Skin Deep

by Daniels, A. J.

  His breath leaves him as he stumbles back into his leather office chair. “I’m on my way to your place right now.”

  “She’s not there, Parker—”

  “Where are you? I’ll come get her.”

  “Parker, she’s not here either—”

  “Damn it, Jessica! Where is she?”

  “Look, asshole, I didn’t have to call you and tell you, but she really likes you, and I have a feeling you might love her, so you should be there for her right now. I put her on a plane home about ten minutes ago. There’s another flight leaving for Toronto in two hours—”

  He didn’t need to hear the rest of what Jess was saying. He hangs up and grabs his keys before hauling ass out to the car and to the airport. He didn’t need his passport to fly within the country, and he could buy clothes once he got there, but his girl needed him. He had a lot of groveling to do.

  . . . and I have a feeling you might love her . . .

  Jessica’s words play like a broken record in his head while he sits in his seat waiting for the plane to take off.

  Nausea rolls through his stomach, and something akin to heartburn grips his chest. He doesn’t do love.

  It’s not a word he includes in his vocabulary. Does he believe in love? Sure, he does. But does he love her? Even if he did, he wouldn’t be able to tell. He’s never been in love nor has he said those three little words to anyone. He may have never been in love but he also doesn’t believe in flinging those words around to just anyone.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  “ASH, CAN YOU GET the door!” Chris yells from the living room where he’s been playing that damn PS3 game ever since she got to their dad’s house earlier this morning. He’s only stopped to scarf down a couple slices of pizza and go to the bathroom. She has no idea how he can just sit in front of the TV for eight hours straight like that.

  Shaking her head, she goes to answer the front door but she’s not prepared to see Parker on the other side.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Jess told me what happened.”

  She sighs and leans her head against the propped open door.

  Of course she did.

  “You didn’t need to come out here.”

  “Why didn’t you call me? I would’ve come with you, Danielle. You didn’t have to do this by yourself.”

  “Would you have? Because lately it seems like you live at the station. I haven’t had a conservation with you that wasn’t over text in several days, Parker. And I’m not doing it by myself. Chris and my mom are helping where they can.”

  Although, they’re really not. Her brother, Chris, is too young to help with all the legal stuff.

  “Damn it, Danielle, yes, I would’ve been there. You’re more important than work. There’ll always be other ERT members who can take over for me, but there’s only one you.”

  She wants to believe him when he says he would’ve been there, she really did, but history has a way of repeating itself.

  She straightens up from leaning on the door frame and steps outside, closing the door behind her.

  “If there’ll always be other team members to take over for you then where were they these last few days?”

  Fuck, she knows she sounds like a whiny bitch but she needs to know what she did to make him avoid her.

  He runs a hand through his hair and looks at her with regret in his eyes, and her stomach instantly falls. “Do we have to do this right here? Let’s go grab a coffee and talk.”

  “If you’re breaking up with me, you could’ve saved yourself a plane ticket and just texted me.”

  “What? I’m not breaking up with you, Danielle.”

  But she’s not buying it. She crosses her arms over her chest and narrows her eyes at him. Trying not to think about how hot he looks in his fitted, navy blue dress pants and white, button-up shirt.

  He’s not wearing a jacket, and his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows. The top two buttons of his shirt are undone, exposing a bit of the eagle tattoo on his chest.

  Despite the four hours spent on a plane and the hour drive from the airport he still looks perfectly put together.

  “Shit. Okay, looks like we’re doing this here.” He runs a hand through his hair again and stuffs them both inside the front pockets of his pants. “I didn’t have to pick up all those other cases but I did. I picked them up because I couldn’t stand to lie to you and I figured if I spent most of my time at the station working on other cases then I wouldn’t have to.”

  “Lie to me about what?”

  “I asked Jay to see if he could track down Adam.” He looks at her regretfully.

  “What? Why would you do that?” Her arms drop to her side, and her back straightens as her voice rises in volume.

  “Because I couldn’t stand what he’d done to you, and he needs to pay.”

  “So you go track down my abusive ex, and what? Hope I don’t find out? Hope it doesn’t drag all those painful memories back up? What was your goal in this, Parker? Please, help me understand what you were thinking when you asked Jay to go digging up my past.” Her face flushes red with anger.

  “I was thinking that son of a bitch needs to pay for what he did to you! That I wanted to find him before he found you!”

  They’re both yelling now but neither of them seems to care. She feels sick and she can’t believe he’d go behind her back and do that.

  She gets where he’s coming from but all she wanted was for her past to stay buried in the past. She can’t think about Adam right now. Not with what’s happened with her dad.

  His funeral being only days away, everything has fallen on her: making the plans, notifying his work and his landlord, and taking care of his estate.

  She sighs, feeling defeated. She doesn’t want to fight with him. She’s glad he’s here but she just needs him to be there for her right now.

  “I’m not some helpless thing, Parker. I don’t need you to fight my battles for me.”

  He pulls her into a hug and kisses her forehead. “I know and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for keeping this from you and making you feel like I abandoned you.”

  She wraps her arms around his waist and grasps his shirt at his back praying he doesn’t let go and buries her face in the crook of his neck, inhaling him in. She’s missed this.

  “Did you find him?”

  He sighs and gently nudges her chin up with his finger until she’s looking up at him. “Jay’s still looking, but so far no hits have come up. But if anyone can find him, it’s Jay. He can’t hide forever.”

  She looks down, noticing for the first time he doesn’t have any luggage with him. When she looks back up at him with a raised eyebrow there’s a grin on his face. “No bags?”

  “I was in my office when Jess called. I went straight to the airport and got the first plane out. Packing wasn’t high on my list.”

  Shaking her head, she laughs and leads him inside the house, “Come on, Romeo, it’s been a long day, and I’m tired. We’ll go get you clothes tomorrow when the mall opens.”

  …

  After Ash and Parker got back from shopping for clothes and picking out a suit for the funeral tomorrow, he decided to spend some time getting to know Chris.

  She’d told him Chris was the one who heard their dad call out in the middle of the night and who realized he was having a heart attack. He stayed with him while the ambulance was on its way.

  He couldn’t even begin to imagine how Chris must be feeling after having to watch his dad die in his arms and not being able to do anything. That would wreck anyone, but the kid’s only sixteen.

  “Bravo team, go left. Alpha team, go right,” Chris says into his head set.

  Parker has no idea what game they’re playing so he’s just following Chris’s lead. It goes to show how often Parker got to just chill and hang out on his couch and play video games.

  The last time he picked up a controller he was probably seventeen and in his junior year of high school. There was never e
nough time to play games after that.

  “Parker, watch your six!” Chris yells at him right before the screen goes red and they lose the game.

  “Shit. Sorry man.”

  “No worries. I was due for a lunch break anyways. I’m fucking starving!”

  “I ordered a pizza for you guys,” Ashley says walking into the living room.

  “Sweet. Thanks, sis.”

  “You’re welcome, Chris.”

  She walks over to Parker and places a kiss on his cheek. He notices, not for the first time, how beautiful she is. This woman has the strength of steel. It takes an amazing amount of courage to go through what she went through and come out whole on the other side.

  “I’m going to the funeral home to drop off the final payment.”

  “Want me to come with you?”

  “Nah, looks like you guys are really into your game, and I won’t be long.”

  Chris hands him back the controller and starts another game. He tries not to fuck it up this time, and their team finally completes their mission.

  …

  Her phone rings as she’s walking back to her car.

  One more day and then she’ll never have to visit the funeral home again. At least for a while anyway. Everyone is just way too nice there. Almost overly nice. Always asking her how she’s doing. Letting her know that if she needs anything, they offer a wide range of services, including grief counselling.

  Yeah, no thanks.

  “Hello?” she says settling into the driver’s seat of her VW Jetta.

  “Miss Ashley Martens?” the deep voice on the other side asks.

  Her blood runs cold, nobody from her new life knows her real name. No one except Parker and her two best friends but neither of them would ever give out that information.

  “Yes?” she hesitantly answers.

  “I’m constable Smith from the OPP. Would you and your brother be able to come down to the station today. It’s about your dad.”

  “I don’t understand. My dad’s funeral is tomorrow.”

  “I understand that and I’m sorry for your loss, but it’s important that the both of you come in. Neither of you are in trouble, we just have a couple questions in regards to your dad’s death.”

  She reluctantly agrees to meet Constable Smith at the station with Chris in a couple hours.

  …

  “Constable Smith?” Parker asks when they approach his desk.

  “Yes. And you are?” The burly man looks up from the stack of papers on his desk.

  “I’m Parker Collins. I’m part of the RCMP in BC. This is Ashley and Chris Martens.” He gestures behind them.

  “Ms. Martens. Mr. Martens,” Constable Smith says, standing up from his desk and shaking each of their hands. “Please have a seat.”

  Ashley and Chris sit in the two chairs provided in front of his desk with Parker preferring to stand behind Ashley with a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

  “Do you know if your dad was taking potassium for any reason?” Constable Smith asks from behind his desk.

  Parker looks at her and Chris, they both shake their heads no. As far as she knew her dad wasn’t taking any medication or vitamins. He was extremely healthy. He ran every morning and never missed a squash tournament.

  “Why do you ask?” she questions.

  “The lab work showed large amounts of potassium in your dad’s blood.”

  “I thought you said he died of a heart attack,” Chris says, confused.

  Constable Smith nods. “Large amounts of potassium like this can cause cardiac arrest. But we never see these amounts in someone taking it as a daily supplement. These levels are even high for an overdose.”

  “I’m sorry, but what are you saying?” Parker demands.

  “I’m saying it looks like there might be foul play involved in their dad’s death.”

  “You think someone killed him?” she questions.

  “It’s possible.” Smith looks to Chris, “Was your dad acting strangely at all over the past few days?”

  “I’m not sure. We had an away game this week. I was gone for two nights. I found him the night I got back.”

  “Game?”

  “Football. I’m a running back for our high school team,” Chris says.

  Constable Smith jots down notes in a file and then shuts it. “I apologize for having to bring all this up again, but we wanted to make sure all our bases were covered.”

  He stands and offers his hand to her, Chris, and then Parker. “If anything new comes up we’ll let you know right away.”

  She, Parker, and Chris leave the station, their heads are spinning with the new information they just received.

  The Ontario Provincial Police suspect foul play in their dad’s death but they didn’t elaborate as to a possible motive.

  “I’ll get my team to look into it,” Parker reassures her, but she just nods, still not entirely sure what just happened. Who would want to murder her dad?

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  THERE’S A SMALL GATHERING at the funeral the next day. Ashley had decided to not have it open to the public, just family or by invite only. That didn’t, however, stop their estranged great-aunt from crashing the funeral, who then proceeds to pull her aside to ask if she could give Ashley’s dad’s eulogy.

  Ashley was really glad when Parker intervened, told her aunt politely no her aunt couldn’t give the eulogy and then dragged Ashley away before she gave her estranged aunt a piece of her mind—impolitely.

  Her aunt had only ever met her dad once in his life so for her to have the balls to come up to her and ask her was not sitting well with Ashley. She shouldn’t have shown up in the first place.

  He wraps an arm around her shoulders and leads her into one of the private rooms at the back of the funeral home. He’s trying to comfort her the best he can, but she’s having a tough time coming to terms with her dad’s sudden death.

  When he closes the door behind them, she pushes his arm away and walks further into the room. Her shoulders heaving with each struggle of breath. “I can’t believe he’s really gone.” She sobs.

  When people tell her it’ll get better, that it gets easier, she wants to scream. How is something that hurts this much, that literally makes her feel like her heart is breaking, supposed to get better?

  “Danielle—”

  “He’ll never walk me down the aisle, Parker. He’ll never see me get married or have kids.”

  She moves to the window and watches as rain starts gently falling on this July day. He walks up behind her, wrapping his big arms around her.

  Her dad wasn’t poor but he wasn’t a rich man either, and that never stopped him from making sure his children were taken care of. He didn’t mind sacrificing if it meant his kids were happy. Her mom didn’t either.

  She may be a grown adult but she still needs her dad. She needs her best friend back. And right now she doesn’t care if God has a better plan. She really doesn’t.

  …

  Chris’s words are the only things that penetrate her thoughts as she sits in the pew of the funeral home.

  “When a man raises a man, a bond is made. A father-son relationship is a connection that will never be torn apart, not by death, not by separation. When the person’s gone the love still lingers. It hurts to let that soul slip through our fingers, but as I grow older I start to realise I’m my father’s son, and no good deed goes undone. Rest in peace, Dad. We love you.”

  …

  “So tell me the truth Dani. How are you really doing?” he asks, still keeping his eyes on the stars.

  When everyone left after the funeral, Parker and Ashley decided to drive down to the lake and take a walk along the boardwalk.

  This was always her favourite thing to do when she’d had a long or stressful day.

  An audible sigh escapes her lips.

  How am I doing?

  The last couple days felt like her body was on autopilot. It had felt like she was in limbo, and everything w
as just moving around her. She was standing still, but life for everyone else kept going forward. Didn’t they know? Didn’t they care that her father was just killed?

  Before the funeral, everything felt like a bad joke someone was playing on her. But it wasn’t, she’d seen him lying there on the stainless steel table with a white cloth covering everything but his face. Motionless. Not breathing.

  She’d wanted him to move, to get up from the table, to walk over to her, hug her, and to tell her it was a mistake, that he wasn’t dead.

  During the funeral was when everything started to go by in a blur: the people, the minister, the service. None of it felt real.

  She sits up, suddenly very focused on the waves crashing on the beach.

  She didn’t know how to put it all into words he or anyone would understand.

  “Honestly?” She takes a deep breath trying to organize her thoughts. “I don’t know how I’m doing. I’m fine until somebody mentions his name or I see a picture of him or a memory invades my head.”

  Tears are threatening to spill but she wills them back. He sits up and inches closer to her.

  “I feel almost guilty. I mean he was my father but at times I find myself forgetting him; forgetting his face, forgetting his laugh, his voice, his hug. Other times I still expect to see him come home around dinner time. One day I caught myself wanting to dial his number and talk to him.”

  A tear escapes and the barricade that had been holding them back breaks, the tears flowing freely now.

  “Danielle—” he starts but decides against it.

  Danielle, what? What could he even say to that? He’d never lost a parent so he didn’t know exactly what she was going through. He could imagine the war of emotions going on inside of her but he couldn’t know exactly.

  What does one say to someone who’s lost a parent? There was only one thing he could do for her and that was to make sure she knew he’d always be there ready to listen with open arms if she ever needed it.

  “I don’t know if there’s anything I can say or do that would take away some of the hurt you’re feeling but what I can do is promise to always be here to lend an ear.” Reaching an arm around her shoulders he pulls her closer into him. “I’ve been told I have a knack for listening to people vent.”