Back to the Heart

by Sky Corgan

  She was sitting in Brennan’s room with one hand on her stomach, the other entwined with his fingers, talking to his mother about the baby, when Matt walked in again. The past few days, he seemed especially on edge, his body tense, his eyes dark from nights of restless sleep.

  “Ana, can I have a word with you?” He gestured to the door.

  “How come you never want to talk to me?” His mother scowled.

  He just stared at her, opening his mouth like he was about to speak, but then stepping outside again with Ana on his heels.

  “If you’re going to ask me to stay a few more days, I’m afraid I’m going to have to decline. I need to get back and start worrying about the custody battle.” Her fingers splayed across her stomach, and the baby kicked in response.

  Matt said nothing. He couldn’t even look her in the eye. He simply reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box, which he handed to her without a word.

  “What’s this?” she asked, turning it over in her hands.

  “Open it.”

  A lump formed in Ana’s throat as she opened the box. Inside was the most beautiful ring she had ever seen. The platinum band was encrusted with diamonds, and the stone on the front was large and also surrounded by a ring of diamonds. It had to cost more than her car, even if her car were in new condition, which it wasn’t.

  “That was in Brennan’s pocket when they pulled him off the plane. I think he meant to propose to you when he got to Texas.”

  Tears welled up in Ana’s eyes, threatening to spill over. Her hand was shaking so bad that she could hardly hold the box. Her eyes met Matt’s, her voice trembling just as much as the rest of her. “Why are you giving me this?”

  His expression was stoic, but somewhere behind Matt’s blue eyes, he was crumbling. “Brennan isn’t going to wake up.”

  “What do you mean? Of course he is.” Her gaze darted back toward the room where Brennan was lying unconscious. Every protective instinct she’d ever had kicked in at once. He couldn’t die. Not now. Not after this.

  “I had to make a decision.” Matt’s voice cracked. “It’s what he wants.”

  “No.” Ana shook her head. “No. You can’t. I won’t let you.”

  He grabbed her by the shoulders then, pulling her back to him and giving her a gentle shake. “You can’t go back in there. They don’t know yet. I wanted to tell you first. To give you the ring, because I know that’s what he would have wanted.”

  Oh God, his mother doesn’t know. That realization killed Ana. She wanted to scream and cry and fall to her knees, but she knew she couldn’t. She had to get away.

  “No,” she told Matt a final time, though she wasn’t even sure what it meant. Distraught, she headed down the hall, out of the hospital, and to the car she had rented, forcing her way inside just before the torrent of grief drowned her.

  Somewhere inside the hospital, Ana knew that Brennan’s mother was doing something similar, clutching her husband’s shirt, cursing the heavens for doing this to them. No mother should ever experience the loss of their child.

  Ana sat in her car for a good hour before she was able to pull herself together enough to return to Brennan’s room. Surprisingly, his parents were gone. It was just Matt sitting alone, his face in his hands with his elbows propped up on the side of Brennan’s bed.

  When he heard Ana’s footsteps, he looked up. Ana’s heart broke for him then. All the strength he had been holding onto must have faded away when he gave the news to his parents. He began to sob, and she rounded the corner of the bed to wrap her arms around him.

  “Why won’t he wake up?” Matt asked. “I told him we can’t do anything else. I asked him why he left this decision in my hands. I told him you were waiting for him.”

  “Shh. It’s all right.” She held him, sucking back her own tears to offer support.

  Matt sniffled and leaned away. She stood beside him, looking down at Brennan with a hollow pit in her chest. Her heart was beyond broken. It was gone, and she knew she’d never be the same again.

  “My mother hates me,” he continued. “She doesn’t understand why it can’t wait. She’d keep Brennan on life support forever if it was up to her. But this isn’t what he wants. He always told me that if he was ever on life support, give him a week and then let him go. Doesn’t she know how hard this is on me too? He’s my brother.” Matt’s words trailed off into a hiccup.

  “I know. This isn’t easy for anyone.” Ana’s eyes burned, and she knew it wasn’t over yet. Soon, she’d be looking at Brennan in a casket. She couldn’t help but wonder if he was even there with them now, or had he truly died on that plane, and this was just his body, waiting to be buried?

  “Tomorrow. We’ll wait until tomorrow. You don’t have to stay. I’ve kept you here long enough.”

  “I’ll stay.” It wasn’t even a question in Ana’s mind. How could she not?

  “Everyone will say their good-byes, and then I’ll start planning the funeral.” Matt stood abruptly and walked out of the room. Perhaps her presence was making him nervous. Or maybe he just couldn’t sit there and look at Brennan any longer knowing what he had to do.

  Ana took his seat, feeling the warmth his body left behind. It was the spot normally reserved for Brennan’s mother. So many people had sat in this chair. So many people who loved Brennan, holding his hand and talking to him.

  “Baby, I need you to wake up,” she whispered. Every word that came out threatened to choke her. “Please. Please, Brennan. I’m begging you.”

  He didn’t stir. The only thing that answered Ana was the beeping of the machines surrounding him.

  “Matt gave me the ring. It’s a beautiful ring. I love it. But I’d trade a thousand rings just like it to get you back. I don’t even need a ring. I’d marry you without one.” She sniffled. “Please, baby, please. Give me a sign. Anything. Anything to make them not want to unplug you. You don’t even have to wake up. Just give me a sign.”

  His hands were cold. He didn’t move, didn’t stir, didn’t so much as twitch. He was lifeless, only still breathing because of all the tubes running into him, forcing his organs to function. It wasn’t fair to make him stay. As much as he meant the world to her, the kindest thing was to let him go.

  Her flight was in the afternoon. While Ana wanted to stay, she knew she had to go home. There would be plenty of time to mourn with her mother and sister. Her heart and mind went numb as the time approached to say her final good-byes to Brennan.

  She stood solemnly with his family outside the hospital room. They would go in one at a time to make their peace with Brennan, and then they would all stand together while the hospital staff turned off the machines.

  His aunts and uncles and cousins went in first. They entered the room with strong expressions but left weeping. Ana didn’t even bother trying to be strong. She stood next to Brennan’s mother, awaiting her own turn. It would be the last time she saw Brennan alive.

  After his extended family went in to visit, it was Ana’s turn.

  Five minutes, Ana told herself as she entered the room. She couldn’t stay there forever, as much as she wanted to. The whole family was silently counting down.

  He looked peaceful. The bruises under his eyes had begun to heal. If Ana could ignore the casts and the machines and the hospital around them, she could almost pretend he was sleeping. Almost.

  She approached the bed and raked her fingers through the hair sticking out below the bandages. Brown hair. Ana was glad her mother hadn’t seen him like this. He would forever be Sunshine in Molly’s mind, the boy who showed up like a hero to fix everything without wanting anything in return. He hadn’t just fixed the fence and the barn, he had fixed Ana too, made her realize that life wasn’t over just because she had stumbled. And that life he had given her, the world had taken from him. It didn’t seem like a fair trade at all.

  “You came to me as Ryan Black, and you’re leaving me as Brennan Demars. I wish you’d shown me the real you. I know you w
ere hiding from the world, but your love for me was real. You should have trusted me more. I could have . . .” She could have come with him on his business trip, but then where would that have left her? Lying beside him? Dead? “I would have loved you anyway. Yeah, it might have taken me a little while to understand, but I still would have loved you. I still do.” Tears came unbidden to her eyes, and she had to sit to steady herself. Her hand found his and she gave it a squeeze. It was cold, like the rest of him. Why was he always so cold?

  “I don’t know why God brought you into my life, but it’s a cruel joke to take you out of it again. Either way, I want you to know that I’m going to be all right. Being with you, even for such a short time, gave me the strength to do things I never thought I could. I’m not going to be afraid of Rick, and I’m not going to back down. And when the baby is born, if it’s a boy, I’m going to name it Brennan. But I’m rambling now, ’cause I don’t know what else to say to you. Nothing I can say will bring you back. I love you, Brennan Demars. I always will.”

  She stood, knowing her time with him was almost up. Her heart ached as she looked down at his handsome face. Ana caressed his cheek, letting her fingertips trace across the freckle that had helped her find him. Then she leaned down and kissed him, tearing up at the thought that it would be the last time she’d taste his lips.

  Five minutes was over, and as much as it pained her, she had to leave. The clock was ticking down to the end.

  He’s not really there, she told herself. He hadn’t been there since the crash. It was just a body they were paying respects to.

  Ana took long strides toward the door, trying to hold back her tears. She didn’t want to look like a mess, though she didn’t know why. Maybe she wanted to show some of the strength he had taught her.

  Ana paused in front of the door, taking a deep breath as she wrapped her hand around the handle. When she exhaled, it wasn’t her breath that she heard. A raspy sound came from behind her, and she hesitated before turning around, thinking she must have imagined it.

  “Ana?” Her name was so soft, but she knew the voice, and she thought her heart might burst from her chest.

  “Ryan.” She turned to him. “Brennan.” Ana practically ran back to the bed, picking up one of Brennan’s hands and drawing it to her lips to kiss it.

  “Where am I?” He looked around dazedly, his eyes barely slits.

  “The plane crashed when you were coming back to Texas. You’re in the hospital.” She should run and get his family, but she couldn’t resist having him to herself for these few precious moments.

  “You called me Brennan.” His eyes fixed on her. “Where are we?”

  Ana didn’t understand his reaction. He sounded upset.

  “We’re in New York. I saw your face on the cover of a magazine and pieced it all together, so I came looking for you when I heard about the crash.” She hesitated. “I have to go get your parents. They’re worried sick about you.”

  She walked to the door, pulling it open and announcing that he had woken up. Everyone looked shocked, but then the joy took over, and the family rushed to fill the room.

  From that point on, Brennan was lost in a sea of people. Just like when Ana had first arrived, she felt like she didn’t belong. It didn’t matter now, though. His parents needed to be with him, and she needed to go home. At least he was alive. That was all she cared about.

  Instead of sticking around, she slipped out the door and drove back to her hotel to pack up her belongings. With his family and the doctors swarming around him, it was best if she gave everyone their space. She had Matt’s number. She could call him later for updates.

  Ana left New York with a strange sadness in her heart. Of course, she was elated that Brennan had woken up. He would be in the hospital for a while, though, recovering from the head trauma and his two broken legs. Even though he was alive, their relationship now seemed impossible. He couldn’t come back to her, and she couldn’t stay with him. All she could do was look fondly on the time they’d had together, pray for his recovery, and hope that he didn’t disappear from her life.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  It must have been a dream, Brennan thought as he lay in the hospital bed. The world was spinning around him. Doctors and his parents and family he hadn’t seen for ages. There was pain and numbness. And somewhere in the midst of it all, he swore he had seen Ana.

  Consciousness came and went, and his memories were a jumbled mess. The crash came to him in nightmares that had him waking himself up screaming. It was the only time he could clearly remember what had happened. The ring in his pocket. The way he had prayed that Ana wouldn’t think he had abandoned her. He had been certain he was going to die.

  Three minutes in the air and a swan had smacked into the side of the plane, tearing off its left horizontal stabilizer, causing it to plummet from the sky like a meteor. The plane had landed in an open field and skidded to a stop. Someone had pulled Brennan from the wreckage. If it hadn’t been for that man, Brennan would have burned to death. Brennan couldn’t wait until he was strong enough to shake that man’s hand.

  It would be a long time before Brennan would be doing any moving. With two broken legs and a fractured skull, he’d be staying at the hospital for two more weeks, then he’d have to undergo physical therapy. It made Brennan feel useless, but all he could do was try to get well as soon as possible.

  “What happened to the engagement ring I had on me?” Brennan asked Matt one day while they were sitting together in his room.

  His parents knew nothing about Ana’s importance. Brennan had been wanting to surprise them with the engagement after Ana accepted his proposal. His mother would have a fit over not being introduced to the girl earlier, but things were moving at lightning speed, and it didn’t matter to Brennan whether his parents approved of Ana or not, though he was certain that they would. Who wouldn’t love Ana White?

  Now that plan had been ruined. It would be a long time before Brennan could stand by Ana’s side and introduce her as his wife-to-be. Their whirlwind romance would screech to a halt due to his injuries. Maybe she wouldn’t even want him anymore. It killed Brennan to think about it, but it was a very real possibility. Not only had he not come back, he’d lied to her about who he was, and now he was practically a paraplegic, needing care around the clock. What woman would want to marry a man like that?

  But even if she didn’t want him anymore, he wanted her to have the ring. He had picked it out specifically for her, and it wouldn’t feel right not to give it to her. Even if he never saw her again, at least she’d have a memento from their time together, and a piece of his heart forever attached to it.

  “Ana has the ring,” Matt told him.

  “How did she get the ring?” He furrowed his brows, wincing as pain shot through his head.

  “You don’t remember that she was here?”

  “She was here?” Brennan’s eyes widened. “When? Where is she now?”

  “She came when she found out about the plane crash. Apparently, you weren’t fooling anyone with that ridiculous blond dye job,” Matt teased.

  Now Brennan’s head really hurt. Had Ana known who he was the entire time? If she had, she had never said anything about it. But now he was concerned about something else.

  “You gave her the ring?” He tried to bite back his anger.

  Matt’s expression was still. “We thought you were going to die, Bren. I figured you’d want her to have it. I didn’t give it to her until the day before we were going to pull the plug on you.”

  Brennan calmed. “Yes. That’s what I would have wanted. Why don’t I remember her being here?”

  “She had to go back. She stayed until you woke up, but you were pretty out of it.”

  “You should have made her stay longer. I need to call her.” Brennan reached to the bedside table for the phone.

  Matt put his hand out to stop him. “I’ve been giving her status updates on your health. I’ll tell her you’ll call her when you�
��re out of the hospital.”

  Much as he wanted to hear Ana’s voice, Matt was right—he should wait. While his mind was a lot clearer than it had been when he first awoke, there were still bouts when he’d get lost and not know what was going on around him. He didn’t need to panic Ana.

  Brennan relented, looking up at his brother. “She met our parents.”

  “Yes.” Matt nodded.

  “Did Mom and Dad like her?”

  Matt smiled. “They loved her. She fit in beautifully. They went out for meals together, talked together, grieved together.”

  “So they know I’m going to marry her.”

  Matt hesitated before shaking his head. “No. I introduced her as a friend, and she didn’t mention that anything more was going on. I think she didn’t want to cause any awkwardness. She hung around the hospital too much to be just a friend. Dad might be oblivious, but I don’t think Mom is. If nothing else, she could tell that Ana had deep feelings for you. They spent so many days sitting next to you, one on either side, talking and . . . You would have been happy.”

  “I am happy they got along.” Brennan sighed, feeling his eyes growing heavy. The medicine they had him on kept him asleep most of the time, which he was thankful for. When he was asleep, he wasn’t in pain. He wasn’t thinking about the nightmare his life had become.

  Brennan couldn’t wait to talk to Ana on the phone. Matt had let Brennan borrow his cell to send Ana a text message earlier in the week, but it wasn’t the same. Now he was going to get to hear her voice.

  The second he was settled into his penthouse, he wheeled himself into his bedroom with his phone on his lap, looking for some privacy to call the woman he loved. Instead of having in-home care there to see to his needs, his mother had insisted on moving in to tend to him. While he was thankful, he wasn’t looking forward to being coddled.