Skin Deep

by Daniels, A. J.

“You guys didn’t need to do this.” Ashley gestures to the spotless living room, dining room, and kitchen.

  There’s not one beer or whiskey bottle in sight, and all the pizza delivery boxes are broken down and piled up by the door.

  “We’ll take those down with us when we leave.” Kat nods towards the recycling then moves towards Ashley and engulfs her in a hug.

  “Thanks, guys.” She wraps her arms around Kat.

  “So, spill.” Alice drops herself onto the L-shaped couch. She was never one to beat around the bush. Alice cringes every time someone tries to make small talk with her, preferring deep meaningful conversations instead.

  With a sigh, Ash sits down next to Alice, folding her legs under her, while Kat takes up the seat on the other side of Ash. There’s no easy way to do this so Ash slowly turns over her wrists, and tears instantly leak out of her eyes. This was why she chose not to wear her usual sweater over her tank top.

  “I can’t stop.”

  “Jesus, Ash.” Alice grabs the wrist closest to her and gently runs her fingers over the multiple red and angry scars.

  “How long?” Kat asks quietly.

  “Since I was fourteen.”

  Eleven years.

  “Why?”

  Ashley shrugs and turns her head to Kat. “I was bullied a lot because of my accent and where I was from. I didn’t make friends easily and when it turned out I was way ahead of my grade the bullying became worse. I couldn’t cope and my parents and teachers wouldn’t listen. At first I turned to sex and lost my virginity to the first guy to ever show interest in me.” She takes a deep breath before continuing, “I thought he was my best friend. I thought I could trust him. That he would be there when I needed him, but . . .”

  “But?” Alice prods.

  “But all I was to him was a quick fuck. Someone he called when he needed to get off, but during the week at school he acted like I didn’t exist. Then he started joining in on the bullying. My parents never allowed us to stay home from school unless we were really sick, so I had to endure it every day; until one day I couldn’t stand the emotional pain anymore.”

  Ashley absently runs her fingers over the scars leading up her inner arm. “I guess my dad had forgotten to put his razor and blades away after a shower one morning. So, when it was my turn to shower, I saw them. It helped for a while, and I did everything I could to lose the accent and dumb myself down. The bullying eventually stopped just before my junior year.”

  “Ash.” Kat grabs Ashley’s hand and squeezes it reassuringly, but pain is evident in her eyes when she looks up.

  “In a weird way, Adam helped. When I was with him I didn’t have to think about cutting. We were always drinking, getting high, or fucking.”

  Kat and Alice both snort next to her.

  “What? It’s true. I know it’s not what either of you want to hear, but it was like I replaced one addiction with another. Except for the abuse.”

  “He hit you, Ash. Repeatedly,” Kat adds.

  “I know, and I know you wanted me to leave him, Kat. But I loved him. I know it probably doesn’t make any sense, but in a way, I was using him too. When I woke up in the hospital that day and you told me about him getting engaged, I should’ve felt something, anything. I mean, we were together for just over a year. I should’ve felt something but I didn’t.”

  “What do you mean you didn’t feel anything?” Alice asks

  “I mean I didn’t feel a thing. I was just numb. It’s like I stopped giving a shit. When I left the hospital I still felt numb. That’s why I got hammered and kept getting hammered every day for almost two weeks. At least when I was drunk I had an excuse as to why I wasn’t feeling anything. When the alcohol started fading away I’d drink just enough to get drunk again. Eventually that stopped working. That’s when I found Adam’s blades.”

  “How bad, Ash?” Alice asks

  “Bad.” Ashley turns to look at her, noticing for the first time the tears brimming her eyes.

  Kat sighs on the other side of Ashley and wraps one arm around her shoulders the other around her chest, “So what do you need us to do?”

  “Honestly? You’re doing it right now. I just need to know you girls will be there. No matter what.”

  “We’re not going anywhere, Ash,” Alice announces.

  “Can I suggest something, though?” Kat chimes in.

  “What’s that?”

  “We’ll get to your living arrangements soon but for now how about we get rid of everything in this apartment that reminds you of that jackass—and the blades.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” Ashley smiles for the first time in two weeks.

  …

  Ashley, Kat, and Alice work until the early hours of the morning collecting and packing everything that belongs to Adam or that reminds Ashley of him.

  She’s surprisingly relaxed when she finally falls into bed. But, she’s not asleep for fifteen minutes when she hears the front door squeak open followed by a crash of boxes.

  Thinking it’s one of the girls, Ashley throws off the blankets and makes it half way to her bedroom door before a very familiar voice travels in from the living room. A very familiar, male voice.

  “What are you doing here, Adam? I wasn’t expecting you to show your face again.” Ashley leans against the doorjamb of her bedroom. She doesn’t think she can stand up straight right now even if she wants to. Her ribs still fucking kill, but at least the bruising has faded a lot over the last week.

  “I live here, babe,” Adam slurs.

  “No. No, you don’t. You almost fucking killed me, Adam. And, per every media outlet in this town, you’re engaged. Or did you just happen to forget that little tidbit of information?”

  “I have no choice. I have to marry her if I ever want to make partner in the firm. But I came back to you, babe. I come home to you.”

  “You had a choice, Adam. There are plenty of other law firms where you could make partner without having to marry anyone. You had a choice and you chose wrong.”

  Folding her arms across her chest, she tries to stand up straighter and take a deep breath, but that just causes her ribs to protest in pain. But her voice comes out surprisingly strong. “You need to leave. Now.”

  Somehow, with her trying not to look like she’s in pain, she doesn’t notice Adam moving closer until he’s standing directly in front of her.

  “You don’t get to walk away from me, Ashley. You don’t get to end this until I say I’m done, and I’m not done with you yet.” He grabs her by both arms and pushes her against the doorjamb. “Do you hear me?”

  Blinding pain rockets across her ribs, making it difficult for her to breathe.

  “Adam, you’re hurting me,” she cries.

  “I don’t want to, Ashley. But it seems to be the only way to get it through that stupid brain of yours.”

  Adam pulls her forward a couple inches before slamming her back against the wall.

  “Adam, stop, please,” she begs.

  Adam’s mouth is set in a hard line and his eyes burn with anger as his hands squeeze tighter around her arms, “You don’t seem to get it, Ashley. You don’t get to tell me what to do. You just get to shut up and be ready and waiting for me when I come home.”

  Her body finally starts listening to the commands her brain is sending, and her knee shoots up and connects with Adam’s balls and momentarily stuns him.

  She takes the opportunity to get away from him and runs back into the bedroom, hoping to lock herself in, away from Adam’s advances, he manages to push the door open before she can shut it.

  He only has a split second to react after chasing her into the bedroom before something wizzes by his head and hits the wall to his right.

  She is standing on the opposite side of the room, fear emanating from every pore of her body. The fact that the lamp she just threw at Adam’s head didn’t hit its mark makes her more fearful. Adam’s eyes go black as they lock onto his prey.

  She twists around and gr
abs the picture frame before pulling back and hurling it at him, but he ducks and moves out the way just in time. The glass shatters as it hits the wall, and shards fly in all directions, with some hitting his back, but he doesn’t flinch.

  His nostrils flare as he stalks toward her and tackles her to the floor, pining both of her arms above her head, with one hand holding her wrists, and straddling her legs.

  She screams as she tries to twist her wrists out of his grasp, but Adam tightens his hold. She tries to bring her knees up again, but Adam has successfully pinned them down.

  “Fucking stop moving, Ashley.”

  Anger is rolling off him in waves as she continues to struggle under him. Adam backhands her but when she continues to scream he lands one punch to her face, and she quiets, her body quivering in fear.

  His hand comes up and grabs her face, squeezing her cheeks. “Now, I’m fucking starving so you’re going to go and make me something to eat like a good little bitch, and you’re not to speak until I allow you to, or those cracked ribs will turn into broken bones. Understand?”

  Her eyes round at the coldness of his voice.

  Adam smirks. “You didn’t think I’d check up on you, did you? After all, I had to make sure you didn’t tell those doctors the truth about what happened.” Adam sighs disappointedly. “Oh, I know you told those two bitches everything but I’m looking forward to taking care of them so they don’t go squealing to the wrong people.” His lips draw back in a snarl. “It’ll be fun watching as they realize they’re about to take their last breaths. Not being able to scream. Not being to move.”

  Adam lets go of her and moves back to the living room, “Don’t forget my food, Ashley, and don’t think about warning those friends of yours either. You’ll regret it if you do.”

  After Adam ate and drank himself into unconsciousness—despite his warnings, Adam still put away a full bottle of whiskey—she immediately went to work. Quietly grabbing her backpack and throwing as many things as she could into it while trying her hardest to be quiet.

  Ashley knew when he drank that much chances of him waking up before morning were slim to none but she didn’t want to play with fire. She didn’t want to chance waking the bear and have all hell break loose.

  It wasn’t just her life in danger now. Adam threatened the lives of her two best friends and that didn’t fly with her. She may not care what happens to her but she would protect those women with her life.

  After throwing the last of her clothing into the backpack, she tiptoes passed Adam snoring on the couch, avoiding all the floorboards she knows creak.

  Holding her breath, her hands shake when she quietly turns the lock in the front door and pries it open. She lets out her breath when Adam doesn’t move on the couch.

  As soon as the door closes behind her, her feet take off as fast as they can carry her down the two flights of stairs to the lobby and out the glass-paned doors. She sends off a quick message to Kat and Alice then ditches her phone in the nearest garbage can.

  Ashley: Adam came back to the apartment. Long story. Meet at our spot in 30.

  Adam knows her log-in information for her iCloud and he likes to use the “find my iPhone” app to keep track of her whereabouts. If what she has planned is going to have any chance of working, he can’t know where she is. Which means, she’ll be ditching a lot more than just her phone.

  Kat and Alice are already waiting when she arrives at the park. Despite the streets light being on it’s still dark outside so Kat and Alice don’t see the new bruises and split lip until Ashley walks right up to them.

  “Oh, my God, Ashley.” Alice rushes towards her and immediately starts looking over the freshly colored black and blue skin.

  “I’m fine.”

  “You’re not fine, Ash,” Kat points out.

  “What happened?” Alice asks.

  “What always happens. Except he took it too far this time. When he threatened both your lives something snapped, and I realized I couldn’t stay there anymore.”

  “How’d you get out?”

  Ashley scowls. “Adam never could turn down a good bottle of whiskey. He’ll wake up with one hell of a hangover in the morning.”

  “What do you want to do now?” Kat inquires

  Ashley looks from one woman to the other.

  “You said you guys had a plan.” She stuffs one of her hands into the pocket of her capri pants and wraps the fingers of the other one around the strap of her backpack. “I think I’m ready to hear it now.”

  Kat and Alice share a look before turning back to Ashley. “Are you sure?” Kat asks.

  Ashley sighs dropping and shaking her head. Her eyes squeeze shut against the tears threatening to spill. When she’s confident she has control over the water works again she lifts her head and looks both women in the eyes, determination flashing in hers. “Yes. Adam’s won too many times, but it ends now. I can’t live like this anymore. I refuse to let the depression win again and if I stay here with Adam that’s what will happen. And I refuse to let him make me his fuck buddy on the side.”

  “Okay,” Alice acknowledges, motioning for them all to take a seat on each of the three swings. “Our plan, after meeting you here, was to get you out of town fast and without Adam being able to track you down. Right now, that means taking the greyhound bus to any destination you want. It doesn’t have to be in Ontario.”

  “Alice and I have been putting some money aside from each of our paychecks every month for the last year. If this was to ever happen we wanted you to have a fast exit and not have to worry about expenses for a bit. We have about seven thousand dollars saved up.”

  Ashley eyes tear up again, “You guys didn’t need to do that. That’s a lot of money.”

  Alice shrugs. “We wanted to, and plus it’s not all ours. Your family have been pitching in when they can as well.”

  “My family?”

  Kat reaches over and slips her hand in Ashley’s. “When your mom and dad and Chris couldn’t get ahold of you they got worried and your dad called us. Alice and I told him what was happening and your dad went ballistic.”

  “He went down to Adam’s law firm and confronted him. Your dad threatened to cut off his balls if he didn’t leave you alone,” Alice adds. “But because Adam is the monster he is, he had your dad arrested, claiming assault. Then he slapped him with a restraining order and added your name to it as well. Your dad isn’t allowed within one-hundred feet of you and Adam. He isn’t allowed any communication with you either. We set up the savings after that.”

  “That’s ridiculous. Why didn’t anyone at the firm stand up for my dad and say he never assaulted Adam?”

  “It happened in the parking lot. Your dad caught him as he was coming back from lunch.”

  Realization dawns on Ashley while Alice speaks. “Adam came home with a black eye, about a year ago now I guess. He said one of the guys accidentally elbowed him when they were playing rugby after work. You mean he did it to himself?”

  “It seems so. Your dad swears he never laid a hand on Adam, although he wanted to.”

  “You know, it should surprise me Adam would stoop so low to keep my family away from me, but it doesn’t.”

  “Your dad just wanted you to be safe and away from that asshole. But Ash, if you decide to leave, you have to leave them behind too. This only works if you leave everyone here behind and become a whole new person,” Alice warns.

  “Well, everyone except for us,” Kat adds with a small grin.

  “Look, I don’t expect you girls to pack up your lives and come with me.”

  Kat gave Alice another knowing look before both women turn to face her. Despite the warm, June night, she’s shivering. The adrenaline from the events of the evening is finally leaving her body.

  “We’re coming with you,” Alice states confidently.

  She shakes her head, “No, your lives are here. You can’t just pack up and move in one night.”

  Kat shakes her head, disputing Ashley�
��s claim. “We can and we will. Nothing is holding us here. Our families aren’t here, and we can switch our classes to distance ed. and complete them online.”

  “You need us more than we need to stay,” Alice adds.

  Ashley nods. “Any idea where you ladies would like to go?”

  “I have a friend in BC. He could probably find us a condo down there,” Alice supplies.

  “All right.” Ashley breathes a sigh of relief, and they plan to go back to Alice and Kat’s apartments to grab some of their clothes before heading to the Greyhound bus depot.

  …

  It takes them three days to get from Ontario to BC on the bus. During that time, Ashley Martens ceased to exit, and Danielle Gilbert was born. Straight, shoulder-length, blonde hair became long, wavy, and black, reaching down to her lower back, thanks to extensions and a curling iron. She hates the idea of sticking her finger in her eye to put contacts in so her striking green eyes have to stay.

  She looks into the mirror hanging in the women’s bathroom of the bus stop but she doesn’t recognize the person staring back at her.

  “Hi, I’m Danielle,” she says to herself in the mirror, faking a smile.

  “Danielle. Danielle Gilbert.” She tries out her new name again, but it feels funny on her tongue. “Well, it’s now or never,” she says to herself, taking a deep breath and pulling open the door to her new future, where Kat is now Nicole or Nic, and Alice is now Jessica or Jess.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  2015

  “Nice shot,” Jay says over his shoulder, reloading the next round into his Glock 17.

  “Not too bad yourself,” Parker fires back.

  After he, Jay, and Mike completed their RCMP training in Regina, Saskatchewan four years ago, the three of them were assigned to the unit in Oceanview, British Columbia. Two years after joining all three of them were recruited to BC’s Emergency Response Team. Now they were sergeants.

  They fire off a couple more rounds before both their phones ring simultaneously.

  “Collins,” Parker answers.

  “Miller,” Jay answers.

  Seconds later, they’re clearing out the last rounds and holstering their weapons before making the trek back through the forest and climbing into Jay’s truck.