Heaven's Hell

by Takerra, Allen

  “I said I’m coming!” She sassed, as she opened the door to find a flawless Angie standing on the other side.

  “Rise and Shine love,” Angie greeted her with a wide smile complemented by Chanel shades and a fierce blond weave.

  When Heaven didn’t respond, she continued. “I came to take you to brunch.”

  Heaven stood dumbfounded wondering just when did her and Angie become besties, when she had agreed to brunch, and how Angie even knew where she lived. Scratch that, she assumed how she knew and the thought of it sickened her. Little did she know, Angie had done an investigation to get the location of the bat cave.

  “Wow Ang, this is a surprise. I’m not even dressed.”

  There was an awkward silence before Angie squealed.

  “Well, invite me in and hurry and get your sexy ass dressed, bitch.”

  Heaven hesitated, but against her better judgment, invited Angie in. She couldn’t be that bad, right?

  She walked Angie into the den and turned on the flat screen television.

  “I’ll only be a minute, make yourself at home.”

  Angie studied Heaven in her silk robe, moving around the mini mansion as if she owned it, speaking all proper and shit, and she couldn’t believe it, this young girl had done it, she had managed to score the goal which had evaded every girl around the way, including herself. In Angie’s eyes, the young girl had game and she had to give her props where props were due.

  “Wait Heaven, do you guys have any bottled water, I have to take this.”

  Heaven looked at Angie with wary remembering the Ecstasy episode and Angie could tell what Heaven was thinking. She giggled and held up the large peach pill.

  “Vitamin,” she smiled.

  They shared a laugh as Heaven retrieved a bottle of Fiji water.

  “What happened with that anyway? I heard there was a pretty big scene that night?”

  Angie had left the party before the commotion with a score and wasn’t sure what had happened between Loc and G, all she knew was that Heaven was in the middle, and that to her was another point for Heaven.

  Heaven sat down on the couch next to Angie, not really wanting to go over all of the details, but she gave her the basics. She finished up with, “So yeah, no more pills for me.”

  “Wowwwww,” Angie chuckled. “You got Jersey’s finest at your feet girl, you doing it. I told you, just watch that Shay, and you’ll really be on your way.”

  Angie popped the vitamin and took a long swig of the water, tilting her head back. Heaven watched her and envied the way she did everything so effortlessly, but yet so sexy and in control. To Heaven, Angie was one of the special people, the ones that had “it”, and she wasn’t even sure what “it” was. She just knew it couldn’t be created or duplicated. “It” just was what “it” was. She thought of Shay after Angie’s words and frowned at the memory of the conversation she had overheard, Angie caught the frown.

  “Tell me about it Heaven. Seems like you’re already seeing the malice in Shay’s ways,” Angie teased dramatically.

  “Yeah, well let’s just say she’s not on my favorite person’s list. I think she wants G.”

  “No she doesn’t,” Angie countered bluntly.

  “What? How do you know, Angie? I heard her telling him all this bad stuff about me, why else would she do that?” Heaven asked childlike. At certain times Heaven’s innocence peaked, and it was a youthful, beautiful thing to whoever was there to witness it. Angie took an exasperated breath and turned to Heaven.

  “She did that… because she wants…you.”

  Heaven laughed and turned red from embarrassment.

  “Nah, uh, Angie. Don’t say that.”

  “It’s true! She’s in love with you Heaven.” Heaven giggled some more and even though Angie laughed as well, Heaven could tell that she was serious. “You don’t believe me? Let me tell you a story.”

  Heaven silenced her laughs after regaining her composure as she listened to Angie’s flashback.

  “I was sixteen years old when I started working as a waitress at Slick’s, you know, the bar that Shay works at? Well anyway, my brother had raped me and my mother didn’t believe me so I bounced out, started living with friends, at hotels, park benches, shit wherever, however, whatever.”

  Heaven cringed at the mention of the abuse as Angie’s memories hit close to home, she continued to listen.

  “Anyway, I got really close to Shay, she called herself, taking care of me, taking me under her wing, whatever. I started staying with her, like living with her, and I was making a little bit of dollars, so I would try to pay her but she would always be like ‘don’t worry’, ‘I got this’. I started dating this hustler, big New York nigga, took me shopping, bought me the Lexus coup, fucked me silly, real fly ass type nigga.”

  Angie could tell she was losing Heaven so she brought it back.

  “Well, basically, Shay started doing the same thing, stepping on my toes, telling him shit about me, saying I was loose with guys at the bar, I wasn’t ready, too young to be in a serious relationship, all kinds of shit. So long story short, me and this bitch gets into it one day, tussling, punching, hair pulling, just really going at it in her living room. I go to pack my bags and I’m crying and shit and this bitch comes in the room and she starts talking to me all sweet, telling me she’s sorry, and ‘please don’t leave Angie’, ‘I care about you’, blah, blah, blah. Long story short, this bitch puts her tongue in my mouth, like a dude and shit. At first it took me by surprise and shit, but then when I realized what was happening I pushed her away. Of course she didn’t give up, she kissed me again, and then she was like rubbing on my titties and shit getting on this gay shit talking all like ‘Oh Angie, I just want to taste you.’ She was going mad hard for it.”

  Heaven’s face twisted in disgust as she imagined Shay begging to eat Angie out.

  “Yuck,” Heaven said out loud and Angie giggled.

  “Yeah, I know right? And at first I’m like, ‘get the fuck out of here dyke’, but then curiosity kinda got the best of me, and I was like okay what’s the worst that can happen I’m either gonna hate it or I’m gonna like it, but either way I’m gonna get a nut and I’ll still have a place to live, right?”

  Heaven could not believe her ears.

  “Cause really, my piece that I was fucking with, he had a girl so I couldn’t stay with him, so I’m like whatever. I’m young, curious, so I gave in. She really pulled down my pants and went to work; I mean she was more into it than me, moaning and shit, just swimming in it, loving it. For me it was okay, not too much different than a guy. I mean I got off, but I didn’t like live for it.”

  Heaven thought she would be nauseous as Angie wrapped it up.

  “So anyway, since that day, while I lived there, I basically let Shay suck me off for a place to stay, and when I left she got all psycho. I mean she thought we had like a relationship or something, she started fucking stalking me. Finally she met some new young girl that was like her ‘little sister’, she turned her out like she did me, and then after she left… then she met you.”

  Heaven’s stomach tensed and she cleared her throat to speak.

  “No. No way, that shit would never happen with me, I don’t go that way.”

  Angie took another drink of the water and looked Heaven in the eyes.

  “That’s good Heaven, cause that’s what she wants. But I mean, there’s nothing really wrong with it, it’s just her, she’s crazy, and she’s a dyke.”

  Heaven was confused.

  “So what are you? You’re not gay?” To Heaven if Angie did gay shit with Shay, then she was gay too.

  “I mean, no. I’m not a dyke. I’m just freaky, I like women and I like men, but I like lipsticks, pretty girls, fems, not dykes.”

  Heaven felt a little weird now sitting so close to her, and her proclaiming that she liked women. Heaven held her silk robe tighter.

  “Well…I don’t like none of that shit. Dykes, girls, whatever. That’
s not for me.”

  Angie looked her up and down sweetly.

  ”I got you,” she replied softly. “But how do you know?”

  “What do you mean how do I know, I just know,” Heaven shot back defensively.

  “But how? I didn’t know what I liked until Shay tried me and then I tried something else, and then you realize what you like from just trying it.”

  “I don’t have to try it to know I don’t like it though,” Heaven responded, feeling a little uncomfortable, confused, and nervous. Angie was really pretty and she was nice to her, and Heaven wanted to be her friend but something was strange with the way she was moving into her space.

  Angie smiled and put the cap on her water, resting it on the table. She bit her bottom lip and leaned into Heaven.

  “Come here Heaven. I’ll be able to tell.”

  “Hell no,” Heaven giggled nervously, scooting back.

  “Come on, you’re acting gay right now, being so scared of it,” Angie joked. “What you gonna do when Shay tries it, come on.”

  Angie put her hand on Heaven’s waist and leaned into her, and Heaven pulled back, but Angie put her hand behind Heaven’s head to pull her in. A million thoughts went through Heaven’s mind as she protested by shaking her head, but Angie kept a serene face on and continued to lean in for a kiss. The seconds passed like hours and Heaven wondered if she was a little curious? All she knew, was that in her young life, too many older people were throwing too much shit at her, was this what being an adult was all about? Hell no, she thought. I’m not kissing her. But by the time she had made her mind up, Angie’s lips were pressed against hers.

  The initial contact was nothing; it was like kissing as a child, with no sexual emotion, just lips pressed, bodies in contact.

  But when Angie’s tongue danced in Heaven’s mouth and her hands ran up and down Heaven’s body, Heaven felt heat, passion, and knew that this was wrong beyond all means.

  “No,” Heaven breathed lightly, pulling back, even though she wasn’t so sure she wanted to.

  Angie was worked up and she had been waiting for this moment, but knew her process would take time. She breathed heavily with her hands still on Heaven’s soft body. She brushed her lips against Heaven’s cheek.

  “You want me to stop?”

  Yes, Heaven thought but that wasn’t what she said.

  “Please don’t.” But wait, that wasn’t her. She looked at Angie but saw her looking up, so she did the same, and saw G standing there looking down at them. Heaven’s heart skydived to her stomach.

  G chuckled out of disbelief and shook his head.

  “Don’t stop just cause I’m here, please continue ladies, don’t mind me,” he remarked sarcastically.

  Heaven felt like she had died and all Angie could do was look back and forth between the two, who stared at each other as if she wasn’t there.

  “G…” Heaven started to protest, but he cut her off.

  “Nah, Heaven, do your thing. And then when yall ready, I can come in and break yall both off like the freaks yall are, alright? Come on, let’s get it in, you should’ve been told me what time it was with you ma.”

  His words hurt her and all she could do was put her face in her hands and hope this wasn’t happening. Her life was spiraling out of control. Angie could tell by Heaven’s reaction that G’s suggestion wasn’t a possibility, so she saw this as her time to exit.

  “I guess I should be going… and I’ll let yall handle yall business.” No one said anything to her as she picked up her water and bag, and made her way to the door.

  G looked down at Heaven through squinted eyes, fuming, and Heaven could only stare at the floor as if the answers were there.

  G shook his head from side to side and laughed. He couldn’t believe this. All of his life, getting chicks to get down with the freak plans, not giving a fuck, and the one chick that he treated different, turned out to be just like the rest. Heaven felt like his laughs were crucifying her, she needed him to stop.

  “G please, listen. I didn’t mean to-”

  “You never mean to Heaven! You seem to do a lot of grown up shit ma, but every time shit really goes down, you pull that little girl shit with me, fuck outta here yo.”

  G was livid, and Heaven was disappointed in herself. She had to fix it.

  “G, let’s just take some time to cool down and talk about it.”

  G looked at her like she was crazy.

  “Nah shorty, no talking. You gotta go.”

  Heaven’s world collapsed.

  “You, you kicking me out?” She stammered.

  G thought long and hard for a minute knowing that she had nowhere to go but knowing that he couldn’t stand the sight of her for another second. G’s life was all about trust, and he couldn’t trust Heaven, it was over.

  “You gonna go stay with Shay until you go to school. I’m gonna make sure everything is straight with you for school and everything, but this here… this aint working ma. I think this is too much for you right now… you can’t handle it.”

  Heaven could hear Shay’s words coming from G and felt infuriated. What part of the love game was this? Heaven felt as if G was abandoning her, like everyone else. Yes, she had made mistakes, but love is forgiving and it does not keep score, and she felt like G was unforgiving and wouldn’t even hear her out. She felt betrayed, even more than he did.

  “I’m not going to stay with that bitch, G. You said this was my, my home.” She cried hard.

  “She’s a good person Heaven, and she cares about you.”

  Heaven cried hysterically as he took a seat on the couch and talked calmly, telling her how they had moved too fast and maybe her past was the reason she behaved the way she did, a whole bunch of nonsense that Heaven paid no attention to. Her life was over.

  After he was done, there was silence, and then she heard him, or better yet felt him, getting up and leaving the living room and then leaving out of the front door. It was as if she could feel him slipping away but she couldn’t see clearly, her eyes were blurred and swollen as she continued to look down. She was sure he was going to talk to Shay about her staying there, but she was not going there. She refused to run to Shay with her tail in between her legs so Shay could look down on her and say I told you so, hell no. If G wanted to throw her away like trash, she would leave. But she would leave with dignity, not by being passed on to someone else who would abandon her. Fuck ‘em, Fuck ‘em all.

  She stumbled her way up the stairs and grabbed her Louis Vuitton hologram luggage that G had purchased for her for their trip.

  Tossing it opened onto the bed, she wildly threw in different items of clothing, shoes, toiletries, perfume, and underwear, not caring about anything. Cavalli dresses, Chanel suits, True Religion jeans, Miss Sixty t-shirts, Juicy Couture tracksuits, her life of labels were flashing in a blur in front of her eyes. She paused and looked at the bed, the bed that her and G had made love in the night before, she didn’t know that it would be their last time making love. Heaven ran her hand across the soft comforter and wanted so bad to climb into the bed and curl up, but this was not her bed anymore. She didn’t even have a bed. She cried harder.

  She went to her vanity mirror and dumped her whole onyx jewelry box into her large purse, and by the time she was walking down the stairs and out of the door, she had on two coats, three purses on each arm, and two suitcases of clothing. The worst part was that she still was leaving a large part of her belongings. She reached the front door and paused, and took one final look around the house. Did all of this really belong to her at one point? She couldn’t allow herself to believe that, it would have been too painful. It was best for her to imagine that it was never supposed to be this way, this was a life on lease for her, and a life that was a dream, but it wasn’t hers to keep. If she had come to the realization that this was all hers and that she alone had ruined it, she probably wouldn’t be able to live with herself. So she closed the door slowly and said goodbye to the only real home she�
�d ever known, and convinced herself, “he never really loved me.”

  …Hakuna Matata…It Means No Worries…

  “Heaven…Heaven, wake up!”

  Heaven slowly opened her eyes to the bright sunlight, and someone standing over her, nudging her. Where am I?

  As her vision focused, the reality came flooding back to her, she was at Toy’s, on Toy’s mama’s couch, and here Toy was, standing over her, waking her up out of her dreams of her and G.

  “Hey girl, I’m up, I’m up. What’s going on?” Heaven grumbled, hair atop of her head.

  Toy was fully dressed and popping her gum with much attitude, hands on hips and all.

  “What’s going on? What’s going on? Are you going to um, maybe get up? Wash your ass? Come to school today?”

  Heaven rolled her eyes and flopped back down on the couch, staring up at the ceiling. How did I get here? It had been a week since G had kicked her out and she missed him terribly. But she was too embarrassed, had too much pride, and had been hurt too much, that she felt like she could not bring herself to beg for anyone’s forgiveness. Heaven was more accustomed to life dealing her a shitty hand anyway, so this was just something that she added to the list.

  However, she still could not focus on anything else. She had missed four days of school so far, and had been sleeping on Toy’s couch and eating Toy’s food, and she could feel that the already crowded house was getting sick and tired of her being there. Heaven wished that graduation and college could come instant. What am I going to do until September? I can’t stay here until then.