Imperfectly Perfect

by A. E. Woodward

  "Well there," Rob reached down and ruffled my hair, "you've really tied one on tonight, haven't you?"

  The truth was that I couldn't remember the last time I had been this drunk. Rob and Emma thought it was hysterical, while Tyler seemed concerned as he peered at me from across the room.

  "I'm fine," I murmured as my eyes opened and shut involuntarily, "just leave me alone."

  "Okay guys, let's go to bed," Tyler said.

  Rob quickly ditched to his room but Tyler and Emma lingered.

  "Do you want me to lock up Em?" he asked. Both of us knew Emma well enough to know that she wouldn't be able to ignore me on the futon. She was a woman, and she couldn't fight her mothering instinct.

  "No, I'll take care of it," she answered. "Bradley, go ahead up to my room. I'll be right there."

  My eyes opened just in time to watch as Bradley cupped her face with his hands and placed a passionate kiss on her lips. I groaned, hopefully everyone thought I was having a case of the spins. I didn't know how much more abuse to my ego I could take before cracking. Bradley pulled away while staring intently into Emma's eyes. He turned on his heels and stalked past me up to her room. I squeezed my eyes shut again, the booze was relentless.

  "Night Em," Tyler called as he started following Bradley up the stairs.

  "Night Ty."

  "Take these, and drink this," Emma passed me three Advil and a glass of ice water.

  I quickly obliged.

  She grabbed a pillow and placed it under my head helping me lay back. I kicked off my shoes and lifted my feet on to the futon.

  "No silly," she grabbed my left foot and firmly planted it on the ground; "you always keep one on the floor."

  "Ah," I laughed, "yes Sensei."

  I closed my eyes and fell into a rhythmic breathing. I was trying to pass out before I did something stupid. My senses were heightened despite the alcohol, and my mind appeared to be doing everything it could to prevent my peaceful slumber. She threw an afghan over me, turned out the light, and I listened to her footsteps as she started walking away.

  "Emma?" Her name escaped from my lips before I could think about what I was doing.

  I could see her shadow turn in my direction. "What's up?"

  "I don't know what I'd do without you," I whispered.

  "You'd be cold and spinning for sure."

  "No, seriously." Suddenly I was freaking out, "I can't lose you."

  Concern spread over her face as she walked back towards me and fell to her knees next to the futon. My eyes started to adjust to the darkness just enough that I could make out her face. She seemed more beautiful to me now. I had always known that Emma was gorgeous, but now that my feelings for her had surfaced it was like I could finally see her clearly.

  "You can't get rid of me that easy," she offered. "Friends for life, right?"

  She was right. We would always be friends. But I wanted more; no, I needed more. She had a right to know, and make an informed decision. I know she loved me too, she just didn't realize it… yet. I needed to make her understand before it was too late; before I lost her for good.

  I didn't want her to say anything else. My hands were on the back of her neck pulling her toward me. She leaned in with her ear, probably expecting a secret of some sort but instead I grabbed her cheeks with my hands and crashed my lips to hers. For a moment I forgot about everything else around me. It was just Emma and I. But before I could truly enjoy the moment she pulled back and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

  "Well that's a first." She quipped as she stood up. I knew that she was confused because in all the years we had been friends, neither of us had ever gone there. I knew that Emma and Tyler had tried to make a go of the whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing when they were in middle school, but it was awkward and only lasted a week. "You are super drunk," she muttered, "so let's just pretend that that didn't happen."

  I quickly closed my eyes and tried calming myself before I started to speak. I didn't want my emotions to get the best of me as I tried to explain myself. My mind wasn't working properly and I hated myself for it.

  She whispered "Night Shane," and was gone before I could say anything else.

  I laid there on that crummy futon kicking myself in the ass. I'd gone and complicated things even more than they already were. My lips pressed to hers had only increased my feelings tenfold. I loathed drunken Shane; he was an idiot. As if reminding me of my current inebriated state, the room began to spin again. I considered walking myself to my room when I heard a door open. I could vaguely hear Emma and Bradley; it didn't sound good.

  "Don't go," Emma pleaded. My stomach flopped, and I hoped they weren't arguing about me.

  My worries were confirmed as Bradley delivered his parting shot, "They can be friends," he spat, "until one of them falls in love with the other."

  I heard Emma's door slam shut and heavy footsteps descend the staircase. Bradley was making his way out for the night. I wanted to keep my mouth shut, truly I did, but the Jägermeister took control again and before I knew it I was spewing off nonsense as he tried to make a quiet escape.

  "What did you say?" he stopped as he reached the front door.

  I laughed, "I said you're an idiot."

  "You've got a lot of nerve..."

  "Listen," I interjected, "anyone who walks away from that woman is an imbecile; but if you want to..."

  "You'd like that wouldn't you?" He seethed as his eyes burned on me.

  "Maybe I would, maybe I wouldn't," the alcohol giving me confidence again, "but you're a prick. I know what you are, and I only tolerate you to make Em happy. So I'd tread lightly if I were you."

  "Whatever, asshole. You just remember who she wanted to kiss tonight"

  My heart sank because he was right. I had no claim over Emma anymore.

  "Yeah, that's what I thought. I didn't have to throw myself on her to get her lips on mine. If I wanted, I could go back up those stairs and she wouldn't think twice about having me between her sheets. You're the loser for sitting back and letting her slip away. Now back the fuck off." He paused and opened the door. "She's mine now." He laughed and slid out into the hallway.

  The room was spinning faster by that point. I had truly fucked things up now. The darkness pressed harder down on me, and finally I succumbed.

  The sunlight streamed through the window, causing the thumping in my head to increase ten-fold. I groaned as I sat up on the futon. I must have moved too quickly because I immediately felt the room spin and my stomach churned in protest.

  My night was a blur; a Swiss cheese memory. The condo was quiet so I guessed everyone else must still be asleep. I thanked God for that since I wasn't ready to hash out the previous night's events. I tried to remember whatever I could and it slowly came back to me in pieces; my hopeless attempt at trying to move on, Emma and Bradley's public displays of affection, and lots and lots of alcohol. The last thing I clearly remembered was plopping down onto the futon. From there on it was fuzzy. I strained to think about what had happened. The memory slowly invaded me and I gasped as the flash of my lips on Emma's came into my mind; quickly followed by my verbal banter with Bradley.

  Had I really kissed her? It seemed like a dream. I remember feeling petrified of losing her, but did I take it that far? Did I cross that line? Surely she would call me out on it if I had… wouldn't she?

  I sat quietly alone with my thoughts when I saw her appear at the top of the stairs. She smiled down at me and I felt relieved that she wasn't pissed. Maybe it had been a dream after all.

  "Good morning!" she quipped as she slowly ascended the stairs. "How're you feeling?"

  "Urgh, don't even go there."

  "Yeah," she spoke softly as she sat next to me. "You were obviously outta your mind." She shared a look with me and I knew what she was getting at.

  "Fuck," I moaned, "it wasn't a dream was it?"

  She shook her head. "You can't do that shit again Shane. Bradley went off his nut and stormed out of here
when I told him. I spent the rest of the night on the phone with him trying to explain that we aren't like that."

  I waited for it. Expecting her to give to me about being a dick to Bradley, but it didn't come. He obviously hadn't shared that with her. I sighed, defeated. I hadn't expected for her to be happy about our kiss but her irritation with me still hurt. "Yeah, I don't know what that was all about. I'm sorry Em."

  "Shit happens," she said carelessly as she stood from the futon. She didn't understand the deeper issues to my indiscretion, so to her it really was 'no big deal'. "Want me to grab you some Starbucks?"

  "Yeah, that would be great Em. Thanks."

  I watched her leave and I promised myself that I would never put my shit on her again. Emma didn't need me stirring her pot. I would be whatever she wanted me to be no matter how much it hurt.

  It was Christmas in the city, and to me there was nothing more magical. The trees and storefronts decorated with millions of twinkling lights and balsam fir, the crisp cold air; even the normally grumpy New Yorkers seemed to smile more. Besides, it didn't hurt that winter in general was my absolute favorite time of the year; the glistening of freshly fallen snow always made me feel like a kid again.

  I loved Christmastime. Not because I was shallow and wanted to get presents; I just genuinely loved giving gifts. There was no greater feeling than seeing someone you love smile because you had picked out the perfect gift for them.

  The thing I really looked forward to every year since we were in college, was our Ugly Sweater Party. It started as a big celebration with hundreds of people, but over the years it had morphed into something just for the four of us. We would decorate the condo by trimming our artificial spruce tree and hanging the stockings, and then we'd get some spiked eggnog, throw on the ugliest Christmas sweater we could find, and exchange our gifts.

  We celebrated on December twenty second since the guys always travelled home on the twenty third. The best thing for me about Christmas time wasn't going home for the holidays; it was our pre-holiday celebration. I only went home every other year and since I had just travelled back for the anniversary party, it gave me a good excuse to miss a second year.

  "I don't get it," Bradley said as we walked out under the green awning of the front of my building. We had recovered from our spat over Shane's drunken kiss rather easily. He admitted that he was wrong and we had moved past it. Yet, I could tell that he was still struggling with things; especially over my pre-Christmas tradition, since he wouldn't be a part of it.

  "What don't you get?" I questioned, trying my best to hide my annoyance.

  "The whole 'Ugly Sweater' thing," he moaned, "it's so outplayed."

  "Well," I gasped, "we did ugly sweaters before they were cool."

  "And I can't stay because…?"

  "It's just for us and it has been for eight years. It's not that I don't want you there, it would just be awkward for you, that's all."

  I was starting to think Bradley was a bit jealous when he leaned over and kissed me.

  "Well have fun and I'll see you tomorrow." He smiled and walked to his car.

  I was excited to be spending the next few days with Bradley. We were a few of the only people that would be staying in the city over the holiday. You would think that New York would remain a bustling hub of activity over a holiday, but that was hardly the case. College kids and young professionals made up the vast majority of the city population and they fled to their hometowns to be with their families over the festive period. Bradley would mostly be working, but I was looking forward to some intimate alone-time regardless. I needed some quality time alone with him in order to focus on our relationship and figure out where we were headed.

  I stood there waving while he drove away. I felt bad leaving him out, but our relationship was relatively new and this was a sacred event; no one had brought a significant other since we made it a private event eight years ago.

  Feeling giddy with excitement, I ran upstairs. We'd finished decorating the previous night and the condo looked amazing. Tyler and I had scoured Pinterest for hours looking for creative and tacky decorating ideas and the condo had Martha Stewart written all over it; right down to the cranberry popcorn string and beer bottles decorated like reindeer.

  I laughed when I saw that the guys were already in their sweaters. They looked ridiculous. Tyler was sporting a skintight number adorned with Santa and Rudolph. Shane's was an interesting mosaic snowman. However, Rob easily took the cake with his Christmas ball sweater vest exposing his very hairy chest.

  "Well done boys," I mused. "You've really outdone yourselves this year. But I have gone above and beyond, and I'm about to blow your mind."

  I laughed, and ran towards my room. I ransacked my closet to find the gem that I had hidden. I happened across it at a Salvation Army store in Maine while I had been up there for my parents' anniversary, and I'd wanted to keep it top secret for precisely this moment.

  I slid the scratchy wool over my head and admired myself in the mirror; the guys were going to love it. I strutted out into the living room as though I was America's Next Top Model wearing an award winning design. In other words, I owned it.

  The guys burst out laughing, obviously in awe of my amazing Christmas tree sweater dress. It was truly a work of art.

  "Well," Shane gasped in between chuckles, "I think Emma has won this year."

  I began to bow. "Thank you, thank you!"

  "Here," Rob said handing me a glass of eggnog, "careful though, Tyler made it strong this year."

  "Okay," I took a sip of my drink and winced as it burned my throat. "Well there, I'm ready to exchange gifts!"

  We sat next to our tree just as though we were kids again and I clapped my hands in excitement.

  "Alright Emma," Tyler motioned, "start us off."

  I handed each of the guys their gifts, all wrapped by me personally (I didn't believe in paying to have someone else wrap a gift that I had painstakingly chosen). Rob went first, quickly opening the custom NYU cufflinks that I had chosen for him.

  "I love them. Thanks Em."

  Tyler went next. He tore into the silver paper I had chosen for this particular year, eventually revealing the small box that contained two tickets to the New Year's Day Patriots game. His face lit up. I knew he hadn't been since his father died a few years previously. It had been a tradition for them, and he hadn't been able to afford to go since. He was too proud to accept any money from his mother. She offered but he always declined, saying he wanted to do things himself and I couldn't blame him for that.

  "Thanks Em," he said as he held up the tickets. "Now Talon and I can go together, it's perfect."

  I smiled, knowing that Tyler would get to take his younger brother to experience something meaningful he had missed out on with his dad. I directed my attention to Shane, anxious to see the reaction to his gift. I had really outdone myself this year, and I loved it.

  He gently and slowly picked at the paper. He had always been so meticulous about unwrapping presents and it drove me crazy; I wanted to knock him out of the way and tear it open for him. Once he finally made his way through the wrapping paper he smiled.

  "Well," Rob said, "are you going to show us what you got?"

  Shane held up the clear box containing an iPod.

  "Big whoop," Tyler said, "you've finally got an iPod loser, now let's move on."

  Tyler started handing out his gifts while Shane and I shared a secret smile. The gift wasn't just about the iPod. Sure it was great, and Tyler was right, Shane was probably the only person in New York that didn't already own one. But the best part was the engraving that I had requested on it:

  'You'll always be my favorite"

  It was an ongoing argument of sorts between the boys. They constantly razzed one another about who was the favorite, always biding for 'brownie points.' But everyone knew deep down that my relationship with Shane was sacred. He and I knew everything about each other and we had been there for each other through it all. I
t was only natural that he would be my best friend.

  The more eggnog we drank, the more chaotic things became. It was close to midnight when the guys finally presented their gift to me. They always went in on something together because they claimed my tastes were too expensive. I knew it was just because they lacked creativity but either way, I didn't really care. This year they had gone big and gotten me the Hermès bag I had been dying for and I won't lie, I cried like a baby.

  Tyler and Rob started cleaning up the mess while I transferred all my junk from my old purse into the new Hermès.

  "Come with me for a second," Shane said, grabbing my hand as he stalked down the hallway.

  I threw my new bag over my shoulder as I followed closely behind. He led me into his room and quickly closed the door.

  "Thanks again for my gift," he said, "and don't worry your secret is safe with me."

  "I'm glad you liked it. So what's up?"

  Shane rummaged through his computer desk and pulled out a small golden package.

  "Well I got you a little something extra."

  "You shouldn't have done that," I said as he placed the gift in my hands.

  "I wanted to."

  I quickly tore into the paper and opened the box. My breath hitched as I looked inside; it was a replica of a beautiful bracelet I had lost so long ago.

  "It looks just like it," I whispered.

  "They don't make that particular one anymore," he said as he took the bracelet and fastened it around my wrist, "and this was the closest I could find."

  I stared in amazement at the jewelry on my wrist. Of course I remembered exactly what it looked like, but it blew my mind that Shane had too. Years ago, in college, I had lost the only Cape Cod bracelet I had ever owned. My Gramps had bought it for me as an eighth grade graduation present the year before he died. I cherished it like no other piece of jewelry I had owned. I wore it everyday, taking it off only for soccer and showers. One day, I forgot to take it off before a game. Realizing at the last moment, I quickly slipped it into my gym bag where it vanished. Obviously some scumbag had stolen it, and I never forgave myself for losing such a cherished piece of sterling silver.