Barely Breathing

by Brenda Rothert

  Kane

  WHO THE HELL IS THAT guy?

  I paused and took a second look at my reflection in the mirror above my bathroom sink in the club. How long had it been since I’d actually looked at myself? I’d avoided it for so long because what I saw was a man who was pissed off at the world and hated himself.

  But something was different now. For one, I had a head full of short, dark hair. Shaving it bald had been part of making myself unapproachable. A guy with tats, a bald head and a permanent scowl who’s as likely to rip you a new asshole as say hello isn’t someone people even want to make eye contact with.

  And my appearance hadn’t changed much, besides the hair. But I saw something so much different in the mirror.

  I was with an amazing woman. I was trying to find a way into Brooklyn’s life. I was now one-third owner of one of New York’s hottest, most successful clubs.

  It was worth. I saw a shred of worth looking back at me in my reflection. Given that I’d grown up with a dad who took off and never came back and a mom who slept with anything that moved and mostly ignored me, I’d never been told I’d amount to much.

  Maybe I would, though.

  A knock at my door snapped my trance.

  “Yeah?” I called, walking back into my office.

  “The champagne you requested, sir,” said Julio, one of my servers. He carried a stainless bucket with a bottle on ice.

  “Perfect. On the table’s good,” I said.

  He set it on the small table for two I’d had set up in my office. My rooms upstairs were booked so solid that I couldn’t even get one for dinner with Viv. We’d make do in here. All that mattered was that we got to be alone.

  “I’ll text you when I’m ready for the first course,” I said. “No interruptions tonight.”

  Julio nodded, looking frozen in place. His hands were balled into fists at his sides.

  “You okay, man?” I asked.

  He swallowed hard before answering. “Yes, sir.”

  “You nervous? You’re not like this with customers, are you?”

  “No, sir. No, I’m not. I am nervous because I really need this job and . . . you know.”

  I cocked a brow in amusement. “No, what?”

  “I don’t want to make you mad.”

  That should’ve made me feel like shit, but I found it funny.

  “Listen, Julio. I’ve got good news for you. My woman’s coming here to celebrate and I’m in a great mood. Nothing’s bringing me down tonight.”

  His shoulders dropped slightly with relief. “That’s great.”

  “You’re solid, man. Just keep up the good work and you’ve got nothing to worry about, okay?”

  He almost smiled and his cheeks reddened slightly. “Thank you, sir. I’ll await your text.”

  When he went to the door, I heard a rich, sweet voice greeting him.

  “Hi, I’m Viv.”

  He paused before answering. “Hello. I’m Julio and I’ll be your server tonight.”

  “Okay. Well, nice to meet you, Julio.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Viv walked into my office and closed the door, leaning against it. “He’s scared to death,” she whispered. “Am I scary?”

  “No, but apparently I am.” I went to her and brushed a thumb down her jaw line. “Can you believe anyone would be intimidated by me?”

  She laughed and slid her hands beneath the bottom of my t-shirt, her soft hands resting on my bare skin. Every touch from her, even an innocuous one, unleashed my sexual desire.

  “Do you have any idea how fucking amazing you make me feel?” I asked, kissing the spot beneath her ear that made her moan.

  “Mmm, not half as amazing as you make me feel.” She slid her hands up my back beneath my shirt.

  I needed her. Now.

  As I moved my hand up her thigh, she let out a soft gasp. She kissed me, her tongue brushing across mine softly. It was all the encouragement I needed. I led her over to my desk, shoving the stack of papers there to the floor.

  I spun her around and ran my hand over her round, firm ass. She put her palms on the surface of the desk and I unzipped her skirt, sliding it past her hips and letting it drop to the floor. Her jacket and the silky shirt beneath it were next.

  Seeing her bent over my desk in nothing but a red bra and panties had my cock throbbing in my jeans. I unzipped them and took it out, stroking it as I ran a hand over the smooth fabric of Viv’s panties.

  She let out another gasp as I lowered her panties to the floor, helped her step out of them and got down on my knees. Her ass was so fucking beautiful. I grabbed two handfuls of it and ordered her to spread her feet further apart.

  When she did it I took in her sweet, luscious scent. I put a finger inside her wet pussy and she moaned. Then I added another one and she rocked her hips, fucking my fingers in a rhythm that made my pulse pound.

  I withdrew my fingers and she groaned with frustration.

  “Lay down,” I demanded. “Get rid of the bra.”

  She obeyed and I watched her, overcome with how unbelievably fucking hot my woman was. Spread out on my desk, her chest moving up and down in anticipation, nipples hard and pink, eyes locked on me as I undressed.

  “You want me, babe?” I asked as I pulled a condom from the pocket of my jeans and rolled it on.

  “Mmm, yes.”

  I slid her ass down to the edge of the desk and took hold of her ankles, keeping them in the air as I thrust my cock deep inside her. It was perfect. I took her hard and fast just like that and she held onto the sides of my desk for support.

  I wanted more, but I could feel her pussy starting to spasm around me. She was about to come hard, and I couldn’t make her wait for it. I gave it to her faster, my balls slapping her ass with every thrust, and her eyes never left mine as she moaned through sealed lips, trying not to be too loud.

  As soon as she was done, I squeezed her ankles and came myself, holding back a hard groan. She gave me a half-smile, her eyes sleepy with satisfaction.

  I never got enough of her. It was the way I’d felt about coke before prison. Much of life was spent just waiting for my next fix.

  The desperation and willingness to do violence weren’t there, but then, I’d never been subjected to withdrawal from Viv. If anyone ever tried to take her from me, I’d do whatever I had to do to stop them.

  Viv

  A FEW DAYS LATER, I was laying eyes on Kane for the first time since our dinner in his office, but it wasn’t making me as happy as I’d expected it to.

  Oh, hell no. I wasn’t having any of this.

  Samantha, one of the paralegals at my office, was giving Kane a coy smile. He stood near Charlene’s desk, right on time for our meeting. But he couldn’t get to my office since Samantha had her hooks in him.

  “You must lift weights,” she said, her eyes wide as she squeezed his bicep. “Oh my gosh, it’s so hard.”

  I picked up my pace and covered the rest of the distance between me and Kane.

  “Samantha,” I said sternly.

  “Oh. Sorry.”

  “You ought to be. Keep your hands to yourself.” I glared at her. “Get back to work.”

  Amusement flickered across Kane’s face, but he cleared his throat to cover it. I cocked my head in the direction of my office and he followed.

  He walked in behind me and closed the door. “You’ve got a possessive streak, babe.”

  “She was grabbing you. Acting like a bitch in heat.”

  I grabbed a handful of his t-shirt and led him to a corner of my office that couldn’t be seen through the glass door. As soon as I slid my hands around the back of his neck¸ he cupped my backside and squeezed, giving me a hungry look.

  “I’ve missed you,” he said, kissing me softly and tugging my lower lip between his teeth.

  My body warmed in response to him, which felt forbidden in my office.

  “Sorry I’ve been so tired,” I said.

  “You’ve been working long
hours. It’s understandable.”

  “You work long hours, too.”

  He pulled back a little and looked at me. “Yeah, but if I don’t come over til after midnight, I expect you’ll be tired.”

  I sighed and nodded. I’d been coming in early and staying late every day, catching up on the workload I’d already had when I took on the Cartwright case and also working on that one. Marcus had apparently taken me onto the case so I could do most of the work and he could take the credit. But such was life for a young attorney.

  “We’ve got five minutes til the meeting,” Kane said in a low tone.

  I smiled and ran a hand up from his neck into his short hair. “I think Cara’s ready for us now, actually.”

  His body stiffened and I realized how nervous he must be.

  “Is this gonna be good or bad?” he asked. “I can handle it, just tell me.”

  “I honestly don’t know. Let’s go find out together.”

  Nodding somberly, he pulled away and we left my office, making the short walk to Cara’s three doors down the hall. I knocked once and opened the door.

  “Ready?”

  She looked up from her computer and took her reading glasses off. “Yeah. Come on in.”

  We went in and I closed the door. Cara had the blinds inside her glass office door drawn, so we had privacy. Kane and I both took a chair in front of Cara’s desk and she looked between us.

  “I’ve had a couple conversations with Corinne Martindale’s counsel,” Cara said. I tried to read her expression, because I could usually tell whether it was good or bad news. But I was getting nothing.

  “Miss Martindale was surprised by our request,” Cara said, focusing on Kane. “She was shook up at first. I think her initial reaction was fear that you want to seek joint custody.”

  “No.” Kane looked pained. “I didn’t mean to—”

  “I know. And I had explained your intentions clearly. But she was still upset by it. I explained to her counsel again that this is nothing more than what it appears to be. That you’d like a meeting with your daughter, but you don’t want to upset Miss Martindale or your daughter.”

  I took Kane’s hand and he squeezed mine back, hard.

  “She said a visit isn’t a good idea,” Cara said softly.

  I heard Kane’s deep, disappointed exhale. It was all I could do not to jump Cara. She was more tenacious than this. It was one of the reasons I’d asked her to take the case.

  Cara continued. “I reminded her counsel that you’re paid to date on child support, Mr. Kane. You’ve actually paid more than you were court ordered to pay. And you’ve been a law-abiding citizen with no legal issues since your release from prison. Your parole officer vouched for you. I pretty much told her counsel they will be seeing us in court if she makes no concessions.”

  “I really don’t want it to come to that,” Kane said, shaking his head. “Cori’s just looking out for Brooklyn.”

  “Well, Miss Martindale came back with an offer to allow the meeting as long as she can also be present.”

  Kane went still. I held my breath as I processed Cara’s words.

  “That’s good,” I said softly. “That means he gets to meet her. How do you feel about Cori being there?”

  I turned to Kane. He took his hand away from mine and buried his face in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. All he could do was nod.

  I smiled at Cara, tears blurring my vision. “That’s it then? Any more strings?”

  She shook her head. “No. I have her phone number and we’ve agreed that a neutral location is best.”

  “Got it.”

  Kane’s wide shoulders were shaking now. I met Cara’s gaze and she got up from her desk and slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her.

  I blinked and let my tears escape, brushing them away with my fingers. Kane was breathing deeply when I got to my knees in front of him, his chest rising and falling with each inhale and exhale. I put my hands on his forearms, needing to touch him.

  “It’s happening,” I said. “You get to meet her.”

  His big body shook with the effort of holding back a sob. I pulled his hands away from his face and kissed the tears on his cheeks that hadn’t disappeared into his beard yet. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me to him, holding me fiercely close. I rubbed a hand over his back as he buried his face in my neck and cried.

  I was in love with him. The realization hit me hard and sure. This was one of the best moments of my life, sharing something so deep and emotional with him.

  “Fuck.” His voice was muffled by my hair. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize for this. It’s a huge thing, Kane. You’re meeting Brooklyn.”

  He tightened his grip on me again. “I can’t believe it. I never expected this. I wanted to be able to say I tried, like you said, but . . . I can’t believe this is real.”

  “It’s real. And I’m a complete puddle of feelings right now, too. I need you to come over tonight.”

  “You know it. I have to make up for crying with some rough sex, baby.”

  We both laughed and kept holding on. I wanted to tell him how much I loved him right now, but it didn’t feel like the right time. This moment was about him and Brooklyn.

  Kane was haunted by his past. I’d never known what it meant to love someone so much that healing their pain was just as cathartic as healing your own. But right now, I felt light and free and hopeful. Kane was getting the chance he deserved.

  Kane

  My arms were locked around Viv and I couldn’t make myself let go. I closed my eyes and took in the warm, exotic scent of her perfume. She nestled against me and I buried my face in her soft hair.

  “I’m so fucking nervous,” I admitted.

  “Of course you are. It’ll be okay, though, I promise.”

  “I still can’t believe it’s happening. All because of you.”

  “Not just me. You, too.”

  I shook my head slightly. “No, Viv. It’s you. You make me believe in things. I never did before.”

  “You make me believe in things, too.” She pulled back and smiled up at me. “Now go meet your little girl. And call me as soon as you can.”

  I kissed her and went to the door of her apartment, looking over my shoulder again before I walked out. Damn, she was so beautiful. Inside as much as out. I was one lucky bastard.

  My stomach was in a knot the whole drive to the diner outside the city where I was meeting Cori and Brooklyn. I kept reminding myself this might not go well. Cori might be openly pissed off at me. Brooklyn might be scared of me. We might just look at each other in silence.

  But even if all that happened, I’d still get to see her. I was about to see my daughter. My eyes welled with emotion at the thought.

  By the time I pulled into the diner’s parking lot, I was almost shaking with nervousness. I laughed at myself. All the guys I’d roughed up in my life and a nine-year-old girl had me terrified. But this little girl meant everything to me.

  I was early, so I sat in a booth and waited. I’d almost finished a cup of coffee when the front door swung open and Cori walked in. She had the same slender, petite build and long light brown hair. When she held the door open for someone else, my heart felt like it was about to pound right out of my chest.

  I knew what Brooklyn looked like from the pictures, but still, seeing the resemblance in person knocked the wind out of me. She had glossy black hair that fell past her shoulders and dark eyes. And when those eyes turned on me, I had to swallow back the lump in my throat.

  “Hi, Kane,” Cori said softly.

  I got out of the booth and nodded at her. “Hey, Cori.” Then I bent down to my knees, putting myself at eye level with my daughter.

  “Brook, this is your dad,” Cori said. “Can you say hi to him?”

  “Hi,” Brooklyn said, edging closer to Cori.

  “Hi.” I cleared my throat. “Thanks for coming. Both of you.”

  The waitress
flew over to the table, unaware of the emotional weight of the moment she was interrupting.

  “Drinks, you two? And a kids’ menu?”

  “Sure,” Cori said, letting Brooklyn slide into the booth. “Coffee and a Sprite.”

  Brooklyn was looking at me. Taking in the details. I often wished I’d done a better job of memorizing my own father before he took off. I couldn’t for the life of me remember the details of what he’d looked like anymore.

  “So.” I sighed deeply. “I just need to say thanks, Cori, for allowing this. It means so much to me.” I turned my attention to Brooklyn. “And I also need to say that the reason I missed out on being part of your life . . .” I cleared my throat, trying to keep myself under control. “It’s all my fault. It was never because of you.”

  “My mom said that, too. She said you couldn’t see me but . . . you still love me.”

  Her sweet voice and the words she spoke gripped my chest and squeezed like a vice. I made a tight fist beneath the table, forcing myself not to cry.

  “I do,” I said, looking at Cori with more gratitude than I’d ever be able to express. “I always have. I mean, you’re about the best little girl anyone could ask for.”

  She smiled. Fucking smiled at me. If I died in this moment, I’d die happy.

  “Thanks for the dolls,” she said. “I have them on a shelf in my room.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  The waitress slid drinks and two more menus onto the table and left silently.

  “So how have you been?” I asked Cori.

  “Good. I went to nursing school and I work in a Palliative Care facility now.”

  I looked at Cori’s ring finger, not because I cared about her relationship status, but because I wanted to know if my daughter had a stepfather. She didn’t have a ring. I felt relief mixed with a twinge of sadness. If Brooklyn had never had a father figure, I wanted to do everything I could to be the man she deserved.

  “What grade are you in?” I asked Brooklyn.

  “Fourth.”

  “You play any sports?”

  “Soccer and cheerleading.”

  Her proud smile was beautiful. Hearing her and seeing her was reaching me so much deeper than I’d realized it would.