Before Him Comes Me

by Sure, Alexandria

  Zara looks at Fredrik. “No, Fredrik, I am not. I am sorry if that seems selfish. I would not be the me that I am today had I accepted his collar that day. Garrett gave me a precious gift – the opportunity to find me before giving myself to him.”

  “It does not sound selfish. I am glad you chose him. Mother would have been very happy as well.”

  Zara stands stunned. Opening and closing her mouth, she has no luck pushing out any of the words swirling around in her mind. Grabbing the pendant that hangs around her neck, Zara closes her eyes to settle her racing thoughts.

  “Zara… maybe we should go inside for this part of the conversation.” Shaking her head, Zara slides down and sits on the ground. Fredrik removes a letter from his back pocket and takes a seat beside her.

  “Mother knew about the letter to Michigan State University. She knew about Garrett’s plan to bring you to Michigan. Did you ever wonder how the school had the documents it needed for your application? The documentation for the identification; bank account… Zar… all of that takes time to process. Mother even packed your clothes for me to sneak out to be loaded into his car.”

  Zara burst into tears. It is too much. First, the brother that she loved had been neglected at the hands of her father – the man that had made her childhood a living hell for all three of them. Now she finds out her Mother had risked everything to help her gain her freedom and escape the life she was forced into. Zara remembers the last time she had looked into her mother’s eyes. Her mother had been trying to convey something. Zara did not understand at the time, but she had known there was something.

  “Zar, I found this.” With shaking hands, Fredrik slowly gives his sister an envelope with her name on it, written in her mother’s handwriting.

  Zara gasps.

  Fredrik stands and walks into the building giving Zara space to read her letter in private.

  Zara Faith,

  I loved you from the moment I found out I was pregnant. You were the most beautiful baby girl I ever laid eyes on and I would spend hours staring at you. I memorized every single inch of your face. The way your eyes sparkled when you smiled, the length of your dark lashes when they would catch your crocodile tears, the way your lips would pucker when you were angry. You were mine. You were the one thing in the entire world that was truly mine and my love for you grew with every passing day.

  But I also knew that I would have to give you up. I knew I had to prepare you for the day that you walked into the Circle to give yourself to another. Not knowing what kind of Dom you would submit to, I had to make it as easy for you as I possibly could.

  It took incredible courage to accept Garrett’s offer with your father, the Community and me watching. You have always had such strength resonating through you, so I knew that whatever decision you made in the Circle, it would be the correct one for you.

  Zara Faith, I have always been proud of you, my most beautiful achievement. It has been my honor and joy to be your mother. I love you more than words can say.

  Mother

  Drawing her knees up to her chest, Zara sits sobbing on the ground outside of the warehouse. She realizes for the first time in almost a year that her mother had loved her so much that she gave her the greatest gift she had to give… freedom.

  All of a sudden, Zara feels the strong arms of the man who always comes to her rescue wrap around her and pick her up. He carries her into the building and onto the waiting elevator. Stepping off in what Zara assumes is the loft, Garrett carries her up a flight of stairs and into his room.

  Face buried in his chest, Zara begins sobbing even harder. Her safe haven has returned and she is not going to question why he is there. Garrett caresses Zara’s back, allowing her to feel all the emotions going through her heart. “She knew.”

  “Shhhhh… I’ve got you, Little One.” The tears cascade down her cheek again.

  Looking into Garrett’s eyes, Zara cannot help but smile. “You came back for me.”

  Garrett kisses her eyelids and then her lips. “I guess I did.”

  “How did you know?”

  “Viv!” they say in unison.

  “She came down and found you and Fredrik and texted me.”

  “What about your clients?”

  “Okay… what did I say earlier? My focus. My priority. My greatest pleasure. Let me worry about the clients after I make sure you are taken care of to the absolute best of my ability. Today, you need your man. And I am the lucky guy who gets that lifetime role.”

  “Lifetime… huh?”

  Chapter 34

  During an early dinner, Viv insists Fredrik needs an evening full of classic movies that only she can expose him to. As Garrett leads Zara up to his room, Fredrik is heard laughing hysterically at the first movie Viv selects.

  Zara knows that Garrett has asked Viv to entertain her brother so he can take care of her and she appreciates the time alone. Once in the room, Zara climbs into the bed fully clothed and slides her hands under the pillow. Garrett moves in behind her and presses his body as close to her as he can.

  “I miss her. I never say that out loud. When I first arrived at MSU, I tried so hard not to think about her – not to think of any of them really. It hurt too much.” Turning over to face Garrett, Zara caresses his face. Watching him close his eyes and lean into her touch pulls on her heart.

  “Did you know she was the one that provided you the documents and clothes? Everything.”

  Opening his eyes slowly and focusing on Zara’s eye, Garrett nods. “I suspected. I went to my parents with my plan. I explained my reasons and that I was willing to risk you choosing someone else. I wanted the choice to be yours. When I placed a collar around your neck, I wanted it to be because you wanted to be there and nowhere else. My parents are ‘we will handle it’ kind of people–”

  “So, you come by it honestly,” Zara interrupts and places a light kiss on the lips of the man that had done so much for her.

  “Touché. Anyway, the ball began to roll and documents were acquired. As the Circle Ceremony approached, my father asked me only one time if I was positive that this was what I wanted. I was given your acceptance letter the day before I flew down to meet you.

  “Once your clothes showed up at the ceremonial hall, I knew it had to be your mother. I never said anything to either of my parents. I felt I could not tell you if I was to keep the confidence of my parents as well as your mother.”

  “You did the right thing. Thank you for telling me now. Will you be able to stay tonight?”

  “Little One, nothing could tear me away from you tonight. I am so sorry I was not here when Fredrik told you. Had I known… I am really sorry.”

  “Stop. You are with me now. Hold me.” Zara turns over and Garrett spoons her as her tears silently fall onto the pillow. Zara drifts off to sleep knowing that Garrett will still be holding her when she wakes up in the morning.

  Early the next morning, Zara says goodbye to Garrett for the second time. Reassuring him repeatedly that both she and Fredrik will be fine and that Viv will make sure they are well taken care of, Garrett disappears out the door.

  Wide awake and refusing to miss Garrett within the first minutes of his trip, Zara invades Branden’s chef kitchen and makes a breakfast that would have fed an army. Delighted to be able to wake her brother for the first time in months, Zara takes a large glass of orange juice to the room he is staying in.

  After a couple of knocks with no answer, Zara enters the room to find her baby brother wrapped up in his covers the way she would find him when they were younger. Standing at the door, Zara watches him sleep for a few minutes.

  “It is so creepy that my sister is watching me sleep.”

  Laughing, Zara walks to the nightstand and gently puts the glass down. “I made a huge breakfast. Please tell me you are hungry.”

  “I can eat.”

  “Well hurry up then.” Zara turns to leave the room.

  “Zar.” She stops and turns to face him.

  �
��Father said I was a disappointment to him because he found out something about me.” Zara slowly walks back to the bed and sits on the edge, saddened by the slump of his shoulders. She places her hands in her lap and waits.

  “Zar… I will never be a King Council member.” He lowers his eyes. Although this would be difficult for her brother to tell, she had suspected since they were very small and believed she knew what was coming.

  “Fredrik, you could never be a disappointment to anyone. Whatever you have to tell me, know that you are a wonderful person and I love you very much.”

  “I am submissive.”

  “What?” Zara asks, startled.

  “I am submissive. What did you think I was going to tell you?”

  “I… Well, I thought you were going to tell me you were gay.”

  “No, I am not attracted to men. I am attracted to Dommes.”

  “Oh, Fredrik, I am so sorry. I mean… I’m not sorry that you are submissive.” Zara reaches to embrace her brother. She feels him shaking in her arms, and squeezes him tighter. Pulling away, she sees he is laughing.

  “What’s so funny?” she demands.

  “You. You are beginning to speak like the outsiders. Are you going to bring out a southern accent next?”

  “Jokes. You have jokes. I have cooked a breakfast of champions with all your favorites and you have jokes.” To hide her grin, Zara stomps toward the door. Turning around, she leans against the open door with a serious expression. “Fredrik, I accept you, whatever you are, and I think you are amazing. I am so happy that you are here.”

  “Me too. Choosing not to complete the Circle took a lot of guts. You are the strongest woman I have ever known. Your courage helped me make my decision to leave. I am glad that you and Garrett worked out. He seems nice.”

  Reaching for the pendant at the mention of his name, Zara smiles. “Hurry up. I want to eat.”

  *****

  Garrett’s trip is hard on Zara and by the end of the week it is clear it had taken its toll on him as well. Always one to be in control, he divides his time between his client meetings and calling and texting Zara. She would smile when her phone would vibrate in her pocket knowing it was him.

  With finals just around the corner, Zara’s time is consumed by classes and studying. Fredrik is understanding and spends his time watching movies and hanging out with Viv when her schedule allows.

  Through it all, Zara misses Garrett. She misses their mornings together. She misses the time they spent at night studying and working together. She misses the crazy ‘who can get the best snack of the night’ game. Mostly, she misses his kisses.

  Garrett is scheduled to arrive late Friday night and Viv suggests that Zara go over to the house and prep it for their return on Saturday. She could bring in the mail, check the food situation, and spruce it up. She could even start one of her delicious meals.

  “Viv… I am sure the house is fine. I do not need to go check on it.” Zara shrugs off the suggestion.

  “Z! Seriously, your man is coming home late tonight and y’all are going home tomorrow. Don’t you want to make sure there are fresh sheets on the bed and everything is neat and pretty? Maybe place a ‘I missed you’ note somewhere?” Viv pushes a little harder. Fredrik does not say a word and keeps his eyes on the TV.

  “Are you trying to get rid of me?” she asks in an exasperated huff.

  “Well… kind of. You have been a bit of a mopey downer this week. You are either studying or sad because Garrett isn’t here. We could sort of use a break from that,” Viv declares with a shrug of her shoulders. Fredrik pulls his eyes away from the TV long enough to glance at Zara to nod and agree with Viv.

  “Fine. I’ll give you both a break.” Zara turns to walk toward the elevator and picks up her backpack and Garrett’s keys.

  “Take all the time you want. We are ordering pizza and watching all six Star Wars movies,” Viv yells laughing.

  “Later, Zar,” Fredrik says.

  In no time, Zara is out of the warehouse and on the streets of Lansing heading to the house that has become her home. With Halestrom’s I Get Off screaming through the speakers at her, she sings along to the chorus.

  Sitting at a stoplight, she turns her head and locks eyes with a guy in the next lane. He smiles and without realizing it, she responds with a smile of her own. He winks. Immediately her smile falls and she returns her eyes to the front of her car.

  As the light changes, she continues on her way, thoughts of how her life has changed dance in her mind. A smile returns and this time it is all for her. Zara is proud of the woman that she is becoming.

  The moment the key slides into the lock, Zara knows Viv’s suggestion is a good one. Yes, she misses Garrett, but she also misses her home. Closing and locking the door behind her, she leans against the door and closes her eyes.

  “Finally. I missed the shit out of you,” Garrett says quietly as he walks toward Zara from the kitchen. She stands frozen in disbelief.

  “Garrett?”

  “Come here,” he commands as he stops four feet from where she is leaning against the door.

  Without hesitation, she walks to stand directly in front of him. Her eyes cast downward but her smile’s too big to be hidden. She crosses her hands in front of her.

  “Eyes.” Zara looks up and finds Garrett’s eyes staring down at her.

  “I have missed every single thing about you, Zara Faith.”

  “I have missed you, too. I cannot believe you are here. I cannot believe they tricked me. I cannot believe I fell for it,” she proclaims.

  He takes her hands in his and leans in for a kiss. A sigh escapes her as she feels his lips lightly press against hers. Taking her hands from behind her back and stepping against his body, the kiss intensifies.

  Garrett parts his lips to take Zara’s lower lip gently between his. Pulling her body into his, she feels his tongue caress the lip he is tenderly sucking. Slowly his tongue moves past her lips to her tongue. Searching and dancing, they rejoice in being reunited after being apart for so long. He frees her hands and grabs her ass, pulling her tighter to him where the evidence of his excitement increases her passion.

  Pulling apart, panting, looking in one another’s eyes, Zara is the first to break the moment of silence, “How can it be even better than I remember?”

  Laughing, Garrett scoops her up and carries her toward the bedroom. Leaning against his chest, she feels his heart vibrating.

  “Not really the reaction I was expecting,” she whispers under her breath, making him laugh harder.

  Surprise and disappointment flash through Zara as Garrett turns into the den instead of continuing to his bedroom. While the feelings should not surprise her anymore, being intimate with him has begun to consume all of her waking thoughts.

  Settling onto the sofa, he positions her on his lap so they can easily talk and he can remain holding her in his arms. He tilts his head, lifts her pendants off her chest and examines them.

  “Ever wonder why I gave you these particular pendants?” He bounces his eyes back to Zara’s waiting eyes.

  Shaking her head no, she stares into his eyes.

  “If you had to guess, what would you think the reason would be?” Garrett asks softly as he places the pendants back on her chest.

  “It was your way of reminding me to explore and find out who I am while also reminding me that you are there every step of the way,” she murmurs lowering her eyes to her pendant.

  From the time they were placed around her neck, she had thought of them as a single pendant. It had never occurred to her that, in fact, there were two separate ones on the chain. Even as they lay together against her shirt, she had thought of them as one.

  “That is the selfless reason,” Garrett says staring at the pendants. “Honestly, I wanted you to think about me every time you looked at them. I didn’t want you to forget I was waiting for you.”

  Taking his face between her hands, forcing him to look her in the eyes, Zara says, �
�Every day that we were apart and I was living in the dorm, I thought of you. Your plan worked. This pendant became my connection to you.”

  “Thank you for telling me that,” he replies and mouths ‘I love you’

  “I love you.”

  “Change of subject.”

  “Really?”

  “Please, for a few minutes. This is one of the reasons why I wanted to meet you here instead of the loft. I wanted to discuss Fredrik.”

  Zara releases Garrett’s face, lowers her gaze and places her hands on her lap.

  “Little One, eyes.” She bounces her eyes back up and is met by his serious expression. “I spoke to my parents while I was away.”

  She nods.

  “If it is alright with you, Fredrik will go to stay with them until you are finished with finals. There is a concern that he has not had any schooling since your Mother got sick, so they are going to get a tutor set up to assess where he is for the school year in the Fall. Once you’re done, we will all sit down and have a discussion as to what is best for Fredrik. We can decide whether he should stay with us and go to school here or stay with my parents and go to school in Detroit. How does that sound?”

  “I do not know what to say. I did not think that would even be a possibility for us. That you would allow him to live here with us.” Zara stares for a moment before hugging him so tightly that he starts laughing.

  “Little One, there would be a few conditions. He would have to be in school and he would have a few chores around here. There is a chance he will choose to live with my parents. I want you to be prepared for that. We are going to give him the options and Fredrik will have the opportunity to choose his own path. Either way, he will not be returning to your father.”

  “Thank you. Just saying it does not seem like enough, but it is all I have.”

  “Little One, you are quite enough.”

  *****

  Later, Zara steps out of the bath as Rihanna blasts through the speakers. Drying off, she could not help but dance to the music. Smiling, she chuckles at the thought of how surprised Garrett would be if he found out that this is one of the songs that she learned to striptease to with Ella.