on the door announced Colin’s arrival. When she answered, he was leaning on the doorframe; his perfect white smile disarmed her.

  “Hey, beautiful.” He swept into the room and planted a soft kiss on her lips. He handed her a bottle of wine. “I see you started without me.”

  “Want some?” She asked softly as he removed his leather coat. He nodded and as she poured him a glass of wine, she tried to steady her shaking hand. When she moved to pick up his glass, she knocked it over onto the white tablecloth. He chuckled and took her glass of wine from her, taking a small sip.

  “How much did you drink?” He teased her and she couldn’t help but smile.

  “I’m just really rusty,” she murmured.

  “It’s okay, Nicole.” He brushed a stray strand of hair off her face, his knuckles softly stroking her cheek. It didn’t feel okay. He felt, tasted and smelled amazing. But it felt like she was trying to smash a square peg into a round hole. Though his colors and her patterns seemed to jive on paper, the final product was all wrong. He leaned in for a kiss but she picked up a napkin and moved to the other side of the table to dab up his spilled wine.

  Colin leaned over the table and plucked the napkin from her hand and tossed it aside. The flames of the candles reflected in his dark sensual eyes. She saw his lips twitch playfully and she was torn. His willing face was handsome, and she knew if she took her blouse off, he most certainly wouldn’t run screaming into the night. Part of her wanted to just take the plunge, to prove to herself she’d moved beyond Ryan. Colin came around the table toward her.

  “He’s all wrong for you, Nicole. You know that, right?”

  The oven timer dinged.

  “Are you hungry?” She zipped past him into the dimly lit kitchen. She shivered, as if the temperature had dropped in the room.

  “Famished.” Colin’s voice came from right behind her. She shuddered as his arms came around her waist, his mouth nipping at her earlobe. She felt her breath hitch as he turned her around to face him. He tilted her chin up, forcing her to look him in the eye. He moved in for a kiss and Nicole stopped his face with both her hands. Colin rested his forehead on hers and exhaled in frustration.

  “This isn’t happening, is it?”

  “I’m sorry.” As the weight of the truth fell from her shoulders, the only regret she felt was for stringing him along for as long as she had.

  He shook his head, and a range of emotions played on his face.

  “Damn. This really sucks.” He ki
ssed her on the forehead. Then he stepped back and kissed her on the hand. A farewell kiss. With dejected eyes, he grabbed his coat and walked out the door, Nicole felt relief flood her, certain she’d done the right thing.

  As Aaron slid down the highway, he had to force himself to take his foot off the gas. He’d been hard at work, salting the parking lot at the tree farm, unable to get Nicole out of his head. Her eyes, her voice, her lips. He wondered if Colin was kissing those lips right now, and his jaw clenched as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. As he helplessly pictured Nic with Colin, he remembered how painful it was to watch Nicole reunite with Ryan after he’d caused her such heartache. One thought led to another, and before long he was playing back the fight in Minneapolis like an ugly You Tube clip you just can’t stop watching.

  When he’d opened the door that fateful afternoon, Ryan had been rolling around in bed with some leggy brunette. He’d paused for a moment, too shocked to find his feet or voice. The next thing he could remember was yanking Ryan out of the bed by his hair. He tossed him onto the floor and grabbed him by the front of his undershirt. It seemed the girl was screaming, but the volume of his own heart hammering in his ears made the sound seem distant. Ryan was on his feet shoving him, and Aaron punched him in the jaw. He felt something bounce off his back and looking down saw it was an alarm clock. He turned to see the woman standing on the bed in her underwear hurling the Holy Bible at him from the bedside table. He batted it out of the air and pointed to the door.

  “Get out, bitch.”

  She didn’t need to be told twice. She grabbed her stuff in a flurry.

  “Heather!” Ryan called after her, but she had already locked herself in the bathroom with her clothes.