Love Me Before Dawn

by Lindsay McKenna

  He laughed. “Can’t help it if I’m such a good-looking, influential male animal. Don’t tell me you’re jealous, Diane?”

  She tucked her lower lip between her teeth in an effort not to laugh outright. Stockwell was called “Shorty” by those who didn’t care for his Napoleonic streak. He barely stood five-foot-six inches tall.

  “I don’t think I’d call it jealousy, Chad. Besides, I don’t want to waste any more of my time than necessary. And it’s obvious you’re not a supporter of women’s rights.”

  The insults floated right over Stockwell’s head. “At least let me pay for lunch. It’s the least I can do.”

  You bet it is, Diane thought grimly. I’ll need two Alka-Seltzers the minute I hit that office. God, I hope Greg knows where they are….

  *

  If I don’t get out of here, I’m going to go buggy, Tess thought distractedly. She ran her fingers over her tightly knotted hair in a gesture of frustration. The day had started going wrong when she received a nine A.M. call from Senator Diane Browning’s office. Her wristwatch now read five thirty. Her stomach growled ominously because she had skipped lunch to work up the needed information for the Senator. She heard a male voice outside her office, someone talking with her secretary. Frowning, she concentrated on the work before her, another material purchase order needing her signature.

  “The word’s out you’re a bear today.”

  Tess jerked her head up. Her heart took a plunge. “Shep!” she breathed. Her eyes widened and the frown disappeared from her brow. “How—”

  He sauntered into her office, looking neat and incredibly self-assured in his dark blue uniform. He grinned affably, his gaze taking in her tense features. “Didn’t you know? There was a meeting of all test pilots and the flight control design team today.” He stopped at her desk, his gray eyes warm as he gazed down at her. “And, lady, you’re a sight for sore eyes.”

  A small shiver went up her spine as she lost herself in his eyes. A small, tired smile pulled at her full lips. “They were right, you know. I am a bear today.” She blew out a long breath of air and fell back against her chair. Had it been a week since that wonderful day in the sequoias? How many times had she replayed that kiss? Her glance lingered on his mouth. It evoked a sensual feeling that coiled outward from the center of her body.

  “Maybe you need to be fed,” he teased, making himself comfortable on the edge of the desk.

  “I am starved.” She gave him a wicked look. “Are you offering to feed me?”

  He gave a slight shrug of his broad shoulders, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “I just happened to bring along some civilian clothes in the hope that I might be able to talk a certain very desirable woman into having dinner with me.”

  “Ah, I see,” she murmured, enjoying the verbal fencing. Somehow, Shep made the pressures of the entire week dissolve. “I think you had this planned.”

  “Could be,” he murmured. “I have a motto: never go into any situation unprepared.”

  Tess laughed softly, rising. “In that case I won’t disappoint you, Ramsey. Dinner will be just fine.”

  He raised one eyebrow in inquiry. “And dancing?”

  The thought of being in his arms once again made her giddy. She paused at the corner of the desk, holding his intense gray gaze. Unconsciously, her lips parted. She was aware of his maleness as never before. It was as if he were mentally picturing them in one another’s arms at the same moment she envisioned it! A heady, delicious feeling went through her. “I—well, let’s see,” she murmured unsteadily. Old feelings of guilt were stirring to life. She still hadn’t forgiven herself for that night on the balcony. Cy would still be alive if…. She brushed away the gloomy thoughts as best she could Forcing a smile, she tilted her head as she halted near Shep.

  “Feel like sinking your teeth into some prime ribs?” she asked.

  Shep turned, placing his hand on the small of her back, and escorted her to the outer office. “Hmm, juicy, rare prime ribs—I can just about taste it!”

  She made a face. “Ugh! Rare? What are you, an animal?”

  He gave her a warning glance. “On some levels, lady, I’m very much an animal,” he murmured.

  Chapter 9

  TESS SIPPED THE DRY BURGUNDY WINE, WATCHING SHEP over the rim of the crystal glass. The dinner had been delicious, the company superb and the atmosphere in the darkened, intimate restaurant made her feel as if they were the only two people on earth at the moment. They had stopped by her home earlier so Shep could change from his uniform to a tan sportcoat and dark brown slacks. The civilian clothing did nothing but make his broad shoulders look even more capable of carrying heavy loads. She smiled to herself. In uniform or out, Shep Ramsey was a commanding figure.

  “What are you smiling about?” he asked softly, interrupting her meandering thoughts.

  Startled, Tess gave him a wide-eyed look. “Was I smiling?”

  Shep nodded his head, downing the last of the wine. “Your eyes were sparkling.”

  “You don’t miss a thing, do you?”

  “Not where you’re concerned, lady.”

  The timbre of his voice sent a shiver through her. She turned the delicate crystal goblet between her slender fingers. Her face must have broadcast her sudden moodiness because Shep reached out, gently pulling one of her hands from the glass.

  “You’re spiraling into a dive. What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” she said, giving him an unsteady smile.

  “Lady, you aren’t very good at lying,” he drawled.

  His fingers were strong and warm against her skin. She loved his touch, and found herself hungering for it once again. What was she thinking? Cy had only been gone seven months and already she was finding another man enticing…exciting in a way she’d never known before. Tess extricated her hand. “You really want to know what I’m thinking?”

  He leaned forward. “Always,” he answered gravely.

  She moistened her lips, giving him a frightened look. “I’m unsure about myself, Shep. About us. I’m scared. And feeling guilty. …”

  “Guilt is a poisonous emotion,” he responded quietly, scrutinizing her. “You feel guilty about our kissing on the balcony and its getting back to Cy?”

  “Yes.”

  Shep placed his elbows on the table, watching her with a tender expression on his face. “The very thing that makes you appealing to me, Tess, is like a curse for you,” he murmured.

  Tess looked up, a quizzical expression written on her face. “What do you mean?” she asked, her voice nearly inaudible.

  “Your vulnerability. Your childlike way of seeing things in this very complex and complicated world of ours. I wish there were some way for me to help you understand the type of guilt you’re experiencing. If you were older or more experienced, you’d probably understand your feelings better and you wouldn’t let this guilt you’re feeling dominate your life.” He pursed his mouth, frowning. “Don’t take what I’ve said as an insult, Tess. I’m older than you are. My experience has enabled me to put what happened between us in its proper perspective.”

  Tess knotted the napkin in her lap. “Haven’t you ever felt guilty about that night?” she asked, her voice tight with emotion.

  “Yes and no,” he answered hesitantly. “I’ve felt bad because the whole thing still has such an impact on you. But no, I’m not sorry I kissed you. I’ll never regret that.”

  She gave him a disbelieving look. “You were married at the time! You were cheating on your wife. Just as I was cheating on Cy! You mean to tell me you didn’t feel guilt over that?”

  Shep stirred, uncomfortable with the course the conversation was taking. “Honey, don’t get upset over what I said. That kiss was pure and honest. It wasn’t calculated, but an act of the heart. I’m not trying to make excuses for myself, Tess. But you’re trying to extract some penance from life to pay for the one mistake you can’t forgive yourself for.”

  Her eyes flashed with azure fire.
“Just because you can be cold and callous about it or—or selfish, I can’t!”

  He stared at her grimly. “All I’m trying to say is put your grief behind you, Tess. Don’t hide behind it.”

  She gasped. “Why—”

  “Look, there have been times when I’ve wanted to take you out over the last several months, Tess. I’ve stayed away because I knew you needed the space. But it’s been seven months now. You need to start living again.”

  “For whose sake?” she gasped. “Yours? It would seem so!”

  Shep sat back, feeling the rage of her disbelief. He hadn’t meant to bring up the subject. And it was obvious he had approached it from the wrong direction. Or had he? He had been searching for a way to make her want to live again. He wanted her to reach out, adjust and discover new facets of herself. Perhaps anger was the necessary catalyst. Still, his heart wrenched when he saw tears filling her blue eyes, making them look like large, liquid sapphires. He leaned forward, reaching across the table and gently wrapping his fingers around her upper arm.

  “Come on,” he urged gently, “let’s go. There’s a nice park nearby where we can talk more.”

  Tess grabbed the beautiful Irish lace shawl, throwing it around her shoulders. His fingers burned like a brand into her flesh as he led her out of the restaurant to his car. She took a step away from him when he leaned down to unlock the door.

  “Just take me home, Shep,” she ordered quietly, gripping the shawl against her breast.

  He opened the door, helping her in. “That may end this confrontation, Tess,” he said, releasing her elbow, “but it’s not a long-term answer.”

  She clenched her teeth, her jaw pushed out stubbornly as he drove away from beneath the lights of the restaurant into the darker reaches of L.A. A small park, no more than two blocks away, lay like an oasis among the crowded confines of the city. Palms towered over grassy knolls that were dotted with hibiscus bushes here and there.

  She remained tense as she slowed the car to a halt, shutting off the engine. The silence widened the gulf between them. Shep slowly placed his hands on the steering wheel, studying her in the semidarkness. “I wonder if you’ll ever get rid of that anger you’ve been carrying around with you over this whole incident,” he said slowly, measuring her with a steady stare.

  Tess pursed her lips, refusing to meet his eyes. Her heart was pounding unremittingly and her nerves were raw with tension. “I don’t recall Cy’s passing with anger,” she snapped.

  “No, but you’re holding back anger over how it came about.”

  She jerked her chin up and glared at him. Her eyes were narrow slits of fury. “Dammit, Shep, I’ve had the toughest week of my life at Rockwell! I don’t need you playing amateur psychologist and badgering me tonight.” Her nostrils flared. “Just take me home! I don’t feel like putting up with the Spanish Inquisition from you.”

  His mouth became firm. “I’m going to quit feeling sorry for you, Tess. What you need is some clear thinking to get back on track. Let’s face it, you hate Derek Barton. As long as you cling to your guilt feelings you don’t have to work through anything!” His voice lowered. “You’re only half alive, Tess! You’re moving through the days in some sort of fog. I want you to start living again. Quit worrying what other people are going to think.”

  Tess uttered a small cry and jerked open the door. Before Shep could reach her, she fled from the car, running across the dew-laden grass of the quiet park. A sob tore from her throat and she clutched at the shawl, continuing to run, hearing his heavier footfalls coming up rapidly behind her.

  Just as Shep reached out to pull her to a halt, her hair lost the last of the pins which held it in a chignon. The rich, auburn mass tumbled across her shoulders as he pulled her around, bringing her against him.

  “No!” she wailed, throwing her hands out to stop her forward momentum. Her palms met the hard, uncompromising wall of his chest.

  “Stop it!” he breathed savagely, gripping her arms and giving her a small shake. “Tess!”

  Tears streamed down her cheeks as she tried without success to break his hold. He was so close. So tantalizingly male. Even in her avalanche of grief Tess was aware of his natural scent. It dizzied her spinning senses, and she fell against him, sobbing helplessly.

  “Oh, God,” he groaned, sweeping her into his arms. Shep rested his head against her hair, inhaling the sweet scent of jasmine. He ran his fingers through the auburn strands, his desire inflamed to an aching intensity. Kissing her wet cheek, he murmured soothing words in her ear, trying to comfort her. Holding her more tightly, Shep rocked her gently back and forth in his arms.

  “It’s all right, honey,” he soothed, “go ahead, get it out. God, Tess, I’m so sorry to cause you this kind of pain.” He finally coaxed her chin up with his finger, forcing her to look up and meet his eyes. Her lashes were thick and tear-drenched, framing incredibly large blue eyes. He sucked in a sudden breath, unprepared for the fragile beauty of her expression. Cupping her face between his large hands, he leaned down, gently touching her salty lips. At first she resisted, her lips still and unmoving. Tracing the outline of her lips, he felt her quiver imperceptibly. When he deepened the kiss, her lips parted beneath his own. A small moan fled from her slender throat and Shep felt her lean heavily against him.

  Rage mingled with despair and desire within Tess as she collapsed against his steadying form. Tears seemed to join their lips into a fiery, consuming kiss. In that instant, Tess felt all the strength and courage he wanted to give her. Finally, she pulled away from him, her eyes reflecting her agony.

  Shep reached up, gently pushing a thick strand of hair away from her flushed cheek. “It’s better this way,” was all he said, his voice raspy with unshed tears.

  Tess regarded him in the silence. “Pain is better?” she asked hoarsely.

  He gave a slight nod. “In the long run it’s better to face up to the loss and accept it. That way,” he sighed, “you can go on living.”

  “I—I feel at a loss, Shep. I don’t know how to reach out.” She gave a slight shrug of her stooped shoulders. “I’m tired. And I’m finding out I’m so damn naive.” She covered her trembling mouth with her hands. “Where have I been all my life?” she cried softly. “I feel at such a great loss when dealing with people emotionally.”

  His gray eyes grew tender as he searched her features. “Honey, don’t be too hard on yourself. We all learn in different ways. You couldn’t help it if your parents made you feel as if the only thing that mattered was getting good grades. School was your whole life. It stunted your natural emotional growth.”

  He offered her a gentle smile. “You come from strong Irish stock, lady. And you’ve got what it takes to pull yourself up by the bootstraps.”

  Tess gave him an uncertain look. “I can’t promise you anything, Shep.”

  “I’m not expecting promises. All I’m asking for is a chance to get to know you. For you to know more of me. But I don’t stand a chance if you’re walled up with your past.” He gripped her arms, gently. “I can tell by the way you return my kisses that you care for me,” he whispered, a new urgency in his tone. “And I think you know a little of how I feel toward you, Tess.”

  She swallowed against a lump in her throat and gave a nod of her head. He was right on all counts. Shep had awakened passions and desires she never realized existed. But more importantly, she felt comfortable around him. “We live two hours apart.”

  He gave a nonchalant shrug, lifting his head. “So? I’ll see you on weekends. Maybe sometimes during the week when we’ve got meetings scheduled down here.”

  Tess touched her forehead. “My life seems to revolve around Rockwell so much of the time….”

  “Spoken like an over-responsible woman in a management position,” he drawled. “Honey, don’t you see that because you’re a female in a very male-dominated company, you’re working twice as hard as any one man? You’re trying to prove you’ve earned the right to be an administrative as
sistant on this project.” He gave her a small shake. “You don’t need to prove a thing, Tess. Don’t look for approval in other people’s eyes, only your own. Do the best you can and be content with how you feel. And leave your weekends for yourself. Not for the company.”

  She tilted her head, searching his face. “Listen, after this last week, I’m not so sure my position is stable. Senator Stockwell attempted to crucify me with the press.” She met his gray eyes. “You read the papers. You saw my name smeared all over the article on the B-1. He made me out to be an incompetent.” Tess sighed raggedly, remaining in the safety of his arms, all her fears tumbling out. “I’ve fought hard to retain my position at Rockwell after Cy died. And now Stockwell has eroded my position by quoting only half the truth!”

  Shep leaned down, placing a kiss on her brow. Her skin was warm, stirring his senses. “Sorry, princess. I read those newspapers too and talked with the Air Force public affairs people. Believe me, not everyone sees you as an incompetent.”

  Tess expelled a breath of air. She felt his arm tighten protectively around her shoulder. “Anyway, I’ve got to go in Saturday and work on a paper for our PR department. Senator Diane Browning’s office called this morning. A chalk-talk has been scheduled for Tuesday with the news media to offset Stockwell’s allegations. We feel that the public will see the reasons for the B-1 if they are given the facts.”

  “And Sunday?” he asked huskily, loving the warmth of her body next to his own. Even in the weak moonlight her auburn hair shone with copper and gold highlights. “Well?” he prodded gently.

  Tess gazed into his gray eyes, feeling the natural warmth that emanated from him. How could she ever have thought he was machinelike? That mask he wore was only reserved for those who would not take the trouble to look beneath it. “I should take a day off, shouldn’t I?”

  A smile touched his mouth. “Absolutely.”

  “Any suggestions?”

  One eyebrow rose in response. Tess fought back the urge to smile. “I have plenty of suggestions. But at this point, I think only one or two of them are applicable.” His gray eyes sparkled with mirth.