Apocalyptic Apothecary

by Ron Foster

  Although neither he, nor Ann, require such daily medications themselves, they understood that others required them and wanted those that had such meds to consider sharing if applicable at all, to those that were running low on their own medicines.

  People with medical conditions tend to share a lot of research and wisdom together, so if nothing else, they could all talk to one another about what to expect next as their meds ran out and maybe somehow support each other.

  Zack then announced, while everyone was present who had purchased a bottle of Zack and Ann’s “Panacea” herbal blend, to consider donating it to the cause for those needing to wean themselves off their standard pharmaceuticals, or donate it to the community dispensary for cases he couldn’t offer a practical substitute for at this time.

  That particular blend of tinctures would prove to be very useful and it was powerful enough it could be diluted substantially and still do a lot of good.

  Right now, he and Ann said they could offer anyone donating, as an alternative for their purchase, some of their bottles of Plantain tincture in exchange that would work on bug bites, cuts, rashes etc., but it wasn’t as powerful of herbs or as useful as what their other preparation contained.

  Rachel announced that she would be happy to show them all how this marvelous plant grew in the wild and how to use it. However, she advised, because alcohol was in such short supply in camp, the long lasting and more powerful tincture extraction method of dropper bottles that Zack offered, wouldn’t be produced again anytime soon. That is, until we could rectify our shortage of booze and even then it would take a few weeks to create.

  Cheryl and Donna were assigned to take a brief medical history of those campers needing their daily meds. Zack said he would attempt to exploit the plants of the woods and fields for alternatives or try to tell them the dosing of what herbal formulas they had on hand to get some relief.

  He cautioned them to reconcile themselves that they all had to slowly taper off from their drug store meds without shocking their systems going cold turkey. So many of the meds that many were on, like diuretics and such, were mainly used to offset the side effects of whatever main powerful drugs they were taking, so that had to be considered as well as other specifics but the side effect relief part was usually easy to do botanically.

  Zack didn’t know, nor did he recognize the names of a lot of those prescribed medicines folks had on hand, or for that matter what they were good for without someone advising him. But he had a pretty firm grasp on ten to fifteen medicinal plants he used regularly in his business that could be found around here.

  That knowledge was their pharmacopeia for now, because he didn’t have his herbal or field guide books with him. Rachel knew more northern related medicinal plants than southern woodlore but she pointed out a few he had limited knowledge of.

  Ann and he could tell you a whole lot of facts and positive University medical tests and studies on the efficacy of the botanical contents of their products, but they had to remind folks that it got pretty tedious to have to constantly reassure everyone that their stuff works and it works good and not have to give an herbal education every time they were asked.

  A bit more patience on Zack’s part would have been better. That was because he was the one that always pointed out people should know they could do something to treat themselves and that reduced their stress, this was one of the best medicines in the world to know. Knowing you could do something for yourself to cure a medical condition was great, but he seemed to emphasize a bit much that people should take less of his potions, even though you could probably drink a whole bottle of it with no lasting detrimental effects.

  That didn’t mean the stuff in those bottles wasn’t very potent! Far from that, those were very concentrated mixtures. It only meant that as far as he and Ann knew, the science texts he referenced and confirmed the ingredients had shown no known ill side effects or contraindications.

  Of course, people do have their own individual allergies that others don’t, so caution is always advised. The secret of getting herbs to work is: Quality, Concentration, and Proper Application. People self-dosing with more than suggested didn’t usually necessarily mean it would work better.

  Regular prescribed medications and herbal medicines take time to work and miraculous results short term are the exception, not the rule. Patience and practicality should be your expectations and usually you will get some noticeable relief from symptoms right off the bat but that’s not a cure.

  Cures take longer. Pharmaceutical grade medicine for athletes’ foot for example takes weeks to clear up the underlying cause of the condition oftentimes. Then there is drug resistant everything these days but usually not so much with herbals which seem to always hold their historical effectiveness. Often though, the plant-based medicines just seem to take a bit longer, depending on a very wide variety of factors. Oftentimes you could say the opposite is true, it just depends.

  Sometimes you just got to trust your pharmacist and most people didn’t usually make for themselves a habit of questioning the hell out of a prescription, even though they probably should, to make better healthcare decisions for themselves.

  With big pharma, usually once you were on a medication, you would likely be on it the rest of your life; not so with herbs. Big Pharma makes customers, not cures as Zack was so often known to quote.

  When Zack and Ann had decided to bug back to their home and pick up supplies, they first thought about having to turn around and bug out back here.

  They had all moved into an abandoned property formerly for sale with a few select friends at an old plantation style country farm house mansion.

  They had found out soon enough, that bringing as much herbal lore, herbs and equipment back with them in order to produce medicines for the group and themselves had its problems. That prior decision now weighed ever more heavily on their minds and future decision-making processes than ever before.

  Little did they know that the ghosts of past tenants in the old house had left written notes and memories and equipment to help them in this endeavor! The antiquated house held many secrets long undisturbed in forgotten dusty cobwebbed corners…. forgotten lore from the sick and dying of the past waiting on relief that were there not to curse them, but to help them transition back to another day and time in medicine.

  Such was this stately old home place of creaking worn boards, rusty hinges and old peeling paint, that somehow had not lost its endearing space and warmth created by truly skilled craftsmen, nor had it lost much of its forgotten luster in the annals of history as a house of healing in trying times.

  What had started out as a survival refuge for Zack, Ann, and friends from the madness and hunger of the post-apocalyptic world, soon became an enigma of past versus present in their efforts to survive.

  A Discovery Is Made

  Curiosity about what exactly a locked hallway closet might contain had finally gotten the better of Zack and the rest of the old farmhouse mansion’s inhabitants’ speculations. The house guests had fitfully gathered around him to watch as he tried to put an end to this niggling puzzle as he studiously tried to pick the obstinate old timey door lock. At first, Zack had boasted that he should be able to pick the old ornate lock rather easily but it turned out to be a whole lot more complex and far sturdier than he had thought at first glance.

  An unlocked desk drawer in the empty shelfed library had produced a wide variety of skeleton keys that went to various drawers, cabinets and doors around the old plantation, but none of them fit this particular lock after many tries by all.

  The rest of the houses’ new homesteading tenants eventually wandered off in boredom as Zack temporarily gave up on the task and left it to Donna and Rachel to fiddle with it for a while until they too gave up in aggravated frustration.

  “Want me to take an axe to it?” Ezra asked, tired of wondering what was behind the door and getting impatient.

  “Don’t think that hasn’t crossed my mind already more
than once! But no, Ezra it would probably take us all day to beat through it and maybe make a huge mess for nothing. That lock by the way is not your normal old simple one or two tooth old timey key affair that fits into that big hunk of metal on that door. I don’t know, or even care to speculate, about how many bolts or latches that mortise lock has stuck in the jamb coming off of it. By the way, that door, I am guessing, is at least three inches thick and the wood has dried out over the years to a consistency like stone.” Zack said relating how he had seen antique furniture and flooring you couldn’t even drive a nail in it without bending them because the wood had dried out so hard. That kind of old wood when tapped with a hammer sometimes pinged like steel dropped on a rock when struck.

  “What’s a mortise lock, Zack?” Ezra responded not ever having heard of one before.

  “Well, basically it’s named after the way you install it. First, you drill some holes to a required depth and chip out with a chisel a 2 x 4 inch or so slot in the side of a door depending on the lock and door size to begin with. Then you fit the lock mechanism into the side of the deep square mortise you made to fit the palm sized lock, knob and latch setup you slide in. Quite ingenious and secure, actually. They still make most modern high-quality doors with this type of locking setup on expensive doors like you see in hospitals. Hey buddy, back in my younger days I hung a whole bunch of big heavy doors at the VA hospital when I did carpenter work restoration there. We didn’t do it old style then; we made the job easier by using a mortising machine. That was a labor saver, let me tell you, just clamp it on the door and zip zap it would cut out a mortise rather than having to drill and carefully removing wood with a chisel.” Zack related and advised Ezra that there were many types of configurations of latches or deadbolts with modern or old locks and keys but that was the gist of it and modern ones had modern security keys instead.

  “Well, Zack, there sure was something back there they wanted protecting mighty bad! That’s an awful sturdy and substantial door and lock for just a hallway coat rack closet.” Ann interjected as Ezra and Zack studied the doorway to see if maybe they could somehow pry it off the hinges instead of fool with the latch.

  “We don’t have to or need to get in there anytime soon, but I ain’t done with it yet and what might be back there is damn sure bugging the hell out of me!” Zack groused loudly while contemplating how best he should try next to fiddle with picking the lock some more.

  “What in the world do you figure is in there? Some kind of treasure?” Ezra asked crinkling his forehead as he worked his brain on it.

  “I ain’t got anything close to a clue, buddy! Your guess is as good as mine. It sorts of feels like it has got one of those swinging no peep doors or security covers over the keyhole on the other end, or it could be it’s just an extra security feature it has that I know nothing about. Whatever it is, that locks’ got me stumped and buffaloed at the moment.” Zack replied and made Ezra laugh by pretending he was barking and going to bite it!

  “You could go ahead and let Nick and Knobby smash it and bash it for you. Them two big goblins have been getting a bit impatient with what’s back there too and would get quite happy about busting it down, I am guessing...” Ann suggested with a smile and reminding Zack that the two rambunctious men were getting tired sitting around here and the doldrums of apocalyptic living. They needed to use up some pent-up energy and a grand door smashing party was right up their alley.

  “That crossed my mind to turn them heathens loose on it, Ann, but I don’t want to have to walk by a splintered door everyday reminding me curiosity got the best of all of us and I am guessing for probably nothing more out of it than a hell of a lot of noise and mess. This house has been up on the market for sale for a long time, so whatever secrets or valuables it once contained in back of that door are probably long gone now anyway, the same as that missing key that I wish I had.” Zack said dismissively.

  “This house’s owners decided to build it out of oak or some other hardwood for a practical reason, most of the doors in this house are pine. You don’t think it’s a room to lock up some crazy relative or something do you? People back in the old days did that kind of shit, you know.” Ann said speculating.

  “Oh, hell no! You reckon?” Zack said trying to get an idea how big of a closet or room could be behind this overly solid and troublesome door.

  After tape measuring the space between two rooms, with their closets it was estimated the space left over might be five or six feet and that it would be a long and narrow space of some kind which didn’t make sense except for a closet

  They couldn’t look under the door no matter how hard they tried because the gap was paper thin tiny and the oriental designed hallway runner rug was nailed down under it.

  “We got a solution in hand!” Nick said, walking down the hallway with his hands clasped behind his back like a country squire taking a walk in the country before they saw Knobby walking along in back of him shouldering a big sledge hammer.

  “No, you don’t! I told you all we aren’t having any of your brute force antics just yet and we are going to keep trying to do this nondestructively!” Ann scolded, looking at the two men fiercely.

  “Yea buddy, all I am thinking that you are going to be able to do with that sledge is knock the door knob off the thing and then we will still be locked out and we would still be trying to get in most likely.” Zack said warningly.

  “Zack, you don’t give either of us enough credit for being as smart as we are. Now I will admit we don’t know as much as you do about picking locks and such but we have seen many a movie about safecrackers and I got me an idea!” Nick began before Ezra started trying to get a peek at whatever it was Nick had concealed in back of him.

  “Hey Nick! You don’t happen to have a giant firecracker or something like dynamite hid in back of you, do you? Are you thinking about blowing the lock off?” Ezra asked with a wicked smile that showed he thought that might be a dandy good idea and a lot of fun if he was sure he was a fair distance away.

  “No demolition charges, Nick! What the hell all you got stashed in that RV, anyway? You can’t be thinking of setting explosives off in the house for any reason, you remember that!” A shocked Ann scolded while waggling an accusing finger at him to behave.

  “Ha! I told you Knobby, these old farts worry way too much about us! I will have you all know that we, after some calculated deliberation are going to do this with common sense and maybe a bit of Zack skill if he can tell me where he thinks to drill a hole in it at.” Nick said producing a big battery-operated drill with a tungsten coated drill bit he had evidently gotten from his tool box in his RV.

  “Now we are talking, big boy! Damn, I didn’t know you had one of those things, Nick! Well, you two do come up with some damn good ideas sometimes!” Zack said excitedly examining the size of the bit and comparing it to the keyhole.

  “If that bit doesn’t work for the task, I brought along some other drill bits.” Nick said before Knobby said he also had some steel machinist punches to go with the sledge hammer he was toting if they became necessary to punch something out.

  “Well, Damn! Check that out! Frick and Frack come up with the solution and it ain’t thinking about tearing out a wall to take a door down!” Ezra said, trying to kid with them a bit.

  “You get to hold the punch if need be!” Knobby said, messing with him back and holding up a small machinist punch next to the big six-pound sledge he had a firm menacing grip on.

  “Not today! I ain’t holding that little bitty thing while you take a swing at it!” Ezra said sheepishly with a grin.

  “You got some kind of oil with you to drill in metal with?” Zack asked

  “It’s gun oil but it ought to work, if you think you need something coarser or heavier, we can get some motor oil off a dip stick.” Nick said.

  “Gun oil will be fine; I am guessing that lock isn’t anything more than a cast iron casing with some heavy brass works in it so that bit ought to go through it
just like butter. Let’s just hope, in the meantime, that I don’t end up locking it closed instead of making it unlocked.” Zack said reaching for the drill.

  “Ok, here we go now! Knobby, do me a favor and set that giant master key of yours down, you’re making me and Ezra a wee bit nervous with the way you are holding it.” Zack said with a smile as he lined up the drill and the tumblers as best he could guess and then started leaning into it, drilling out the mechanism.