Derailed

by Alyssa Rose Ivy

  “Thanks for inviting me. It’s nice to see you.” Shayna shot me a look that let me know she agreed with my earlier assessment. I laughed.

  “What?” Ben asked.

  “Nothing,” Shayna and I said in unison.

  “I’m not going to ask. Can I get either of you something to drink? I’ve got wine and some beer in the fridge.”

  “You have wine?” Shayna asked skeptically.

  “Yes, don’t act so surprised.”

  “All right, I’ll try to stop.”

  Ben poured wine for Shayna, Jake, and himself. I passed, asking for a Coke instead. I looked at Shayna triumphantly. I wanted her to see I wasn’t an alcoholic or anything.

  “Are you sure you’re feeling well?” Jake taunted when I refused.

  “Shut up. Like you should talk.”

  “Some things never change,” Shayna said dramatically.

  “I think I’ll worry if they ever start getting along… I’ll know they’re up to something.” Ben came over to put an arm around my shoulder. I leaned comfortably into him.

  Ben ushered us all over to the table, bringing out a stuffed chicken, mashed potatoes, and grilled vegetables. It all looked and tasted incredible.

  “So, how is Seattle? You’ve got two kids now, right?” Ben asked.

  Shayna seemed surprised by his interest. “Yes. Rob’s four and Ella is one. We’re doing well, but we all wish we saw more of Molly.”

  “I can understand that.”

  “I planned on trying to bring her home with me, but she seems to have found a reason to stay.”

  Ben found my hand under the table and squeezed it. “I’m glad. There’s no way I’m losing her again.”

  “I still think she’d be happy if she came, but she seems pretty determined. You’d better treat her right, or you’ll have me to deal with.”

  Ben laughed. “I wouldn’t dream of doing anything less. I’ve been waiting five years for a second chance, and I won’t blow it again.”

  Shayna smiled. “Good. You’re not going to get a third.”

  I squirmed in my seat, but didn’t say anything. I hated that all of the blame for our breakup fell on Ben. As angry as I was at him at the time, I had overreacted. Hurting, I’d wanted to make a clean break. I would have found another excuse.

  “Everything’s amazing, Ben. But you know what this means right?”

  “What?”

  “I’m going to expect you to cook for me all the time.”

  “Not a problem. If it gets you over here, I’m all about it.” He placed his hand on my leg, while trying to inconspicuously arch an eyebrow.

  Unfortunately, Shayna noticed. “Ahem, I’m only in town for a few days. I think you two can keep the conversation PG until I leave.”

  Jake laughed. “These two? I don’t think it even took forty-eight hours of Molly being back before they were at it again.”

  Ben punched his arm.

  “What’s that for?”

  “Do I really have to explain?”

  “How did you even know that, Jake?” I looked over at the guilty expression on Ben’s face. “Seriously?”

  He shrugged. “He asked why I was in such a good mood.”

  “All right, so what are you guys up to tonight?” I tried to steer the conversation. I couldn’t really be mad considering I’d told Kelly right away. Besides, I already knew Jake had broadcasted it to everyone at Gill’s.

  “I’m not sure. What are you doing?” Ben asked.

  “I promised some people I’d stop by Gill’s and catch up,” Shayna said. “Anyone want to join me?”

  “I’m game for that,” Jake said.

  Ben and I both agreed.

  Shayna and I insisted that Ben let us do the dishes since he did all of the cooking, and then we all headed over to Gill’s.

  ***

  The bar was packed by the time we got there. Shayna took a spot all the way to the side of the lot where the pavement changed to gravel.

  “Happening tonight, huh?” Shayna asked before we got out.

  “I guess so.”

  “I still can’t believe I’m going to Gill’s with my little sister.”

  “I’m not so little anymore.”

  Shayna glanced over at me. “I know.”

  Ben pulled in next to us, hopping down from his truck just as I walked around the car. He took my hand, leading me in. I realized that the handholding wasn’t just because he wanted the contact. He wanted to get the word out that we were officially together. I smiled. Sometimes, his Neanderthal ways were cute.

  “Do you want something to drink? I couldn’t tell if you just didn’t want wine or…”

  Shayna interrupted him. “She wants something to drink. She was just trying to prove to me she isn't an alcoholic.”

  You had to love Shayna and her bluntness.

  “Okay, what can I get you girls?”

  “Just get us some Coronas,” Shayna answered for both of us.

  Ben went to try to get the bartender’s attention, and I followed Shayna further inside.

  “Well, I’ll be damned, both Sander sisters are back!” Ronny came over, putting an arm around each of us.

  “Hey, Ronny!” I awkwardly slinked out from under his arm as Shayna hugged him.

  “Shayna?” Tom came over with Kelly right behind him. “When did you get back?”

  “Hey! I got in this morning. I’m just here for the weekend. I wanted to check on my sister. And I hear congratulations are in order.” Shayna turned to Kelly, gesturing for her hand so she could look at the ring. “I never took you for a cradle robber, Tom, but good for you.”

  “Hey, I waited until she was perfectly legal.”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “I didn’t expect to see you here.” Gavin’s husky voice startled me as he put an arm around me. I’d never realized just how touchy feely people were in Clayton Falls. Plus, after what happened at the party, I’d expected him to have backed down.

  I looked up, locking eyes with Shayna.

  Shayna looked Gavin over. “And who might you be?”

  “Hi, wow. You have to be Molly’s sister. You look so much alike.”

  I distanced myself from Gavin. The last thing I needed was for Ben to see that. He’d flip.

  “Yeah, we get that a lot. But you didn’t answer my question. Who are you?”

  “Don’t let her get to you, she’s always this bossy.” Tom laughed.

  “Gavin Powell.” He held out a hand to Shayna in a formal way.

  She accepted his handshake, but never took her eyes off his face. “And you know my sister, how?”

  “Tom introduced us. I have to say I’m really glad he did.”

  Shayna looked at me, confused. I had conveniently forgotten to mention him.

  “Is he safe, Tom?”

  “Would I have introduced them if he wasn’t? Don’t worry, he’s a good one.”

  “All right, I’ll take it, but I don’t think he’s going to.” Shayna gestured to Ben heading toward us.

  Ben eyed Gavin warily as he approached, handing both Shayna and I beers before putting an arm around my waist to pull me toward him.

  “How is everyone doing tonight? Gavin.” Ben was careful to make his acknowledgement of Gavin less than friendly.

  Both Shayna and Kelly smiled. Tom just looked uncomfortable.

  “Hi, Ben.” Gavin shot him daggers.

  “Because this isn’t awkward.” Kelly laughed.

  “My little sister the heart breaker,” Shayna said under her breath.

  Jake chose that moment to join us. “This is an interesting group.”

  “Maybe a little too much testosterone,” Shayna added.

  “Do you want to shoot some pool?” Ben asked. “It looks like a table is about to open.”

  “Sure, I haven’t played in ages.” I played during college a bit, but I had barely gone out over the past year.

  “I’m up for it.” Gavin pretended he was included in the invitati
on.

  “Let’s play teams,” Shayna suggested.

  Tom pointed to Shayna. “She’s a good partner, Gavin. Trust me.”

  We walked over and claimed the table. Gavin broke, and I grabbed a cue.

  “You said you hadn’t played in a while. Do you need a refresher?” Ben asked from right behind me. I remembered when he’d first taught me to play at the table in his basement. We didn’t stay focused on pool for long back then. I had to think about my answer. I didn’t want to make Gavin more uncomfortable, but I realized Ben was trying to stake his claim. Ben’s feelings seemed more important at the moment. Besides, there was no reason to leave Gavin with the wrong idea.

  “I suppose a little help can’t hurt.”

  Ben’s arms came around me as he lined my body up to his. “Remember it’s all about the positioning.”

  I called a bank shot to the corner pocket and watched as I sunk the ball.

  “Good job, baby,” Ben cooed in my ear. I had a feeling he was looking right at Gavin.

  I sank one more ball, but then missed the third.

  Shayna dominated, getting shot after shot, doing a little triumphant jig each time. My sister was such a ham sometimes.

  The game moved quickly. Gavin got perpetually more frustrated as Ben constantly found an excuse to touch me.

  By the time we finished the game, I knew I had to talk to Gavin. He deserved it.

  “Gavin, do you have a second?”

  Ben tensed beside me.

  “Sure,” Gavin answered, handing his cue to the pair ready to claim our table.

  “I’ll be right back,” I told Ben and Shayna. Ben didn’t look happy, but Shayna placed a reassuring hand on his arm. She understood what I was doing.

  I followed Gavin out to the parking lot.

  “I’m sorry. He can be like that.”

  “It’s all right. I’d be doing the same thing if I were him. Besides, I owe you apology for the other night. I know I said some things I shouldn’t have.”

  “It’s okay,” I reassured him. “No harm done.”

  “But I have to know. What’s going on with you two? Are you still just ‘keeping it casual’?”

  “We’re going to see where it goes.”

  “I see.”

  I swallowed, trying to find the right words. “I just don’t want things to be awkward. We’re still going to be seeing quite a bit of each other with the wedding and all.”

  “We’ll likely be seeing each other long after that, unless you aren’t sticking around.”

  “I’m not going anywhere,” I said confidently.

  “Good. By the way, a smile looks nice on you.”

  “Thanks.”

  “So, we should probably get back inside before Ben comes after us.”

  “That’s probably a good idea,” I agreed.

  “But if for some reason things don’t work out with Ben, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I’ll remember that.” I gave a small smile before we walked back inside.

  Relief passed over Ben’s face when I walked back over and leaned up against him. His arm came around me immediately, as did a light kiss on my forehead. “Everything okay?”

  I noticed that Shayna had wandered off to catch up with some more friends. Kelly and Tom were in their own little world. “Yeah, I just wanted to make sure Gavin knew that you and I are together now.”

  “I figured, and that was the nice thing to do. If it were up to me, I probably would have done something less polite.”

  “Yeah, I bet. He’s not a bad guy, just not the guy for me.”

  Ben leaned in to whisper in my ear. “There’s no way you can come home with me tonight is there?”

  “No. Shayna’s only here for the weekend. I need to spend it with her.”

  “I get it. But that doesn’t mean I won’t miss you. You’ll call me if the nightmares are too bad, right?”

  I refused to lie to him. “Probably not, but it’s nice to know I can if I need to.”

  “I’ll take it, but only because after this weekend you’re spending all your nights with me.”

  “That sounds good.”

  “Because it is good.”

  Shayna and I left a little while later. Ben kissed me goodbye in a more public display then I was used to, but Gavin had already left, so I wasn’t worried about upsetting anyone.

  We headed home fully intending to go straight to bed, but somehow we stayed up for hours talking over ice cream. I really couldn’t remember a time when we’d talked so openly. Shayna sounded incredibly happy. She loved her job, and being a mom seemed to really fulfill her. Although her husband could be pretentious sometimes, he made her happy and that was all that mattered. The more she opened up about herself, the easier it was for me to be real with her.

  “I saw your camera out on the counter. Does that mean you’re getting into photography again?”

  “Yeah, I think being here brought that side of me back. It feels good.”

  “Art can sometimes be a form of therapy, you know.” She handed me the carton of ice cream, licking off her spoon before she could make a mess.

  “Dad used to say that.” I thought about the hours Dad spent down in his darkroom in the basement. As a little girl, I’d watched him develop his photos. He bought me my first camera at seven, and it was the one thing we really had in common. I remember how crazy he thought I was when I decided to start taking digital pictures—but eventually he understood that it was an art form in itself.

  “Is it weird for you to be here, knowing he’s gone? It’s always weird for me.”

  “Weird isn’t the right word.” I took a spoonful of ice cream, choosing my words carefully. “It started off painful, but now I almost feel closer to him, if that makes sense.”

  “It makes sense. He’d be impressed by how strong you are.”

  I laughed dryly, putting the carton with my spoon on the side table. “You mean he’d be disappointed in how much of a failure I am.”

  “That’s not true.”

  “Don’t mess with me, Shayna. I’m twenty-two, have no idea what I’m doing with my life, and I’m living in our parents’ house.”

  She curled up her legs under her. “But you’re living and breathing. You made it through something terrible, and you’re finding your way.”

  “Whatever you say.” I wrapped myself up in a blanket. “He still wouldn’t be proud. But you know what? No matter what I did, it never would have been good enough for him.”

  “Don’t say that. He was always proud of you. He was only tough because he wanted what was best for you.”

  “I wish he didn’t die hating me.”

  “What?” She sat up and moved close to me. “Dad didn’t hate you. Mom told me all about your fight, but that didn’t mean anything. He loved you, Mol.”

  The tears started, and I couldn’t stop them. I fell into the hug Shayna offered.

  “I’m a mom now. I can tell you on good authority that a parent’s love for their children really is unconditional. You meant the world to him, and nothing could have changed that.”

  Shayna’s words should have comforted me, but my guilt over his death wasn’t something that could be healed easily.

  “I’m glad Ben is making you happy.” She eased the conversation into less emotional territory.

  “Yeah, me too.”

  We talked about Ben for a while before we went upstairs to bed. I’d never felt so close to Shayna before. Maybe we were going to have that adult sibling relationship my mom had sworn we’d have one day.

  We spent the rest of the weekend in much the same way: catching up on each other’s lives and just enjoying being together. It was the most time either of us had spent at the beach in years, and we spent all day Saturday lying out and swimming. I was glad Ben respected my need to spend time with her. We talked for a few minutes Saturday night, but that was it.

  Neither Shayna nor I were looking forward to saying goodbye on Sunday. Shayna needed to retur
n her rental car before the flight, so she had to leave before lunch.

  She took my hand before walking out the front door. “I expected to find you on the floor when I got here. I’m glad I was wrong.”

  “So, you are actually admitting to being wrong?” I smiled.

  “There’s a first time for everything. But seriously, you’ll make it through this. You’re going to be okay.”

  “I don’t know about that, but I’m holding in there.”

  “I’m glad you decided to give Ben another chance. You were right. He has changed.”

  “But he’s also stayed the same in all the important ways.”

  “I’m proud of you.” Shayna wiped away some tears. “I don’t think I would have been strong enough to deal with what you went through without self-destructing.”

  “You would have dealt. You deal with what you have to.” I tried to sound more confident than I really felt.

  “You’ll come visit us, right?”

  “Yes. I promise. But you need to go before you miss your flight.”

  She pulled me into a hug. “Take care of yourself.”

  “You too.”

  I stood on the front step watching Shayna pull away. I never would have believed it at the beginning of the weekend, but her visit was exactly what I’d needed. I thought about what she said—maybe I really would be okay.

  Chapter Twenty

  “I can’t believe I’m really getting married.” Kelly and I reclined on two lawn chairs in her backyard after the rehearsal dinner. Things had gone perfectly at the church, and we’d all enjoyed a fun barbeque afterward. Ben and I were the only ones left. Things weren’t too awkward with Gavin, but he was still really stiff with Ben. I understood and was glad that no one said anything about it.

  “This time tomorrow you’ll be Mrs. Tom Farell.”

  “I’m not old enough to be missus anything.”

  “Then call yourself Ms. because either way, it’s happening.”

  “I know, and I can’t wait.”

  Watching the look of pure joy and excitement on her face made me smile and tear up simultaneously. I really was so happy for her.

  Ben walked over to us, leaning down to match my eye level. “I need to head out to rehearsal. I hate to make you leave if you’re not ready, though.” He looked at his watch. “Maybe I could wait ten minutes?”