SCREAMIN' in Pain

by Cynthia Pegram

  Heather and I talk for a little while. She and Randy are doing great as always. She asked what happened with, Hugh. I did not tell her anything. She knows I am keeping something from her. She does not want to push me for information. I want to tell her except I am too embarrassed.

  When I get back home, I feel so much better after talking to her. I love her as my sister. She truly is my best friend.

  “Ma’am, you look a lot happier today.”

  “I feel a lot happier today, Mandy.”

  Hugh enters the dining room coming home from work. He hands me a dozen of red roses. My first thought is to throw them in the trash. Instead, I put them in a vase sitting them on the kitchen table.

  “How was your day today, baby? Did you do anything special?” I cringe when he calls me that. I am so not his baby!

  “Fine, didn’t do a lot of anything. Went for a drive to clear my head.”

  “Good for you,” he tells me sarcastic!

  We eat dinner in silence. After that, I head to my room. I sit and plot what I want to do next. The next day I go back to Heathers. I have a plan!

  “I am going to follow Hugh, tomorrow.”

  “Why?” She is staring at me with shock on her face.

  “I am going to find out who his girlfriend is. I know they get together every Wednesday.”

  I am smiling like a kid in a candy shop. I feel so wicked!

  Heather wildly shakes her head back and forth. She gives me the warning look. She knows how he is.

  “Kris, you are not going to do that. If he catches you he will kill you!”

  At this point, I do not care. I want to see who she is so I can use that against him. Maybe this can be my way out.

  “Kris, why don’t you just get in your car, drive away?”

  “Heather, you know he will find me. When he does, I will have hell to pay. I do not want to live in fear. I just want him to divorce me. I want to move on with my life!”

  She has seen some of the abuse for herself and has heard most of my stories. She knows he will find me!

  “You know, Randy has this really hot friend. I could set you up with him.”

  “Oh Heather, and you don’t think that will get me killed? We are trying to get me out, not to put me in a box six feet under!”

  “You are probably right.”

  We sit quietly in our own thoughts for a little while.

  “If you really decide to do this you better be careful. I would go with you Kris, only I’m not stupid.” I get up hugging her then leave.

  On my way back home, I think about what I am going to do when I find out who she is. Am I going to kick her ass? Will I start screaming and yelling? I am not sure what I am going to do. I just know I am going to do something!

  When I get home, I make a drink taking it up to my room. Hugh got in late that night. I was already sleeping.

  When I wake up, I think what the hell! Hugh has gotten undressed climbing into my bed. I try not to let him know I am awake. I do not want to face anything bad. He holds me tight kissing the back of my head. I assume he thinks I am asleep because he starts talking to me.

  “Baby, I wish you could be good. I wish you could do as I ask. I cannot decide between you and Vanessa. I have changed so much over the last few years. You are so sweet, so innocent. Vanessa is exciting, different, yet she can also be a major, bitch. The only way I can release my frustration is to take it out on you. I do not know how to feel or what to think. Please, just don’t make me hit you anymore.” He snuggles his head into my back falling to sleep.

  What the fuck! I am not doing anything to this man to make him hit me. This man has some serious issues. I think he is bipolar. I figure I will see what this Vanessa looks like so I can face her. Maybe I can get the courage to face him also.

  When Hugh wakes up in the morning, he rolls over. I feel his fingers running through my hair. I open my eyes as he is staring at me. I have not seen him look at me that way in a long time. He actually looks like he loves me.

  “Sorry Kristy, I came home really wasted last night. I just wanted to hold you.” He gets out of bed, grabs his clothes, and leaves my room.

  If he does not want a relationship with me then just leave me. On the other hand, I thought maybe he wants to make our marriage better. The look he gave me is the look I saw in the beginning of our relationship. Maybe, he really does love me.

  I get in the shower debating if I still want to follow him. Part of me does, however, part of me does not. I decide I will just take a drive to clear my head. I really enjoy doing that. That always seems to help. Just the road and me.

  Before I know it, I am sitting at, Hugh’s work. Hugh comes walking out of the building with a beautiful woman. He holds open the car door for her to get in. When she gets in, he goes to the driver’s side door. I follow them to a hotel. Hugh is holding her hand when they enter. I wait for a bit then walk inside.

  I know the woman who is behind the front desk. I walk inside giving her a smile, “Marlene, how are you?”

  She looks at me with a frown, “Kristy, you know about your husband, right?” I shake my head yes, as she hands me a key.

  “I am not supposed to do this, but you have a right to know. Please, don’t say anything.”

  “Thank you so much, Marlene! I won’t say anything.” I take the key walking away.

  I head into the elevator to go up to the second floor. I feel like I am a completely different person because I do not care what happens. I am so certain I am going to make my relationship over. I creep up to the room, quietly opening the door. I walk into the room and instantly grab my stomach feeling very sick.

  There they are fucking hard which he never does to me. I watch for a couple of minutes then I leave as quietly as I entered.

  Giving the keys back to Marlene, I feel like crying. Before I even get to the car, I start to sob. I sit in my car for a while so I can regroup to leave.

  When I get home, I head straight up to my bedroom lying in bed. I close my eyes. All I can see is her sandy blonde hair. I open my eyes again just crying.

  Why is he doing this to me? I can be like that except he will not give me a chance. Screw you and everything else!

  For the next two days, I stay in bed crying. Yes, I feel sorry for myself although I am not sure why.

  Not one time in those two days did Hugh come to see what was wrong with me? He is so into himself. He does not care about anyone else. Just him and his woman. That slut!

  Mandy, however comes to check on me a lot. She seems worried about me. She is becoming like a mom to me. Which I really appreciate. I have always appreciated her.

  Mandy, is in her sixties, sweet, round, and wonderful. The last time she enters, she is mad.

  “Ma’am, this really isn’t healthy for you. What Mr. Coleman is doing is not right. I know you are afraid to leave. I do not blame you. You have to do something. You should not blame yourself for his mistakes! The man is sick; he is bringing you down with him. Don’t let the ass win!” She leaves my room closing the door behind her.

  I know she is right, yet I am not prepared to die. I believe Hugh meant it when he said he would kill me. I fall back to sleep after she leaves for the day.

  Hugh is home from work very drunk. He comes busting into my bedroom and does not say anything he just grabs me off the bed. He throws me against the wall.

  Oh shit, I think he found out I followed him! He looks at me in a total rage. His eyes bug out of his head. His body is shaking, “I told you to listen to me. Did you see Heather the other day?”

  I lay onto my bedroom floor thinking, all of this shit because I went to see Heather. It must be something a lot deeper. There is no way he could go off the handle like that because of her.

  I shake my head no thinking he will leave me alone. I am hoping he will go pass out. No such luck! He comes over to stand above me, “Kristy, don’t lie to me. I told you directly not to see her, you did anyway.”

  “Hugh, she is the only fri
end I have. I can’t stay here every day with no social life.”

  “You have, Mandy!”

  I have no idea where this rage is coming from. I do not think I have ever seen him this mad. At least, not for a long time.

  “You will not be around her, Kristy. That is an order! She is a very bad influence on you. Do you understand me?”

  As I sit there on the floor, I think enough is enough. I am so tired of his shit!

  “No, Hugh! Heather is all I have. You have your bimbos, your job. I am here with nothing to do. You cannot take her away from me too.” I am raging, screaming.

  He slaps me across the face, “You fucking bitch. I am in control! You got that?”

  Without thinking what I am going to say I scream, “Hugh, I want a divorce! Just go be with, Vanessa.”

  He stares at me then he grabs me punches me in the side of the head. Falling to the floor, he starts kicking me. I curl up into a ball as he keeps kicking me.

  I see my phone sitting on my nightstand. I grab it, dialing Heather. Before she can answer it, Hugh kicks it out of my hand. He starts kicking me in my ribs, face. I think I hear someone say hello, who knows, everything around me starts spinning. My head is getting very fuzzy. I can barely keep it together!

  He grabs me yanking me up to my feet. He is now punching me. When he finally lets me go, I fall to the floor again. I lay there crying, holding my stomach.

  I can hear the front door open. I go into the living room thinking he has left. For the life of me, I cannot remember where my phone is.

  He reenters the house giving me a kick in the stomach, which knocks me to the floor. He is standing over me, “this isn’t over yet, cunt! You are not leaving me or divorcing me. If you think that is going to happen I will kill you now!”

  I do not say anything to him; I lay into a ball crying. He gives me one last kick then he leaves. I do not know where he goes. I just hear his car drive away.

  I pull myself up to grab my keys. Stumbling outside I get to my car. When I lift myself in, I cannot get it to start. I fall out of the car. I lay there waiting to die. I feel hands pulling me up. I try to fight them off.

  “Kristy don’t, it’s Randy. Everything is okay were here for you.” I hug him going limp into his arms. I am moaning - groaning, everything on me hurts. I cannot see because my eyes are swollen shut.

  He hands me to Heather going inside the house to look for, Hugh. When he comes out, he is in a rage!

  “Where the hell is he?” He screams at me.

  “I don’t know. He just left!”

  He lays me down into the backseat of his car heading to the hospital.

  CHAPTER 4

  When we get there, a nurse puts me into a room. That is the last thing I remember. I open up my eyes what feel like years later. Heather is sitting next to my hospital bed, sleeping.

  The door to my room opens up as a doctor walks in, “nice to see you, Mrs. Coleman. Can you tell me what happened to you?”

  Heather sits up and starts to cry when she sees me. I feel like shit. My body hurts so badly.

  “I decided to go out for a late night run when someone grabbed me from behind. They did not say anything just started beating me up. That is really all I can remember.”

  The doctor looks at me studying to see if I am lying to him. “Mrs. Coleman, can you tell me if someone has anything against you? This beating was very personal.”

  I shake my head no looking at Heather.

  “Ma’am, are you positive you don’t want to tell me something else?” The doctor questions me once again.

  “There is nothing to tell you. That is how I remember it.”

  He shakes his head then leaves the room.

  “Kris, you have to tell someone the truth. Hugh almost killed you. If I hadn’t heard the commotion on the phone he might have killed you!” She is stroking my hand, shaking.

  “I need some water, please.”

  Heather gets up bringing me some water.

  “How long have I been out?” She is looking at me so sad.

  “You took a two day nap.”

  I study her face closely. I want to see if she can hide the truth. Heather never really lies to me.

  “What did you tell the police, Heather?”

  “I told them we were going to your house. When we got there, we found you on the ground. I wanted to tell them the truth. I was afraid it would only be worse for you.”

  Randy walks in and comes to the bed.

  “Hey beautiful.” He bends down to kiss my forehead. He turns to Heather giving her a kiss on the lips.

  “Heather, give me a mirror, please. I want to see what I look like.”

  She sighs, “You don’t need to see, sweetie. Everything will be okay. You will heal! The doctor said there is no permanent damage.”

  Looking at Randy I see he is smiling at me. He is trying to make me feel better. That is what he seems to do all the time now. Try to make me feel better because he cannot do anything else.

  “Please,” I ask her. She reaches in her purse taking out a compact mirror.

  I look at my beaten, fucked up face. My eyes swollen, although I can see out of them. I have a broken nose - cut lip. I also have a gash on my head that a bandage covers.

  Randy helps me to stand up. I look in the mirror on the door lifting up my gown. The rest of my body is full of bruises. I have broken ribs also a concussion. Heather looks at me with such pity, such sympathy!

  “Kris, you know you cannot go back home again. He will finally end up killing you!”

  I look at Randy, “did you talk to him? Did he call you?” Randy shakes his head no.

  “Kristy, he knows he better not come near me. Heather is right you are going to end up dead. I will kill him first before he kills you.”

  I lay there thinking about my options. If I stay with him, he will kill me. If I leave him, he will kill me. What am I supposed to do?

  Randy stands up to leave for work. He goes over to Heather then he kisses her.

  “I have to go, I will check in later.” He kisses my forehead again.

  “Later, Kristy.” He walks out.

  “You know either way I am dead. I have to do something. I do not want to walk around the rest of my life living in fear! Hugh already told me he would never let me leave him.”

  I have tears in my eyes looking at Heather. She shakes her head in agreement.

  “It’s not like you could kill him. Although, Randy really does want to. Kris, you should tell the police. They can put you in protective custody.”

  I softly squeeze her hand. Wishing it was only that easy.

  “Heather, you look extremely worn out, go home get some sleep? I need to rest also. I am really exhausted.”

  I just want her to go home so I can think. I cannot take the way she is looking at me anymore.

  “See you later.” She gets up, kissing me on the head.

  I spend a week in the hospital. Hugh never came in once. He did send me roses with a note that read, “Remember what I told you.” I was hoping I would never see him again.

  The day I am getting out of the hospital the doctor comes in to see me, “your friend will be here in twenty minutes to pick you up.” I thank him before he leaves.

  A few minutes later, the door opens. I look up to see, Hugh. He walks over to me and I flinch when he gets to my bed.

  “Let’s get you out of here.”

  I cannot believe he is here.

  “Hugh, I am going to stay with Heather for a while. I think we need a break. This way we will both be able to think about what we want.”

  He grabs my hand giving it a tight squeeze. A warning sigh not to start any shit!

  “You are going home with me where you belong. I got into counseling, I will be better. I told you and I thought you knew I meant it. You are not going to leave me - ever.” He squeezes my hand again.

  “Now Kristy, get up so we can get you dressed.” I do what he says. When we leave the hospital, I start
to look for Heather or Randy. Unfortunately, I do not see them. When we get home, he puts me in his room.

  “Why am I in here? Where is my phone?” He covers me with a blanket.

  “This is our room now. You don’t need to have a phone.” I curl up in a ball lying my head on the pillow.

  “I am taking some time off work so I can be here with you.”

  Great, I think this is not what I want.

  For the next two weeks either he is with me or Mandy is. He never leaves me alone. We sleep in the same bed. Hugh is on his side, I am on my side.

  Mandy is not as close to me either. I know Hugh must have said something to her. I figure she probably feels terrible that she is unable to help me. I cannot help myself either.

  He is doing his best, trying to be nice to me. He still gets angry with me although he does not hit me. He just does a lot of yelling.

  My bruises are healing nicely. The pain is getting a lot better. I even start to work out a bit at home. The only thing I can think of is how I am going to get out of this mess.

  Heather keeps calling on Hugh’s phone. Of course, he will not answer it. Half the time he acts as if I am not even there anyway. One night we are in his room. Yes, I still call it his room. His phone starts ringing. Looking at the caller I.D. I see it is Heather. I reach for it.

  “Please, let me answer it, Hugh. If it wasn’t for her I would be dead.”

  He looks at me with this smug expression on his face, “she should have let you die.” He tells me to answer it as he leaves the room.

  “Hi, Heather. It is so, so good to hear your voice.” She instantly starts to cry. Surprised to hear my voice.

  “I thought he had finally killed you. I did not hear from you. I was so scared.”

  “I’m okay, really. Hugh is just staying close to home. That’s why I can’t call you.” I am trying to sound reassuring. I do not want her to know I do not have a phone.

  “Kris, I am hoping you can come stay the weekend with me. Randy and his friend are going fishing. I know Hugh will say no. Still I want you to ask him anyway. You know I don’t like to stay here alone.”