Fallen Into You

by Remmy Duchene

  “Not tonight.” Abhay chewed on his bottom lip for a silent breath as he allowed his eyes to drink in the perfection that was Matt’s face. “Dance for me.”

  Mathias rose slowly and walked to stand in front of Abhay. He had to admit, Abhay was one fine-looking man. With thick black hair that fell into his face when he laughed, to perfect white teeth and thick lips to flank them. He had a nice body too. Mathias could tell by the way his Hansamu-designed jacket draped over his wide shoulders and fell on his body. For more than just a second, Mathias found himself wondering if Abhay had hair on his chest. He wondered if it would feel good sliding across his nipples.

  Clearing his throat, Mathias dragged a hand down Abhay’s chest as he noted that Abhay was a bit taller. That was always a plus and every time he smiled, something gripped Mathias’ groin and held on tight.

  Forcing his arousal away, he started by swaying his body from side to side. This dance was different, even as he undid the buttons on his vest and loosened his tie—Mathias knew that. Each time he looked up it was to see that Abhay was watching him almost like a predator. The slow heat in the man’s eyes, the tense way he set his jaws and pressed his lips into a determined line—all of it told Mathias that tonight was different from the last time he’d seen Abhay.

  The first time, his client had been talkative, demanding he remove his clothes, ordering Mathias to turn around then caressing Mathias with his dark brown eyes. That had been imprinted onto Mathias’ mind, leaving him wondering what could have been, leaving him aroused. It was just as hot though Abhay said nothing, nor did he move in an attempt to touch Mathias. That disappointed him, even with the cameras set up to ensure the clients didn’t get handsy. He wondered about Abhay’s touch—was he rough or did he use the tips of his fingers to caress his lover?

  When he met Abhay’s eyes, a fire raged inside them. It was almost hotter, having Abhay watching him like that.

  When he turned his back to Abhay, the seat creaked beneath the man’s body and he glanced over his shoulder to see Abhay was sitting in the same position he had been earlier. There was a slight tent in the front of his pants. Mathias wished he could help Abhay with that, just fall to his knees and…

  “Stop.”

  Mathias paused and turned to face Abhay.

  “I have to go,” Abhay said.

  “Abhay, you paid for two hours,” Mathias said. “It’s barely been half an hour.”

  “I know.” Abhay bowed his head. “I really have to go.”

  Abhay rose and was charging past Mathias but Mathias reached out and grabbed his arm.

  “Tell me what’s wrong,” Mathias said. “Let me repay you for the time…”

  “You’re not my therapist, Matt…”

  “Mathias.”

  Abhay blinked at him. “Mathias. I will see you soon.”

  With that, Abhay yanked his arm away and barged out of the door. Mathias watched after him, wondering what could have happened. Sure, he knew Abhay was turned on, but that was nothing to be ashamed of. He gathered the few pieces of clothing he’d removed and shoved into them before making his way into the main area. No matter how long he looked, he knew he wouldn’t see Abhay. Mathias even checked the parking lot, though he had no idea what kind of vehicle Abhay drove. There was something in Abhay’s eyes that Mathias knew very well. It was fear and he couldn’t understand it.

  Two days later, when he sat around with Collin, holding a beer, Mathias was still perplexed.

  “So he just told you to stop and left?” Collin asked.

  “Yup.” Mathias took a long drink from his bottle and set it back on the table. “I’ve never had that happen before.”

  “Well, isn’t your motto to not get involved with a client?” Collin asked. “Don’t think so much into it. You probably won’t see him again.”

  “I don’t know how I feel about that.”

  Collin scratched his chin and leaned back in his seat. “Matt, what is it about this cat that makes you so concerned? It’s obvious he’s still in the closet.”

  “He might not be gay.”

  “Um—why would his friends bring him to a gay strip club if he wasn’t?”

  Mathias drank some beer and shrugged. He didn’t have an answer to that so he said nothing. Their evening ended and he wandered home. After a quick shower, he dropped a load of laundry into the machine then sat back with beer to search the internet for Abhay. It seemed Mr. Chetan was a big deal in the computer software world. He was in the process of helping Jackson Stark with his new game as well as working for a major company on internet security. In that moment, Mathias knew he could never attract a man like Abhay Chetan. Sure, his body may be something Abhay would want, but Mathias had nothing otherwise.

  First of all, Mathias wasn’t remotely good at anything except dancing. He’d been on the path to becoming an actual dancer but that hadn’t been derailed with his mounting bills and a need to not be homeless. There was no room for being a starving artist. He’d tried regular jobs, from bartending to security guard, but he was horrible at all of them. Stripping was the only thing he seemed good at, but for a man like Abhay Chetan he’d walk away from that life in a heartbeat.

  Mathias sighed, closed the laptop and climbed the stairs to his bedroom. He flipped on the bedside lamp. With his back against the headboard, he turned on the television and with it on mute, he continued sipping on his beer. No need crying over spilled milk…

  ‘Not tonight. Dance for me.’

  There had been a chance in Abhay that night. He’d seemed stronger at first, more in control. Then something had happened and Abhay was running out of the Midnight Room as if Mathias had suggested they go to Vegas and elope then have two point five kids. Mathias sighed. Maybe Collin was right—he should let it go.

  After draining his bottle, he set it on the bedside table and shifted down so he was lying on his back. Just before drifting off to sleep, a thought swam through Mathias’ mind.

  Did Abhay mean what he said when he said ‘see you soon’?

  Chapter Four

  A week passed and though Abhay could focus on work, whenever he made it home, his mind was still on Mathias. He was also stuck on what Ravinder had told him about not falling. He didn’t see it as falling, just attracted. There was a difference—right?

  For the most part he was able to hide it from the guys, but not from Priya. Even over the phone she could tell something was wrong. Though he’d managed to evade the question, Abhay knew there would be a day when Priya returned from her job in the Turks and Caicos before heading to Paris for a little while. Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to face her until after that.

  He wasn’t in love with Mathias—Abhay lusted after him. It was the kind of carnal hunger that kept Abhay up at nights—that made him stand in the shower and touch himself with the sway of Mathias’ perfect frame inside his head. Slipping into his jacket, Abhay let himself out of his home and trudged through the snow to his car. The engine had been running due to the automatic starter. The last thing he wanted to do after a long week was go to a pub and sit around shooting the breeze with married couples. But what excuse would he give?

  The cold air soaked through the exposed skin of his face instantly. During this time of the year, he missed India. The heat was maddening but he’d become used to it. Though he’d been in Bathsheba and numerous countries since Ravinder and Thaddeus had saved him and Priya, Abhay was still not used to the cold.

  Disgruntled, he climbed behind the wheel and slammed the door, slipped on his seatbelt and turned the car toward the center of town. By the time he walked into Sliver’s his mood had improved with the ride and the music blasting so loud, he thought his brain would explode. Still, he unzipped his coat the moment he stepped through the door. Ko was the first to see him and a big grin spanned the Japanese designer’s face. That caused his fiancé, Jackson, to turn and the dominoes began falling. At the table, each man rose to hug him as well as Dana Salazaar, a trans dancer Jackson had met at one aud
ition or another. She was a new addition to the team, one they all welcomed with open arms and hearts because she was such a happy person. Though she was Jackson’s friend, Abhay was the closest to her.

  “Thought you were going to cancel,” Dana said, shoving a French fry into her mouth. “It’s freezing outside.”

  “I thought about it.” Abhay hooked his coat on the back of his chair and fell into it. The server hurried over to take his drink order and was off again. “I’ve been having one of those weeks.”

  “Tell me about it,” Jackson said. “I think, I’m not sure, but I think I sprained a toe.”

  “I keep telling him to see a doctor but will he listen?” Ko bounced Jackson with his shoulder. “Of course not.”

  “I told you, don’t be too proud to toss him over your shoulder and drag his ass to the doctor.” Thaddeus lifted his beer to his lips. “It’s for his own good and he can spank you later.”

  The group erupted in laughter. Even Abhay had to give a chuckle at that as his drink arrived. He ignored it and delved into the conversations around him. Food came, was eaten, plates were cleared and still he found himself engrossed in his friends. Back in India, he’d never thought his life would be anything like this. After being disowned by his family and later managing to get Priya disowned too because he just couldn’t turn his back on her, Abhay thought he’d cursed his sister to a life of pain and misery. Now, Priya was on her way to finishing her business degree and was modeling for some of the biggest names out there.

  “When I moved here,” Dana was saying, “I was a fish out of water. Let’s be honest, I was scared to show anyone who I really am. But you guys…” She choked up and Abhay reached over to rub her back since she was closest to him. “You guys embraced me—as corny as this might sound, family isn’t just the blood that runs through your veins. Family are those who choose you.”

  “And we choose you!” Darius said.

  The others agreed wholeheartedly.

  “To family.” Abhay lifted his drink.

  “To family!” they chorused.

  The night ended, and since Dana didn’t have a car, Abhay agreed to give her a ride home. It was freezing and her taking a taxi with some stranger didn’t sit well with him. As he settled in for the drive he turned on the heat and was thankful it had warmed up while the car was running in the parking lot.

  “You okay?” Dana asked.

  “Yeah.” He glanced at her. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Usually, you’re the most talkative one of the bunch. Tonight, you barely said anything.”

  “I just have a lot on my mind, that’s all,” Abhay said. “I’ve been thinking of settling down in Bathsheba—rather than contract myself out to companies around the globe.”

  “Why the sudden change?”

  Abhay shrugged. “It’s not really sudden. But I look around and everyone is pairing up, everyone is getting married and I wonder why I can’t find someone. Then it hit me—you know how they say if you get lost in the woods to stay put and let someone find you?”

  “But you’re not lost in the woods.”

  “It feels like it.” Abhay stopped at a sign, checked the street then pulled through the intersection.

  “And another thing.” Dana shifted. “I didn’t know you were looking.”

  “I’m not. I mean, not really.” He sighed. “This stays between us, right?”

  “Of course.”

  “I don’t want to die alone.”

  She reached across and caressed his hand on the steering wheel. “You won’t die alone. I won’t let you. Even if I have to set you up with someone myself.”

  Abhay chuckled. “I’ve met your friends from the studio, remember?”

  “Oh right—you want a man who can spank you one minute then spin you like a basketball the next—understood.”

  He blushed. “I just want someone who will love me. I think I’d be satisfied with sleeping in different beds as long as he loved me.”

  “So you’re looking for Prince Charming,” Dana said.

  “Oh, screw Prince Charming! I want the dragon.”

  Dana giggled. “Yup. Why is it that the quiet ones are always the freaks in bed?”

  “I’m not a freak!” But even as the words left his lips, he remembered the primal urges that had slammed through him watching Mathias dance on stage and in the Midnight Room. He remembered wanting to hold Mathias against the glass wall while he crashed into him from behind, not caring who walked by and saw or stopped to watch. “At least… No, I’m not a freak.”

  “Whatever, man. There’s no shame in it. Now, vanilla sex with a body like yours? That’s a shame.”

  “Focus, Dee. Focus!”

  “I am… Is this because your birthday just passed?” Dana asked. “I mean, you’re still too young to be going through a midlife crisis, but with all the pollutants in the air and…”

  “Oh gawd.” Abhay groaned.

  Dana sighed. “Seriously, then. Sorry I missed your big night, by the way. But that video was a once in a lifetime opportunity and to be the first openly trans woman in a video of such a big artist—huge A!”

  “No need to be sorry, sweetie. I understand. I have to get it together. I’m sure you knew something was wrong so the others did too.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about them.”

  Abhay pulled up before Dana’s apartment building and eased the car into park but didn’t turn off the ignition. “Here we are, m’lady.”

  Dana giggled. “You wanna know something?” she asked, her voice sober.

  “What?”

  “You were the first person to address me as a female,” Dana said. “Everyone else looked at me and still said he. That’s when I realized in our next life, you’ll be mine.”

  Abhay leaned in and kissed the side of her head. “You are who you are, Dana. You’re a beautiful, smart, talented woman. And don’t let anyone diminish your self-worth because of their closed mindedness. Promise me.”

  She beamed at him. “I promise.”

  “Good. Now, are you going to be okay going in?”

  “Yes, Abhay. I’m a big girl. I got this.”

  Abhay laughed then leaned across to drop a kiss to her cheek. “Thanks for coming out tonight, Dee. Sweet dreams of me tonight.”

  Dana winked at him and pushed from the car. Abhay watched as she hurried across the small space and into the three-floor walkup. He wondered how she could wear such a skimpy dress in the weather they were having, but women were strong. After leaving the apartment he headed home but didn’t stay there. Instead, he changed into a pair of sweatpants, a T-shirt that said I run this on the front and grabbed his gym bag.

  His mind was full again—overflowing with the need to put down some roots, to be loved, to stay put in the forest of life so Mr. Right could find him.

  Gripping both ends of the rope, Mathias bent his knees, straightened his back and started flapping them up and down, one after the other in quick succession. Sweat poured down his body as he heated and he gritted his teeth. He counted down in his head and though his arms were tired, his legs strained, he pushed through till the end then dropped the ropes. The final stage was a repeat of the burpees. He fell into a push-up before springing into a squat only to push to his feet and reach for the ceiling. His body ached, pulsed, burned—all the wonderful indicators that he was doing a good job. His body had to be in good shape, not just for his work but to remain healthy.

  When the set was finished, he paced one way, then the next in order to give his feet some time to get used to the stop in activity. After about a minute, he stopped moving completely. His shoulders still rose and fell but he turned toward the clean towels and grabbed one. As he swiped it over his face then against the back of his neck, he turned and his eyes fell on a familiar face. His breath caught in his throat and he debated if he should go over and say hello to Abhay or stay out of the man’s personal life. Then again, he had been worried about Abhay from the way he had all but—

/>   Good lord!

  Abhay dipped into a squat, his sweatpants pressing to him and accentuating an ass that threatened to make Mathias choke on air. Unable to stop himself, Mathias strung his towel around his neck and made his way over. He leaned against the mirrored wall and watched until Abhay was finished with his squats before he spoke. “Hello.”

  “Mathias?” Abhay panted. “I didn’t know you came here.”

  “I have to stay in shape somehow,” Mathias said. “I eat way too much chocolate bars.”

  Abhay smiled.

  “I didn’t know if I should say hi,” Mathias said. “But I wanted to see how you were feeling after…well…you know?”

  “Yeah. I’m sorry about that.” Abhay reached for a towel and brought it over his face. “I’m not usually such a jackass.”

  Mathias laughed. “A jackass? I wouldn’t say that. Most men aren’t comfortable with a place like the Thornless Rose—even if they walk in under their own steam. There’s no need to apologize for that.”

  Abhay glanced over his shoulder then met Mathias’ eyes again. “I promise, I’m not usually like that. I just—can I be honest?” He lowered his voice.

  “Sure. We’re the…” Mathias glanced around. “We’re alone.”

  “It was a little—I mean you were—you turned me on and I felt a little guilty about that.”

  Mathias tilted his head. Never since he’d been a stripper had a man felt guilty for staring at him as he gyrated on a stage or in one of the private rooms. They would try touching him or propositioning him but none were like Abhay.

  “Guilty?”

  “You sound surprised.” Abhay walked to where his water bottle sat and picked it up. As he unscrewed the cap, he looked rather thoughtful.

  “I am.” Mathias stood across from him. “Honestly.”

  “Why?”

  “Abhay, men don’t usually feel bad for watching me at the Rose. They try touching, or getting me in their beds—but never anything like this. It’s not a bad thing. I guess I’m not used to men seeing me as anything than a piece of ass, you know?”